Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered
Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
--Garth Brooks, "Unanswered Prayers"
Stepping out of the car, it felt so nice to breathe in the fresh air. After being cooped up in the hospital for five days, being outside among people was a welcome change. Earlier this morning when Rick had saunter in my room to tell me that I was finally able to go home, excitement raced through my body.
I was free for awhile. I could go back to my life and feel normal again. Maybe once I was out of the hospital, I would stop feeling sorry for myself. Just being in the hospital surrounded by illness and death was really dispraising me.
It was time to return to the land of the living. Everyday, it was a struggle just to maintain my spirits and be strong for Rick and Abby. They had been carry so much of the burden for me, and I knew that deep down, this situation was killing them. It was my turn to be the strong one.
I had to learn to push away my own feelings and try not to be so selfish. It had always been about me. Never about someone else. Always me.
Maybe that is the reason that I decided to betray Danny. There had to be more than just fear working against me. Lately, I had been obsessing about my past. The idea of going blind again puts your life in perspective, and a need for reflection. All I have been yearning for is a understanding of my past, an attempt to gain some knowledge to take with me, to utilize in the future.
An attempt to stop myself from making the same mistakes all over again. I had lived through them once and I was not about to go through it again. Luck is not always guaranteed. I should know that. I thought that I had put this behind me, and never have to worry about losing my eyesight.
Yet, I am facing the same situation, expect this time, I know the consequences. I had already have the knowledge of what is coming. So, all I have to do is wait.
I need to make myself useful somehow. As eyes drifted over to the phone, something clicked. There was something that I could do. Now was the best time to do it.
It was time for me to start fresh. It was now or never.