300+ Ways to Kill Bill Gates
This section is meant for
entertainment purposes only. This site is not responsible if someone
actually tries to do one of these horrible things to Bill. Please don't take anything here seriously.
1.
Nitroglycerin suppository
2. Dr.
Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit
3. Paper
cuts from hate mail
4. Wine
press
5. Random
act of terrorism
6.
Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane,
acetone, carbon tetrachloride)
7. Clubbed
by a baby seal hunter
8.
Exploding gas barbecue
9. Date
with Lorena Bobbit / Tonya Harding
10. Rusty
meat hook
11. Pulp
digester / Saw mill
12.
Sexually transmitted disease
13. Lethal
ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu
14.
Skydiving accident (His concrete parachute fails to open).
15. Bill
meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...Billy!".
16. Gag
exploding software box.
17. Field
trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Bill loves to sell his products to all
of the carnivores.
18. Tylenol
laced with cyanide
19.
Sacrifice to a tribal god
20. Fed
through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder)
21.
Trampling by thousands of tiny spongy feet
22.
Asphyxiation on a twinkie
23. Bungee
jumping with chord tied around neck
24. 1000
RPM merry-go-round
25.
Building sandcastles in a quicksand box
26. Dragged
behind a school bus on a gravel road
27. Leg
caught in elevator doors
28. Make it
legal to enslave Bill.
29. Home
lobotomy kit
30. Nasal
spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g. nitric,
chromic, hydrofluoric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric)
31. Add
crushed glass to his granola or high fiber cereal.
32. Thrown
in a vat of bleach.
33. Paint
him black and turn him over to a white supremacist.
34. Pulled
into a turbo-prop engine
35.
Submerged into a CANDU reactor
36. Swarmed
by killer bees
37. Deadly
parasites
38.
Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel
39. Chopped
up into pet food (Purina Bill chow)
40. Shintu
massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.
41.
Assimilation by the Borg (If bill doesn't assimilate them first).
42.
Acupuncture with a nail gun
43. Force
fed pure sugar and caffeine until he explodes.
43. Bill
meets Mr. Chainsaw
44. Hit and
run in front of the Microsoft offices.
45.
Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven.
46.
Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition!
47.
Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry.
48. Brain
scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens
49. Body
cavity search using a fish scaling knife.
50.
Harpooned by a whaling ship
51. Dipped
in liquid nitrogen, and "accidentally" pummeled with a baseball bat
(guess they found the glass transition temperature).
52. Served
as Thanksgiving dinner
53. Eaten
by the homeless (Bill pate anyone?)
54. OOPS!
Bill shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full.
55.
Mistaken for a Pi&endash;ata
56. Run
over by a zamboni
57. The
Microsoft Windows startup sound triggers avalanche.
58.
"Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.
59. Nuclear
warhead explodes at ground Bill.
60.
Scientific experiments on Bill sublimation temperature.
61. Crushed
between plates in a fault line.
62. Blended
into McBill shakes, and pressed into McBill patties (would you like
McFries with that?)
63.
Inquiring minds want to know... What is the tensile strength of Bill?
64. Used as
a crash test dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what can happen
to you if you don't wear your seat belt.
65. Bill
becomes one with Oscar Myer.
66. Bill
used as shark bait.
67. Used as
a guinea pig in a pain threshold study.
68. Used in
a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting this
tin can, the ginsu knives rip through Bill's flesh with ease.
69.
Diplomatic mission with Klingons
70. Deep
sea diving in a locked steamer trunk.
71. Nato
air strike.
72. Live
organ donor.
73.
Egyptian mummification ritual.
74. Plummet
into an active volcano.
75. Coated
in honey and fed to the fire ants.
76.
Conversion to sugar glazed junk food.
77. Quiet
dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer.
78.
Pilgrimage to the Holy land.
79. Tie him
down and run over him with a steam roller.
80. Visit
to the taxidermist.
81. Blasted
with a Neuron-T-disrupter.
82. Take
him off Prozac.
83. Forced
to watch "The Wall" video without his happy pills.
84. 100
hours of continuous "Black Sabbath".
85. Give
him a lead role in a snuff film.
86. Tar and
feathered by crazed computer users.
87.
Spontaneous combustion.
88.
Bludgeoned to red paste.
89.
Compressed to a singularity.
90. Bent,
folded and mutilated by Canada Post.
91. Send
him to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin.
92. The
plague
93.
Extruded through microcapilliaries.
94. Forced
to spend a week with Bart Simpson.
95. Bill
goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop.
97.
Pre-mortum autopsy reveals that Bill's head is full of worms.
98. Massage
with a stun gun.
99. Heat
pasteurization.
100. Bill
stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie.
101.
Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank.
102. Bill
meets Elmira (I'm gonna hug him and squeeze him to itty bitty
pieces.)
103. Put
Bill in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT.
104. Put
Bill in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt.
105. Make
him the drummer of Spinal Tap.
106. Use
him as a zap-o-matic target.
107. Paint
him green & give him to Gallager for his Sledge-o-matic.
108. Paint
him green & give him to David Letterman for a 10 story drop.
109.
Confine him with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglas Adams).
110. Put a
horse collar on him and abandon him on alt.sex.beastiality.
111. Stick
him in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge.
112. Paint
"Branch Dividian & Proud of it" and drop him off at the BATF hq.
113. Put
him on a blind date with Lorena Bobbit AFTER she gets her new set of
Ginsu(tm) knives.
114. Bill
scrapple.
115. Bury
him next to Jimmy Hoffa.
116. Tell
Tipper Gore he wrote a program on how to masturbate.
