Online Romance in Chat Rooms

Online communities have become a part of many Americans’ every day lives. They provide friendship, support, a sense of community, and sometimes even romance. Since romance is seemingly becoming more and more common in online communities, I decided to compare three different online romance chat rooms. I visited a middle-aged romance chat, a gay romance chat, and a young romance chat. All of these can be found through America Online.

First I visited the middle-aged romance chat. It was more or less what I had expected. I entered and no one said hello or appeared to even notice. Middle-aged people asking how old everyone else was, where they were from, if they had a picture, and if they were male of female. More often than not there were only three or four people carrying on a conversation while the other twenty people watched. The three of four would talk about where they live, their jobs, or a recent break up with some jerk. Then one would ask if the other would like to chat in private and they leave the room. At this point it was silent for a bit, but soon after another small group of people would start up basically the same conversation again. Occasionally some nasty man would come in and make some obscene comments. The people already in the room would either leave or tell him what an immature person he was and then threaten to report him the America Online. He usually left quickly and the same conversation started up all over again. Overall, it quite boring and predictable.

The next room I visited was the gay romance chat. It was slightly more interesting. There was actual conversation, though I attribute that to the room being mostly women who recognized real issues. They discussed everything from suddenly being left by a lover of many years, to the New York tragedy, to places to see in various cities. These women were very friendly and immediately said hello to me when I entered the room. I was included in conversation and asked for my opinion on various subjects. There was a long discussion about discrimination they were experiencing and how afraid they were most of the time. Personal stories were shared all around and support and advice was given to all that needed it. A strong sense of community could be felt even though no one in the room had ever met before. Someone would start sharing and others jumped in. Every once in awhile one would read another’s profile and find out they were from the same city. They chatted about the area and sometimes even planed to meet for coffee. It seemed that the room was on a very personal level and that everyone felt comfortable and welcomed.

The final room I visited was the young romance chat. It was disgusting. Full of nasty adolescent boys trying to get a cheap thrill because they are too skinny and awkward to get any in real life and high school freshman girls going through their “awkward stage” with screen names like “Sxy4U34665” and “HotNYCgrrrl.” Every other word was some version of perverse ebonics. It was a blur of profanity, “a/s/l pic?” (an online way to ask a person’s age, sex, location, and if they have a picture), and “All da foxy ladies in da house press 420.” A kid with the screen name “Whitetrash420” instant messaged me and said he was a 19 year-old male from New York. I looked at his profile, which said that he was a 48 year-old man from Kentucky. He then asked what I was wearing and if I was into “explicit phone conversation.” Immediately I blocked him and left the room. Definitely have had enough of that kind of talk for a while. Never will I visit that room again.

Attempting romance online seems to be a hopeless effort if you are middle-aged or young. If you are gay there is some hope, but the odds are still against you. What are the chances of actually finding your soul mate at all, let alone in a faceless community? Middle-aged romance rooms are irreparably boring. It seems like they are all so lonely and just looking for companionship and love in whatever form they can get it. Young romance is gross. Little boys are too busy trying to be cool; they don’t seem to understand that to meet someone worthwhile they should just be real. They’re too busy trying to be someone they are not. I really do feel bad for white males in today's society. Either they're trying to be black or they are looking over their shoulder at the woman that is about to take their job. Then there's the old pedophile men in the young romance rooms for reasons I do not even want to think of, and the little girls just trying to fit in and feel special go along with it all. It’s quite a pathetic representation of society. The gay romance chat appeared to be the only place real talk was happening. The people were very friendly and seemingly open. My guess is because they are a more close knit community; they feel the need to stick together due to the fact that a vast majority of the world is against them. While the atmosphere was fabulous, the reason for it was sad.

If you look closely enough, virtual communities mirror society. Kids are trying to be something more than what they are in order to look "cool" and be accepted. Middle-aged divorcees are lonely with the realization that they are headed towards the final stages of life all alone. The gay community feels so scared and discriminated against that they welcome anyone like them as some form of protection in numbers within their little “safe” community. In my opinion, an online community is just a version of society in a nutshell.