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The student's body language indicated she was nervous. Most of the time she was twisting her pen between her fingers. She read the paper aloud and found a few missing articles along the way, filling them in as she read. Her method of attack was to divide the paper into two sections without formal headings. The first part consisted of the discussion. The second part consisted of the critic. The writer interpreted the word "discuss" to mean summarize and asked us if that was correct. Neither of us were quite clear on this instruction and also assumed it was to summarize the text.
Looking back at it now, what I think the professor meant was to extract portions of the text and reflect on what was said, "What's your opinion of this?" A better method for the paper would have been to write the body of the paper first by extracting paragraphs from the article that the writer deemed interesting and worth commentary and then discuss what the author said either agreeing or disagreeing with the author and explaining why. This way the writer would be citing portions of the article and then not only discussing it but also critiquing it at the same time making it a more interesting paper. Once the body of the paper was written, from her own critic it would have been easier to determine her topic sentence because she would be able to see how she agreed or disagreed with the text and how. Once the body and the topic were determined the conclusion would have fallen into place.
I don't remember if the professor provided the article or if the writer was instructed to locate an article covering a particular topic themselves. We all agreed that the article chosen was not the best choice because the author of the article was obviously struggling with academic voice. The paper was not smoothly written and some paragraphs were difficult for us to determine what the author's point was increasing the writer's difficulties.
09/28/2005 Tutoring Log
No tutoring sessions
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #8
TPT, Chapter 8, pg. 174, Suggestions for Journal Entries:
1. What problems, if any, have you experienced with punctuation, and how did you solve them?
How could your experience help a writer with whom you work?
My problems with punctuation are proper use of the colon, semi-colon and the comma. We all know one cannot rely on Microsoft Word to punctuate correctly for it never provides the correct suggestion. I have always had problems solving my problems in punctuation. I discovered after reading chapter 9 of The Practical Tutor that I punctuate according to auditory clues dictated by oral speech. By using this method I will never punctuate correctly. In order to resolve my punctuation problems, I have to allow time at the end of the writing process to examine punctuation. I also learned in the September 21, 2005 class to read the text backward in order to discover spelling errors the eye glosses over.
Digital literacy has changed my entire writing process so I now prefer to look things up on a web site dedicated to grammar and punctuation. The site I currently use is Punctuation by Frances Peck supported by the University of Ottowa, dated 1996. When I was taught punctuation a coma was placed before the "and" in a series, but now that particular comma is considered optional and many writers today don't add a comma before the "and" in a series. Thinking in grammar today is to use the comma sparingly when faced with the issue of using an optional comma. As a technical writer I prefer to use optional commas because it slows down the reader and forces them to comprehend the text in smaller chunks. I found that authors who used the comma sparingly in technical writing created text that always resulted in the reader having to read a sentence three to four times in order to comprehend the meaning of the text. A better choice may be using colons and semi-colons for the same purpose when used correctly.
On Peck's web site the most helpful part is "How not to use the comma," because it demonstrates the common mistakes many of us make in overusing the comma. The web site also provides links within the text so one can refer to terminology such as co-ordinating conjunctions, independent clauses and prepositional phrases.
Addressing the use of the semi-colon the web
site is quite clear. According to Peck,
Peck is also quite clear on when to use and when not to use a colon.
The em dash is a piece of punctuation that Professor Shivnan is fond of and has noted how
little it is used. When one learns how to use the em dash it also becomes a powerful tool in
focusing the reader's attention to a specific point in the text. Peck suggests using the em
dash:
James Joyce had a particular fondness for using this punctuation for dialog and indicating who was speaking.
My advice to other writers is to leave correcting punctuation second to dead last. First create an outline and get the order correct. Cite portions of the text and get the in-line citations correct. Comment on the citations and just write what you think. Once the structure, citations and analysis are in place, then worry about language, wordiness and sentence structure. Next proceed to punctuation. Lastly read the text backward to pick up spelling errors and read it once aloud to find awkward sentences and missing articles.
10/04/2005 Tutoring Log
Time started: 12:20 p.m.
Session length: 40 minutes
Name of tutee: I did not capture it
Specific paper/problem tutee came to work on: Argument of Definition
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #6
Observe a tutoring session conducted by an experienced tutor.
The tutee was concerned with the clarity and the structure of his argument. The tutor noted there were several sentences with problems in sentence length (run-on sentences) and comma placement (comma splices).
Tutee: The paper is a discussion of what is the definition of "race" which should lead
to defining "racism."
Tutor: So the argument is over defining prejudice and racism?
Tutee: Racism requires power. To practice racism in an effective way one needs to have
power. A person has to be able to impose authority over someone else.
Tutor: So racism is a feeling and prejudice is acting out that racism?
Tutee: Discrimination isn't always about race.
Tutor: What are you saying here in this paragraph?
Tutee: If we put someone in a certain environment and the person will behave
differently. It's cultural change by society, cultural change by the society that's in power.
Tutor: To summarize what you said.... Down here in the middle is the main point of your
argument, maybe you should place this at the top as your topic sentence.
Tutor: The first and second paragraphs deal with race and how it's not real. The third paragraph deals with how people think of their image.
Tutor: (Pointing to something else on the page) Maybe you could break this down to two sentences. Use semi-colons when the sentences are related.
Tutor: Spelling of "there" is spelled three ways based on meaning. "There"=location, "Their"= plural possessive, and "They're= a contraction meaning "they are."
Tutor: This sentence and this sentence are related to each other, so how about a semi-colon to connect the two?
Tutor: You may want to read aloud to find words that are missing.
Tutor: Sometimes you need a comma with an "and," sometimes you don't. If the subject is the same, then you don't need it. If it's a new subject, then use the comma.
Tutor: Would you read this sentence aloud?
Tutee: Reads the sentence aloud and finds a punctuation problem.
Tutor: The main problems in this paper are comma-splices, run-on sentences and missing words.
The tutor asked many questions which focused the writer's mind. For the most part the writer was on target as far as structure. The only structural problem was that the main point of the paper was buried down in the middle of the page and needed to be brought up to the first paragraph. The tutor pointed this out by recommending the writer got that sentence into the first paragraph somehow. The writer's argument was structured correctly other than the claim or position being in the wrong place. The writer was clear as to what he wanted to say and could support his claims. The main problems of comma-splices and run-on sentences could be remedied by practicing some exercises in detecting comma-splices and run-on sentences. The tutor could have recommended some web sites for the purpose of reviewing these problems in grammar or could have suggested that the tutee take a grammar book out of the library to brush up on these writing skills. Reading aloud as the tutor suggested would pick up the missing words and may even provide audio clues to the run-on sentences.
10/05/2005 Tutoring Log
Time started: 11 a.m.
Session length: 35 minutes
Name of tutee: Ester Lee
Specific paper/problem tutee came to work on: Not clear how to write a conclusion
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #6
Observe a tutoring session conducted by an experienced tutor.
The tutee was concerned with a conclusion, she had not written one. The tutor noted that there was no information from the class notes or discussions. There was a quotation at the top of the page that the tutor thought might be better utilized in the body of the paper. The tutor also noted there was a lack of depth to the paper. The tutor recommended to the tutee to compare and contrast Sonny and the narrator's way of handling pain internally and externally. Lastly, according to the assignment, the paper required a title created by the author, something the writer did not have established.
Tutor:You’re looking for an ending?
Tutee:I’m not sure how to end the paper.
Tutor:You could you go back to the topic paragraph to focus the paper. What is the thesis statement? Reflect back to the topic paragraph. [Do you have] Any ideas on how to phrase it?
Tutee:I have problems with conclusions.
Tutor: “Said what I said so what more can I say?”
Tutee: Well I could say how the two deal with pain differently. The narrator keeps pain inside, Sonny expresses his pain.
Tutor:That explains how they deal with pain but, is that the key differences between them. If say one key thing about them, what would you say? Compare and contrast that, but should it do more?
Tutee:Go deeper?
Tutor:What do you think?
Tutee:Show how they deal with pain?
Tutor:Could work. In class discussions did you talk about other points?
Tutee:Well, these three here. (in the notes) Not sure of talking about motivation?
Tutor: May not be a bad idea to discuss two brothers motivation. The class
discussion notes should be crucial. Internal, external conflict, how does that relate to them.
