"Dont.let.your.feelings.go..."
"Don't let your feelings go..."
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"Ouch! You think you could be just a little more gentle?" I asked Nicole, as she pulled my hair up into a small clip at the nape of my neck. "You get way too much enjoyment out of this. I've come to realize that the hard way."
I hadn't planned on making too much effort to look special tonight. Knowing that Taylor wouldn't be there, I didn't have much incentive. Looking nice was one thing, looking nice for someone was another. I wasn't about to parade around in a small black skirt for the old men that'd be there. Once Nicole realized that I didn't really care about things tonight, she took over.
"What? You asked me to help you, I am. Now you're complaining-"
"I asked for suggestions..." I laughed.
"Well, too bad. I can do it better myself anyway." I could see her smiling through the mirror we were facing. She had sat me in the chair about 15 minutes ago. "There... all set." She said, securing a clip and admiring "her work."
I stood up from the chair. "Thanks..." I smiled, turning my head slightly to take a look from different angles. "So we all set on taking Melanie's car?" I asked.
"Yup..." She twirled around in front of her full-length mirror. "We can all go in her car, cause I was just gonna meet Ike there anyway, and its apparent Taylor wont be picking you up."
I looked down. "I know..."
"Hey! Don't even be all boring tonight. We worked too hard on this party for you to have a bad time. Just forget about Taylor for one night, and let's all have a good time."
I smiled. Maybe she was right, it wasn't the end of the world now that Taylor wasn't coming. I could easily have a good time, and I'd just go and see him tomorrow. Even if I felt this was more important, he obviously didn't. And he could do what he wanted anyway. I wasn't his mother. And besides, it was one night. I'd done it for the last six months. I could do it again.
"C'mon. We don't want to be too late..." Nicole said, as we followed her out to the car. It wasn't too much longer till we found ourselves arriving at the Marriott. I got a sudden chill, as nervousness went through me. Such events like this never went well in my stomach.
We walked into the hall, to find practically his entire family, and friends laughing and having a good time. Nicole said we were just being fashionable late, and it was a good thing. I couldn't believe how packed the place was. Even people from his church were there to celebrate the homecoming of the guys back to Tulsa. I actually caught sight of Meegan, wondering why that feign was here, but then realizing we'd invited the whole church. Music was playing, and there were tables everywhere. I noticed some people I'd met from their family before, as well as friends we'd known forever. There were people I'd never seen, but was sure I'd meet by the end of the night. Especially if Diana had anything to do with it. I caught her eye, and gave a small wave.
Making our way over to a table, I saw Isaac who sat explaining something to a girl who was about as interested in his mouth moving, as she was with the words coming out. Zac was sitting across from him at the circular table, laughing hysterically. We joined both of them, as Nicole sat next to him with a raised eyebrow, and her arms crossed over her chest. I took the empty seat.
I smiled at Zac, as he whispered, "That's Emily. She's our cousin's best friend, and she's in love with Ike."
"Look at Nicole, she's completely jealous of a 14 year old!"
"She's 15..." He whispered again, trying to keep another fit of laughter in. "Hey, did Tay tell you about New York yet?"
"What about it?"
"We have to go up there next week. Like Monday morning... early."
"What? Why? You guys just got back..." I couldn't tell if my voice was annoyed, or whiny.
"No kidding... some morning show, and then Letterman. It's a whole thing about wrapping up the promotions and all..."
"Ugh... don't you get tired of it?"
"Yea, but when we get back from that, we have another break. A real break. So, that's good."
"But it sucks that you're leaving..."
"Tell me about it. Tay was pissed. He hasn't mentioned anything about it since. When my dad told him, he walked out of the house."
I nodded my head slightly. That didn't surprise me at all. I knew how he was, and what he felt. Even though he loved his music more than anything else in the free world, and put it before anyone, even he got tired of things. Though he'd never really admit it, and only came close to it once, I knew. He didn't like to talk about his feelings much, but this was just something easily understood by me.
He'd always given up so much for his music. Always did what was expected by him, Teen Pop Sensations. When they started off, he held out on the "real" girlfriends, only dating randomly. He acted like he liked it that way, but I had known better on that one too. Some sacrifices were too much for him, and he hated it. This small trip to New York was something he wouldn't be happy, since he'd just ended the tour that was suppose to end it all for awhile.
As soon as our serious conversation winded down, brighter ones came up. We joked around as the night went on, having a blast, and being more than happy to have the guys back. All they did was tell stories and stories about what happened, as Zac added anecdotes of his own kind. Small sound effects were played in any chance he could get.
