Sc27: Damon is looking at Eddie weird who seems irritated by Damon
Eddie: Man, what's up with you?
Damon: What do you mean?
Eddie: What do you mean what do I mean? You know exactly what I mean.
Damon: Totally.
Eddie: Look, if you don't stop looking at me like that I'm gonna…tell Aimee you're in love with her.
Damon: You wouldn't.
Eddie: Try me.
Damon: Fine, I won't look at you.
Sc28: Damon is sitting on his bed when Joey suddenly bursts into his room
Joey: Hey, what's up with you?
Damon: Why does everyone keep asking me that?
Joey: I heard you rejected Vanessa. Thanks a lot. Now I'll never date Aimee.
Damon: But you guys see each other at school and you tie up the phone line every night pretending to be someone called…what was it…Roxanne?
Joey: What's your point?
Damon: Do I ever have one?
Joey: Why have you gotten so mean?
Damon: Can I ask you something? And you gotta promise not to laugh.
Joey: I can try.
Damon: Ok, hypothetically speaking…
Joey: Hypo what?
Damon: Ok, just pretend, um, there's this guy I know, and he thinks he's kinda…liking his best friend.
Joey: So?
Damon: His best friend is also male.
Joey: So? Gay men are cool.
Damon: Even if they're related to you?
Joey: You're in love with Eddie?
Damon: I think I…this guy I know who also knows Eddie thinks he might be…you know…into Eddie.
Joey: So what you're saying is, you think you're falling for Eddie.
Damon: Well basically yeah. So what do I do?
Joey: I dunno. Have you talked to Eddie about it?
Damon: Are there monkeys flying out of my ass?
Joey: No.
Damon: Well, there you go.
Joey: Are you gonna tell him?
Damon: I dunno. It depends. Can you do me a favour?
Joey: Like what?
Damon: You know what Eddie's like so, I'm gonna practice confronting him about my feelings but what I
need you to do is respond for him.
Joey: Respond for who?
Damon: Eddie.
Joey: And who are you?
Damon: I'm me.
Joey: So why ain't I me?
Damon: Because you're Eddie.
Joey: So who's Eddie?
Damon: Eddie's nobody. You're Eddie.
Joey: I'm Eddie?
Damon: You're Eddie.
Joey: And who are you?
Damon: I'm me.
Joey: So who's me?
Damon: Nobody.
Joey: Why aren't you me?
Damon: Why would I be?
Joey: I dunno.
Damon: Do you have feelings for Eddie?
Joey: Hell no.
Damon: Well then. Do you…understand?
Joey: Yeah…So…how do we start?
Damon: Well, I'm just gonna ask you some things and you gotta respond. Ready?
Joey: Yep.
Damon: You start.
Joey: Why do I start?
Damon: Because Eddie's always the first one to start the conversation.
Joey: Oh. Ok then. (clears his throat) Hi Eddie.
Damon: (dryly) You've forgotten haven't you?
Joey: What?
Damon: I don't think you quite understand what we're attempting here. You see we're trying to have a
conversation between Eddie and myself where I speak for myself and you answer the questions.
Joey: As Eddie?
Damon: Now you've got it.
Joey: You had me confused.
Damon: I could see I had.
Joey: So shall I start?
Damon: Go right ahead.
Joey: (clears his throat) Hello Damon, lovely weather we've got.
Damon: Yes, quite. Um…Eddie.
Joey: Yes Damon?
Damon: I was just wondering, you know how curious I am and all, if someone walked up to you right now
and declared their undying live for you…how would you feel?
Joey: Well, that'd be pretty cool. Just knowing that someone has feelings for me makes me feel great.
Damon: And how would you feel if that person just happened to be male?
Joey: I'm sorry could you repeat that?
Damon: You heard what I said.
Joey: How do you know that?
Damon: Because I know you're being an idiot.
Joey: Well, if you're gonna talk to me like that…I want you to leave.
Damon: What??
Joey: You heard what I said.
Damon: Now you're doing this on purpose.
Joey: Just go! And take your damn battleships with you. You'll never work in this town again!
Damon: Ok, let's stop while…we're ahead. (screams) What the hell do you think you were doing?
Joey: What? I was merely giving Eddie a little more…character…a little more depth.
Damon: Eddie has none of those things and you know that.
Joey: (shocked) How can you say such things about your love?
Damon: He is not my love.
Joey: How can you be so sure?
Damon: Because I just a picture in my head that's gonna give me 10 more years of therapy.
Joey: And what picture would that be?
Damon: Eddie and I…holding hands. I think I'm gonna be sick!
