| May 4, 1999 | |
      
Scribblings: "Goddess" She smells like fresh blush and foundation as we stand side by side in the full length mirror. I feel slender and boyish next to her nest of fertility radiating out like low frequency sound waves.... the dolphin calling her children to drink from her. She rescues Andromeda in every dive across the crowd. (c)kmc |
 Unfortunately,
I have a tendency to fall asleep when things become too
stressful or even if there is impending stress. I figure
that if my body is sleeping, my brain does not have to
concern itself with my body for awhile, and I don't
have to work myself up into an anxious frenzy of
pouting and sighing, jiggling my knee up and down as
if it's some kind of deformed woodpecker at the floor.Today I went to the "exit interview" for my direct loans. I'll be giving my lender my first born child and the gold bar that I've pulled out of my ass because I have no clue how I'm going to make $200 payments each month. Even though we've nearly heard the definite YES on the apartment, I'm very nervous about money and jobs and security and money and anxiety... I have to keep reminding myself that there are some things I have control over, the rest I have to entrust to the Higher Power. After the interview, which wasn't really an interview, it was more of a lecture, I went right to sleep and slept for 3 hours. Woke up and had to go to work. Thank God it was raining because that made my sleeping all day seem like it wasn't such a crime. Last night the guys in the apartment downstairs and we girls (4 of us were actually awake at 12:30 am) started banging on the floor and the ceiling in some kind of silly noise war. The whole scene was funny in a little kid way; we stomp on the floor and they knock their broom on the ceiling. Tribal flirtation, I suppose. All of a sudden, our door opened and a blue ball rolled into our living room. I thought it was some toy, but then realized there was a hamster in the ball! We wrote a ransom note making an Austin Powers reference, and then tossed it into their apartment. They reciprocated by tying our front door knob to the banister with a long leash, so we could not get out. I could hear them giggling down the stairs like little girls. I felt like I was in college, and not the maniacal worker. Very fun, very good.
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