Come As You Are
by Gail (gem225@hotmail.com)
JAG
Harmon Rabb/Clayton Webb, Clayton Webb/other (to find out who the 'other' is, go to the End notes)
Rating: adult
Missing scene from "Wilderness of Mirrors."
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. They belong to CBS and Belisarius Productions. I am having fun with them, though, and they seem to like me.
Please do not archive this story without asking me first. It's more than likely that I'll agree, but I want to know where my stories are.
Spoilers: Webb of Lies, Wilderness of Mirrors.
Notes: Many heartfelt thanks to Mareen, who read over this story twice, came up with some great lines, and encouraged me to write this and let it go without my usual agonizing; to Katja, who said that nothing was ever wasted when I complained about having to cut a whole sex scene, and was right; to Greg, who held out this time for a final draft and came up with a beautiful line at the end; to Tinnean, who got me to post this; and to Scarlet, who beta'd and found the things my eyes missed. Thanks also to Silk and Alexandra for reading it and saying wonderful things.
This is set during the episode "Wilderness of Mirrors." Saturday afternoon.
*****
I stare at the answering machine, then push the button. I have to hear this one more time, to be sure that he really called me here at home. The machine rewinds, clicks and starts playing.
*I need to talk to you, Webb. Come to the address I left in your mailbox today by four. It's important.* His voice breaks in a way that I know means something is going on, and he hangs up.
I pick up the piece of paper with the clearly printed letters. The Pine Tree Motel. Not too far away, but it might as well be miles. Not too good a part of town. I wonder just what's going on with Rabb. It doesn't sound good, especially if he's asking me for help. He knows I'll never let him forget it. I never do.
It's three-thirty. I'd better get going. I hate myself for jumping when he calls, but this is Harmon Rabb. I tend to do that, even when I'm reasonably sure that it's a bad idea.
*****
I've wanted Harmon Rabb for a long, long time. I'm sure he has no idea. I give him nothing that would betray me. He's Navy; I'm CIA. I'm not pining away for him, not at all. I have my work, my social life, women I date, enjoy spending time with, sleeping with when it's right for both of us. But he's a challenge, and to put it bluntly, I'd love to see him on his knees with my cock in his mouth. It's a vision that's given me some pleasant hours when I've had to deal with just how damned judgmental he can get about my work.
Of course, I've had moments when all I wanted to do was to get on my knees in front of him, too, and have more happen after that. But he's never guessed, and that's the way it's going to stay.
*****
I park my car in the best place I can find in the small lot and look around in the rain for his splashy red Corvette. Sure enough, there it is, blurry and shining bright from the light from the office.
Now what? I could go to the room that it's parked in front of, but I'd rather have some more conclusive evidence. Then the door opens, and I see him standing there, looking for me. All right. That's pretty conclusive. What's the occasion for the dress whites? Can't be for me. Oh, well, Rabb's business.
I get out of the car and see him wave, then close the door. I huddle into my overcoat and walk through the puddles.
I don't have to knock. He's got it open again before I can.
"Hi, Webb. Thanks for coming." His voice is a little hoarse, and he coughs. "Damned cold," he mutters and waves me inside. "Can't shake it at all." He closes the door.
I shrug. Harmon Rabb's cold is not my problem. I think about taking off my overcoat, but knowing Rabb, he'll want me to rush out and get him some kind of information. I look around. Cheap motel room, no surprise. It fits with the name. I wonder how Rabb knows about this at all. Is this where he takes his women? No wonder they dump him.
"Nice place for a meeting."
My voice is sarcastic, but he doesn't seem to notice. He comes over to stand in front of me. "It'll do. Take off your coat, Webb. Stay a while."
My eyebrows rise. This is the same man who left the pleading message on my machine? Who dragged me out here? "This isn't a social call, Rabb. What's the problem?"
He tilts his head, and I've got that damned image of him on his knees again. "Just take off your coat, Webb. I don't bite."
I happen to know that's a lie, but then I know quite a bit about Harmon Rabb. I smile and unbutton my coat. All right, Rabb, whatever you're playing, I can do it much better than you. I'm a professional game-player.
He's right there to take it from me. Well, he must want something big to be this nice. What did he do, piss off AJ? He has to know I'm not going to be able to do anything about that. The admiral does not take kindly to my interference in his department. It's all I can manage to get their help when it's necessary. And Rabb staying on the admiral's good side is, quite frankly, nothing that matters to me. That's his problem.