I tried to pay attention, but my mind wrapped around things that were bothering me. The fact that Taylor wouldn't tell me much frustrated me. I didn't understand what was bothering him, or making him act more distant than usual. Maybe my mind deceived me, as I didn't understand why I always thought the worse. Maybe he was just going through a quiet stage, very unlikely, but possible. Maybe he just wanted some more time a lone to think. Maybe he really was just really busy the last 2 months he didn't write me. Maybe doesn't explain anything.
He wanted to be involved as much as he could, and who was I to be jealous of that. I knew he loved music. I then felt selfish, realizing that all I wanted was to feel more important this music. That would never happen. I knew that, and normally wouldn't challenge it. So why was this bothering me now?
At one point, I began walking around when I felt a hand rub my back.
"Hi sweetie..." Mrs. Hanson stated, smiling at me. "How've you been? Are you having a good time tonight?"
"Yea, its fun. I can't believe this many people showed up."
"Well thanks... If you and Nicole hadn't worked so hard it may've not been this eventful. Even if my son is a little less appreciative, I am..." She said, noting Taylor's absence.
"I wish Taylor was here, but if he wants to do that studio stuff, I guess you can't stop him."
"I know, but he's surprised me with this. I didn't raise him like that." She laughed, changing the subject quickly. "Oh, have you met Mrs. Dills?" She led me over to an older woman at a table. "She's known the boys for years. She use to watch the kids when I was taking classes down at the college."
We walked around some more, talking to various people I'd met over the years. She introduced me some church attendees, as well as family I'd never even heard about.
After talking for awhile, I found myself retreating back to the table and sitting quietly. I sat there, playing with my drink, stirring its contents of cola and overmelted ice. At one point Isaac came to talk to me, but was then dragged away by his mother. I decided I didn't need to be here much longer, and gave it 15 more minutes before I'd go find Melanie and ask to drive myself open.
Lightly tracing the pattern on the tablecloth, I felt a slight finger touch my ear. I turned around to see Taylor smirking slyly at me.
I stood up quickly, startled by his presence.
"Want some company?"
I smiled, hugging him as he leaned in. "You came."
"Well, yea. You said it was important to you. I got done what I had to do, and skipped over a lot.." He eyed me. "How could I disappoint? It's a good thing I came soon, you look about ready to die... You bored?"
I felt a little stupid, realizing how pathetic and languid I must've looked. I sat down, as he sat next to me in the open seat. "I was... Everyone else has someone... I talked to a few people, but that got tiring." I leaned my head against the back of the chair. "Thank you." I stated.
"No problem."
We sat there a short while in silence. I wanted him to tell me about New York, even if he was mad. I wanted to know. I was happy just to have him there, but wanted him to talk, and say something.
Shortly after Taylor came, Isaac and Nicole had joined at the table, followed not too much later by Zac and Erica. I wasn't sure who to be more surprised to see at the party. Erica or Taylor. With the on again, off again thing with Zac and Erica, he was always complaining. Yet when things like this came up, she was more than happy to be present. I wasn't sure to be liking towards her, or want Zac to find someone better.
"Hey Tay..." Isaac said, taking a seat. "Didn't really expect to see you..."
"Well, I wasn't gonna come. But I guess guilt got the best of me." He smiled, as I held his hand beneath the table.
Zac stayed quiet, acknowledging little of Taylor's presence. I had written it off as a fight they must've had. He wasn't acting much different from the other night when I tried talking about Taylor.
I looked at the dance floor, that was full of people dancing and what not. I wasn't surprised to see Isaac lead Nicole out to dance when a slow song came on. "Don't forget I get a dance tonight..." Zac nodded at me, as Erica dragged him along.
"Next," I winked.
We sat there for a few minutes, as I waited effortlessly for Taylor to ask me to dance. I knew he wouldn't.
"So, did your mom dress you tonight?" I asked, smiling, and taking noticing to his tame outfit. Gray pants, a blue shirt, and a matching gray tie. Definitely not something he would opt to wear, as I'd seen many things he'd bought and had actually worn in public.
"Um..." He fingered his tie, looking down. "Pretty much, yea. My mom said I had to 'dress, to impress.' So... Looks good, doesn't it?"
I rolled my eyes. "You wish."
"What?" He smirked. "You know you want me. Me and my eminent body."
Cue another chance to roll my eyes. "Sorry Tay, I hate to disappoint you but-" I was containing my laughter.
"Uh huh..." He joked, cutting me off.
