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The Little Red Engine

There was a little red engine
Who was climbing a hill
He was small but used all his will
He said:
"I think I can,
I think I can."

With a big huff,
And a push and a shove,
The little red engine made it's way up.
He said:
"I think I can,
I think I can."

But suddenly,
The engine started to slip
Down he tumbled and the tree he hit.

Poor little red is now engine hash
He thought he could but in a tree he mashed
Who woulda thought of this sudden crash

So that goes to show you kids,
Just because you think you can
Doesn't mean you can

The Computer Guy and the Secretary On the Phone

CompG: How can I help you ma'am?
Secr: I'm having a problem with my computer. Nothing will show up on it's screen.
CompG: Did you try the button on the monitor?
Secr: What's a monitor?
CompG: It's the thing that looks like a TV set.
Secr: Oooohhh....Tried that.
CompG: Ok, did you try the plug in the back.
Secr: Hang on, let me try it......I can't see it.
CompG: Why can't you see it?
Secr: Oh, that's 'cuz we're having a power outage and there's no electricity in the building.
CompG: Well, then I have the answer to your problem.
Secr: Yes?
CompG: Go get the box that you got your computer in, load up all of the computer things you bought, and bring it back to the store.
Secr: Why?
CompG: 'Cuz your too stupid to use a computer.

Shy Guy in a Bar

One evening a rather shy guy was sitting in a bar when he noticed an attractive women sitting across the room. After spending the whole night staring at her, he finally worked up the nerve to go talk to her. So he walks up to her and said, "Hi, I couldn't help noticing you from across the room and I was wondering if I can buy you a drink."

Then the girl suddenly screamed out loud, "No, I will not have sex with you!"

A moment later the girl explained to him that she was taking a psych class and was studying human behavior. So then the guy said, "What do you mean 200 bucks a night?!"

TRUE THINGS ABOUT MEN

ODE TO GUYS

We like them, but do they like us?
The ones we do never fuss
They never stop in and we wonder why
We stress, we bitch, we sometimes cry.
"Guys are assholes!" we always say.
Yet their stupid games we always play.
One day this, one day that.
So we turn to food which makes us fat
Then they complain we're putting on weight
Defining to us why we never date.
They're the reason, those stupid fucks,
Making us believe that college life sucks.
SCREW THEM ALL, LET'S GRAB A BEER!
We've got our friends, they're all here.
Cheers to the girls, fuck the guys.
We're sick of their shit and stupid ass lies.
We don't need them, no not us.
Good for a scam but never to trust.
So here's what to do:
Together we stand.
We'll party it up with beers in each hand.
Alone in our beds of course it might end,
But we don't get dumped and we still have our
FRIENDS!!!

JOKE

This guy walked into a bar......
And it hurt!

What he says, what he means

*I'll call you tomorrow!...........Be lucky If I ever call again!
*I just wanna be friends..........This is the best excuse I could think of not to go out with you
*It's not u, it's me.............It's u! IT IS SO YOU!!!
*Lets go back to my place.......Lets get it onnnn!
*I like those pants!....................I wonder how fast I can get them off of you!
*You look a lot better this year!..............Last year you were a dog!
*Yea, you look cute, I guess............You are butt ugly!
*I like your shirt a lot............. but I like what's under it more!
*Of course I remembered today's our aniversary!...........I had no clue

Slogans for women's T-shirts
1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
2. God made us sisters; Prozac makes us friends.
3. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.
4. At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...I just can't remember it all.
5. My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
6. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks frog.
7. Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.
8. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
9. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
10. Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
11. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
12. I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.
13. Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?
14. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
15. I hate everybody...and you're next.
16. And your point is...?
17. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
18. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
19. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
20. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
21. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
22. All stressed out and no one to choke.
23. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
24. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
25. Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
26. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
27. Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.