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April 22, 1999







 

 

Listening to:
Silence

Reading:
old notes to myself in various notebooks

Plans for the Weekend:
Going to NYC to slam some poetry, and drinking the rest of the days

Metaphysic, Maureen Chaum I am absolutely disgusted with the school system I have been affiliated with for four (4) years.

I went to appeal six (6) parking tickets today. Before I sat in front of the parking board (a secretary and some student who is younger than me) and tell them that because I come "home" late at night and there are parking spots close to my apartment hall (about 100 yards away), I park there instead of a mile away in a poorly lit, unmonitored parking lot for which I have a parking sticker. These two clowns didn't think it was their decision to say whether or not I could have special arrangements. Ok, fine, but no one thinks that it's their decision.

I graduate in less than a month and I would love to think that I could actually treated like I'm more than an inmate in a place where I have lived for four (4) years now. Goddamn ridiculous!! I am so pissed off that I can hardly sit in this chair without wanting to turn over and vomit. Spit fire.

On top of that, I had a most anxiety provoking dream this morning. Because I got sick this morning, I didn't go into work and so I slept until one (1) in the afternoon. Again, my stomach is taking the blunt end of the anxiety stick. Typical. So the dream:

I had to rollerskate to work, but I started from Tolland, the town I grew up in. There were so many highway entrance ramps that I was very confused and had no idea how I would get to work. At a bus station I ended up in, posters advertising sexual acts were hanging on the doors and windows of the building. I finally crawled into an overcrowded bus. Meanwhile, my mother and Rob were going to check out the apartment that J., Andrea, and I are going to probably get. I was talking to my mother on the phone and as she was telling me that she needs to teach me how to do the wash in a glass washing machine, I walked into a room that Krista, author of the online journal,Femme FATale, was inhabiting, though she was not there at the time. She was in the middle of painting her orange walls yellow.

I woke up from the dream feeling very anxious, like, though I'm sick, I had to eat to save my life, I had to kill the silence in the apartment with Tori, I had to light the rooms. Not quite ready to jump out of my skin, I felt like I was missing something: a meeting, or a piece of clothing. I couldn't have told you what were the contents of my closet.

 

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