Tutee: I think both are learning how to deal with internal pain.
Tutor:What about external?
Tutee:Would that be interactions between them?
Tutor:I don’t know, what do you think? Bringing the structure the class discussions brought out may need to be covered. This sentence, the main difference between Sonny and the narrator may help the focus. You may want to tie in the quotation that is displayed at the top, plus you may want to cite it?
Tutee:Can I leave it at the top?
Tutor:Should tie into the essay if intend to make quote relevant to essay. The stories are different but it doesn’t [the paper] highlight how they [the two brothers] differ.
Tutee:Should I put it in the conclusion?
Tutor:You want to get that out early as a main point of the essay. You say it here but, it is the smallest of the paragraphs in the essay. Is there more you can go into with a class discussion.
Tutee:There was no class discussion.
Tutor: But there were summary notes highlighting key points.
Tutee: Both [characters] have some external problems.
Tutor: Were [the characters] internal problems different?
Tutee: Yes.
Tutor: How would that relate to the narrator if Sonny’s internal conflict is different?
Are there more distinctions we can draw from the internal?
Tutee: Sonny is trying to resolve the internal conflict. The narrator isn’t trying at all.
Tutor: Seems we’re finding something there, could you elaborate on it? It shows a deeper level that could improve the essay? Is that a place to start? I like what you have, but you may want to highlight the two perspectives. If you can bring up more of the class ideas. Any more questions?
Tutee: Were the quotes awkward where they were placed?
Tutor: Most were not, but there was one, maybe a problem with tense. One other key thing, the third paragraph of the assignment says you need an original title. Any ideas on that aspect?
Tutee: No.
Tutor: Is there anything in the Author’s quote you can pull out or in the pain issues you can pull out a title?
Tutee: I’ll have to think about that.
Tutor: Preference for Narrator capitalization? [Throughout the paper the word “narrator” is
capitalized. It may be symbolic in the story as a substitute for the narrator’s name. There may be a
symbolic purpose for it in the story.]
Tutee: The professor has it written that way in the assignment, so that’s why I did the same.
The tutee’s paper was only scratching the surface as far as interpreting the two characters. The paper was too superficial. The tutor was hinting to this and suggesting ways of digging in deeper to the analysis by doing a compare and contrast of the two characters.
The tutor was concerned about the title aspect because it was obvious that the professor wanted the writers to learn how to come up with titles. The tutor and the professor understand that titles are not at all easy. They have to be creative, not too lengthy, meaningful to the text and they have to “hook” the reader in. It’s the first thing the reader reads and can turn a reader away if not catchy. Good titles can be difficult to create and also are very important. I’m all too aware of this. Most times I have to sit down and write a list of titles and see what leaps off the page, if anything does.
The tutor maybe needed to be more precise in what a conclusion should include or how it is used. The conclusion should tie together the whole paper by stating the topic sentence in some other way and summarizing the key points in the paper. It brings the reader’s mind back to what was the focus of the paper.
10/05/2005 Tutoring Log
Time started: 11 a.m.
Session length: 30 minutes
Name of tutee: Nan Youn, an Adult ESL
Specific paper/problem tutee came to work on: AMST 210, did not understand the requirements of the assignment. This turned out
to be a problem in vocabulary
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #6
This tutee is an adult learner writing her second exercise for AMST210. The assignment is to look at the table of contents of 5 issues of American Quarterly over the span of three volumes. Look for repeating themes, topics that repeat in the articles and report them in the paper. Evidently, the professor wants the tutee to look for patterns. The explanation on the assignment sheet is not clear, but on the other hand, we are American students, so we understood the assignment intuitively. We found this difficult to explain to the ESL student.
She showed us the paper she submitted that was handed back with a comment and she was probably given a grace period to redo the paper. The professor wrote in the margin what he meant, but she still didn’t understand how the word “issue” was being used.
The tutee was having a problem understanding the meaning of the word “issue.” Normally, we think of the word issue as meaning there is a problem that requires a solution. What she misunderstood was “issue” in this case was a publishing term. I will recreate the dialog from the session. At the end I will discuss the outcome and what we could have been done. It is a shame we didn’t think of this when it occurred. I think a demonstration may have helped in order to cross the language barrier.
Tutor: Do you understand what the professor wants you to do? He wants you to examine the table of contents of at least five issues of the journal American Quarterly.
Tutee: What is a table of contents? Aren’t they individual articles?
Tutor: Aren’t these individual articles? (The tutor points to the photocopies the tutee has laid out on the table.) He doesn’t ask you to look at articles, just skim one or two articles. He asks you to look at the table of contents of at least five issues in the American Quarterly. The table of contents lists the articles in the journal. You may actually have to find the journals on the self here in the library. Why do you think he has you looking at the table of contents? Maybe because it tells you what is being explored? You could just skim the table of contents to find a trend. Do you understand what skim means?
Tutee: To go over quickly.
Tutor: Your list should be a list of issues.
Tutee: Issue mean?
Tutor: Issue means the particular publication for the quarter as in 1st quarter. What would you learn from the table of contents?
Tutee: Some topics?
Tutor: The professor wants you to look at different issues because contents will vary over time. You don’t have to limit yourself to just one year.
Tutee: I don’t have the time. I have to print and…. Can I get them online?
Tutor: You won’t be able to get the table of contents online.
Tutee: Narrative?
Tutor: Narrative means writing in the 1st person or third person. You can use “I.” What does this journal tell you about the field of American Studies? What is the focus is it narrow or very broad? I saw you had something with a lot of comments? Teacher’s comments?
Tutee: There are summary of articles.
Tutor: The teacher wants you to make a generalization by looking at the table of contents. Also you should write in narrative prose, a solid block of writing without numbers or paragraphs. Why don’t you go up to the second floor and look at the topics and articles. The main thing is to analyze the table of contents.
Tutee: Write about what the contents talk about?
Tutor: Look for patterns, topics that repeat or vary. Try to find the main point of what the journal tells you about American Studies.
Tutee: What about articles?
Tutor: No, five issues.
Tutee: Five different books?
Tutor: Yes, from three different decades.
Tutee: After look at issue then what?
Tutor: That’s what you have to determine.
Tutee: What do you see in this book? (The tutee points to the table of contents of her textbook.)
Tutor: Well, issues in American Studies. The topics explored such as television, when I look at the table of contents. As an example, think about how often technology is written about.
Tutee: Don’t copy whole articles?
Tutor: No, just scan one or two. Just make notes of what you may want to say about one article. Focus not on specific articles, but what articles are in the journal or book.
Tutee: Were the quotes awkward where they were placed?
Most of the tutee’s problems stemmed from vocabulary and understanding how the words were being used. Volume numbers and issue numbers most American students probably don’t understand. One way we could have explained this might have been to invent a new book. “Yam, you’re going to start this brand new journal and it will be all about you. You decided to call it ‘Yam Youn’s Quarterly Journal.’ So the first one you publish is numbered Volume 1, Issue 1, because it’s the first one you’ve written. Three months later, you write another book. This one is numbered Volume 1, Issue 2. You call it Issue 2 because it came out three months later. So January, February, March, April, and May have past, and you now have two books published. August you write another book and call it Volume 1, Issue 3. In December you intend to publish your last book for the year. It will be called Volume 1, Issue …, what do you think the answer is?” this might have helped. On the other hand, we want to avoid sounding condescending. We could have even done the same with four sheets of paper and pretended they were books.
When Yam asked for a definition for the table of contents and didn’t understand the term “scanning” the table of contents. Both of us missed the boat. It was so simple. All we had to do was go to the tutoring book shelf and pull out five books on the same topic, say Grammar. Then spread the five books across the table and opened each one to the table of contents. We could have then asked her to look at the table of contents of each book. We could have pointed out in each book the topic of subject/verb agreement. I’m sure each book would have this as a separate topic. If we did this physically, I think she would have understood. I am sure if this assignment was in her native language she would have understood it. I think it was a problem of vocabulary that was interfering with her not being able to understand what was required of her.
10/05/2005 Tutoring Log
Time started: 11 a.m.
Session length: 30 minutes
Name of tutee: Katie Smith
Specific paper/problem tutee came to work on: Developing a topic for Professor Mabe's ENGL 100Y second essay assignment.