I get the chance to look him over as he's hanging it up. Hmm. Rabb's lost a little weight, it looks like. Still looks good in the dress whites. Very impressive. And sexy. Then he turns back around, and I make sure that my face is impassive. No need to give him any kind of information. He has his moments.
His eyes are strange as they find mine, burning the only word that comes close to fitting. "I really appreciate you coming here, Clay," he says very softly.
Well. My first name. Deep shit, for sure. He's trying to bond with me again. He's lucky that I've got a strong stomach.
"Rabb, just tell me what the hell's so important to you that you're willing to owe me, again," I say as wearily as I can. He's much easier to deal with when he knows he can't charm me. He actually makes sense most of the time then.
He smiles. "Are you in some kind of hurry, Clay?"
My first name again. He just doesn't get it. I open my mouth to snap out something, but then he's come up right in front of me.
"I was hoping for some of your time," he murmurs, and that low, hoarse voice has a note in it that I could swear is a come-on.
Oh, Rabb, you've sunk to new lows if you think that you can play the sex card with me. Because I can see that's what he's doing. He's in some kind of serious trouble, and he's sure that he's not going to be able to explain it, so he's going to try and get me all weak and suggestible with those charms that work so well on women and men, then get me to agree to whatever insane thing he needs found out or done. It's working on my body, but not on my mind. I can keep my control very well, thank you. I've worked at it with him.
"Nice try, Rabb," I say coolly. "Now just tell me what you need, so I can decide if your problem is worth my time."
He needs to remember that my time is valuable. My voice is cool and strong, not letting out at all that I'm hard, and once again I'm grateful for the superb tailoring of my suits. A gentleman always makes sure he's got enough material to hide any embarrassing moments like right now.
"How about I show you?" And he's up against me, his hands grabbing at my ass, his hips grinding up against mine.
This is insane. I try to get loose, but he's got too strong a grip on me, and after a short struggle he's got me pinned against the wall.
"You're not going to try to tell me that all those looks I've seen in your eyes aren't for me, are you, Clay?"
Goddamn it. How does he know? He can't know. There's no way he's good enough to read me. I fool professionals every day. And Rabb doesn't have that many intelligent moments when it comes to me.
I glare at him and say nothing. I am not going to encourage him. He'll come to his senses and let me go. Even though I really don't want him to.
He laughs low in his throat. "I hope not. I've been looking forward to this." His hands slide around and find my hardness. "Nice." And he's got me unzipped and his fingers inside before I can form a protest.
"Rabb, let me go." My words ends in a moan. God, he knows what he's doing. The way he's working me, good and hard and like he knows every spot, could get me coming in my pants. My very expensive pants. I jerk my hips, trying to throw him off, but it just ends up with him letting out another of those low, rough laughs and me still trapped against that hard body and even more aroused. Damn Rabb for this. What kind of game is he playing?
"Have you lost your mind?" I hiss and work at ignoring just how good he's making me feel. "You've got a girlfriend, remember? And this kind of behavior can get you thrown out of the Navy. I know that matters to you."
His fingers tighten, squeeze my cock, and I have to bite back a moan. So damned good. "Don't worry about Jordy, Clay. She's just fine. I'm not the only thing in her life, you know."
That really amuses him. Maybe they're having problems. I wouldn't put it past her to see through him. Intelligent woman. I'd be happy to spend some time with her, once she gets over this obsession with him. But I'm not going to go after his leftovers.
"And what about the Navy? You're not going to run out and tell anyone what we do here, are you?" He holds my eyes with his, his fingers still working. "I really wouldn't do that if I were you."
"Threats, Rabb?" There has to be a way that I can get control of this conversation. "That's a little beneath you."
"Not if it gets me what I want," he breathes, then his free hand starts stroking my ass. My god. Rabb is surprising the hell out of me. I never had a clue.
I lick my lips and watch the passion on his face as he works me. He does want me. All right. I'd be a fool to pass this up. If nothing else, I've got something on Harmon Rabb that no one else in the world will know. That's got to be good for something in the future with him. Even if I never bring it up, he will be thinking about it every time he asks me for a favor. Wondering if I'm going to demand payment.
I like that thought. And I do want him. God, do I ever.
"So what do you want, Rabb?"
