The boys of *N Sync are pilling onto their tour bus after a show. They have afour-hour drive to the city of their next show. They have to run onto thebus quickly, or get mobbed by tons of teenagers. They each give a little waveto the crowd gathered around, and jump on the bus.
JC: "Man, I'm tired. I'll be in my bunk, unconscence. Wake me when we get to the hotel."
He makes his way past the others and the security guards to his bunk.
Chris: "I'm starved. (he walks over to the fridge and peeks inside) There's nothing in here. (To the driver) can we stop at a Taco Bell?"
Driver: "There isn't one around here."
Chris: "Damn."
JC, from his bunk: "You can have the rest of my Chinese food, it's in the fridge."
Chris: "Thanks man. (he takes the container or low mien out, opens it, and
give it a whiff)How old is it?"
JC: "Like two days, it's all good."
Chris shrugs his shoulders, closes the fridge, gets a fork and beginschowing. Lance, Joey and Justin are watching Armageddon for the 100th time on thesmaller TV in the kitchen area. Lance's eyes get wide as he watches theshuttle launch.
Lance: "This is my favorite part."
Justin: "All they're doing is launching, woohoo. Not like is blowing up or
anything."
Lance: "I know, but it's still sweet."
Joey, to Justin: "Hey junior, isn't it past your bedtime?"
Justin: "Shut up foo, I'll take you down!"
Joey stands up in front of him at the table.
Joey: "Bring it on little man.(He pounds his chest over the Superman
emblem on his tee-shirt) Bring it on!"
They start to wrestle in the middle of the bus. Joey appears to bewinning as he takes Justin to the floor. Just as Joey grabs his leg, one of thebodyguards comes over and sits on top of them. Both boys start gaspingfor air. Lance, the driver and the other guards laugh.
Justin, fighting for air: "Man, get off…my ribs…can't breath.."
Joey: "Can't ….feel…legs…must…get…air.."
Laughing the bodyguard gets off. The two boys breathe heavily truing tofill their lungs again.
Justin: "Why'd you have to go and do that? I almost had him!"
Joey, quoting Shakespeare: "To sleep, to dream, to dream, to sleep."
Justin: "What?"
Joey: "It's Macbeth, and it means, in your dreams boy. Bow down to the Super Man!"
Justin: "Supa Fool more like it."
Joey puts him in a headlock and gives him a noggie.
Chris, with a mouth full of food: "We always watch Armageddon Lance. I'm getting sick of it. Can we let the tape rest for a day or two?"
Lance: "Why, you have another movie in mind?"
Chris: "No, but something we haven't seen in a while."
He gets up and walks to the back of the bus to the living room area. Heopens the cabinet that houses the videos. He looks at them all, but isdispleased to find all the regular movies there. He walks over to his bunk and grabs atape he had in there. He puts in the VCR.
Lance: "What's that Chris?"
Chris: "You'll see."
He sits back at the table with the others. The words 'Wizard of OZ'appears on the screen.
Joey: "The Wizard of OZ."
Justin: "Are you on crack?"
Chris: "Well do you want to watch Armageddon again? They shake their
heads no. Ok then."
Lance: "Why'd you have this in your bunk?"
Chris: "Christmas present for my little sister."
Lance: "Oh, so much for that."
Chris: "She probably already has it anyways."
He eats some more and watches the movie. Joey is fidgeting on the edge ofhis seat, so is Justin.
Justin, to Joey: I "I'll kick your ass in Mortal Combat."
Joey: "You're on."
They get up and head to the back of the bus to play the video game.Chris, lance and one of the guards stay and watch the movie. After awhile Lance's eyes keep closing. Chris throws a noodle at him to wake him up.He jolts awake, peels the noodle off his face and throws it back. It landsin Chris's hair and blends in with one of his white dreads. Lance laughs andgets up.
Lance: "I'll be in my bunk. Later."
Chris continues to watch the movie and finds his own eyes are gettingheavy. He is fighting to keep them open. He gives up and shuts them. He startsto dream that he is being chased by a bunch of fans. The fans are startingto catch up to him. He glances back at the group as he runs, not seeing it;he falls into an uncovered manhole.
Chris: "Auuuuuuuuuuuugh!!! He screams as he falls, and falls and falls.
"Why haven't I hit ground yet? Help, auuuuuuugh!"
He blacks out. When he comes to, he looks around to find himself beingstared at by a bunch of dwarfs.
Voice from crowd: "Oh my God, you killed Jesse. You bastard!"
He looks to see who said that. He spots the person.
Chris: "Huh? Carson Daly?"
Carson walks up to where Chris is still lying on the ground.