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #4
The tutee sat down in a quandary. She had the assignment sheet and some notes from an interview she conducted with a high school teacher. The assignment was open-ended, but could only be two to four pages in length. Right away I knew the topic would have to be narrow. The tutee had noting written and she wanted help in coming up with a topic. In class they had discussed something about four types of students. She showed me the four types in her textbook. The description was about three paragraphs for each. Two of the types I clearly remember because the tutee seemed hot to talk about them. They were the academic or studious type and the rebel or the revolutionary. I think the textbook was talking about the temperament of each type.
She didn’t know how to start out. She wanted to introduce the four types and she was instructed to conduct interviews. First, I discouraged her from trying to talk about all four types. This came up a few times. I explained the assignment was only meant to be two to four pages long and one type would probably fill four pages. I then said to her after she came back to the same point over and over, if you introduce the four types at the beginning and only talk about one type, as a reader, when I get to the end I’m going to ask, “What happened to the other three?” It’s like seeing movie previews and they show four great scenes, but when you see the movie, only one of the scenes that were advertised actually appeared in the movie. She readily connected with the analogy.
We talked about it for a bit and I first suggested maybe interviewing three other people. In the conversation she mentioned that she was rebellious and now was studious. To me that right there sounded like we could develop a compare and contrast between the two temperaments, but that would only be the author. It came out in conversation that the teacher was also of the same type. That sounded like a possibility and she began to write things down in an outline form. I suggested maybe she could do a compare and contrast between the book descriptions, herself, and the teacher.
What I was trying to do without telling her was to brainstorm. We talked for a few minutes to see if any type of topic or focus would develop. When I saw the linear outline I thought that might be her problem. That she was trying to think of a paper from beginning to end linearly in her head. I asked if she had learned that in high school and she said yes. I find it too difficult to think that way most times. It seemed that she was leaning towards writing about rebellion and how she changed. I suggested taking out a new piece of paper and writing rebellion and circling the word. Then I began to ask questions: who are the people you know that were rebellious and changed, what did they rebel against, how did they rebel, who did they rebel against, why did they rebel, what caused them to rebel. Then I asked her if she could think of how they changed, what she thought caused them to change, and why do you think they changed. It was the diagramming technique that helped her to come up with ideas when she had nothing.
I suggested then focusing on the topic of being rebellious and contrasting it with being studious. “See you can answer for yourself why you changed. Use yourself and your interviewee as examples and compare yourselves to the description of the two types in the book. Are they the same? Does the book have it right? If so why? Maybe you’ll find you don’t agree with the book. Maybe the teacher doesn’t fit with the book description. Maybe you don’t think you fit their description. If that’s true, how are both of you or one of you different? Why do you think that is?” I informed her that a compare and contrast is always a good start. Professors like that. It’s not deep analysis, but it’s a start if you’ve never done analysis before. Afterwards, try to ask yourself why things are the same or different. If you can answer why questions, that’s what a professor is really looking for. Remember when you were little and you would ask an adult “why,” you got an answer. If you asked again you got another answer. If you asked again you got a third answer. The more you ask why, the deeper the analysis gets. When we try to answer “why is this,” or “why does this happen,” or “why is it this way,” that is when we start to analyze things. That is what professors want to see, they love analysis.
She said she always had this problem; not knowing what to write. I said that may be because you have too many thoughts in your mind or maybe there’s too much going on in your life. It could be you’re trying to think of something to say, but you prevent yourself from saying it because it doesn’t sound right. Maybe the sight of a blank page makes you freeze. I gave her one more tool to go away with. I told her I have that problem sometimes too. What can help sometimes is just getting on the computer and type out what you’re thinking for fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes will be enough. You don’t have to type about the paper. You can talk about how stupid this assignment is and I can’t seem to think of anything or how stupid your boss is, or your boyfriend or whatever. Talk about whatever is on your mind. Sometimes we just have a bunch of clutter in our minds and we can’t hear ourselves think. Something for a topic might come out, something might not. Even if nothing comes out of “freewriting,” you might find you feel better because you wrote something and all that noise in your head is now on paper. It’s kind of like stretching before playing sports.
10/18/2005 Tutoring Log
Time started: 11:05 a.m.
Session length: 35 minutes
Name of tutee: Lisa McAllister
Specific paper/problem tutee came to work on: ENGL304 British Literature: Medieval and Renaissance, with Professor Falco. The tutee did not have assignment sheet and only had one copy of the paper. Lisa said she did not have a specific problem; she wanted a peer review.
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #5
Write a simple chronological narrative of the tutoring session. End with an analysis.
Lisa was in a rush. She said she only had thirty minutes, but the paper was not due till Thursday. Lisa did not bring the original assignment sheet with her which doesn’t help either of us. In addition, she brought only one copy of the paper. This meant that I had to look on as she read. I was now at a disadvantage: not enough time, no assignment sheet for me to check the paper against the essay, and I am a visual person, not auditory. I do not always hear everything that is said.
Professor Falco wanted her to write a six to seven page essay answering four specific questions outlined in the assignment from select readings of the Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer. Without the assignment sheet, I had no idea if she answered the questions with any type of depth. When Lisa read her opening paragraph, it sounded like a strong thesis statement.
Lisa declared that Chaucer neither supported nor condoned the sexual affairs of his characters, but left the interpretation open to his readers. Now that I think about this, if that is what she had said, the thesis statement actually sounds like she did not take a stand at all. I think I would have suggested telling us the readers what she thought of Chaucer’s sexual affairs instead of Chaucer’s indifference. In her paper she performed a compare and contras between the Wife of Bath with the Miller’s wife. Again looking back on this, I think she really should have attempted a synthesis considering this was a 300 level literature course.
The paper sounded strong on the surface. The thesis statement was well developed. The conclusion summarized the body of the text and tied back to the thesis statement without redundancy. This was something I checked after she read the paper by placing the thesis paragraph next to the conclusion paragraph. I explained to her what I was doing so she would know how to check for herself in the future.
Towards the middle of the paper, transitional sentences started to become questionable. The first pages and the last pages had good strong transitions. Near middle-end of the paper there was a beginning of a paragraph, half a sentence with an ellipse. I wondered if she intended to add another paragraph to satisfy the page length requirement or if she had something she wanted to say but thoughts ran out. It wasn’t clear. Lisa may have worked hard on the beginning and the end of the paper, but may have lost steam around pages four, five, and six.
Her citations were most times within the body of the paragraph and her analysis appeared after the citation. Two times Lisa switched and stated her analysis first and led into the citation. The problem was that when she did this, the citation was left unframed at the end of the paragraph. I think she was just trying to vary her text. We talked about the “framing of quotes” and she understood. There was a problem in her citations. For some reason she was placing a forward slash where the sentence ended and began in the text. I wasn’t clear as to what that meant and she didn’t have the book with her to show me how it was printed. I wasn’t clear as to what the forward slashes meant so I asked if she was quoting half a sentence here and half a sentence from somewhere else in the text. Lisa said that this was the way the text was laid out in Middle English, but now looking at the text, Canterbury Tales is written as prose. I think what I told her was correct. Use the punctuation exactly as you see it in the text and place beginning and ending quotation marks around the quoted text. This way anyone reads it they know Chaucer said it, not Lisa. Her citations were fine other than she was placing her period inside the quotation when it is required outside the quotation and after the citation. She wasn’t clear on this and was confused. I was not.
I spent a year studying Middle English Literature, so I was familiar with the Miller’s wife and the Wife of Bath. As with most modern readers, Lisa seemed to be agreeing with the Wife of Bath, but my concern with the paper was that there was more analysis on the Wife of Bath and not enough of the Miller’s wife. We have a tendency to speak more about the person we agree with and less about the one we feel nothing for.
The Miller’s wife must have been less interesting to Lisa’s thoughts on what a wife is in relation to a man. There were some parts the paper had problems, but not glaring problems. The main-higher level problems appeared to be a lack of development on the Miller’s wife.
Looking back I think having suggested doing a glossing technique would have been very helpful on checking the actual content from paragraph to paragraph. This would have helped me to actually check the paper and it would have shown Lisa a technique she could use in the future. If we had done this both of us would have quickly found out what was the ratio of the analysis of the Miller’s wife compared to the Wife of Bath.