He laughs and his fingers still. "Then I've convinced you. Good. And go ahead, Clay, call me Harm. Or do you prefer that I call you Webb?"
"Not particularly," I say dryly. I can think a little better now.
He steps back. "All right. What I want is to fuck you."
I blink. My god. Right up front. It's been years since anyone was inside me. I was at Harvard the last time I went that far with another man.
He leans in, face right up by mine. "I really want to fuck you, Clay," he says very softly. I think he's going to kiss me, but he doesn't. Well, maybe that's just something he can't face, kissing another man. And that's right, that cold of his. I pull away.
"Don't breathe on me," I warn him, and he laughs after a moment.
"I'm not contagious, Clay." But he moves his head, and waits.
I have wanted this, a lot. I just have a hard time believing that Lieutenant Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr. is ready to give it to me. But he is. That's very clear.
All right, for whatever reason Rabb's decided to go ahead and break the Navy's rules, and chosen me to do that with. He must think wanting him is the same as liking him. Whatever. I know I'm not going to get emotional about this. He's still going to owe me. And I'm looking forward to watching him try to control his face when he sees my smile after this. No matter what, I win this one.
I enjoy winning.
I wet my lips and give him a cool smile. Time to play this one out. "Did you come prepared to get what you want?"
His eyes smile along with his mouth. God, that burning is even hotter now. He wants me that much. I'm flattered, and very hard.
"Of course." He takes a few quick strides over to the bed. "Got some lube right here."
He calmly starts undressing. I stand there and watch as he undoes those gold buttons, then realize that it might be smart to get going myself and reach for my jacket. He stops for a moment and watches as I take it off, then my vest and finally my shirt. Very flattering.
I bring them over to the rack where my coat's hanging and manage to find enough room for them, too. I end up standing close to him. It's unavoidable. There's not much room between the bed and the rack.
"Very nice," he murmurs and reaches out to run his fingers over my chest. "You're in good shape, Clay. When do you find the time, with all that spy work?"
I give him a look. Does he have to bring up the Company now?
He laughs. "All right, I'll shut up."
He gets back to stripping, and I get the rest of the suit off and hung up next to his. There's a moment when our bodies are next to each other, and I get the chance to look at him without him looking at me. God, he's got so many scars. I reach out to touch one. He stiffens for a moment, then lets me.
"I didn't know you'd gotten shot up that much," I tease, letting my finger run across his arm. He can't object to that.
"There are things you don't know about me, Webb," he says very dryly.
I laugh to myself. Not very many. Tomorrow I'll get out his file and see if there's anything I can add. And check on this scar business. There really are a lot. I think I would have remembered this many. But it has been a while since I've checked, and he does get around.
He turns to face me then, and the sight of him head on makes me swallow and forget all about his file.
"When was the last time a guy fucked you, Clay? I won't ask who. Not my business."
He's so calm about this. Any time I imagined Harmon Rabb in this kind of situation, he was, at best, carried away with passion. But he's in control, knows just what he's doing. Harmon Rabb is managing to keep surprising me. I like that.
I counter. It's a game, after all, like everything else in life is.
"It's been a while." He's not getting details. "And you, Harm? Am I your first man?" I hope I don't show how much I want the answer to be yes.
"Oh, yes. But don't worry. I know what I'm doing, and I *will* do it well, Clay. You can count on that."
He traces his lips with his tongue and gives me a very sexy smile, and I have no doubt at all that he will.
I decide that it's time to take some action of my own, so I let myself sit on the bed and reach for him. His breath hisses out of his mouth as I get him in my mouth and show him that I have a few moves, too. I've always been good with my mouth. He knows that. Now he's finding out more.
"God, Clay - " and he's thrusting into my mouth, then just as suddenly he stops. His eyes are screwed shut for a long moment as I watch him. Too close? But it didn't feel that way to me. Shit, I hope he's not having second thoughts. I'm really not here to guide Harm through his first homosexual experience. This was his idea.
He gets them open again.
"I want to fuck you now," he whispers, and his voice is almost unrecognizable. He does want this. Good.
I glance at the tube of lubricant. "Make sure you use a lot."
He nods. "I'm not going to hurt you, Clayton. I told you, I'm going to be the best you ever had."
He's very sure of himself. I like that. Not all the time from him, but right now it's fine.
He sits on the bed next to me. "I want to hear you say what I'm going to do to you, Clay."
