This is much tougher to write than I realized it would be.

Friday was a lousy day. It was poring rain and really unpleasant. Which pretty much reflected my mood.

When my mother called that morning there was a new thing to figure out. Where was my father’s wedding band? It was something that she wanted and that was important for her to have, so I had to track it down

Eventually it was located at the hospital in Boston. This meant going in to pick it up. So I got in the car and went to get it. I practically had to sign my life away, but I was glad to know that I had it and that I could give it to my mother before the wake.

So I stopped by her house to give it to her, we chose the readings and the songs for the funeral service and I went home.

The wake was being held from 5 – 9 and my mother was worried that there wouldn’t be anyone there. She had nothing to worry about. Between my brothers and myself the place was mobbed almost the entire time.

My greatest worry was seeing my father in the casket for the first time. It wasn’t bad. As much as I hate it when people say this, he really did look good. He looked ten years younger and all the pain he suffered was gone from his face. It was peaceful, not terrifying.

We all held up pretty well. My mother had a couple of moments when she choked up, but they weren’t too bad. I had a couple of moments myself, the first one being when a woman I taught with twenty years ago, and hadn’t seen in a very long time, came in. I thought that that was just so touching.

I was surprised to see some people, like the Ice Queen. Of course she had no personality and didn’t have much of a clue as to how to behave. What did she say to me? "things are really going to change for you now". Well duh! Ya think?!?! How’s that for compassion?

Many of my friends from work and from the chorus came, even the principal, and I thought that was very nice. Even our weird cousin Michael came. None of us recognized him, my mother thought he was some homeless guy. It was nice of him to come, though, as it involved a very long drive for him.

Fortunately the night went quickly. We all said our final goodbye to dad that night as we were having the casket closed so that when Matilda and Keith came in the morning they wouldn’t be frightened. They didn’t need to remember Papa that way.

Saturday we all met at the funeral home at nine and again many people came, some of my friends from the chorus, my father’s brothers and sister, some of our cousins, and friends of my brothers. Matilda and Keith were fine, and Matilda was just enthralled with the collage.

The kids were also excited about riding in the limo. Keith had appointed him caretaker of my mother and he was just amazing. When we got to the church and started to file in, Keith and my brother flanked my mother and Rod, my sister-in-law and Matilda were just ahead of me and I was sort of bringing up the rear. Suddenly Matilda was with me, holding my hand. I found out later that when she turned around and saw me by myself she said to her father, "Auntie needs someone to hold her hand" so she appointed herself.

The funeral service was very nice, the music was lovely, the soloist had a beautiful voice. I made it through "Eagles Wings" without crying, only because I had to do the reading right after that and I knew I’d be a mess. That song always moves me, even when I’m not emotional.

When I returned to the pew I notice that the seating arrangement had changed, Keith (he’s ten) had placed himself between my mother and myself. At one point I started to cry and this little arm was around me, rubbing my back. He did the same thing for my mother at several different points. No one had told him to do this, he just has this instinct to care for people. The only mistake I made was when I chose "Amazing Grace" as the recessional. It’s a song that we all love, so we didn’t think about the lyrics until we were suddenly singing and got to the line "was blind but now I see". My father had been blind for the last six years of his life, and Matilda was thrilled to think that he was in heaven and could see again. We hit that line of the song and the whole family fell apart.

Iut was an hour and a half drive to the cemetery and we didn’t expect too many people to be there. We knew that my father’s family and my mother’s friends who lived there would be there, but that was about all. My friend Dee was with us too, to just sort of be there for me.

We had just gotten out of the cars when someone came up to me, and it was my oldest and dearest friend in the world. She lives in that end of the state, but I didn’t even think of here being there, even though I’d called her Wednesday night to let her know that dad had died.

Well seeing her really got to me, and really got to my mother. Quinn and I first met the summer before we started kindergarten and have been friends ever since. Our birthdays were only three days apart so we would each get presents that went with each other. She’d get the Beatles first album, I’d get the second. It was always like that. We even went to the Monkees concert together in Boston when we were thirteen. So having her come meant a great deal to me.

After the graveside service we had everyone back to the country club for a luncheon. It was nice, but I didn’t mingle enough because I really felt that I should spend my time with Quinn. Matilda was thrilled to hear all the stories of our childhood.

We were all tired, but still had the drive home. I think we got back at about five, but if felt so much later.

Then it felt even weirder to go home and have no running around to do. Things were don, but nothing felt right.

So that’s the story.