Note: This part is from Danny’s POV

I was losing all my senses
I was losing all control
It was getting’ so offensive
No, you want me back for more
I just won’t go

If you think that I know the answers, then you’ve got a gall
‘Cause it gives you satisfaction, knowing nothing at all
I don’t care anymore.
I don’t wanna find out what I left there for.
--Indigo Girls, “I Just Don’t Wanna Know”

Walking into Millenium, I glance around the room to see if Ray had arrived yet. Sighing, I decide to sit at the bar, and wait for him. He should be here soon. Ray is always on time. Well, that is one thing that I can count on. There were not a lot of guarantees left in my life.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Jesse talking to one of the bartenders. I can feel a slight tug at my heart. He should not bother me anymore. I shouldn’t care. I should not feel threatened by his presence.

A part of me is glad that he does not have an attachment to Michelle anymore. She had obviously broken all ties to him when she had left. I know that Jesse was never right for Michelle. Of course, she had known it too. I just wish that things had been different.

I had nothing to worry about anymore. There was nothing at a stake. Concerns for my marriage had vanished with a piece of paper. I was free. I had no attachments to fret about. I was free to make my own choices without feeling bound to someone.

Then why did I feel so tied to Michelle? She had disappeared without a trace and made it clear that she did not want anything to do with me. It was over.

I should want to move on, and finally find someone that would make me happy.

All she had brought to my life was pain and agony.

In the short amount of time that I had known Michelle Bauer, she had managed to provoke so many emotions inside of me. There were so many conflicting emotions.

Love. Passion. Excitement.

Betrayal. Mistrust. Fear

Michelle had the power to make my life so wonderful and so chaotic at the same time.

No other woman could make me feel like that. I would love no one else liked I loved Michelle. Mama had been pushing me to start dating again. I almost had to laugh at that notion.

I never dated. I had no interesting in dating. It just seemed so mundane and so pointless. I would always expect the woman in my life to be Michelle. And there was only one Michelle. Now, she was gone from my life.

Deep down, I should hate her. I should be able to rid all memories of her from my system. I shouldn’t give her a second thought.

She had lied to me, and betrayed me to save her own skin. I know that living with my mother was not going to be easy, but I had honestly believed that we had something. There was a connection between us. Our marriage could have worked if Michelle had given it a chance.

Yet, she had been too scared of me to see that. It killed me to watch her fight with herself day in, and day out. She was too afraid to admit that she had feelings for me. I had really tried to make her life easier. I had bent over backwards to make sure that she was comfortable and safe.

Everything that I did, she would throw in my face. Every kind word, gentle look had been wasted on her. Still, there had been so moments when her cold façade had crumbled just enough, and I was able to see past all that. Michelle had showed me the other side to her, but yet, she didn’t trust me enough with it.

She never trusted me. She had always said that she trusted me with her life, but she didn’t. There was no doubt in my mind that she would have never sacrificed herself to help me.

Her betrayal proved that. Her gratitude towards me only went so far. Still, in the end, it was always about her. Her life. Her family. Her friends.

Never about me. Her husband.

Now, she was no longer to tied to the Santos name or to me. She was able to live her life the way she always wanted to.

I still care about her. I no longer hated her. Being filled with so much hatred was so trying, and so pointless. I just couldn't hold onto those old feelings anymore. I had to move on.

Yet, I wonder if she is truly happy. It was obvious that she was going through a real rough time, and there was a part of me that wondered, how she was faring. I had always known Michelle to be one of the toughest people that I had met.

Even tough people cracked. It was easy to be tough on the outside. I just hoped that Michelle had the strengthen to get through this. Afterall, she might be going blind again.

The irony of the situation does not escape me. It only makes the reality more cruel. Maybe I am too trusting of Rick and all the other doctors at Cedars. Maybe, I was just putting my hatred aside for no real reason at all.

She does not deserve it. How do you know that she isn’t playing you for a fool again?, a old and haunting voice taunted.

I should just laugh in her face, and be spiteful. Still, there is a part of me that knows that this is real. I can’t discount it.

As all the doctors and medical charts, and x-rays that I had been crammed down my throat, my doubts were slowly being chipped away. Rick had helped Michelle get away with this once, so there was a good reason, why I shouldn’t believe it. But God help me, I did.

The doctors had not provided me with a lot of information. Michelle had insisted that Rick would take over as next to kin, and I would be left alone. Apparently, she had put a fight for the doctors not to contact me. With one stroke of the pen, my obligation to Michelle had been terminated.

She would fight this battle without me. I just wish that she had faced it earlier, so that I could have been there. There was no way that I could help her through this. The pain and the bitterness was still there, but it was beginning to ease away.

It would be so easy to forget about everything that happened between us and just reach out to Michelle but I couldn’t. With one look in her eyes, I would see the regret, and be reminded of it all over again. We should be moving on with our lives, and not taking a step back.

Right now, I was not so sure if I could be with Michelle, and not be swept back into the past. There was no future for us to look forward to. Only a painful remembrance of the past.

I couldn’t be bounded to a woman who had hurt me so much. I had not fully gotten over her betrayal.

I needed forgiveness first.

Then maybe a future with Michelle in it would not be so difficult to imagine.

And as the days passed, my heart was beginning to tell me that a future with Michelle was exactly what I have been aching for.

The desire to be with Michelle was becoming harder and harder to ignore.

I missed Michelle.

I couldn't bear the thought of hating her anymore. It pained me that she thinks that I still do.

One day, I wished that Michelle would admit to herself that she did care.