I'd waiting long enough for Taylor to ask me to dance, as the moment seemed perpetual. I decided to take control and get him out there with me. "C'mon, lets go dance." I said, grabbing Taylor's hand, and beginning to stand up.
"Jules," he stayed in his place. "You know I don't dance; I cant."
"Please..." I batted my lashes as an over-affect.
He shook his head again instantly.
"Fine then," I pouted, not even bothering to drag my argument out. "If you won't dance, I'll just find someone who will..."
Taylor raised his brow at my last comment, and watched as I walked away. I found a close family friend of the Hanson's, and part of a rising local band, Admiral Twin. Jarrod was a riot, and more than willing to "get up and boogie" (well, as he called it) for awhile. Even if it was a slow song.
After dancing a few more faster songs, another slow song came on, I proceeded to dance with various people. Most of them friends. I felt a slight tap on my shoulder, and turned around to see Taylor. "I guess I'll give it a try." He said, his head cocked sideways, and a smirk played on his lips.
I knew that'd happen. He didn't exactly get jealous, just envious.
My current dance partner did a fake little bow, allowing Taylor to take over, and walked away. I wrapped my arms around his neck, as the slow song continued. I smiled at him.
"Yea, yea..." he laughed off, "Just don't get mad when I suck."
We swayed softly to the music, as Taylor caught on the rhythm nicely. The slow country music floated around us; the genre of the evening. Typical Oklahoman liking. For whatever reasons I thought he had been acting strange when he came home the other day, it was all out of my mind. The small argument we'd had seemed like nothing.
My arms rested around his neck, as I leaned into his chest. I let my hands trace softly on the back of his neck.
As we moved into another song, I began to notice Taylor's grip becoming stronger around my waist, as he pulled me closer to his body. I could feel the warmth. He leaned in lower, to place his face on my bare neck and shoulders. I wrapped my arms around his neck and head, and held him to me. He was so close, I could feel his eye lashes flutter against my skin. His warm lips were touching the curve in my neck. His grip tightened to me. I really didn't want to break the embrace, but felt the need to ask why felt like suffocating me. I lifted Taylor's head off my shoulders, looking at him straight in the eyes. "What's wrong?" I frowned as I asked him. His eyes were slightly red, and glassy.
"Nothing," he stated, as I held his cheeks in my hands.
I eyed him. "Tay... are you sure?" Finding him somewhat upset made me skeptical about the whole situation. This wasn't Taylor.
"I'm fine." He convinced.
I smirked. "Tay, you know you don't have to hold dignity for me."
"Nothings wrong..." He tried to keep the tone of his voice from reaching annoyance, and pulled me back into our dancing position, enveloping me into his arms again. "I just missed you." He lightly stated.
"Me too..." I said, getting back to being lost in the moment.
I saw Zac walking over to cut into us. I tried to ignore his standing presence near us for fear of what Taylor might do. The minute Taylor realized he was there, he loosened up, and looked over at Zac.
"Um, yea..." Zac turned his face away as Taylor glanced over for a glare. "The last song ended like 2 minutes ago, and I believe I was promised a dance. I should have gone after Jarrod. Am I right?" He asked, smirking.
"Get away you loser, I come first." Taylor stated, showing slight tension more than joking between them.
"And," Zac went on, ignoring him, "you should see some of the looks those old ladies are givin you guys..." He gestured to some tables, "I'm surprised mom hasn't come over to peel you two away from each other..."
"Well..." I smiled at Taylor. "I did promise him. We can still dance again after this." I said, as Zac grabbed my arm. "Though," I hesitated, "I'm kinda scared you won't get back out here once you sit down."
Taylor laughed at me, lightening the mood Zac had put him in just a few seconds ago. "Is it really worth the risk?"
I looked at both of them, "Yup." I stated, moving to dance with Zac.
"Fine then, your loss..." He said, jokingly holding his hands up in surrender, and backing away.
"Wait up..." I laughed, pulling away from Zac, and holding Taylor's face in my hands. I gently placed my lips on his, lightly locking his bottom lip for a moment. I pulled away, as he tried to lean in again. This time I backed away. "Then, you wont be driving me home tonight..." I laughed.
He pulled me into another hug, before sending me away to dance with Zac.
"So, Zaccy..." I sang.
"Zac."
"Right. Zac. Why don't you tell me more about the trip? How were you guys? How was everything?"
He shifted uncomfortably, "what's there to tell?"
I looked at him strangely. "What do you mean? You've been gone for six months. There isn't something that sticks out?"
"I guess so." He stated, leaving to a few moments of silence.
"Well?"
"Well what?"
His oblique answers were getting old. "What sticks out? What did you like, or didn't like, or anything?"
