If I stand here staring at this time space long enough, I will find the answers I seek.

Putting together the pieces

This information was pieced together from my dreams and visions.. (for example, I knew that I bore a son and the son bore a daughter who bore a son who bore a daughter, because in the grandmother dream that was what she showed me, that the seer blood ran grandmother to grandmother, but always through the male.

It was also pieced together through the one who was given the vision of this life.. the one who saw the etheric sword.  She is a seer also and as we were discussing the Mohawk (who touched a place in my current life, that brought up the memory of the wound) she started screaming, "the baby, the baby"  and in that instant I knew who the Mohawk was and that he had killed my baby daughter.

These memories are also pieced together from Tonya's visions.  She had told me over a year ago that while in jail a man came to her in vision and said, "My name is ____ (I shall not disclose his current name.)  I am your father.  I loved you, but I killed you, and for this I have been crippled."

There are other pieces to this story that I have not shared in this example of how I obtained the information on this life.. I don't know, If I put all the pieces in here than I shall have told the whole story.. without telling the story..

Well, much healing has come, many lessons learned here on how far reaching our past lives are and deeply they affect our current life.

One other thing... I am reminded of how over a year ago I kept feeling that etheric sword in my back and asked to have it removed... I even felt it being removed.. Now I wonder if being given this story is the part that is to make this healing complete.

Looking thru time

This is the story I have discovered by looking through time with others who were a part of that life.

I did go with the Mohawk man I was betrothed to to bear the warrior children, thus adding the warrior blood to the seer blood.  One other person went with me, a sister who was just arriving at puberty.

I also remember from the dream that about 3 days out I began getting excited to get to my new home.  And when we arrived and I was taken into the long house there was a Grandmother, a mother and 2 daughters, young girls in the room I was taken to.  I also remember, in the dream, that I was shown I was a seer.  I was standing at the back of the long house, staring through what looked like a window, saw the wall that had been built from logs, and became curious to see if there was a basement, so in spirit body I slipped out and looked under the back of the long house..  When I saw that the long house was sitting on a very rough stone foundation, that was when I realized I was in an Indian dream..  then later, when I was at the front of the long house working, I glanced back at the place where I had stared outside from and discovered that there was no window there.  It had been a seeing with the seers eyes.

I do know that I bore the Mohawk at least one son (from my grandmother dream, but I don't remember if there were any after that.)  In time I bore the Mohawk a female daughter.  I believe that I poured all my love into her.  I must have believed, at the time, that it would be through her blood line that the seer would travel into the future.. so she was extra special, as the boys were training to be great warriors.. I think I must have counted them as having a slightly lesser value because they reminded me of their father, and I was not allowed to influence them with the gentleness of spirit that came with my people.

Also the one who shared the vision of this life with me, later shared that the baby my mother was carrying in that vision was my child, a love child who I could not take with me into the Mohawk life.  It was mother who would raise my daughter.  I am certain that this was very comforting to me, for I can remember, as a child, following in her footsteps, and looking in the places where her feet touched the ground, many colored lights came out when her feet touched the ground and they would dance for joy to feel her walking upon Earth Mother.

In the Mohawk life, when I was given a daughter to follow in my footsteps, so much love came out of me for her.  It was this love that my Mohawk husband saw.  It was this love that he wanted me to feel for him, for I must have carried my mothers looks and he was very infatuated and mesmerized when he looked at me walking in my sacredness.  But so much of his time was spent in anger and defiance, that even with his infatuation with me I did not posses the love for him that I felt with our daughter.. who I believed would carry my blood and would one day walk in my footsteps and see the rainbow lights coming from coming out of my feet as I touched the Earth Mother, as I had seen in my mother..

When the Mohawk realized that he would never touch this love that I felt for my daughter, he decided that he wanted to hurt me

The Etheric Sword

It was said that I had to find this memory myself.  However It is a difficult journey to remember the exact details of how this happened.  My mind does not seem to want to relive this memory, so the sharing comes from what I was told from the one who was given the vision of this life, from Tonya who is the one who told me the Mohawks name in this life, who said to her, "I am your father.  I loved you, but I killed you.  For this I am crippled."  and from my own reactions in this life for I have discovered, in this journey, just how deeply the wounds from another life will overlap into the current life.  this came from when the one who was given the vision began screaming, "the baby, the baby"  When she said this my mind connected the Mohawk to Tonya, his saying, "I loved you, but I killed you"  and then she asked me, "How many times have you ran away from your family Maureen?"  That linked this story and the wound to this life, so this is where I share this from.

It was said that the Mohawk was infatuated with me and there was something that I had that I would not give to him so he decided that he wanted to hurt me.. I suppose to hurt me back like I was hurting him.  He decided he would take the one thing that meant the most to me, my daughter.  It was said that he killed her..

And then blamed her death on me..

Being a seer I would imagine that I saw the images of what he did that day and it was simply more than I could bear.  And then for him to try to poison everyone's mind that it was my fault my daughter had died... well it was said that at this time I ran away.. even though the picture in my mind was that I walked away.. and that there were those from the village who saw me walking away and they felt sorry for me, so they sent a girl to walk with me.

