Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing! Joss and Co, Mutant Enemy, Fox, etc owns everything
Distribution: The Finnatics and anyone I have given permission to use my fics may have it. Anyone else please ask first. Emmy may review.
Feedback: I want it, I need it, I crave it.
Spoilers: Season 4
Notes: ~*~*~*~*~*~* indicates a flashback.
Dedication: To Amy, for helping me see the error of my ways!! To all the wonderful people on these lists, I will never forget your support or kind words.
Part 2
Soft rock music blared through the speakers of the rental car as it made its way to the Sunnydale Four Season’s. Riley had been relieved to learn from Graham that they had finally built an upscale hotel in Sunnydale. He hadn’t fancied staying at the Sunnydale Motor Lodge with all the unsavory inhabitants that frequented the hotel and Jessica certainly wouldn’t have stood for it. It was first class all the way for her-- always had been--the best clothes, the best cars, the best restaurants, which is why it surprised him that she had even considered dating him. They were total opposites-- Jessica was caviar, champagne and designer wear, while he was meat and potatoes, beer, and t-shirts and jeans. And yet she loved him.
So, what was wrong with him? Here he was sitting next to a beautiful, loving woman, who was currently singing extremely off-key to a Christopher Cross song, and all he could think of was the little blonde woman who had never stopped haunting his dreams and fantasies, even after all this time.
It had been three years and still all he longed for was her kiss and the look of adoration that had once graced her precious face. Now, it seemed as if she could barely stand to look at him. He didn’t blame her, after everything that happened...he was even disgusted with himself and with his behavior those many years ago. He preferred to remember the happier times in their relationship. Turning down Hogan Drive, he smiled slightly, remembering the time he had given her a driving lesson.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
“How was that?” Buffy smiled sweetly over at him, waiting for his answer. She had been so sure of herself. The months of secret practice with Xander in the parking lot of the Walgreen’s had made her confident that she wouldn’t embarrass herself too badly behind the wheel when Riley took her for a lesson.
Riley’s heart was pounding so hard that he was certain he was going to have a heart attack. Although the car had finally stopped moving, he still felt like he was going to throw-up and uncurling his now white knuckles from the door handle, he tried to paste a smile on his face. “You did...umm...fine,” he lied, trying desperately to calm himself. “Why don’t I take over, though? You don’t want to jump into it too fast.”
“Okay!” Buffy exclaimed, quickly unfastening her seatbelt before jumping out of the car. Riley did the same--though slower and with a lot less enthusiasm. His knees felt a little shaky as he stepped out onto the curve. Glancing behind the car, he noticed several garbage cans toppled over, their contents spilled across the road. *I hope that old lady is okay* Buffy had almost run down quite a number of people on their short trip, including a woman with a walker--probably scared her to death. Buffy rounded the back of the car, smiling the whole time, so proud of herself.
“You okay?” She asked as she neared where he was holding the passenger side door open for her. “You’re looking a little pale.”
“I'm fine, really.” Kissing her cheek, he closed the door after she climbed in. Crossing in front of the car, he couldn’t help but notice that the front tire was up over the curb, resting in the grass on the front walk. Shaking his head, he settled in behind the wheel, and couldn’t help but notice the smile still playing on Buffy’s face.
“Thank you, Riley,” she said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.
“For what?”
“For being so patient with me. Every time Giles has tried to teach me, he ends up yelling and I end up crying, and Xander will only let me drive in the parking lot. So thanks. You trusting me enough to take your car out means a lot to me.” Her lips returned to his once again, showing him just how much she appreciated him. Riley had been extremely grateful that they had stopped in an industrial area of town on that Saturday night because the events that soon followed wouldn’t have been appropriate for family viewing.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Riley smiled at the memory--that had been during a time in their relationship when everything was perfect--before the bitterness and anger had driven them apart. Before....shaking his head, he realized that Jessica was speaking to him. “What?” He replied, an edge of annoyance in his tone.
“Are you alright, honey? You seem a little distracted.” Jessica took his hand into hers, her eyes reflecting concern.
“I’m fine. It’s just weird being back here. A lot of memories.” He smiled at her, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.
“What were your college days like? Full of party’s and pretty girls?” Jessica teased, leaning back into her seat, a playful smile making its way to her face.
“College was....intense. It was quite the eye opening experience.” Riley turned into the parking lot of the Four Seasons, not noticing that Jessica’s face had clouded over.
“Why do you do that?” She asked, a hurtful, petulant tone evident in her voice.
“Why do I do what?” Riley was surprised by the change in her tone, gone was the playful sweet voice, now it was pouty.
“Whenever I ask about your college experiences, you avoid the subject like it was the plague.”
“I don’t. It’s just a lot of things happened during that time that I prefer not to rehash.” Riley watched as she angrily stormed out of the car, making a beeline for their room. Catching up to her as she reached the door to their room, he grabbed her around the waist, turning her so that she faced him, and was surprised to see tears staining her face. “Hey, what’s the matter?”
