"Let.the.past.go..."
"Let the past go..."
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
I was crushed.
I watched as the Jenks suburbs passed quickly through the car windows. I don't know why I took the long way home, in all honesty, I wanted to get there as soon as possible. I accelerated the gas pedal, and sped quicker through the neighborhoods.
I walked into the doors, and straight to Nicole's room. There I let her find out about everything. I didn't waste time telling her the exact details of our fight, and what Taylor had done. Sympathy was all over, and she let me get mad.
One tear was not about to fall over this. At least not yet. I'd gotten so sick of Mike crawling back after chronically cheating, I was practically a pro at all of this. I would get mad. I wouldn't talk to him. It was completely over. Never again would this happen. And especially not with Taylor. After complaining for over an hour to Nicole, I retreated back to my room. I wanted, or maybe even needed to mope all by myself.
My room was empty, as I switched the light on. School books were set out neatly on the table, along with a scribbled note from Kelly. She was beginning to come home less and less. I knew with graduation coming, she was slacking off, but I tried not to worry about it. It would only be her problem.
I looked around the room, and the pictures. They only made me more upset. I didn't want any reminders of us. I didn't care. One by one, I took the pictures out of the frames, pulled them from my dresser, and placed them under my bed.
I lay in my bed, covered by my blankets. I wanted to crawl between these sheets and never come out. I laid there the whole Saturday night, trying to figure out why this happened to me. I called my mom for advice, and had a long conversation. I realized how much I missed her. Though she'd always been busy, she was there for me when I needed her. I made plans to go visit her that weekend. I wanted away from here anyway.
Every time my phone rang that night, I knew it was Taylor. He'd called so many times, and I let the machine get it each one. Tenacity wasn't going to help him. Various messages, asking, begging, and even demanding me to pick up filled the room with his voice. I didn't care. I wasn't going to talk to him. I didn't want to face him.
Nicole had come over, complaining that there was no way she was going to let me stay like this another day. She didn't get very far, and soon left after that.
I knew she was right. I was never the type to let anyone get me down like this, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let Taylor be the first.
The next morning was hell. All night I avoided Taylor's little phone calls, yet I didn't think twice when it rang. The minute that I picked it up though, I regretted it.
"Julie?"
I sighed.
"Please talk to me." He begged, as hurt filled his voice.
I listened to him breathing on the phone. I didn't know what to do, or what he wanted me to do. "What do you want me to say?" I asked blankly.
"I don't know... I just want to hear your voice. I'm so sorry... I never wanted to hurt you. You have to believe me. I love you too much to let this change everything. You love me, I know you do..."
I knew I couldn't disagree on that one. "I know, but that's not the point. You cheated on me, you can't expect things to go back the way they were..."
"I know, and I don't. I knew I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hadn't told you. That's why I didn't cover it up."
"How can you say that? You did just that. I knew something was off, but I really didn't think it really was anything. At least anything real bad." I laughed a little, "You know what? I always thought I'd able to tell..."
"Tell what?"
"Tell if you ever cheated on me. Like, your lips would feel different, or just your touch. But I didn't even notice. Taylor, you kissed her. You touched her body, your hands were on her. You did something with her that even we didn't do together." The more I talked, the more things came to upset me.
I was becoming more and more hurt by the minute. Questions that I hadn't even thought of were now surfacing, yet I didn't want answers to any of them. Who was she? What was her name? Was she pretty? I was even scared about how safe they were.
"Did you think about me?" I asked. "Were you thinking about her when you kissed me?"
"No! It's not like that! I wasn't thinking when it happened. I knew every morning after it happened that it was wrong. I didn't know her name, I don't know what she looked like. I don't remember-"
"Stop."
"What?"
"I don't want to hear this anymore..." My heart fell to the floor right then. I didn't know how he could feel one way, and go do something else. "I really have to go..." I said, as my strength for the moment began to wear down.
"Wait-"
"No Taylor, I cant talk anymore, I don't think I can handle this."
"I'll come over, we can talk then."
"No, I don't want to. Please..."
"Can I call you later, or tomorrow?" He implored yet again.
"Make this easier on yourself Taylor. We're through. Me and you are over. We were a mistake from the beginning; we should've left things the way they were. Just as friends. Cause look what happened. We had problems before you left, and now this. Us becoming involved was wrong."
"No. I was meant to be with you."
His words were only coming out practiced and choppy. The rehearsed message his was saying was only making things worse.
"Bye,"
"I love you." His words clung to the dead air.
I closed my eyes, sighing again before hanging up the phone.
I tried to forget about the phone call, by going downstairs to get the mail. I would do anything to purge Taylor from my mind right now. Yea right. Like that was going to happen. I walked through the corridor, aligned with small mail boxes, each locked and numbered. Moving down to the end, I came closer to #146.
Turing the small key, I pulled out a few small white envelopes from inside the cubicle box. I switched through them quickly, as my eyes focused on an address that caught my eye.
I looked down at the letter. Dartmouth College, New Hampshire. One of my top choices. A perfect school, where I could do whatever I wanted. I ripped the edges, pulling out the letter folded perfectly into three. I read it slowly:
Dear Ms. Julie Valcor,
We hope you are as happy to know this as we are to tell you. It's our pleasure to accept you into Dartmouth's freshman class of 2004. In your efforts to pursue your career in teaching, we advise you that this is probably one of the best places in New England you could be.
Your high motivation level will help you succeed...
I skipped through the sentences, talking about orientation, costs, and locations, and moved my eyes down to the ending paragraph.
We ask that you please have your decision 30 from the date of this letter. Dartmouth College knows wherever you decide to attend, it will be the right one. Thank you, welcome to Dartmouth.
Sincerely,
Meredith Coller
Director of Admissions
I read it again, unable to comprehend what was happening. This was something I was dreaming of, and it'd fallen into my lap. I'd just been accepted into a top college, something I could only dream of.
I was now expected to make one of the biggest decisions of my life.
"What Happens Now..."
Email: writerjul@hotmail.com
