Just breathe, I think to myself. Breathe.
It takes all my willpower not to run out of Company. My mind is screaming at me to leave, but my body feels like it is made out of lead.
And plus, I was sick of running. That is all I have being doing since I have met Danny.
Running from myself.
From the truth.
And from the feelings which always there when Danny is near me.
It was time to face my ghosts.
"Danny." I whisper, unsure of myself.
As Danny slides into the booth, I can't help but notice that he had a new suit on. The brown suit and shirt brought out his eyes. Those eyes which always saw through my soul, and never ceased to make my body go weak.
I let out a sigh of relief when the waitress comes up to me. I needed to focus my attention on something. Normally, the idea of chit chat with a waitress would annoy me but today, it was nice distraction.
I couldn't help but notice the amused smile on Danny's face as I talked to the waitress. I needed a break from the dark cloud always hanging over me. And proved once again that I still had some power of Danny.
I had some control over him. It was a comfort to me to know that. To know that Danny was not the only one with a sense of power.
"I wanted to make sure that you didn't forget about me." He says sarcastically. "I thought that we were going to lunch."
I raise an eyebrow at Danny's smirk. "No, I was going to lunch. You told your mother that we were, but that was just part of the charade, wasn't it, Danny?" I say angrily
"What the hell do you want me to say? Fine, I just said that for my mother's sake, but after you left me in the elevator, I decided that lunch was a good idea."
I let out a snort. "I didn't know that I needed your permission to go anywhere. Really, Danny, do you really want me to answer your question? We both know the answer. Right now, I just want to have some lunch in peace."
Danny folds his hands, and gives me a wary glance. "I am hungry, you're hungry. For Christ sake, can't we just have lunch, and not make it a big deal."
"That's what I was planning to do, Danny. I wasn't the one who decided to invite themselves," I chide
Danny is about to say something but the waitress reappears. In a matter of second, Danny's whole demeanor changes.
Suddenly, he is the doting and proud husband, flashing his thousand watt smile. And the charm is turned on. As he jokes with the waitress, I can't help be amused and annoyed at his behavior.
It is making me sick.
It was just a show.
A farce of a marriage.
Nothing was real. It was all fake.
But at the hospital, there had been a brief moment, when all the bitterness and mistrust between us vanished, and things became real again.
Then the door to Danny's heart just slammed shut, and once again, he was the cold stranger.
I am little surprised when Danny's light mood does not abandon him. The fake sincerity and words seem to lost in the moment. Peering into his eyes, there is a softness to them, that had not been there.
Then the softness in his eyes is gone. The mistrust is back. All those mixed emotions flood back into his eyes. The emotions which both terrify and intrigue me. I never knew which one would win, and which look, Danny would glance in my direction.
We managed to eat your lunch in companible silence. The light mood has been damped alittle but never the less, it is still there. But it is obvious that the dark cloud is just around the corner.
As we walked outside to our cars, Danny reached out, and turned me around to face him. Not sure what to expect, I peer at Danny's face, bracing myself.
Silence.
Then, Danny leans forward, and places a light kiss on my cheek. Hesitantly, I lift my hand to his cheek, and caress it.
Neither of us pulls away. It is like we are in another world, where nothing else but us matters. I shiver in delight when Danny moves closer.
I wanted my husband back. I wanted some tangible memory of my marriage.
I needed this reminder that my marriage was not a total disaster.
I needed to prove to myself, to my family, to Carmen that my marriage was real.
That it really happened.
This was real.
Peering into my eyes, he gives me a small smile. "Thank you." he says breathlessly. He leans in, and places a chaste kiss on my lips. "Thank you for coming with me today. Thank you." He says softly.
I pull away from him out of surprise. This was the first time that Danny had actually said anything sincere to me. There was no sarcasm, no taunting, and no hurt in his words. Only love and gratitude.
I take his face in my hands, and look into his eyes. My fears are immediately put at ease when I notice the coldness is gone.
As my hand makes contact with his cheek, his body goes rigid and his eyes darken. The old Danny was gone, slipped back into the confines of his broken heart.
Tears start to prick the back of my eyes when I notice the regret in his eyes. He never really came back to me, not in the way that it really mattered.
Backing away slightly, the mistrust in his eyes mingles with the regret, and the combination is deadly. He had slipped back into that old familiar feeling, and allowed himself to be swept into the past, into some alternative universe.
I peer at Danny, realizing that there is nothing to say anymore, he is fallen back into that dark hole and I have no power to reach him. I was not about to make things worse than they were already.
It was so easy, so effortless to forget. For a moment, Danny forgotten about my betrayal, and I was his wife again. It felt so good, so natural, and so fake at the same time.
"Good night, Danny." I say softly.
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