I noticed contractions in her text and informed her they were not to be used in an academic paper. I mentioned to her any paper where you are making formal citations is a formal academic paper and the contractions degrade the quality of the prose. I did let her know, that if she was quoting someone and they used a contraction that was okay because it wasn’t the author using the contraction. I also let her know it was okay to use in less formal writings like creative non-fiction and fiction writing, especially in dialog.
10/19/2005 Tutoring Log
Time started: 11 a.m.
Session length: 60 minutes
Name of tutee: Fafa Kumassah
Specific paper/problem tutee came to work on: BIO100 Lab Report 1 for Professor Claasson’s class. Fafa’s concern was
her grammatical structure.
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #1
After tutoring a tutee for the first time, record and analyze the session in your log. Write your observations of the student's general appearance, attitudes, gestures, and so on. What went well and what did not? What would you like to have done differently? What hypotheses can you make about the student, the sources of difficulty, and the prospect for change? What course of action is suggested?
This was a dreadful tutoring session. Fafa expected me to be a grammatical correction service. She had the assignment sheet but it was seven pages long. The assignment sheet outlined everything that was expected to be in the lab report with a sample report and a style guide incorporated into it. Fafa brought one copy of the assignment sheet and did not have whatever she backed it up on. I have to speak to the senior tutors on how to handle situations like these. It is a recurring theme and I need to be able to read something while the tutee speaks aloud. The tutee refused to speak aloud. Fafa claimed she was a native English speaker, but was avoiding speaking in order to cover up that she did not speak English well. She wasn’t being honest with me. I picked up a hint of an African dialect so my intuition tells me she may be a first generation American.
The paper was shoved over to me and I shoved it back over to her. This went on repeatedly throughout the session. Fafa had no interest in learning what was correct or incorrect in the paper. This was evident from her starring out into the math lab area and her repeated sighs. Evidently this is how she got through high school, but I am not going to give in. It was abundantly clear that she had not read the paper at all. All throughout the paper she had an error, yet elsewhere when she had to do the same thing, she did it correctly. Periods were missing some places, other places they would be double spaced. In some places her citations were correct and then others it was just gross negligence. In her introduction I picked up some street slang, but it wasn’t all over the paper. I asked her about this and she said she was trying to vary the language. Fafa evidently suffered from a poor vocabulary. The biggest problem I had was she only wanted to focus on grammar and mechanics and not the actual reporting of the experiment. The paper was real peculiar. The introduction and methodology sections were riddled with errors. The results and conclusion actually sounded like a lab report. I inquired as to why and she said that the sections were written on different days. The well written portion was composed during the week, the sections that were a mess were written on a Sunday. I think she started writing something and then decided she would have the writing center correct it for her. Fafa had no vested interest in the paper. After struggling with her for 50 minutes, I gave her a few grammatical corrections and sent her on her way.
This session bothered me and I know it will happen again. I intend to print the log out as a reference and have a 10 minute conference with one of the experienced tutors to learn some techniques of how to handle situations like this one. I am not clear as to how to handle a tutee who is not interested in learning from mistakes and does not care about the result of the paper.
10/25/2005 Tutoring Log
No Sessions
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #8
Choose one of the suggestions for journal entries at the end of any chapter in The
Practical Tutor, preferably an entry related to the class's current assigned readings.
The five most common errors in college writing involve commas.
In general, do not set off an adverb clause that follows a main clause unless it begins with although, even though, while, or another conjunction expressing the idea of contrast.
Use a semi-colon rather than a comma when the clauses are long and complex or contain their own commas.
Non restrictive elements are clauses, phrases, and words that do not limit, or restrict the meaning of the words they modify. Since these elements are not essential to the meaning of a sentence, they should be set off from the rest of the sentence with commas. Restrictive elements, however, do limit meaning; they should not be set off with commas.
As a simple test to decide whether an element is restrictive or nonrestrictive is to mentally delete the element, and then see if the deletion changes the meaning of the rest of the sentence or makes it unclear. If the deletion does change the meaning, the element is probably restrictive, and you should not set it off with commas. If it does not change the meaning, the element is probably nonrestrictive and requires commas.
10/26/2005 Tutoring Log
No Sessions
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #7
Write about a problem which shows up frequently in the students you tutor or which you seem to experience in tutoring. Describe the problem, recall specific examples whenever possible, and speculate about the causes of the problem. Describe ways you have tried to handle the problem, and speculate about the possible solutions.
As I perform research for writing the six required papers for ENGL 395 and ENGL 488, I come across many articles that do not apply to my research but are nevertheless useful information. This log will be about one of those articles. Teresa O’Regan and Karmen Mackenzie in their article “Writing to Express, Not to Impress,” address the problem of wordiness in student writing. They explain why wordiness occurs and ways to address this problem when recognized.
Many college writers display a problem with intellectual skill in their writing. The writer tries to impress the reader with a fluency of writing that only becomes awkward, wordy, filled with padding or less precise. In an attempt to write strongly and effectively, students try to “display their vocabularies to impress rather than impress.”
The difference in “impressive language” and “expressive language” comes down to two types of vocabulary: “processing vocabulary” and “producing vocabulary,” respectively. Processing vocabulary allows one to interpret meanings of many passages that are not language the reader would use. This vocabulary is a broad category of words, whereas producing vocabulary is more limited. This is the category of language that tutors need to help students develop.
The problem students experience is a lack of vocabulary quizzing and drilling in the elementary stage of their educations. The importance of vocabulary is not stressed early on in their educations, therefore the problem carries through the students’ academic career. It is not simply a matter of memorizing definitions, but rather a matter of using new words in their proper context in oral and written communication.
According to O’Regan and Mackenzie, “’Wordiness can be caused by ‘using long words when short ones will do, using rare words instead of common ones, using words that look as if they were erected instead of written.” Students understand that academic writing is formal writing, therefore they overcompensate by attempting to emulate the language used by politicians and in a business setting. The authors are attempting to sound authoritative. Professors agree that the wordiness problem becomes more apparent in the second or third year of college education. The professors speculate that the cause is the student’s exposure to “term-laden” textbooks that students now think they must emulate in their own writing style.
Reading the text aloud in one’s own paper tends to alert the author to sentences that are incoherent or cumbersome. This is something we stress as tutors in tutoring sessions. The problem of vocabulary also stems from the problem of a lack of reading other than textbooks. Students read what they have to read for assignments and in their field of choice, but rarely read for pleasure. I found the best way to remedy this problem is to read classical literature in between semesters. I recommend classic literature because even though reading newspapers is reading, the reading level is so low, it will not be an aid to increasing one’s vocabulary. In addition most novels written today are also “dumbed down” in order to target a greater reading audience to maximize profits. I found the best way to accomplish the task is to determine what is being read in the English Literature curriculum. The books are readily available through the public libraries and I find that wherever I go, there is always “downtime.”
How does one introduce this in a tutorial session? Maybe by addressing the problem as part of the closing dialog or pointing to writing style and talking about particular authors writing styles. Another recommendation is not procrastinating until the eleventh hour. Finishing ahead of schedule gives the writer time to read the text aloud and to make revisions. Writing is a recursive process. If one knows their tutee is studying the sciences just mentioning that writing is a recursive process, the meaning associated with the statement is Eureka! The other method of reducing the wordiness is to look for unnecessary prepositional phases and extra words.
11/02/2005 Tutoring Log
No Sessions
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #8
TPT, Chapt. 11, pg. 250, Q3
In responding to essay questions, how do you ensure that you answer the questions directly? How could you adapt your own methods to help writers with whom
you are working?
The way I ensure that I answer the question directly in essay questions are to do what I have just done here. I begin with an appositive of the original question. This provides me with a sense of grounding and prevents me from straying off topic. This method is suggested by most study guides for the GRE exams and has worked well for me in classes such as History, English Literature, and Philosophy where most times, in-class exams are based on one essay question, usually open-ended, with an obvious time restriction.
