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These thoughts of the New Year were compiled by many members of the International House of Nuts. Special thanks go out to: Jessica Richard for typing this whole shendig; Melanie Smith, Amy Legendre, Rodney Rooney, Rachael Cantrelle, and Lance Dutton for comming up with the concept of "Skittles and Beer;" and Billie Jean Turner and Nick Bilyeu for helping Jessica come up with possible scenarios for the whole "Skittles and Beer" concept.
It was just a normal day about a month ago, when the greatest concept crossed my mind. I was listening Melanie and Amy go into a chocolate-deprivation fit. They were chanting "M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M........" I could see that they really needed a bag of M&M's. So, in a fit of nuttiness, I started chanting "Skittles and Beer. Skittles and Beer." Then everyone started to join in. It soon became one of the mottos of the porch.
After a while of thinking, we came up with a question to go along with our whole "Skittles and Beer" motto. The question is: "What would the world be like if there was a beer flavored Skittles, or a Skittles flavored beer?" We also came up with many beer flavored Skittles. For instance, you would have a Miller Genuine Draft Skittle, a Bud Light Skittle, a Budweiser Skittle, a Coors Light Skittle, etc... Of course, these Beer Skittles would be alcoholic, and only available to adults. The Skittles Beer would be bought in cases, or singles. They would come in Original and Wild Berry Flavored. They too, would be alcoholic and only available to adults.
We decided not to market this whole idea because of the possible scenarios. We figured that no one would want to see this story in a local newspaper:
ONE KILLED, ONE INJURED IN CAR ACCIDENT
By Jon Doe
John Smith,23, was driving home on Friday night, when he ran off of the road and hit a tree. There was a party earlier that evening that Smith attended. Witnesses say that Smith left the party at about 11 o'clock, upset because his girlfriend broke up with him. James Smith, Smith's brother, left with him. "He and I left, and went to the gas station where he bought about 20 bags of Skittles candies. Since he was upset, I tried to convince him to let me drive, but he wouldn't let me. He hurried up and opened up about five or six of the bags and ate them. I wasn't really thinking, so I didn't check to see if they were alcoholic Skittles or not. We had a pretty long drive home, so I decided to fall asleep. The next thing I know is that I'm in an emergency room."
John Smith was not wearing his seat belt, was thrown 25 feet away from his car, and was killed on impact. The coroner's report stated that the alcohol in Smith's blood was well beyond the legal limit. James Smith,21, was treated for a severe cut over his right eye, many small cuts, and a moderate concussion. The police searched Smith's car, and they found several bags of Skittles next to the driver's seat.........
Thoughts for December 1997
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