Carson: "You killed Jesse!" He points to the ground Chris is laying on.Chris looks beneath him to see the flattened body of Jesse Camp. He jumpsup.
Chris: "Holy shit, what happened?"
Carson: "You fell from the sky and landed on Jesse, you killed him!"
Chris: "All I remember is I was getting chased by fans, and I fell in a sewer hole."
Carson: "Yeah well, you managed to kill my co-host in the process as well
jack ass!"
Carson picks up a broom that was on the ground next to him, and mounts it.
Carson: "You'll get yours Kirkpatrick! Mark my words!"With that he flew away on his broom. Chris is confused. He looks aroundat the group of small people.
Chris: "Umm, hi….I come in peace?"
They just stare back at him. A few start whispering to each other.One steps forward.
Dwarf: "Come with us."
Chris: "Where are we going?"
Dwarf: "To see the Mayor."
Chris: "Um, ok."
He follows the group through the little town. Everything was thebrightest color it could be. The grass was sooo green, the sky, a perfect shade ofblue, not a cloud in the sky. The buildings where small and resembledmushrooms.They stop in front of this building with the word 'Mayor' on the door.
Dwarf: "The Mayor is expecting you."
He gives Chris a little push to the door. He walks up and Knocks on it.
Voice: "Come in."
Chris hesitates, looks back at the dwarfs, and then opens the tiny door.He actually has to bend down a little to walk through the door. The room issmall along with the miniature furniture inside it. Behind the desk the Mayoris siting with his back turned to Chris.
Mayor: "So…you fell out of the shy and killed Jesse Camp?"
Chris: "Um yes sir."
The chair spins around fast.
Mayor: "Way to go man! I can't stand the way that boy talked!"Chris is shocked to see non other than Gary Coleman looking right back athim.
Chris, surprised: "Gary? Gary Coleman?"
Gary: "In the flesh, how've you been pal? Nice dress by the way."Chris confused, looks down to see he's wearing a blue and white checkereddress and ruby slippers.
Chris: "You're the Mayor?"
Gary: "Sure am, did you think I could live off the money I made from your video forever? It was either this gig, or back to mall security."
Chris: "So Gary, where are we exactly?"
Gary: "You're not in the tour bus anymore Dorothy. The alarm on Gary'swatch goes off. Ooh, it's time for my massage and facial. I've got to go. Heshakes Chris's hand. See you around man.He leaves the room before Chris could utter a word.
Chris: "What is going on around here?"
He walks outside expecting to find the group of dwarfs around still, butthe village is like a ghost town. He looks around and gets startled to seeCarson standing right in his face. He takes a step back.
Chris, in an uneasy voice: "Hey Cars."
Carson: "Don't 'hey Cars' me Kirkpatrick. I'm here to avenge the death of
Jesse."
Carson raises his fist, and just as he's about to take a swing, Justin appears outta no where wearing a big baby blue evening gown.
Justin: "Stop right there Carson. Don't lay a hand on my homey ya hear?"
Both, in a shocked tone; " Justin?"
Carson: "Stay out of this fool. It's between me and him!"
Justin: "Not anymore."
Justin bends down and takes off one of his baby blue high heels and hitsCarson in the head before he knew what to make of it. Chris watched Carson fall to the ground.
Justin: "Let's get out of here man."
Chris: "Where do we go?"
Justin: "This way follow me. Let's follow this platinum colored road."
He puts his shoe back on, hold's up the bottom of his dress and startsrunning. Chris follows behind. They keep running until they get to acornfield. They stop to catch their breath.
Chris, outta breath: "Where the hell are we?"
Justin, gasping for air: "Beats me."
Chris: "Why are you wearing tat ridiculous dress?"
Justin: "What? He looks down. Oh, I don't know, but I love the color. (He
looks at Chris. )You have a dress on too bro, and I must say, you have
nice legs!"
Chris: "Shut up will ya."
They hear a voice from in the cornfield. They get jumpy thinking it'sCarson.
Voice: "Thank God it's you guys!"
They look to see lance hanging from a post in the middle of the field.
Justin: "Lance?"
Chris: "What the heck are you doing up there?"
They walk out to him
Lance: "Can you guys get me down. I've been up here for a while."
They get him down. He stretches his muscles.
Lance: "Thanks guys, my arms are killing me."
Chris: "how'd you get up there Lance?"
Lance: "Beats the hell outta me. What's with the dress Justin?"
Justin: "I don't know, but we should get going. Carson's not going to be
sleeping forever."
Lance: "Carson? Carson Daly? Why are we running from him? He loves us."
Justin: "Cause Chris killed Jesse Camp.
