The sound of the wheels going down the squeaky floor makes my head wince in pain. This was so ridiculous. I had fought tooth and nail to walk down to x-rays but Rick had flat out refused. Frustrated with my condition, I just sit in the wheelchair, silently grumbling.

I felt like I was going to face my death wish. I was just waiting for the ominous music to start playing in my head. I was waiting for something bad to happen to me. There was no way to look at this situation objectively anymore. Rick could stay optimistic and hopeful, but I was willing to accept the harsh reality of this accident. I knew that something was wrong. I could feel it in the marrow of my bones.

The paper on the table starts to crinkle as the nurse helps me on the bed. I hug my chest trying to feel warm. The room is so cold and so dreary. I can smell this unknown fear. There is this ominous feel to the entire room.

Slowly, I notice a flash of light near my temple. The bright light flickers and dims for a second, and then covers my whole body. I find it strangely comforting. It is so warm and so welcoming. I just wish that it would take me far away from this hell.

The intensity of the light begins to hurt my eyes. Snapping them closed, I try to will away the pain forming in the back of my head. Slowly, the pain begins to seep into the back of my eyes. It hurts even to cry. My eyes feel like they are made of lead. My eyes become entranced by the sight before me. It hurts so much just to look at it, but I can't look away.

Then the light starts to dim, and like a candle, the light is extinguished. My eyes start to sting as darkness covers the room. As I blindly glance around the room, my arm brushes against piece of cool metal. I suck in a painful breath as my nerves tingle from the cool air on my skin. Goosebumps start to form all over my body.

I'm cold again. I become painfully aware of my surroundings, and tears start to trickle down my cheeks. The emptiness just starts to flood back, and overwhelms all my senses. I felt so lost and so defeated. There was no one to take my hand and lead me down the right path. I had made sure of that. I had been so damn proud and stubborn that I actually believed that I could do this on my own.

What a fool I am. I was about to face an uncertain future and had nobody in my corner. My dad was off saving everyone else but his own daughter. Did he care about me? Why didn't seem to give a damn about me? I could go blind again and my own father was no where to be found.

I'm all alone.

Again.

If I see another needle, I think that I am going to scream. My stay at the hospital has been extended once again, which is not a good thing. The longer that I am here, the more I am getting paranoid. Something was wrong. I should have been out of here two days ago.

I just wanted to go home. These walls seemed so confining and so empty. I didn't need to be reminded of emptiness. I was living with that everyday.

I just wanted to run away, and make all my problems disappear into the wind. I was going back home for the second time so Rick could keep an eye on me. But this time, this might actually be for the right reasons.

I hadn't have time to absorb the fact that I might be going blind again. It is always there in the back of my mind, fighting to come to the surface, but I just pushed it away.

It is so much easier not to feel anything, and just ignore the problem.

Rick had given me the bad news a couple of hours ago. He told me that my x-rays showed that there was some pressure on my optical nerves, and that things could get worse.

A lot worse. Those charts and x-rays all seemed to look the same to me. I was sick of looking at them, and having any these strangers go over them day and night. I felt so naked, so exposed. I was just annoyed by their arrogance towards me. They just seemed to be so cold, so bored when they went over my test results. It was like they didn't care.

Still, the results would explain the constant headaches I have been getting. The pain is so intense that I can barely lift my head off the pillow sometimes. It just hurts to move my head to the side. So, all I could do was stare at the ceiling. I have counted all the cracks in the paint and memorize all the dots.

My spirits were slowly fading. Rick had usually come to me with bad news or more x-rays. My head just hurt from listening to him, all that medical jargon just confused me. I had no idea what Rick was talking about, and it was like he was speaking a foreign language.

Blah, Blah, Blah. I had heard it all. It still didn’t make it easier though. Actually, it was more unbearable this time because I knew what to expect. I was just sitting here in this room, bidding time, until the next test.

I was looking forward to another boring day when a nurse had come into my room, and told me that I had a visitor. Puzzled, I told her to let them come in. Hope surged through me for a moment. Maybe it was Danny. No, I couldn't be that lucky.

It had been Bill. Disappointment had flooded my mind for a brief second, but quickly disappeared when he walked in the room. I was thrilled to see Bill. He always managed to make me forget my problems.

Not surprisingly, Bill had smuggled in magazines, food, cds, and flowers. I had been so touched that I had burst out into tears. I had laugh when I notice the look of horror on his face. Hastily, I tell Bill that his gesture had been the reason for me crying.

The rest of the day had been enjoyable. I even found myself laughing. For a couple of hours, my mind had been occupied, and all my worries just peeled away. It was so freeing.

Bill had left a pile of things for me to do, so I was not concerned about keeping myself busy anymore. I didn't have the heart to tell Bill that my eyes had been acting up, and so I could barely pick a book or magazine, without putting it back down.

Separating the magazines from the pile, I gently place them on the table, and hope that I will be able to read them soon. The cds and the portable cd player had kept me entertained for awhile, and seemed to lighten the mood. For the first time since I had arrived at the hospital, I was beginning to feel hopeful.

Hope.

Hope, I whisper to myself before falling into a deep sleep.

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