117.
Recreate the Challenger accident with Bill playing substitute
teacher.
118. Use
Bill as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases.
119. Hit
him with a car.
120. Book
him on an airplane who's new autopilot runs on Windows 98.
121. Grant
him the privilege of being the first person to cross a new bridge
that was designed using Windows 98.
122. Plant
a bomb in his Macintosh.
123. Make
Bill use Windows 3.1.
124. Get a
bunch of pauperizes to follow him.
125.
Spatial Anomaly.
126. Drop a
VAX on his head.
127. Shove
him out the nearest air lock.
128. Push
him in to a vat of molten steel.
129. Attack
him with nanites, have them remove his liver.
130. Hide
unshielded plutonium under his bed.
131. Travel
back in time and convince his parents to use contraceptives.
132. Swipe
$10 from Bill, get Bill to chase you. Run toward a very deep canyon,
but stop at the edge. Bill will zoom by. On his way down he will hold
up a sign that says "yikes!".
133. Get
Tim "The tool man" Taylor to re-wire Bill's helicopter beanie.
134. Force
him to take a shower with an electric eel.
135. Get
him a lifetime subscription to the "addictive drug of the month
club."
136. Take
him roller skating on the roof of a very tall building, with uneven
spots near the edged of the roof.
137. Aliens
abduct Bill Gates. Their space ship crashes when he tries to
"upgrade" their systems.
138. Feed
him to Barny.
139. Get
him a lifetime subscription to the "unstable explosive of the month
club".
140. Drown
him in bean dip.
141. Drag
Bill to the Recycle Bin.
142.
Replace Bill's heart with a mechanical heart, that runs Windows 2000.
143. Drop
Bill head first on to a bed of nails.
144. Set
Beavis and Butthead loose in Microsoft HQ.
145. Put
Bill right in front of a hungry T-rex.
146. Beaten
to death by an enraged mime.
147. Packed
in to a giant snow ball and rolled down the side of Mt. Everest.
148. Trick
him in to walking through a mesh of high intensity laser beams. Look!
Little bitty Billy pieces!
149. Choke
to death on a nice, hot cup of java.
150.
Bludgeoned to death by his own Active X controls.
151. Get
him drunk to where he passes out. Before he wakes up, fly him to
Briton and leave him in a car.
152. Shrink
him to 1 1/2"Ê tall. Make him roommates with a hungry hamster.
153. Stuff
him in a dryer and set it to "extra-dry".
154. Write
the split-second control system for his car in Visual Basic 4.
155. Put
him in a rocket and shoot him in to the sun.
156. Tell
him someone dropped a $20 bill into a deep well.
157. Shrink
him down to the size of a molecule and hit him with a proton.
158. Force
him to do all his work through "MS-Bob".
159. Brain
transplant with an iguana.
160.
Implant a device in to him that zaps him every time he tries to
sleep.
161. One of
a kind, Life-size 3D Bill Gates jig saw puzzle.
162. An
operation to surgically remove his wallet.
163. Slap
him silly with a concrete block.
164. Tie
him up in christmas lights. Dump a bucket of water on him.
165. Put a
Roto-Rooter up Bill's butt.
166. Tie
him up in a white sheet and call Ghostbusters.
167. Choke
him to death on the wide end of a spatula.
168.
Pressed to death in a giant waffle iron.
169. Cut in
to thin strips and used as fire lighter.
170.
Prodded with Klingon pain sticks until his head explodes.
171. Expose
him to that mysterious death fog that turns people inside out.
172.
Transporter accident. He materializes with his head attached to his
butt.
173. Switch
his glasses with trick glasses that make everything look pixilated.
Give him a gun and some ammo. When he starts killing people, call the
police.
174. Lock
him in a room with an infinite amount of pissed off monkeys.
175. Rewire
his nervous system. Connect his ears to his legs and his mouth to his
bladder.
176. On a
vacation to a beach, Bill lets someone bury him up to his head in
sand. They then run over his head with a lawn mower.
177. Fill
him up with unleaded.
178. Goes
hunting. Deer drive home with Bill on the top of the car.
179. Use
DNA re-sequencing to clone an "anti-Bill".
180. The
molecules in Bills body get bored and decompose in to hydrogen.
181. Mauled
by a small yellow funny-ol' bear.
182. Ass
kicken contest with John Romero.
183.
Accidentally crosses paths with a disgruntled postal worker.
184. Have
Santa bring him that exploding Barny toy he always wanted.
185.
Inflate Bill. Use him as a balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day
Parade.
186. Freeze
him in carbonite and use him as a wall decoration.
187. Pay
the janitor to put some extra wax on the floors. Watch Bill sliiiide
right in on Monday morning....
188. W31...
W95... W98... BOOM! You sunk my Billy ship!
189. Sell
Microsoft a ten ton led brick. Put it on their Bill.
190.
Slashed to death by a hyperactive paper clip.
191.
Crushed to death by a hard copy of all of the lawsuits against him.
192.
"Beamed" using 1997 technology.
193. In the
future scientists will discover how to convert Bill in to a clean,
efficient fuel.
194. Modify
his screen saver to produce suicidal subliminal messages.
195. Freak
foot powder / molecular inversion accident.
196. Pushed
in to a deep fryer. Cooked to a golden brown. Served with secret
sauce.
197.
Liquefy, consume and regurgitate Bill.
198. Switch
his deodorant with 2-ton mega paste.
199. Use
sharpened circular saw blades in a fun game of frisbee with Bill.
200. Lodge
100 Linux CDs in Bills abdomen.
CONTINUED