Chris: "By accident!"
Justin: " And he's pissed about it, so he wants to kill Chris now."
Lance: "Damn."
Chris: "Let's keep walking huh."
They proceed down the platinum road. As they are walking Justin seessomething alongside the road. He stops to take a closer look.
Justin, laughing: "Hey guys, look. This heap of aluminum looks kinda
like JC."
The other two walk over to see for themselves.
Lance: "JC?"
He kicks the metal figure resembling JC.
JC, in a muffled voice: "Hey watch it."
They jump back, startled to hear JC's voice.
Chris: "Whoa, JC is that you?"
JC: "Who else would I be? He tries to move, but can't. Does anyone know why I can't move?"
Chris: "Judging from the events so far today, I'd say you're rusted Tin Man."
Lance: "Hey, I'm the Scarecrow."
Justin: "Looks that way. (He starts to skip around and sings,) If you onlyhad a brain, do do do do do do…"Lance hits him in the stomach causing him to double over in pain.
Justin, in a little pain: "Who am I Chris?"
Chris: "In that dress, I say you're the Good Witch, Carson must be the bad one."
JC, still on the ground: "That's nice, help me fools!"
Chris: "Oh yeah, sorry JC. Look for an oil can guys."
They looks around in the bushes until Lance found one.
Lance: "Found it." he brings it over.
JC: "Start squirting!"
Lance starts putting oil all over JC's rusted tin body. Slowly he startsto move. Chris and Justin help him stand as Lance uses more oil.
Justin: "How'd ya rust up JC?"
JC: "Well I was walking around trying to figure out where I was, but I got
sleepy. I laid down right here for a little nap and I guess it must have
rained or something while I was asleep. Thank God you guys came
along and found me."
Chris: "Well Carson Daly is trying to kill me so we need to keep moving. Plus
I have a feeling we'll be running into Joey in a minute or so."
JC: "Why is Carson trying to kill you?"
Lance: "Long story, we'll fill you in on the way."
They start back on the road telling JC what happened. They walk quite
aways when Lance senses that they are being watched.
JC, laughing: "I can't believe you squashed Jesse Camp! That's classic!"
Lance: "Does anyone else feel like we're being watched?"
Justin: "Maybe Carson found us."
He bends down and takes his shoe off again, ready for action.
Chris: "Put your pumps back on Jus, I have a feeling it's not Carson."
JC: "What are you talking about?"
Chris walks over to a clump of thickly settled bushes. He turns to thegroup and gestures for them to keep silent. He creeps up and jumps into thebushes.
Chris, screaming: "Graaaaaauuuu!!!!!!"
A hair-raising shriek arises from the bushes Chris jumped into. A tanfurry creature comes running out toward the boys. It runs behind Justin
Creature: "Help me Lady, some little girl is after me."
He points to Chris who is coming out of the bushes laughing hysterically.
Lance: "Joey?"
Joey, confused: "Lance? He looks at JC. JC?"
Justin turns around.
Justin: "And I ain't no lady foo!" he pushed Joey away from him.
Joey: "Could have fooled me in that dress man, who's the girl who jumped
me?"
Chris: "That'd be me you coward."
Joey: "Chris?" he looks at Justin and Chris. Why are you guys wearing
dresses?
He looks at JC and Lance next. And what's with the get ups? Ididn't recognize you guys so I hid in the bushes."
Justin: "I wouldn't talk about our get ups, look at yours, you look like lion."
Lance: "That's cause he's the Cowardly Lion."
Joey: "The what? I'm not a coward."
Lance: "Just let it go, forget I said anything."
Chris: "Some how we're in the movie, 'Wizard of OZ,' and Carson Daly is
trying to kill me."
Joey: "Wow, cool. Who are you Chris Dorothy?"
Chris, pissed tone: "Yes!"
Joey, laughing: "He he, Justin who the hell are you supposed to be?"
Justin: "The good witch you foo. Now shut up before I cast a spell on
your ass!"
JC: "Can you really?"
Justin: "Want to be the one to find out?"
JC: "No."
Chris: "Can we keep walking, I don't feel like dying yet."
Lance: "Yeah, let's go."
Justin: "But we don't even know where we're going."
Chris: "We'll just follow the platinum road until it ends ok?"
Joey: "Follow the Platinum road. (He skips) Follow the Platinum road, (hehooks arms with JC and Lance) follow, follow, follow, follow.."
Chris: "Joey!"
Joey stops
Joey: "What?"
Chris: "Just walk k?"
Joey shrugs his shoulders and walks along with the rest of the group.They walk along the platinum road, but now the trees are getting biggerand scary looking, like something out of a horror movie. Every step theytake,it gets darker and darker. The sun can't penetrate through the thick, blackfoliage.