So Harmon Rabb has a thing for hearing his partners talk dirty. I can handle that, and have fun with it.
"You're going to fuck me." I make sure I'm looking into those eyes of his. It's a safe bet that he'll never see me like this again, or that I'll see him. And I want him to remember. I'm looking forward to that.
He's smiling. "Oh, yes." He reaches over and takes my cock in those clever fingers of his. "I'm going to fuck you, Clayton Webb."
Very verbal. Of course, he is a lawyer. Words are his life now.
He starts stroking my shaft, getting me even harder, quiet now as he works me, thank god. The absolute insanity of what he's doing, what we're doing is threatening to overtake me, and I don't want to start laughing. He might take it wrong. Harmon Rabb, Navy lawyer and ladies' man, is jerking me off with a cool skill that makes me wonder what they do on those ships. Maybe I'm not the first man to have this pleasure. Well, I'm not complaining.
I lick my lips as he gets into a good rhythm. It's close to that fantasy I've had for so long, and I'm definitely going to enjoy it. The memory of this is going to be very, very good, especially when I shake his hand next time. And I'm going to make sure he remembers it, too. He won't be able to help himself.
I feel my hips buck and know that I'm getting close.
And then he stops. Damn. I get my eyes open and see that he's smiling.
"Having you come in my hand wasn't what we agreed was going to happen, was it, Clay?"
I take a breath and try to stop panting. "No." It's so hard to say anything. Damned lawyer. Everything has to be said, all out in the open. Whatever happened to just enjoying it?
"Remind me, Clay. What did we agree was going to happen?" His fingers start moving again, teasing me with their slow strokes. Tantalizing, tormenting me.
Harmon Rabb is a sadistic bastard. No wonder women leave him. How can he expect me to talk now, when he's working my cock? But he does, and so I give him the damned words.
"You were going to fuck me." He's enjoying this a hell of a lot more than he should.
The smile that spreads over his face shows me that I'm right. "That's right. Very good, Clay."
He lets go of my cock and reaches for the lubricant, then starts spreading it over his erection. I swallow, out of fear and desire. I want him in me, but I remember how it felt that first time for me. And I'm afraid that despite his big words, Harm's going to get a taste of that tightness and heat and lose control.
He looks at me. "Relax, Clay. I'm not going to hurt you."
Just what I was thinking. "I hope not," I say evenly, and he laughs.
"Come on, Clay, trust me a little. I can do this." He pauses, his eyebrows going up in a quick smile. "I've been looking forward to doing this."
That's good to hear, and the hoarse note in his voice is enough to make me believe him.
"So do it. Fuck me."
A challenge. He likes challenges. I'm tired of waiting. I've been on the edge of coming too many times to have any patience. Damn, I haven't wanted anyone in me for so long, and now I'm having to ask him for it. Rabb's going to pay for this. Somehow. I'll find a way. But right now, if he doesn't hurry up and fuck me, I'm going to beat the shit out of him.
"You're beginning to sound like you're looking forward to it." There's a teasing note in his voice, amused and knowing and pleased. Satisfied. Yes, that's it. "Yes, I'm going to fuck you. Now."
He moves behind me as I get on my hands and knees and brace myself against the pillows. The covering is sliding under me, and I get some in each hand to help anchor myself. I don't know how hard he's thinking of being, but I want to be ready. If he does it right, I'll want it hard. And that headboard looks solid. I don't need a concussion. It would be difficult to explain that.
Then his fingers are on me, spreading the cool lubricant over my hole, then into it. He's quick but thorough, and I'm pushing back against him, wanting him to push those fingers in, find my prostate, get me off that way. Get me off any way at all, but make me come. Damn. I thought I'd gotten past this need to be fucked. I *had* gotten past it. I like being in control, not like this. But this once, I'll let myself want this. And Harm will never know just how he's got me. I won't let him know that.
"Now, Clay. I'm going to fuck you now." Low and rough, like sandpaper. I wonder if it hurts for him to talk.
That's all the warning I get before the head presses into my hole. I make myself relax the muscles and take him in. I know how to do this.
He takes it slow, but once he hits my prostate and I let out a moan, he starts thrusting, not too fast at first, but as I get louder, he gets faster until I know I'm going to shoot. He's jerking his hips and letting out a long, low moan that tells me he's coming, too. I get a hand up around my cock and come with a few strokes. I hate being left behind, and he's not paying attention to me now, just his own pleasure.
