So, have you ever been singing along with a song
you just know you know the lyrics to, and someone laughed at you? No, not because you can't sing, because they claim you're singing it wrong. Or you finally get around to reading the lyrics and discover that ''Tommy'' isn't the Pinball Lizard There are books about this sort of thing, and depending on exactly what you think you hear, they can be found in either the ''Comedy'' or ''Abnormal Psychology'' section of your local bookstore. Best ones I've seen so far are S'cuse Me While I Kiss This Guy and He's Got The Whole World In His Pants by Gavin Edwards. He didn't even have to pay me to say that, I love those books! They showed me
that I'm not totally deluded for all these years of thinking Meat Loaf sang ''Opportunity, bless my soul'' instead of ''Hot patootie, bless my soul'' ...wait a minute, can you blame me for changing it? Hey, I know I'm not the only one around here that gets lyrics wrong, a 3 year old informed me that Scat Cat on The Aristocats was singing ''Everybody wants to
pee on a cat.'' instead of ''be a cat.'' Gives new meaning to Scat cat- uh, never mind. I used to misinterpret stuff like that as a kid myself, I usually made parodies out of
them. I listened to David Bowie constantly as a teenager, and he's never been known for clarity. Of course, it may also be the meanings of his
songs which is unclear. Here are a few examples of how I thought his songs really went: (title: incorrect = correct lyrics)
Cat People: I been hopin' they were never men = An ageless heart that can never mend. Scary Monsters: She asked for my love and I gave her a
dangerous mine, now she's sleepin' in the street and she cancels the lies. = She asked for my love and I gave her a dangerous mind, now she's sleepin' in the streets and she can't socialize. Ashes to Ashes: Sorry deep down spiraling = Sordid details following; Pictures of gyros in synthesis = Pictures of jap girls in synthesis; Strung out on rebels, I'm hitting an all time low, I'm gonna say, to get things done = Strung out on heaven's high, hitting an all time
low, My mama say, to get things done Fashion: We are the bourgoise and we're coming on down = We are the Goon Squad and we're coming to town Rebel Rebel: Got your fuel lines and I hand out the news = Got your cue lines and a handful of ludes China Girl: I feel erect = I feel a wreck; I could pretend that nothing will leave me to munch = I could pretend that nothing really meant too much Blue Jean: She got a polish like she got a turnip nose = She got a police bike, she got a turned up nose; she got language = she got Latin roots Black Country Rock: Pack your pickles up and rest stop here =
Pack a packhorse up and rest up here Diamond Dogs: his little horsey with a goes down approach, her face is sand speech although she wears a dolly brooch, sweetly reminescing something Mother used to make = his little hussy with a ghost town approach, her face is sans feature but she wears a Dali broach, sweetly reminescent, something Mother used to bake
And now, submitted for your approval (though it won't bother me any
if you don't approve) An Entirely Misheard David Bowie Song,
''Young Americans'' The
bull din just bee hide the bridgey laser down, he frowned, "Stew, my lives a funny thing, and my still two young?" She kissed a dime in there, sheet hook is ring, duck is bay bees. Took him in it, stook her no hair, never know she's a takin' and a bringin' in. *(chorus) All night, she was a young American... all
right, she was a young American.* Scamming like those are bitchy windows, slides a stinky vagabond. Comes as he passes a bored mustang, heck of a bitch takin the thing. The freakin' misstype over nothing, this is the the seven got's his hand. But sewing nothing he smoothes like a salt she cries, ''Where above Pop a zero's gone!'' (*chorus*) Do you remember, you're resident Nixon, do you remember
the Bill shoe half two pay, or even yes today? Never read with the hung American, just you and your idle civil center that never never everywhere and not a myth left from the get go. Well well
well, what shoe carry a peace for? Just in case, just in case of the Prussian. Sardonic hams on a bus as the drivers rush in at all the afro-sheeners. Ain't that most of love? Well ain't hats s'posed to love? Well, it taints that bar be door, her hard spin broken, just like sewer. (*chorus*) You in a pen and Ewing's a housewife, pen's gotta carry that lady's not a Chrysler. Bags of re-spaghnum and why Scottish sole train, mama's got crabs and lick at your ham steak. I, her the new stew day, old boy. I got a
sweet hand, you got the feet. Hitler a man that can say no moron, like every woman like a sock on the door then, ain't they reach out Ike and hole with a choke chain, ain't there a pen they can ride before bay dye? Ain't you prowlin, you steal good places, ain't their undead sons 'bout to make me brake dow Nan cry hi! (*chorus*)
Yeah, I know it's pretty bad but it's only slightly exaggerated. Nobody said enunciation was a part of singing.
Parodies!
A Lovely Story
The Dangers of Telemarketers
Caption What?
Link to links
I'm coming home... o/`
Email: cydd@webtv.net