“Why won’t you open up to me? Whatever happened here is a part of you and I want to know that part. I’m not important enough to you to share that with?” Her eyes searched his carefully, hoping to find a spark of life in them. Sometimes she thought that there was a hint of something beyond the surface. She had noticed early on in their relationship that when Riley smiled, it was limited to his lips, never quite reaching his eyes. It was as if something had sucked his soul from his body, leaving a shell of a man.
Jessica had always hoped to find a way to bring back life into the man she had love since high school--Riley had been so full of life then. Even when he had come home during holidays from college, he had seemed so happy and content, but that had changed during his last year at school. Jessica had never gone out with him during high school--just lusted from a far. It wasn’t until the previous year that they had finally hooked up.
There had been rumors that he had been involved in a serious relationship with someone from Sunnydale and that she had broken his heart. He never talked about it though and had always changed the subject when she tried to bring it up. Jessica had eventually quit asking him about his past, hoping that by shelving the topic, it would help ease his pain, but nothing helped. Until today, though, he had never ignored her. For about fifteen minutes in the car it was as if she ceased to exist and that had hurt. She could wait for him to get over this great loss, but not at the cost of her self-esteem.
Noticing he wasn’t going to answer her, she pushed her way into the room. Grabbing her pajamas, she stormed into the bathroom. “I’m taking a shower.”
Riley laid on the bed, ashamed of himself. *Why couldn’’t he talk to her? Love her like she deserved to be love?* He knew the answer, always had. Someone else had his heart, his soul. Buffy would always have those things. All he could offer Jessica was his body and that just wasn’’t enough.
Buffy was everything he had ever wanted, ever needed. Seeing her for those few precious moments today had sent him into a frenzy. His heart reached for her, his soul longed to be with hers, his body ached for hers. Memories of being with her-- holding her hand, kissing her goodnight, her sweet voice whispering in his ear while her glistening body was wrapped around his, the sound of her laugh when he tickled her side– but most of all, he missed the feeling of her arms holding him during the hard times, when life seemed almost unbearable. It had all come flooding back when his eyes had locked onto hers at the Espresso Pump. But along with the good, came the bad--his voice raising at her in anger, the tears that rolled down her cheeks when he had said some condescending remark, the feel of her open palm connecting with his cheek.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“Where are you going?” Riley grabbed Buffy's arm, yanking her around to face him.
“Away from you!” Buffy hissed through gritted teeth, shrugging out of his tight grip. Walking to the door, she was determined to leave before they both said things they would regret.
“I think we need to talk about this.” Riley slammed the door shut as she tried to open it and planted his large frame in front of it, effectively blocking her exit.
“I think we have both said enough.” Her hand still clutching the doorknob, Buffy’s eyes met Riley’s, determined to let him know not to push her.
“Why do you have to act like this? God, how can you be so selfish?” Riley regretted the words the instant they came out of his mouth.
“Selfish! How dare you? My whole life I’ve done nothing but give. I give my life, my blood, my soul to mankind so that they can go on with their lives never knowing the real danger that is out there or that I am all that stands between Earth and Hell.””
“Oh, so I’ve been no help in saving the world at all, it’s only been the ‘All Powerful Buffy’, huh?” Riley fumed, his blue eyes emitting angry sparks.
“No, you’re a distraction, pure and simple.” Buffy watched as his jaw tightened, and he struggled to keep his hands down by his sides.
“Yeah, then tell me Buffy, why is it you are still with me?” A sneer formed on Buffy’s sweet face “Haven’t a clue. But I’ll tell you something, I’ll remedy that right now.” Pushing Riley out of the way, cringing slightly when his head smacked against the wall, Buffy threw open the door, intent on leaving. She paused in the doorway as the shock of what he said next cut her to the core.
“Yeah, ‘Miss High and Mighty’ At least I wasn’t responsible for my friend’s death.” Turning on her heel, Buffy stalked back into Riley’s room, tears streaming down her face. Clenching her fist tightly, slapped him right across his smug, arrogant face.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
He had never believed what he had said to her that night. The last night. The look on her face as she stalked back into the room still haunted him--the pain and suffering etched across her beautiful, delicate features. He could still feel the sting of her hand on his face, forever burned onto his mind. He had said those words out of hate, wanting to tear her heart out, make her feel as bad as he did. Choosing the subject that would cut the deepest and knowing she blamed herself for Giles death, he had spat out the words as if they were knives, flinging them into the dark recesses of her heart.
Riley couldn’t meet her gaze after that. School came to a close a month later and he graduated without ever telling her that he was sorry and that he hadn't meant any of it. And now as he laid here in the hotel room, he felt his eyes mist over, and for once he let the tears come, letting all his regrets wash over him.
To be countinued
On To Part Three
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