The appositive statement not only grounds the paper and provides a reference point, but also formulates a thesis statement. Second, on a scrap piece of paper, is to jot down a quick outline—bulleted points—citing three specific points or views about the thesis statement. Third, under the three points is to place three counterpoints. This demonstrates that at least the alternative view has been considered. Fourth, is to write a brief conclusion, summarizing the three points and then tying back to the thesis statement in one sentence if possible. Last, is to write in one transitional sentence for the thesis statement and one for each of the three main points of support. The first transitional sentence aids the reader in following from the thesis to first point. The second transitional sentence ties together the first and second points. The third ties together the second and third statement. The fourth transitional sentence alerts the reader that the summary and conclusion is next.
As a tutor working with a tutee, the best way is the same. On a scrap piece of paper, in one sentence, write the following steps:
11/03/2005 Tutoring Log
No Sessions
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #8
TPT, Chapt. 11, pg. 250, Q2
What kinds of notes do you take and when? How do your notes vary depending on the kind of
material you are reading?
I follow an old office philosophy, “If it speaks, take notes.” When I read, my notes will differ. If I am reading mathematics, I will stop when I come to an example and work through the problem step by step. Most times, especially in senior courses, the textbook will leave out three to five steps or more in order to cut down printing costs and to force me to think for myself.
A new phenomenon at UMBC is taking notes for the entire class. In the past two years, professors have been requiring us to write summaries of readings and present them. This is going on in Philosophy, Mathematics, Information Systems and the English department. This serves two purposes. First, one person creates summary notes for the entire class thereby reducing the time we have to spend in preparing notes for class. Second, presenting forces us to exercise our public speaking skills. One drawback is that what we deem important from the reading may not be what the writer summarized. Second drawback is that many English majors do not believe in numerical outlines or bulleted lists. They create summaries that are dense with language making it difficult to obtain necessary information at a glance. Dense text only forces the reader to have to hunt for required information.
With the advent of the Internet, there is a definite move away from dense text. This is being dictated by the computer screen which is a visual medium. Reading big blocks of text is difficult on a computer monitor, therefore text is being broken down into smaller chunks. This allows the reader to obtain the information they need at a glance so one can make a quick glance. Another reason for this is due to the amount of information we are being expected to process. Being able to gloss over outlines is much faster than reading dense text. If one consults high school and even college books in the sciences, the move is towards textbooks that emulate web pages as far as their reading paths.
Sometimes in history, philosophy, and literature reading, I will underline words, highlight sentences, and write notes, comments or disagreements within the margin of the page. I have my own codes. A word I underline means that I am to look up the word in a dictionary to learn its meaning. This is how I intend to increase my vocabulary to reduce wordiness. Other times, I will write disagreements in the margin from observations I have made in life. Still other times, I write notes similar to glossing. This allows me to glance at the page and summarize paragraphs and pages of material. Last, there are times such as in philosophy, engineering, and science that a sentence or groups of sentences have no meaning to me and I will write questions in the margin in order to remind me to ask about these portions of the reading. I also place sticky notes on those pages so I can find them quickly.
11/08/2005 Tutoring Log
Time started: 11:50 a.m.
Session length: 40 minutes
Name of tutee: Katie Szalecki
Specific paper/problem tutee came to work on: ENGL 243B Currents in American Literature: Native American Literature: Literary analysis of the novel, The Surrounded by D’Arcy McNickle for Professor Benson’s class.
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #5
Katie was in the process of writing a second revision. The tutee’s paper had been reviewed by a previous tutor in the writing center and returned with further commentary from Professor Benson. The tutee thought ahead and brought a copy of the paper with comments and a new revised copy for us to work with. The thesis statement was praised by Benson and as the tutee read it aloud, I was also satisfied. Professor Benson noted that the paper required stronger topic sentences and better structure. Based on this information, I did not bother asking for the assignment sheet and concentrated on Professor Benson’s comments while keeping a critical eye on any other possible glaring errors. Katie and I worked on these problems in addition to strengthening the conclusion and the content within the paragraphs.
First, I asked the tutee to show me the structure of the paper by having Katie gloss the paper. I read the paragraph to myself and then asked the tutee to summarize it one word or phrase. I silently checked to see if she could follow her own thoughts. After the glossing I found the paper did have structure. The revision had substantially changed from the first. The paper focused on the changes made in a Native American woman’s life transitioning from her native upbringing and her struggles to assimilate into a Eurocentric society. Katie’s topics were education, domestic life, religion, marriage, and justice or corrections. I did not find a problem with the order. I gently asked the tutee to defend her choice of order. My thought was if Katie could justify the structure to me and defend it, she could prove to Professor Benson her choice based on logic. Katie explained her structure was chronologically based on how major events occurred in the Native American Woman’s life.
Katie and I then examined the topic sentences and the transitional sentences from paragraph to paragraph. The tutee’s topic sentences were succinct and properly introduced the new topic. The glaring error I found was her transitional sentences. Every paragraph ended with a full quote and was not framed. When I pointed this out the tutee thought I was pointing to the style of the parenthetical citation. I explained to Katie that was not the problem, I recognized the citation as MLA. Katie wasn’t even aware that the citation was MLA, she was copying Professor Benson’s examples. I indicated that she shouldn’t place a quote in the paper without writing out an analysis of the citation. I said to Katie, “There must be a reason why you found this particular sentence significant. How is the sentence significant to you?” This is when I found the order problem. Katie pointed to the sentence previous to the quote. She was analyzing the quote and then referring the reader to the quote.
This was not a simple matter of swapping sentences. In most cases, Katie only introduced the idea that was embedded in the quote. I used heuristic questions to get Katie to talk through her thoughts and she was quite good about explaining her ideas. As she orally analyzed the quotations, I found myself getting caught up in her enthusiasm in making new discoveries. I was starting to fire too many questions and not giving her a chance to write out her thoughts. Quickly I remembered an old sales technique. “He who speaks first buys.” If the salesman speaks first, he’s bought the customer’s objection. If the customer speaks first, the customer has bought the product or idea. That’s when I became silent. There’s noting wrong with silence. The silence provides the opportunity for both the tutee and the tutor to reflect on the conversation and the writing process.
Sometimes, the tutee would become stuck on her fluency of a sentence and ask me what I thought. Sometimes she was locking up trying to get the language just right. The idea was there, but not the language. She would ask me if the sentence was correct even before she wrote it down. Following an experienced tutor’s lead, I politely said, “What do you think?” placing the burden back on the tutee. Katie was familiar with the technique and just worked through it.
At the end of the session I think I showed Katie how to gloss her own paragraphs to check for structure in the paper. I taught her when she chooses a quote she needs to inform us as readers why this phrase, sentence or paragraph is significant. I also think she learned that it’s not necessary to get your thoughts down in fluent prose, just that you get the thoughts down. Once the idea is in place, then the tutee can smooth out the language. At least I hope that’s what she learned.
11/09/2005 Tutoring Log
No Sessions
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #12
What is a Literature Review?
I am writing a journal on this topic because I have to write a literature review for my senior seminar ENGL 488 Visual Literacy with Dr. Carpenter. Dr. Carpenter has explained what a literature review is and how to construct one, however, conducting further research on the Internet is always time well spent. In this journal I will present my findings on writing a Literature Review.
According to Dena Taylor, Director, Health Sciences Writing Centre and Margaret Procter, University of Toronto Coordinator of Writing Support a literature review is a document accounting for what has been published on a topic by accredited scholars and researchers. Most often the literature review is part of an introduction to an essay, research report, thesis or a grant/research proposal. The purpose is to “convey to the reader what knowledge and ideas have been established on a topic, and what are their strengths and weaknesses.” The literature review is guided by the guiding concept of the author’s own research objective, problem or issue being discussed or the author’s argumentative thesis.
The literature review performs three functions. First, it enlarges the author’s knowledge on the topic. Second, the literature review allows the author demonstrate skill in information seeking. Third the review allows the author to demonstrate skill in critical appraisal, meaning “the ability to apply principles of analysis to identify unbiased and valid studies.”
The literature review must do four things:
The format of the literature review is the same as any other essay. The paper must have an introduction, a body, and a conclusion.
The introduction identifies the general topic providing appropriate context for reviewing the literature. The author should “point out overall trends in what has been published about the topic; or conflicts in theory, methodology, evidence, and conclusions; or gaps in research and scholarship; or a single problem or new perspective of immediate interest.” The introduction establishes the author’s reason for reviewing the literature; explains the criteria to be used in analyzing and comparing literature, establishes the organization of the review; and, when necessary, includes scope by stating why certain literature is or is not included.
