My Theories

Okay this is the place I'm going to post my theories about the group. I hope to tackle the really tough issues, you know the ones that really matter...Right...



Chris and his...Um...Lovely hair style...

All right, I have two theories as to why Chris would choose to wear his hair in that most wonderfully...interesting style. You've got to admit that it does absolutely nothing for him, yet he persists in having them re-braided when they get all ratty. I honestly can't imagine why he would ever even think of putting those white things (what does he put in there?) in his...Well what exactly are they? They aren't dreads, he hasn't put all that crap necessary to make his hair form dreads, they aren't corn rows because they are loose not braided closely to the head... I just guess that they are braids...As girly as it is to say he wears his hair in braids...He looks like he can't quite make up is mind to be a little girl or not...Seriously put him in a dress with those braids of his in pigtails...The way he's sportin' his hair now I wonder how it is that Lance is seen as the effeminate one...I can see it now ...Chris has decided to become Christina? That's an interesting thought there...But I must digress I seem to have wandered a little bit from my original thought. I have two theories. Theory number one, Chris actually is married as he occasionally claims. Okay, wanna know why I think this... Well just think about it for a few minutes, it makes sense If you'll recall his appearance for the European tour, he actually looked good!!! The way I see it is that since he is now "off the market" so to speak, he want's to make himself as unattractive as possible...Hence the braids...And his

persistence in looking slightly scruffy and rumpled despite the fact that between the five of them there must be a veritable army of makeup artists, clothing stylists, and hair stylists...Maybe Chris just want's to make sure that he doesn't lead too many fans on...Well it could happen...Okay so if you don't believe that theory here is another one that may make a bit more sense...I thought about this as I was watchin' Fashionably Loud on MTV's
Spring Break...Waitn' For *NSYNC to make an appearance...Which eventually happened a few hours later...Any way...As I recall...Chris is a big Busta Rhymes fan...Right? Well now it all makes sense...Think Busta...Think braids...Yes? Hey...We all want to be like our heros...I just don't think that he needs to display it in this fashion...He could do something else, and put his hair back as it was when they first came out...You know when he looked good...? Okay I know that my theories are a little farfetched...But can you do anybetter? Honestly what could make a guy completely change is appearence from lookin' good to lookin' like some modern day male Medusa? I guess we'll never know...


The Boy Band Formula

Okay I have a new theory...Are you ready for it? Okay here goes, this is my theory about "boy bands" in general, you know where they come from, their structure, etc....I've noticed that there seems to be a formula out there somewhere, it's a very popular formula at that. The result of said formula is the highly successful boy band. Let's see you take five, sometimes four, semi-good looking guys....Wait just hear me out!!!!!!! It can't be just any four or five guys, there are specific categories that need to be filled. And if the guy doesn't fit his assigned role, then that's what all those stylists are for, they are there to make sure that each guy fits his role to a T. The first is the easiest to identify, the young heart throb...He gets most of the leads and has to be blonde, if he isn't naturally blonde then hair dye works wonders and is acceptable: Joey, Nick, and Justin...see any resemblances? Then there is the resident gay guy, he is chosen to be just a little too feminine and is generally made fun of by all: Jordan, Howie, and Lance. The next type to be filled is the playa...he's the one that gets all the....um....how to phrase it delicately...."action"...That's as
in-depth as I'm willing to get: Donnie, AJ, and Joey. Then there is the must have second man, he's just kinda there, generally he's one of the few that have actual talent, he gets all the leads that the teen heart throb doesn't want: Jon, Brian, JC. The last and most important category that must be filled is the brutish member of the group the one chosen to become as unattractive as possible. This member is not allowed under any circumstances to become the least bit attractive: Danny, Kevin, and Chris...Now none of the members are allowed to break out of character...They must also appear to be at all times single, regardless of how old they might get...An unfortunate circumstance for the oldest member of each group. Now it's part of my theory that somewhere in this country there is an out of the way abandoned factory where great management teams go to pick out new groups. They chose from the hundreds of candidates...Generally they pick out four and five boys that look good together...Talent is a plus, but not necessary...After the boys are chosen they are then assigned their role, once they are given their role they must adhere to it as if their very life depended on it. Next they have to make up a cheesy but believable get together story, as to how the band met...This is how we end up with some disturbingly similar boy bands...Although I think the management teams have gotten a little greedy lately, they seem to have decided to make multiple boy bands to pit against each other...But that's another story...Yet again I seem to have wandered from my topic...Oops? Any way they take four or five guys, one from each category, add sugary love songs, some peeps......Take the band to Europe test drive it and see if it works...If it does then voila! You have a boy band to take to America and make lots of money!!! Easy right? Why don't you go out and build one today!




Lance's Identity...Um...Problem


Okay here is my new theory...Well it's not exactly a theory, but that's just too bad. Any way tonight I'm tackling the issue as to why Lance looks so effeminate. Besides the usual excuses, the camera is unkind to Lance's manly features...Which is more than true, I put the blame on two main things. This first being their European debut album...Um...Yeah...What were they thinking?
I understand the uses of makeup and that it is necessary for photo shoots Yes the corrective techniques are definitely needed to make the guys appear as perfect as possible, they do have to keep in their image after all. Makeup is also used to deepen the skin tone while one is under bright lights...I'd shudder to think what Lance would look like without it, if you think he looks Albino now...Scary thought. Any way they need to dump that poor makeup artist, s/he needs to learn the differences between corrective makeup techniques, generally used on men and glam corrective makeup techniques generally used on women. (Hey I do too know what I'm talking about. It was all covered in Theater 245 Stage Makeup!!! I do take some interesting courses in school too, I'm not a complete nerd) I think Lance just got unlucky in choosing a makeup artist and now he is stuck with his girly/gay image. Not that I'm saying that there is something wrong with either, but I do think that Lance is neither. He is just the victim of a few bad pix...okay I guess it's more than a few pix...he's just not as photogenic as the rest of the guys I guess you could say. Then there is the other thing that just doesn't help his image very much...Scroll down, and I'm warning you...This pic just creeps me out!!!











































That pic just really, really, really skeeves me out!!! I can't look at it for too long. It's just plain creepy. Now not that there is anything wrong with that girl, she just bears an unfortunate resemblance to a certain male bass singer in a certain boy band that we all know and love...Now you've got to admit that this pic is doing nothing for poor Lance circulating around the net the way it is. This si the main reason, I think, that Lance is often referred to as the effeminate one or the girly one where he is probably nothing of the sort. The camera also isn't too nice to him, he probably looks just as masculine as the other guys in person. Now I can't swear to this as I have no connections to the guys themselves and have never seen them up close and personal, but I think it's reasonable to think that the guy is just as masculine as the other guys...how else would he get into a boy band? Aren't there strict guidelines that should be adhered to when creating the boy band? (i.e. see above) I think we should just leave him alone for a while. Maybe he's been spending some time at the gym and the at their next public appearance he will be jacked and so masculine that we'll wonder what happened to Lance and where they got that new bass...Heehee...Right....


Coming soon!!! (As soon as I feel like procrastinating a little...)
My theories as to: Why Justin is the "most popular"
Why Joey has such a sleazy reputation
Why JC is to uptight
Why this group is so popular
Why diehard *NSYNC and BSB fans are mortal enemies
Heehee I like having a place to air my theories...This will be fun...



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