My god. I feel him pull out of me and let myself collapse on the bed. Harmon Rabb has fucked me, and he did a good job for a beginner. I could want that again, definitely. But it's not going to happen. Too dangerous.
I wait for him to join me. I'm not expecting snuggling, don't even want it, but he's got to need some time to recover. But I hear water running and realize that he's taking a shower. I roll over and check the weather. Oh, yes, still raining.
I grab some tissues and wipe off the worst of the mess, get in the bed, then drift in and out of consciousness. It's been a long day and an exciting one, and I'm drained. At one point I see him come into the room from outside, and wonder what in the world he needed badly enough to go out in the rain.
When I wake up the next time he's got a gun pointed at me. I freeze. What the hell is Harm doing?
"Very good, Clay." And it isn't Harmon Rabb's voice. It's Clark Palmer's. My god.
His smile widens, and I know I've shown my surprise. I want to sit up, but I'm not going to move. Not with one of the most volatile people I've met holding a gun on me.
"You do good work, Webb." Just what he said on the Kamiko Maru, right before he was going to kill me. "Oh, don't worry. I just need to make sure that I get out of here without any trouble. I'm not interested in doing anything more to you than I already have."
He licks his lips as I tense at the knowledge that it was Clark Palmer fucking me, not Harmon Rabb. Goddamn Palmer. This has to be one of the damnedest mind games he's ever pulled.
"But it was fun. Thanks for making our first time so memorable." Bright, happy smile. Oh, he is enjoying this.
I have to stay calm, and I have to warn people that he's turned up again, which means keeping those bullets out of my body.
"So what was the point of this exercise?"
"It amused me." He chuckles. "And I think you should be a little more grateful. I gave you what you've always wanted, Clay: Harmon Rabb in bed with you."
How he ever figured that one out is something I don't want to think about, but I'm going to have to, later.
"Of course, I'm sure that you'd have preferred to be the one doing the fucking, but that isn't my style." He lets his tongue run across his lips. God, this is insane, hearing Clark Palmer's voice come out of Harmon Rabb's mouth. "But you were good. I might just come around again. You can look forward to that."
"Do that," I snarl. Like hell I'll ever let him in my bed. "And then you can find out just what I'll do to you."
"And how would you ever know it's me, Clay?" His eyes blank, then focus. "Come on, Webb, let me in. I need a favor." And it's Rabb's voice, Rabb's face, and he's right. I doubt that I could tell the difference. I didn't this time. "All that I need is to be able to get in." He smiles. "After that, you're pretty easy to take. And I know that you'd never turn Harm away from your door. Never. Because all you need is one look at him, or from him, to turn into a pathetic fool, Clay. You need to work on your ability to keep your cock from messing up your brain. I'm just thinking of your well-being. Can't be good for everyone to know that when Harmon Rabb calls, you jump, now can it?"
I stare at him. No one thinks that. No one. And that's not true. I'm a professional.
He keeps the gun trained on me as he moves toward the door. "Stay as long as you like, Clay. The room's paid for. But don't get any ideas about following me." His smile is brief. "I already took care of your car. Better call a tow truck. Nothing really serious, though. It won't cost that much to fix. But don't try it yourself." Damned mocking voice. "You'll get that expensive suit all dirty, and you look so good in it."
Of course. That's why he went outside, to screw up my car. I'm not mechanical. He knows that if he's looked at all at my file, which I'm sure he has.
"Someone's going to catch you, Palmer." I want him to be looking over his shoulder, just like Harm has been for the last few months. That wilderness of mirrors is waiting for him.
He laughs. "Oh, please, Clay. Don't start with the mind games. I wouldn't want to spoil these special memories." His smile is so damned satisfied. "I have to make some calls, wake some ghosts from the past."
He slides over to the door, still keeping the gun trained on me, then is out and has it shut. I get up and start throwing on my clothes. Damn, my phone's gone, and when I lift the receiver of the room phone, it's dead. He's really given himself a head start. I'm going to have to go out of the room to call.
I hear what must be his car start up, then leave. I wonder who's going to have the misfortune to hear from Clark Palmer next.
The End
Posted 3/6/02
End notes: The other pairing, of course, is Clayton Webb/Clark Palmer. And another spoiler would be Imposter, the episode where Clark Palmer takes Harmon Rabb's face.