Justin: "Can we stop, these pumps are killing me!"
JC: "Yeah, I think I need to be oiled again."
Chris: "Ok, good idea, we should take a rest, but a short one mind you."
Lance points out that there a fallen tree on the side of the road that they can sit on. They all walk over to take a load off. Justin takes off hishigh heel shoes and rubs his aching feet. Lance gets out JC's oilcan and putssome where JC needs it. Joey looks around at the dark and creepy suroundings.
Joey: "Can we make this quick? This place is spooky."
Justin: "Hold up, my feet hurt, you try wearing these things."
Joey: "Next time go for comfort, not style."
Justin: "Oh I had a choice in my footwear, I had to get these beautiful pumps
to match my damn dress!"
While the two are arguing, Chris hears a rustling in the treetops.
Chris: "What was that?"
JC: "I didn't hear anything."
Lance: "Probably just the wind."
He hears the noise again.
Joey: "I heard it, I heard it!" he grabs Justin's arm.
Chris spots five figures emerging from the treetops.
Chris: "Yeah well, does wind look like that?"
He points up to the creatures that are flying down from the trees.Joey lets out a shriek as the five little creatures land in front of thegroup.
JC: "What the!"
Lance: "What are they?"
Chris: "I don't believe it! The Backstreet Boys are the flying monkeys!"
He starts laughing hysterically, the others see the resemblance and join him in laughter.
Kevin: "What's so funny?"
Chris, still laughing: "Ha Ha Ha, flying monkeys, please, fly away before
I wet myself!"
Nick: "Laugh all you want, but Carson has sent us here."
Lance, laughing: "Oh, and what are you five monkey boys going to do?"
Joey, cracking up: "I think I saw a banana tree over there."
Kevin: "Get them." He commanded.
All five flying monkey BSB members jump on Nsync. Nsync puts up a goodfight, but after walking all day, they just can't compare to the monkey boys.Kevin and AJ take Chris by his pigtails and start to fly away with him.
Chris: "HELP, HELP, THEY'VE GOT ME!!!"
JC: "Look, they've got Chris!"
Brian: "So long suckers."
He kicks JC in the stomach, causing him to double over in pain.
Brian, to the monkeys: "Let's fly."
The monkeys stop beating on Nsync and fly away. Nsync is left, lying onthe ground in pain. Lance sits up.
Lance, rubbing his head: "Who ever knew monkeys could hurt so much?"Justin stands up and examines himself.
Justin: "Damn monkeys! They ripped my dress. I was just starting to likeit."
Joey: "Maybe your mom will sew you a new one."
Justin: "Shut up fur ball."
Joey: "You're lucky I'm hurt boy."
JC: "What do we do now?"
Lance: "We find out where they went."
Joey: "We can probably hear Chris squealing if we listen hard."
They all grow silent to hear for Chris.
Justin: "I hear him. Over there." he points in the direction of the noise.
JC: "let's go."
They stand up and run toward Chris. The darkness of the forest lets up alittle bit, they see a huge black castle over a hill.
Lance: "He must be in there. It must be Carson's place."
They walk closer to the castle.
Lance: "How do we get in?"
Joey: "Let's go around back."
No other suggestions were made, so the shrug their shoulders and decideto go with Joey's plan.
JC: "Ok, you lead the way King of the Jungle."
Joey: "Sweet, let's go."
He leads them around the perimeter of the castle to the back door.
Lance: "I don't see any guards, do we just go in?"
Chris, from in the castle: "HELP, SOMEONE HELP, I'M IN HERE!"
Justin: "At leased he's still alive."
JC: "Let's go, walk quickly, and stealthily."
They sneak in the door and walk down a dark hallway. They can still hearChris yelling for them.
Lance: "He's upstairs."
He points to a staircase in front of them.
JC motions for them to go up. They follow the Tin man up the stairs.Chris is upstairs in a room, strapped to a table. The five monkey boysare standing around him sneering. Carson enters the room.
Carson: "Awe, good work my monkey boys. You've done well. So
Kirkpatrick,did you think you could get away from me?"
Chris: "Listen man, I told you, it was an accident. I didn't mean to kill Jesse. I
don't even know how I got here for God sakes."
Carson: "I don't care, I must revenge his death. He would do the same for
me."
Chris: "What are you going to do to me?"
Carson: "Well you see Chris, you're strapped up to an old medieval stretch
devise."
Carson walks over to a crank and starts turning it. The straps start getting tighter, and Chris start to yell out in pain.