"Ok, ok... I liked Tulsa." He stated.
"Tulsa?"
"Yea, I like being home. I mean, traveling was cool, but it just feels good to be home again. You can only take so much of a bus..."
"Anything else?"
"Well…" He started again, "California was cool. A lot of neat things, and..."
Once I'd finally got him started, he instantly become comfortable. With Taylor off his mind, and out of the picture, he seemed to be happy.
The song was over before I knew it, and Zac escorted me back to the table where Taylor sat. The place was clearing out slowly. Meegan sat perky eyed, nicely dressed, and more than happy to be in company of him. She was as perfect as ever, not a thing different about her. I hadn't really seen her in the last few months of since attending Smith, at didn't really miss her anyway. As much as I wanted to walk over and diverge the talking pair, I knew Taylor found her a bit annoying, and enjoyed his sufferings for a few seconds. He'd live.
She giggled, putting an arm on his knee.
"Hi guys," I smiled, sitting next to Taylor.
"Hey..." He put an arm around my shoulder. "Did you have fun with my younger brother? He likes to make to moves on older girls."
"Yea, actually I did. Did you have fun sitting here?"
I saw Meegan smile again. "Well, Tay, I better go! I'll see you around though. It's nice to have you back." She left her hand on his shoulder while talking, then walked away.
"Oooo...Tay..." I let my voice sing almost as smoothly as Meegan. "You still have those feelings for her?"
"Yea right." He said, tossing a loose piece of paper in an ashtray, causing a few ashes to disperse on the table. "I'm gonna go see if I can get a drink. Want anything?"
"You don't have to. They'll bring the soda to you."
"No... There's a whole open bar over there."
I smirked at him. Alcohol wasn't something he normally drank, at least not in the presence of adults. Our parties were a very different situation than this. "Yea right. You'll never get it anyway. Besides, you never drink much anyway."
"Well, I tried some stuff while I was gone. At the parties. Beers, rum and coke, stuff like that. Its ok, so why not?"
"You have to drive home."
"I won't really drink much."
I watched as he stood up, walking over to the bar. He joked around with the man behind the counter.
Isaac sat down with me. "So, happy about Taylor?"
"Very. I can't believe he came."
"Neither can I. I mean, he mentioned it, but I really didn't expect it. What's he doing now?" He asked, taking notice to Taylor still laughing with the bartender.
"Trying to get a drink."
"Is he crazy? My mother will kill him."
"When did he start drinking that stuff anyway?"
"While we were out. At those parties the waitresses weren't ones for I.D. So, we basically got what we wanted."
"And Zac?" I asked, naturally looking out for him.
"No way... There was no way I'd let him. He tried it, but that's it. Only Tay and me actually drank."
It was apparent he wanted the subject changed. "Excited about New York?"
"Huh... not really. I was there like 3 times in the last few months. I don't need to go there again."
"Well, don't worry, at least it isn't that long..."
"I know."
"Taylor hasn't really said anything to me about it yet." I mentioned.
"I'm sure he will... don't worry about it."
We hushed a little, as Taylor walked over with a coke like drink in his hand.
"Did you get what you wanted?"
"Not really..." He laughed, swirling the liquid around in the cup. "It's a soda. Guess my parents, or anyone, knows me more than I thought."
"Maybe because it's your party, smart ass." I joked. "You don't need to be drinking anyway..." I hugged him gently.
Mrs. Hanson walked over. "And how are we doing?" She asked, directing towards Taylor. "Thank you for coming tonight. You made me very happy. And thanks again Julie, you did a wonderful job. Do you know how many people have asked me who did this all. I've pointed you out every single time. But people are starting to leave, so me and Walker are gonna stay here a little longer, then go."
I tried not to blush. Being laudible was something I wasn't good at. "Did you need any help with the clean-up?" I asked.
"No...no. You've done enough. I hired people to do that. So, we're all set. Whenever you want to leave, be my guest. Taylor, if you go, make sure you at least say goodbye to Mrs. Dills. And The Harpers. Ok?"
"Yup. I just might go do that now."
"And be home by 1, you make sure of that Julie, right?"
I nodded. "I'm gonna go find Nicole, and talk to Zac for a bit. Get me when you're ready, ok?" I directed to Taylor. We departed for awhile, as I made my rounds around the room for the last time.
Not much later, Taylor was walking towards the door. He held his hands in his pockets, as I placed my arm through his. He shook a couple more hands and smiled a couple more times. Meegan even made sure she ran over to give him a hug goodbye. After he led me out to his jeep.
Going on...