It was said that we headed up north where we were adopted into a new tribe, by the one who saw the vision of this past life.  She said she must have felt sorry for me and taken me in.  She said I was weeping hysterically when she took me in.

I know this.  Even in a state of hysteria, it was my hand who reached out and stopped her from throwing the etheric sword back to the one who had stabbed me there.  I would have never have sanctioned her sending it back to him, for that was not who I was in my people.

Looking into this present life

When this journey began (with the sharing of a vision of a past life of mine) I would not have thought to realize how deeply one life touches another life, but at that point where the seer asked me "how many times I had ran away from your family Maureen?" I suddenly became aware of how I had carried this etheric sword with me into this life, even into the places of pain in my back.  Which previously I had thought was an injury that began in this life, I discovered was a wound that had incarnated with me into this life.

It always seems that which is given defines and then redefines me and makes me grow.

I had not realized just how deep a wound from a past life could touch a present life.  I had walked away from my dad in this life too, to walk a long journey to have the seed of forgiveness planted within me so I could forgive him, only then to return to make peace with him.

And the second marriage in this life, when he began poisoning all the people I loved against me by telling them lies about me as he was divorcing me, it brought up such a rage inside of me... such a memory, I knew not where it came from.

And then when the Mohawk man appeared in this life, adoration from afar, but up close and personal his actions touched those memories again.. and again the rage.... but just before this point is when the vision was given to the one who shared the etheric sword and my mother who came to guide me once again..  so this time, for the first time I have seen the places reflected through another life where they have been touching this one and bringing up the same reactions.

Defined and redefined, time loosing its line.

 In the midst of this I realize that this Earth journey is so much more than a simple concept, a one life journey in which only what happens in this life is relevant.  That which is happening now are reflections from our past.

In this life the Mohawk man told Tonya (the daughter he loved but killed in another life) he told her that In another life her name was Rio Arco... and so she began a journey in search of her life as Rio Arco..  she was sharing with me as she went the story of Rio Arco, how in the end she was sacrificed and 300 souls flew out of her body..  she said that maybe she was in denial but she really didn't want to associate with that life..

This was before I realized that the Mohawk killed my daughter in that life to hurt me, and that daughter had incarnated as Tonya (my daughter in law) in this life.

First:  When I realized this I turned to Tonya and told her the Mohawk had killed her in that life when she was my daughter.. then a little while later she was telling me about Rio Arco again, about being sacrificed...  there was jus like this click inside of me as I turned and ask her, "How many lives has your life been sacrificed?"   Even in this one she has seen that reflection deeply.

And Second: The fact that Tonya came back to me in this life.  YOU CANNOT KILL SPIRIT, nor separate that which was meant to be together.  The bonds with which we incarnate together life after life are stronger than a single incarnation. 

We came here as Spirit, and we are spirit.  This Earth, seems to me, to be a school of lessons.  It seems to me that which is called disease is where we hold onto our pains from other lives and somehow miss the lesson so when we come back again we carry it with us, and when it shows up as a disease, or as pain in our bodies we think it came in this life.

I remember being angry in that life, angry to be made to leave my mother, angry to have to marry the Mohawk, angry to live in a marriage and never have a heart for the marriage so I could produce the warrior children, angry that he killed our daughter, angry that he tried to put the blame on me.

But now,

Bear said 13 generations ago would have been approximately 200 years ago.

Incarnating into this life my first memory of being a seer was in the 4th grade, an American History lesson and as I read the words, "they had to be relocated"  I saw the Trail of Tears and began to weep.  Indians are my first love...

   Looking back I realize just how close I was in that life to what was about to happen.  I realize that the people I saw on the Trail of Tears were the ones I loved.

Looking back with the knowledge that I incarnated through my own bloodline, through the bloodline of the Mohawk warrior, that I as the warrior seer blood, blended for this life, this mission, I realize now that I did not give him as much honor then as I should have.  Looking back I should have said Thank You, and walked with honor beside him knowing that it was his bloodline that would one day give me the strength to make a stand against a whole belief system and grow up to one day make a presentation that defies what so many believe is normal.

What comes to mind is a picture.  If my tribe had given me a spear and taught me how to throw it, I would have given honor and poured my heart into the lesson.  But when the Mohawk man gave me the spear and tried to teach me to throw it, I saw so much anger in him that I stood in defiance and wanted nothing to do with that kind of teaching.

Looking back, I see so much more and begin to wonder what happened to my children?

Then comes a dream.  I am waking up and they are standing next to my bed chatting happily with me.. as if they have been waiting for this moment to talk to me again.  They are telling me that they have incarnated into this life as the ones who have been standing on the other side of the collective listening to me.  they give me this picture.  I am standing within the grid, peering  down upon the earth at the people I love, looking for places where the passageway needs to open for them.  When I find a place I send a message into the grid, "We need this passageway to open up."  They tell me that they are the ones who hear me when I say that, and then they work to open up the passageway for me.  They say "we are the doctors and the lawyers who do this for you, who open up the passageways in the places you say it needs to happen here."

i am looking at them, and even though I know of no blond haired people in my bloodline, they are all blond headed..

If I stand here staring at this time space long enough, I will find the answers I seek.