I am still here, but really just not able to write yet. This seems a bit weird to me as I consider writing to be therapeutic, but I just can't get myself to put everything in writing.
I think it might make it all too real.
I am holding up and have moments of sadness. It tends to blindside me at unexpected times.
I went back to work on Monday because I knew that the stuff on my desk would be reaching mountainous proportions. I also still have a ton of testing to do and reports to write. I've totally lost track of days and I don't seem to have my schedule in control. Work is a bit overwhelming.
I had to take today off to deal with some family stuff, including a special ed meeting for my niece, and I'm sure that another day away from my desk has only led to more chaos.
The realization that school ends three weeks from tomorrow for the kids (Friday for the teachers) is what's keeping hope alive in me. Of course now I'm starting to panic over not working this summer. I've never had a summer off, and now I'm getting nervous about it.
I have visions of ending up broke.
I managed to get some sleep but I'm still flat out exhausted. I seem to be wide awake at about 4 each morning and that's not doing me much good.
I hate it when my mind starts whirring and I can't turn it off.
Ironically, Michael's mother died Saturday night. it wasn't totally unexpected as she was 95 years old and had been in a nursing home for several years. It doesn't make it any less sad for him, however. We've spoken on the phone and neither of us can quite believe the strangness of each of us losing a parent in the same week.
I do need to start writing again on a regular basis. I just have so much that absolutely HAS to get done that by the time I finish it's late and I am falling asleep at the keyboard.
I hope that come this weekend I'll have my act together sufficiently so I can get things back on track.
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