- Sibling Rivalry
- Diving
Sibling Rivalry
Do other's learn as much from their siblings, as I did from mine? My brother not only showed me, but also taught me, what I don't like about myself. For instance, when he picked up a knife and said "I'm going to kill you", that's how he taught me fear. I learned rage when he locked me out of the house. What had amused him, always scared me. I tried many times to have a civil conversation with him, civil meaning not screaming, and after being told to "Shut up!" and other colorful phrases, I learned to keep my mouth shut. After years of listening, he taught me to think that I was, ugly, chicken, and stupid. But when he felt guilt, I learned self pity. With no other way to vent this frustration, I would lock myself in a room and wait for my mother to get home. My mom always told me " Don't worry hun, he'll grow out of it". My only question now is, "When?" After all these years, he has taught me, that this is the only way he knows how to express himself and I know now, that he's not going to grow out of it.
Diving
Diving wasn't my life, but it can, and is a passion that I miss deeply. If it weren't for diving I would have been in trouble in High School.
I was looking for a high and I wanted something to make me feel important. I found diving;no one could have been more dedicated than I was.
I was determined to learn new things and understood there was always a certain amount of pain involved. I endured every sit-up, push-up and agonizing drill. Practice was never over until I was satisfied, until everything was right. No one really understood how painful it was landing flat on your face. Water is a soft landing when you learn how to make it soft. Coach used to tell us we got hit harder by the water than football players get hit by linemen. I kept trying because the victory was unforgettable.
Victory is not winning, but being able to hear the crowd cheer, after a dive, while you're still under the water. Victory is the feeling when you know you did your best and your audience liked it. I loved soaring in the air like I was flying perfecting every detail. My favorite part about diving was the rush you got as you were walking down the board and leaping into the air, you throw your hands up to get as much height as possible, then just go for it, hold your legs tight, then straighten up tp ,make the perfect entry into the water. It was a high that no drug could imitate.
I was a good diver, but I wanted to be better, so I started weightlifting to build muscle. I was cocky and I lifted more than I could handel and,as a result, I injured my back. I had a stress fracutre in my lower back and I couldn't dive without extreame pain. My dedication turned into impatience, then greif.
During this delicate time in my life I wish my parents had paid more attention to me, and recognized my agony. Years could go by and I can still remember as if it were yesterday, the freedom, the discipline, the support I got from diving. Every day I look for something that will give me all that diving did, but in my heart, I know I won't find it.