In the body of the literature review, literature such as books, journals, group research studies, reviews, theoretical articles, case studies, amongst others should be grouped according to common denominators such as qualitative versus quantitative approaches, conclusions of authors, specific purpose or objective, or chronology. The author should summarize individual articles with as much or as little detail as each merits according to its comparative importance in the literature. The length of the discussion by the author of the literature review indicates to the reader how the article will contribute to the author’s work.
The conclusion should summarize major contributions of significant studies and articles to the body of knowledge under review. As with all essays, the author needs to maintain the focus established in the introduction. The conclusion should provide an evaluation of the current body of knowledge reviewed, point out major methodological flaws or gaps in research, inconsistencies in theory and findings, and define new areas or issues pertinent for future study. The author should conclude by providing insight into the relationship between the central topic of the literature review and a larger area of study such as a discipline, a scientific endeavor, or a profession.
11/15/2005 Tutoring Log
Time started: 11:35
Session length: 1hr. 20 minutes
Name of Tutee: Katie Szalecki
Course: AMST 100 with Professor King
Assignment: Six page argument paper supporting a viewpoint through critical analysis by conducting primary research and using secondary research as support.
Tutee’s Specific Problem: Structure within the paper and conciseness.
I just tutored this tutee a few days ago for a different class and a different paper which was insightful for me. I have a better understanding of how she writes and her writing process. She refuses to outline her papers. In future sessions, I’m going to dig a little deeper as this seems to be a trend with tutees we are receiving. Most students I have asked said they were taught how to outline in high school, they know they should, but they don’t. This leads to papers that are disorganized and students don’t understand why professors are commenting that the paper requires structure. I’m not sure if for some they think the outline is a waste of time, or they dislike Roman numerals, or a false belief that computers allow us to enter our thoughts so quickly that we think we can reorganize our thoughts once they are entered. What I am referring to here is suing the computer as a devise for capturing our thoughts versus using a tape recorder for the same purpose. The problem with entering the thoughts as they occur is resulting in recording random thought processes, but the tutee does not read the sentences over again, searching for disorder.
Once again Katie’s paper demonstrated structure at the paragraph level, but she is missing the point on the sentence level within a paragraph. The tutee will write about “subtopic A,” leading to “subtopic B,” joining the thought with “subtopic C,” but then will have another thought on “subtopic A” and type it in after subtopic C. This is the structure her professors are commenting on. I explain to Katie that the outline is like a roadmap to the paper. I think maybe the point that both of us are missing is that a subtopic may not be in the original outline and the thought may crop in as the paper is being written. That’s not unusual and I try to stress with her is, “It’s not just you. We all think in a nonlinear pattern. When we write academically, we are building order out of chaos. The structured outline may be too rigid for her thinking processes so showing her mapping might be more helpful.
Katie is struggling with vocabulary as her text is wordy. She writes in streams of consciousness which is okay for a first draft. I need to get her to understand this, but once the first draft is written and the thoughts are captured, then is the time to reduce the language and make it more concise. It seems if she tries to work with vocabulary, she looses her fluency in thought and starts to freeze looking for just the right word. Katie is a fluent writer on a first draft. The problem comes in taking the next step, doing a rewrite. I think a tape recorder might also be a great idea for Katie. She thinks orally. The problem is she’s racing to beat the language sensor that when she says a sentence three or four ways, she realizes she liked the second sentence, but has already forgotten what she said. A recorder would allow her to orally think and capture her sentences. Then she could back up the tape and select the sentence that had the best language in her mind. This is not a matter of dictating an entire paper into the recorder, but chunking her thoughts. She will have a thought and say it two, three, four times different ways, experimenting with the language. I think what is happening might b that she’s not a great typist and her mind thinks faster than she types. I am probably going to see her again tomorrow, so I’ll suggest the recorder. Katie might find it helpful.
Katie has a pattern for not being able to conclude. We discussed what a conclusion is and she has explicitly described it to me so she understands. I received a new clue today that she has a tendency to just restate the paper topic statement and not summarize her points or place emphasis on how those points lead to her position and how to motivate us as readers to act on her position. To help with this I suggested glossing. Instead of throwing out the term, I asked her to print out another copy of the paper and tell herself in the margin what was the topic of each paragraph in a word or phrase. Make one sentence for each topic and tell us your proposed solution. By indicating what the problem is and by providing a solution, Katie has a better chance of motivating readers to act. The key is providing a solution.
I can’t remember if Katie’s last paper had the thesis statement in the correct place. She wrote a long introductory paragraph and then had her thesis at the end of the paragraph. I instructed her to put her thesis statement right at the top, then some introduction/background material, last her methodology. I forget sometimes that I’m in 400 level courses preparing for graduate school and she’s in her first semester of college. Anytime I offer terminology such as thesis statement or methodology, I then explain to her what I see in her paper that causes me to use that term. Katie conducted several interviews and didn’t realize that was the method she used in order to collect raw data to analyze.
I had to suppress my enthusiasm for the paper because Katie was being expected to perform the analysis using methods of semiology: identifying signs, signifiers, and signifieds, breaking down their meaning and determining what they meant. For the past ten weeks I have been working on this with Dr. Carpenter in ENGL 488 Visual Literacy and have done an extensive amount of reading and writing on the topic. As little as I know, I felt I had to know more that she did and had to avoid feeding her too much for the analysis. I had just read an article by Barthes on myth and he discussed the differences between myths created by the working class and myths created by the autocracy. None of us understood him and in email discussions back and forth with classmates we started to disseminate what he was arguing. Katie was comparing and contrasting working class college students and upper class students without realizing that she was writing about class struggle. I had to tame my enthusiasm and follow her lead and knowledge so the paper would rightfully be hers.
11/15/2005 Tutoring Log
Time Started: 11:15 a.m.
Session length: 2hrs. 45 minutes
Name of Tutee: Nasrin Gholien
Course: CMSE 498 Independent Study in Computer Science for CMSE Interns
Assignment: 20 page report detailing the tutee’s role in a 15 week project for an employer.
Tutee’s Specific Problem: The assignment sheet was specific It stating that the report must be 20 pages long detailing specifically what the tutee did on the project, problems that occurred, how the problems were resolved, and to cite what the tutee had learned from working on the project. Headings and subheadings were to be used and if necessary visit the Writing Center if the tutee needed assistance.
I explained to the tutee a paper of this nature will probably need two or three reviews due to the complexity and length. Nasrin was okay with this and is well ahead of schedule. The paper will be due December 16. I informed the tutee of my tutoring days and times if she would like to meet with me again. I might be the best candidate to work with her on this because the entire paper is formulas and computer science terminology. Most of her text describes specific actions a user must perform on the computer in order to manipulate data within Microsoft Excel and programming Excel Visual Basic for Applications (VBA). Fortunately for me her work does not exceed my knowledge of the subject.
The second complexity for me as a tutor is the tutee is a bright person, but is an ESL student struggling to describe computer user terminology. Nasrin is Persian, but I’m not clear what her native language may be. The tutee has never used Excel in depth and never programmed in VBA (I know these but even so, the tutee has probably programmed more languages than I even care to know). Now the tutee was not only struggling with explaining the computer terminology, but also describing as a user what she did on the project in English. This may be the longest paper Nasrin has written in her academic career. Due to the nature of the length and complexity of the paper, next time I might decide that we go over the paper on the computer directly.
In many cases, Nasrin could not decide whether a computer action within the software should have capital letters or small case and this problem persisted throughout the paper. These are the same problems most technical writer’s have in describing commands instructing the user how to perform a task on the computer. As an example, in Microsoft Word instructing a user how to bullet a list: “Go to Format, select Bullets and Numbering in the drop down menu and choose the bullet type one finds appropriate for the document.” The language can become long and cumbersome. Also without actually doing the actions on the computer it becomes easy to loose steps. Within her paper I would see variations such as MS instead of Microsoft, VB, vb, visual basic, Visual Basic, FISK, Fisk, and other random choices. I suggested to Nasrin in most cases, just write out in full what she meant, if she chose to spell visual basic as Visual Basic, type it the same way every time. Sometimes no one can agree on correct spelling of the names when dealing with software programs or commands. The best way to handle something where there does not seem to be an established convention is to make a convention and use it throughout the paper. If it’s an error, it’s a consistent error. Those who don’t know what the proper convention is will never realize the convention is correct. As the writer, she establishes the convention and writes from authority. If a reader sees the constant change, they will question the author’s authority even if what she has said is correct.
