Van Wilder: A Tame Gross-Out Comedy?

Let's face it, everyone. Gross-out comedies are here to stay. They're easy to write, cheap to produce, and quick to turn a profit. The best thing I can say about the latest entry to this yawn-re ... er, I mean, genre is that National Lampoon's Van Wilder (in theaters April 5) is a kinder, gentler, less gross gross-out comedy.

Ryan Reynolds stars in the title role, a good-natured twentysomething career college student who has become something of a Ferris Bueller on campus. Everyone knows him. He is the guy with his own parking place, his own personal assistant (the charming Kal Penn), his own campus golf cart, his own set of rules. Van Wilder is a terrific party planner, and one heck of a party animal. While he doesn't care much about his future, it's kind of refreshing to see a movie character who cares about his campus and his fellow students.

Van Wilder just wants to have a good time.

But the good times may soon be coming to an end. Van Wilder Sr. (Tim Matheson of Animal House fame) is pulling the plug on his son's near decade-long college education. Other campus types also have it in for Mr. Arrested Development, namely: Gwen (Tara Reid), a nosy campus reporter out to do a smear job on Van Wilder's slacker lifestyle; Richard, Gwen's snotty upper-class boyfriend who hates the time that Gwen is spending with the Big Man on Campus; and the hard-nosed science professor played by Paul Gleason of Breakfast Club fame, who is still disappointed that the once-brilliant Van Wilder never applied himself.

Just from telling you that much, I've probably spoiled the rest of the movie. From that brief plot set-up, you know Gwen is gonna fall for Van Wilder. You know Richard is gonna try and sabotage their relationship by getting Van Wilder kicked off campus for good. And you just know that Gleason is gonna come to a crossroads where he either helps his former student or puts the final nail in his coffin.

But, hey, at least Van Wilder is about its characters. At least the movie didn't try and repulse me in every other scene. At least it didn't make me want to remove my brain at the end of it and replace it with a head of cabbage. Probably the grossest, stupidest gag in the film is when Van Wilder and his buddies use dog sperm to provide the cream filling for a platter of pastries, which they then send over to Richard's Evil Fraternity House for consumption. The gag is indeed gross and stupid, but it is also very funny. And the pooch's output is quite impressive. This is the Peter North of canines, folks. I also liked the scene where Van Wilder has to have sex with a female university official, who looks to be about five times his age, to stave off expulsion. Reynolds' reaction before and after he does the heinous deed is another of the movie's highlights.

Actually, Reynolds is the best thing in the movie. The guy is largely an unknown, and that's good. He IS Van Wilder. Reynolds brings oodles of charm and charisma to the role, giving a performance that's kind of a cross between Val Kilmer's Chris Knight from Real Genius (an underrated '80s classic) and that pothead Steve from the Dell computer commercials. If I were back in college, I'd want to know someone like Van Wilder. After all, this is the guy who lives only to "hook you up." But more than that, Van Wilder is smart in his own way. He knows what people want and how to get it for them. His big problem is his reluctance to leave the safe arms of academia. When he meets the goal-oriented Gwen, though, things start to change. He starts to change.

The other actors also perform admirably, for the most part. Reid is still the kind of girl who can get more than a guy's grade point average to rise, and Cosgrove has the smug, good-looking, rich jerk thing down to a T. I mean, hey, he's no Leigh McCloskey. But, then again, who is?

You know, the more I think about this movie, the more I believe that if there had just been another draft or two of the screenplay, director Walt Becker might have really had something here. It's not a bad movie. It's just a near-miss. The dog sperm pastries are inspired, but a late scene in which Richard deals with the after-effects of a laxative overdose is stolen right from Dumb and Dumber. And, sadly, not much is ever done with Tim Matheson in the movie. The character of Van Wilder is clearly modeled after Matheson's great bad-boy Otter from Animal House. So why not acknowledge it, have some fun with it? The film's other cameos--including Gleason, once again the strict disciplinarian; Curtis Armstrong, Booger from the Revenge of the Nerds movies; and Erik Estrada, awkward even playing himself--are there just for show. It's like the producers said, "Hey, remember Otter? Remember Booger? Remember Ponch? Well, here they all are again! Isn't it entertaining that they're winking back at the camera?"

Uh, no. It's not. Get a clue, guys. You almost had something here. But "almost" only counts in horse shoes, hand grenades, and cheap video rentals four months from now.

And when you pop this baby into your DVD or VCR player come August or so, you might just wonder why Van Wilder wasn't titled "Van Milder."

National Lampoon's Van Wilder is rated R for sexual content, gross humor, and language.