Farmer Joe decided his injuries from a car accident were
indeed serious enough to
take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court.
In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was
questioning Farmer
Joe.
"Didn't you tell the officer,
at the scene of the accident, "I'm fine."
said the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded,
"Well I'll tell you what happened.
I
had just loaded my favorite mule 'Bessie' into the.........."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted,
"just answer the
question." Did you not say, at the scene of the accident,
'"I'm fine!'"
Farmer Joe says, "Well I had just got Bessie 
into the trailer and I was
driving down the road......"
Again the lawyer interrupts and
says,
"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact, that at the scene of the accident, this man told the
Highway Patrolman, that he was just fine. Now, several weeks
after the accident, he is trying to 'sue' my client. I believe he is a
'fraud'. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what Joe has to say about his favorite
mule, Bessie."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded.
"Well, as I was saying ya honor, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer
and was
driving her down the highway,
when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the
stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side."
"I was thrown into one ditch
and Bessie was thrown into the
other ditch.
I was
hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie
moaning and groaning. Poor Bessie.
I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could
hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. He looked at her,
he took out his gun, and shot her, right between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came
across the road, with his gun still in his hand and looked at me." He said,
"Your mule was in such bad shape, I had to shoot her."
"Now, how are you feeling Mister?"
Four men were bragging
about how
smart their dogs were.
One man was an engineer, the second man was an accountant, the third man was a chemist, and the fourth was a government worker.
To show off, the engineer called
to his dog.
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square trotted over to a desk,
took out some paper and a pen,
and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that that that was pretty smart.
The accountant said that his dog
could do better.
He called to his dog and said,
"Spreadsheet, do your stuff."
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen
and returned with a dozen cookies.
He divided them into four equal piles
of three cookies each.
Everyone agreed that that was good.
The chemist said that his dog
could do better still.
he called to his dog and said, "Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge,
took out a quart of milk,
got a ten-ounce glass from the cupboard,
and poured exactly eight ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that that was pretty impressive.
Then the three men turned to the
government worker and said,
"What can your dog do?"
The government worker called to
his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff."
Coffee Break jumped to his feet,
ate the cookies, drank the milk,
claimed he had injured his back while doing so,
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,
put in for worker' compensation,
and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
They all agreed that that was brilliant!
A woman goes into Walmart to buy a rod and reel.
She doesn't know which one to get
so she just grabs one and goes over to the
register.
There is a Walmart "associate" standing there
with dark shades on.
She says, "Excuse me sir...
can you tell me anything
about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am I'm blind,
but if you drop it on the
counter I can
tell you everything you need to know about it
from the sound it makes."
She didn't believe him,
but dropped it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot graphite rod
with Zebco 202
reel and 10-pound test line...
It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00."
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that
just by the sound of it dropping on the counter.
I think it's just what I'm looking for so I'll take it."
He walks behind the counter to the register.
In the meantime the woman passes gas.
At first she is embarrassed,
but then realizes there is no way
he could tell it was her, being blind,
he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.
He rings up the sale and says,
"That will be
$25.50."
She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"
He says, "Yes Ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00,
the duck call is $3.00 and the catfish bait is $2.50.