First problem for Nasrin was headings and subheadings. This may have been her first paper using them. In computer science most of the work entails writing programs and documenting how to use them. I explained to her the paper of this type should have three basic headings: an introduction, process, and conclusion. In the introduction, I instructed Nasrin to introduce the project to the reader, forecast coming attractions within the body of the paper, and forecast the conclusion of the paper. Nasrin’s headings were full sentences. I opened my TPT and showed her a few headings in the text showing her most times the heading was a brief phrase indicating to the reader what were the contents of the next group of paragraphs. Nasrin was using colons at the end of some and not the end of others. I suggested removing them because some of her headings were only one word or phrases and not independent clauses.
Her paper was written in active voice for the most part and switching between first person “I” and third person “we” as I am seeing in 2005 peer review journals. Once in a while she changed to second person “you.” I didn’t see much of this so I think they may have been slips in voice. I asked her about the use of “you,” “Are you allowed to use in science papers?” she asked me, but I think she knew the answer, either that or I gave the answer away in the way I asked. She didn’t use “you” throughout the paper even when describing actions so I assumed she slipped.
I did find in some places her language was wordy. I may have to devote time just for this one task because Nasrin seems to be slipping into passive voice at times and other times seems to be hunting for the perfect verb. I’m combining two assumptions that first she is an ESL and two she is in the sciences, so Nasrin’s wordiness is probably due to lack of vocabulary and passive voice. Nasrin represents a challenge for me: an ESL writing a long science paper. Writing a strong 20 page paper clearly and concisely is hard enough for me. Instructing someone else how to do it is my challenge.
11/22/2005 Tutoring Log
Time started: 11 a.m.
Session length: 45 minutes
Name of tutee: Yinj Liu
Specific paper/problem tutee came to work on: ENGL 110 Composition for ESL Students with Professor Collins. This was the second writing assignment taking a position and persuading parents to limit children’s television viewing.
This was a handoff for me. The tutor helping needed to go to class and I took over. The tutor only had three more paragraphs to go and I received a quick briefing on the paper. The tutee’s native language was Chinese and the paper lacked American structure. The tutee had a thesis statement in the correct place for American English. This paper was viewed a few times by a few tutors. The paper at the top said final paper, but at the end there was no grade and in black were the two fatal sentences: “See me during my office hours,” and “Go to the Writing Center.” This paper was the classic “Tutoring Revision through Paper Comments” as presented in The Practical Tutor. Fortunately, the professor had some heart and used a black pen instead of a red one. There was ink slung everywhere so much that I felt her pain. At a certain point the professor couldn’t take anymore and gave up circling errors the language was so bad.
Liu answered my question as to what was a thesis and could point to it in her paper. The previous tutor made notes on the structure up to the last three paragraphs. The first two paragraphs had topic sentences even though the language was very basic. Each paragraph followed from the topic sentence. I did help her to develop a little more content on some considerations she had not thought of. The last paragraph was the conclusion and the tutee could correctly tell me what was expected in the conclusion. The tutee summarized most of her points in the paper, not all, we noted a few missing and added them. She brought the reader full circle by restating the position she established in the beginning of the paper.
The tutee’s problem was grammar and vocabulary. From what I read and from our discussion, she knew what she wanted to say but lacked the correct words. Sentence structure was wrong in many cases [N V agreement]. I think the tutee was uncomfortable with speaking English because I would ask questions and she would speak very little. When she did speak, she was soft spoken. She had the correct answers but on open-ended questions she would speak a minimal amount.
The tutee’s paper needs so much work there was no way we could help in one session and I explained this to the tutee while asking if she could return over a few sessions. I informed the tutee when I would next be in, but our times did not coincide. On her next visit I explained we could go sentence by sentence and work through the vocabulary and grammar problems once she had the rest of her content in.
The tutee did come in the next day, but after my start time. I was working with another tutee so Liu received a third tutor who began where we left off and worked with her sentence by sentence on the grammar.
11/22/2005 Tutoring Log
Time started: 12 noon
Session length: 60 minutes
Name of tutee: Arif Mohammed
Course: ENGL 393E with Professor Belfrage
Specific paper/problem tutee came to work on:
Amy Bodine called me in on this one because she couldn’t see the problem with the several graded copies the student had of the two memos. At first we both thought there was a problem with the format because the memos were slightly different than we were accustomed to seeing. The tutee said Professor Belfrage prescribed the format so we moved on. We concentrated on the second graded copy that was adjusted from a “C” grade to a “C+.” The tutee’s first memo was too long., but the problem with the second memo was not obvious to us. Both memos had minimal marking. The first memo had no figures in it. The second had some figures but not the total cost. The new memo provided a total cost for new equipment with the manufacturer’s name for the product and model number, quantity, price for an individual unit, price break (discount), and total cost.
I read through the memo and found the problem. There was still a great deal of extra unnecessary information. What the boss wanted to know was in the second to last sentence: what is the benefit to me? I explained the tone of the memo was correct but when requesting a change that will cost money, the boss wants to know three things and only three things. These three parameters come from project management: what’s the scope, home much time, and what’s the cost. I said he could say this in two sentences. First sentence we want to buy six cutters at a total cost of 14,000 dollars discounted at 5%. The boss always wants to know total cost and if there is a discount. Second, the company will benefit by reduced employee fatigue and injuries, therefore the new equipment will lead to an increase in productivity. I said if he wanted to add anything else you could mention downtime to make the changeover to the new cutters and how soon this change could be implemented.
The second assignment was a problem in displaying information graphically. The tutee was given two problems. The first required a table and a graph representing the data. The second was putting the data from two tables in one graph. In both assignments, the tutee had the table and the graph side by side with the table on the right and the graph on the left. The tutee’s decision made sense. The data represented magazine sales for the year 2000 and consisted of 13 different markets. The tutee made a bar graph and a pie chart. He wanted to know which one to use. Only the bar chart made sense. I explained there were two problems with his pie chart. I informed him that a pie chart is excellent to use with six elements, no more. This advice comes from Edward Tufte, author of “Visual Explanations: Images and Quantities, Evidence and Narrative, who is most referred to when discussing visual presentations of information, especially graphics. The tutee’s pie chart had three small slices right against each other making it difficult for the reader to know which markets the slices represented. The second problem was the pie chart projected 35 degrees into the page. I explained when using a pie chart, place the pie on the paper such that it looks like when one is about to cut a pizza pie on a table: the viewer wants to look down at the pie. This enables the reader to see the size of the slices.
It was necessary to do the second problem on the computer. Without the graphical user interface (GUI) in front of us, nothing would make sense. The tutee now had two tables of magazine sales for the year 2000 and 2004. The second table had three new subscribers who were not purchasing magazines in 2000. The tutee expressed a method of handling the fact that three vendors were new but was unsure. He asked if the table should have all the markets and then should he enter a “0,” a dummy variable for the year 2000. I said yes because Excel may do something weird with the graph if the cell is left blank. It turns out that he could leave the cells empty as I simulated the problem while writing this long.
The professor wanted the data shown in table, one graph but the tutee submitted the work with two tables and two graphs. Professor Belfrage was trying to get the students how to construct a graphical analysis. This way anyone could compare and contrast the magazine sales for the two years. I explained this and also noted that one of the markets buying magazines was hospitals. Doctors and dentists were not shown, but I said to the tutor if they were listed as a sales market, a person could look at the graph and tell if sales in that market had gone down or up indicating some kind of a trend. The tutee was halfway on target because he chose to use a line graph to display the data.
While on the computer we tried a few bar graphs. I explained to the tutee most readers understand bar graphs more easily than line graphs, but there are times when the data dictates what kind of graph to use, especially when using Microsoft Excel Graphics. I had the tutee select a few types of bar graphs so he could see how making different choices in Excel Graphics would make different graphical representations and then how to back out if he didn’t like what he saw without committing to the graph. Then I suggested trying the line graph again. What the tutee had missed was that Microsoft Excel Graphics had a graph he could select that would do two or more line graphs in one chart. As far as the graphics I taught the tutee just to play with the graphics program and try different things until one gets something that looks easy to read.