Chris: "HELP, SOMEBODY HELP!"
Carson: "Oh come on Chris, didn't you always wanted to be a little taller
anyways."
He lets out an evil laugh. The monkeys are jumping up and downentertained by all this. The other members of Nsync are outside the door.
Lance: "Ok, now what?"
Joey: "Haven't got a clue."
They rack their brains for ideas.
JC: "Justin do you have a magic wand up in there?"
Justin feels around in his dress and pulls out a wand.
Justin: "Kick ass man!"
JC: "Ok, it has to serve some purpose. We'll just bust down the door and you
point it at Carson. Maybe it will do something."
Justin: "What if it doesn't?"
JC: "Then we're toast. Everyone ready?"
The others just stare back at him blankly.
JC: "Ok, go!"
They bust the door down. Carson stops cranking and looks at them standingin the doorway.
Carson: "Just in time boys. Watch as Chris meets his demise!"He continues to crank.
JC: "Now Justin, now!"
Justin points his wand at Carson and closes his eyes and concentrates.He's not sure exactly what it is he's concentrating on, but he does it for theeffect. All of a sudden a bright light shoots out of the wand, and Matt Pinfieldappears. Everyone in the room stops what they where doing and wonders whyMatt Pinfield in there.
Matt: "Hey Carson, how's it going. We haven't spoke in a while buddy.Hey,did
you hear about the Black Crows releasing a new CD this week?"
Carson: "Stop, make him stop."
Matt: "Yeah, they had that single kicking my heart around for a while,but now
they finally released the CD."
Carson: "Make him stop, Justin, put him back in your little wand please!"
Matt keeps pumping out more music know how as Carson raises his hands tohis ears to block him out. They boys just watch and laugh as Carson cowersinto a corner.
Matt: "I like that new song your girlfriends sings. Boy has she changed since
the Kids Inc. days."
With that last tidbit of info, Carson's head exploded.
Joey: "Holy...."
Chris: "Get me out of this thing!"
Matt: "Hey Carson? Oh well, hey guys what's up? Congrats on winning
that AMA."
JC: "Thanks."
They unstrap Chris and help him to his feet. They head for the door.
AJ: "Not so fast."
The monkeys are standing in front of the door. Nick walks up to Justinand snatches his wand from his hands. Before Justin could get it back, hesnaps it in two over his short hairy leg.
Brian: "Oh no, Fairy Boy is without his magic little wand."
They walk up closer to Nsync.
Kevin: "It's time for round two."
The monkeys jump on Nsync and start getting cheap shots in.
Back on the bus:
As Chris is having this weird dream, Joey and Justin are laughing at him.Joey is video taping his bandmate because he is punching the air and saying,
Chris, in a sleepy voice: "Take that, and that, you little monkey."
Joey: "This is the funniest thing I've seen all day!"
The bus hits a pothole and Chris is woken up. He is stunned to find thatJustin and Joey are staring him at. They start laughing again.
Chris: "What?"
JC is out of his bunk and walks over to the fridge for a soda.
Joey: "You must have had some dream cause you were punching the air and
saying, 'Die monkey die!', it was funny as all hell man!" he laughs.
Justin: "No lie man, it was hilarious."
Chris: "I was dreaming that I was in the movie, 'Wizard of OZ', and Ikilled Jesse Camp, and Carson was trying to kill me. You all were in it too. JC was the tin man, Joey was the lion."
Justin: "What was I?"
Chris: "The good witch."
Justin: "The what?"
Chris laughs as he pictures Justin in the high heels and baby blue dress.
Chris, laughing: "Yeah, you where wearing a huge baby blue dress and
matching high heels."
JC: "Who were you Dorothy?"
Chris: "Yeah. My hair was in pigtails and I had the little checkereddress too. He spots the container of Chinese food next to him. Remind me never to eat you stank ass Chinese food again JC."
JC: "I never have any weird ass dreams when I eat it. You're just afreak."
Joey: "We' re at the hotel guys."
Chris: "I'll wake up Lance."
Chris gets up and puts the food back in the fridge, and walks over to Lance's bunk. He opens the curtain.
Chris: "Lance, we're at the hotel." No response. Lance!"
Still no movement.He smacks him in the head. Lance finally wakes up.
Lance: "What was that for?"
Chris: "We're at the hotel dude."
Lance: "Oh."
He gets out and follows Chris off the bus.
Lance: " I was having a weird dream."
Chris: "Oh yeah?"
Lance: "Yeah, we were in the movie Armageddon and we killed
MariahCarey."
Chris: "No way."
Lance: "Yeah, it was crazy."
They both laugh and walk in the hotel.
Take Me Home!
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