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The problem with the graphics is that no one spends enough time playing with them to see what the program will do. The program itself is not intuitive and one has to just try different functions in the software program to see what they do. The same problems occur with the statistical software programs that also have graphics. None of them are intuitive and the user has to explore the software program with curiosity. The user has to approach the software program the same Dee Dee approaches things in the cartoon Dexter’s Laboratory, “What’s this, what’s that, Ooooooooh, what does this button do?” Save what you like and don’t save what you don’t like.
11/30/2005 Tutoring Log
No tutoring sessions
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #8
TPT, Chapt. 12, pg. 282, Q1
What were your reactions to analyzing literature when you were first asked to do so? Were you resistant? Did
you become a symbol seeker, a cataloguer of metaphors? Did you enjoy literature more? Experience it
differently?
The only memory I have of analyzing literature are my experiences from ENGL 301 and two years working with Bartleby as a reviewer of non-fiction essays. I have never resisted analyzing literature. I seek out symbolism, but not as a primary focus. In analyzing readings in ENGL 301 my two interests were the use of language and philosophical aspects. I examine language to find ways of improving my own writing. Many times, the author’s voice carries me through the narrative. I become transfixed on language carrying on cerebral discussions or how language is used similar to an artist’s paintbrush. Some authors paint an outline expecting the reader’s mind to fill in the colors with their own experiences.
When analyzing essays for Bartleby, I assume the author is submitting their best work, something that received an “A.” The sad part or maybe disturbing part is most of the submissions are memoirs of poor quality. Most of the essays submitted do not say anything. The author may scratch around a little bit or kick a clod of dirt, but there is no gut wrenching, turn yourself inside-out sort of analysis of the human condition.
The author establishes an interesting premise usually relating an experience we have all had, the death or dying of a loved one, love lost and regained or an experience that most readers can connect with on some level. In most cases, the author acts as a storyteller, but never stops to analyze anything. The author never seems to find any surprises in the draft about the event. In some cases they do and quickly dart off to something else skirting the underlying issue in the draft. As an example, the author writes about their lament over the ending of a relationship. Instead of analyzing why the author is lamenting say is it a fear of facing themselves once again or will they never be able to trust another person so completely or will they never love again, the author skips past all the possible queries and races headlong into something else. Rarely do we receive anything that really explores anything in depth and if it does the essay has a tendency to get squashed because the subject is too controversial and reviewer become afraid that it will offend a reader.
One of the problems we have in this society is that most of us, including myself are not well-read. We don’t understand or appreciate how language has changed or recognize why a great piece of literature is still great hundreds of years after it was written. The author has captured the human condition in such a way that regardless of the language used all people manage to find themselves or people they know within the work. The language changes, but the struggles of the human condition remain universal.
11/30/2005 Tutoring Log
No tutoring sessions
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #8
TPT, Chapt. 12, pg. 282, Q3
To what extent has writing about literature been different for you from writing about other kinds of reading?
Writing about literature provides tremendous room for interpretation. The only other place I recall such openness of interpretation relates to philosophical readings. There is no interpretation in Mathematics and the hard sciences, technology… come to think of it, I’m going to take that back. Sometimes there is broad interpretation and not everything is cut and dry, but much of science and technology is cut and dry at the undergraduate and graduate level. At the doctorate level there can be broad interpretation of data.
With literature and the web finding a neatly packaged typical analysis for a particular piece of literature is easy to find. The more interesting views always come from a class discussion or a discourse. Because language can be vague even when writing with surgical precision, readers can find interpretations within the language the author never even intended. This ambiguity is fine if the author conveys their intended message and the reader understands the message, but also finds other hidden messages within the language. Obviously the writer has a definite problem if the reader doesn’t receive the author’s intended message.
The failure of language to precisely convey all meanings allows readers to draw from their own range of experiences allowing them to sense different things bringing to the discourse different interpretations. The craft of showing and not telling does not tell the reader what to feel, the language will leave internal sensing to the reader. In essence, if the person making the interpretation can support their interpretation by citing examples from the text and illustrate how those citations fit their interpretation all is fair game. But as was always explained to us in Philosophy remain leery of those broad interpretations for those interpretations are the most likely to have holes blown through them. If one cannot fully support those interpretations, follow the beaten path and stick with the interpretations that are best supported.
In most science writing the human condition is removed for the sake of logic or actually logic removes the human condition so everyone formulates the same results or interpretations. It would be impossible to derive Maxwell’s equations describing the phenomenon of light if there were broad interpretations of what God said when the bible said, “Let there be light.”
12/06/2005 Tutoring Log
Start time: 12:40 p.m.
Session length: 50 minutes
Name of tutee: Yiu Ho
Specific paper/problem tutee came to work on: Position paper/Tutee came in to work on the structure of the
paper.
Tutorial topic I am responding to: #8
The assignment was a structured position paper based on two assigned readings. The first person was arguing from the position of Utilitarianism that the citizens of the state have an obligation to take care of the poor. The second person was arguing from the position of Ethical Egoism that the citizens of the state are not obligated to take care of the poor but should do so if they so choose. According to the assignment sheet there were three parts to the paper. First was to state the position of the two men. Second was to compare and contrast their positions. The third part the tutee was to state which philosophy he agreed with and why.
The tutee was nervous about reading his paper aloud. His hands were shaking though out the session. His paper had a conversational tone and was written in an informal voice as though we were discussing the topic in a bar. The language was not bad, just different in the sense of being refreshingly frank.
I noted that the paper did not have a thesis statement or a topic statement. The tutee wrote an introduction but there was no topic sentence. After checking the assignment sheet I noticed that the professor never mentioned whether the paper required a thesis statement. My decision was to err on the side of caution and I suggested to the tutee that he formulate two or three sentences at the end of his introduction paragraph stating his position in the paper and forecast the positions of the other two men in a sentence or two. I noted that the second and third sections that were required had a number next to them. The tutee was doing this to maintain the order required by the professor and I recommended to the tutee to remove the numbers when he intended to print and turn in the final copy.
Towards the end of the second section and in the third section he began to loose the structure. He was floating back and forth between the two men and was not performing an even compare and contrast from sentence to sentence. The tutee’s structure at the beginning of the paper was to talk about the Utilitarian position and then in the next paragraph to discuss the Ethical Egoism position. Here I suggested to the tutee that he separate out the sentences and place the Utilitarian position first as he had done in the first section and then state the Ethical Egoism position second.
In the third part when the tutee stated his position I noted that he would use phrases such as “I believe…” I told the tutee to remove the word. I explained first that it was unnecessary to say “I believe because the way you are wording your sentence, as a reader I understand that you the author is now speaking and that you are stating your position. So instead of saying “I believe…” just state your position and then follow up with why you are taking this position.
I asked him if he was a Philosophy major and he said he was an art major. I then informed him in Philosophy the word “believe” is never used because it implies that there is some portion of doubt. A Philosopher states his or her position from logic, which is a stronger position. I also informed him that the word “believe” is associated with opinion, but provided a stronger analogy. When we say we believe it is not uncommon to associate the word believe with belief in God. We all know that no one can prove the existence or non-existence of God, therefore we use the word “believe” for ideas that are opinions and opinions are not provable. The analogy of God connected with him. I had actually asked the tutee if he could come up with a stronger word that “believe” and gave him a chance to think, but he wasn’t catching onto my verbal clue. I realized that I was not connecting with the tutee. I decided to give him the answer because it may have been a concept that was taught in class that he may not have understood the first time when the difference between a belief and a proof was discussed.
The last problem in the tutee’s paper was there was no conclusion. I asked him what did he think should be in a conclusion and then I realized he didn’t know because his answer was wrong. I then explained that the conclusion should summarize the major points in his paper and bring the reader back to his opening position or restate what his position was. I showed the tutee how to gloss his paragraphs and write brief phrases in the margin encapsulating the topic of the paragraph. I then instructed him to gather together the phrases and create sentences repeating those ideas in the last paragraph of the paper. Then the tutee restated his position that he was in agreement with the position of Ethical Egoism thereby concluding the paper.
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