201. The
ever classic stake through the heart.
202.
Abandon him on an Elbonian mud farm.
203. Put
him in the same room with Robbie the Robot. Robbie is pissed about
how Bill "upgraded" his sister.
204. Bill
plummets for 24 stories and lands in a pile of bullshit.
205. The
next Comdex with guest speaker Bill Gates, will be held in South
Park.
206. Put
Bill in the middle of a building that is about to be imploded.
207. A star
ship beams him up, but routes his pattern to a food replicator.
208. Thrown
at a canvas at over 300 MPH and used as art.
209.
Exorcism.
210. New
antibiotic that destroys Bill cells.
211. Lock
him in a small room with Terrance and Philip.
212. Stuff
his "Microsoft Bob" underpants down his throat.
213. Dies
of a heart attack after having a nightmare where everybody is running
Linux, MacOS, OS/2, BEos, etc, and NOT Windows.
214.
Crushed under a collapsing set of bleachers while scouting out new
territory.
215. Killed
by his non-evil twin from an alternate universe.
216. Boiled
in a huge pot of macaroni. Mixed and served with cheese sauce.
217. With
no warning, MS HQ is about to be bulldozed to make way for a new
bypass. Bill throws himself in the path of the bulldozers.
218.
Stuffed in a giant donut and left in a police convention.
219.
Replace his nose spray with a mini-mega-suction-o-matic.
220. Beaten
to shreds with the ceremonial killamajig.
221. Bill's
new pacemaker with a built in wireless web server gets mentioned,
with a link, on Slashdot.
222. Thrown
in to a pit of rabid llamas.
223.
Cave-in while ass spelunking.
224.
Squashed by a twenty ton gavel.
225. There
IS no Bill.
226. Bill
tries out a new electric toothbrush made out of plastiqe explosives.
227.
Manufacturing accedient in Microsoft's newly aquired nuclear arms
devision.
228.
Soylent Bill.
229. Ripped
to shreads by a flock of angry penguins.
230. Killed
by a radation leak and brough back to life as a hologram - who's holo
projection system runs Windows 98.
231. Throw
a bucket of water on him and watch him melt.
232. Take
him for a ride one of the Navy's new ships with Windows-powered
navigation.
233. Bill's
attempt to start a new "Kentucky Fried Penguin" chain backfires as
the penguins start an "eat more Bill" campaign.
234. Place
a chip in his head that gives him an electrical shock every time a
copy of Windows crashes somewhere.
235. Mix
anthrax spores with his hot chocolate powder.
236. Launch
him into the sun.
237. Put
him in a car full of very angry badgers, set fire to the car, and
send it over a cliff.
238. Lock
him in a pyramid with millions of scarab beetles (the ones from the
Mummy)
239.
Hypnotize him and make him think itÕs safe to play street
hockey on I-5.
240.
Release mustard gas in his mansionÕs air circulation
system.
241. Dress
him up as species 8472 and give him to the Hirogen.
242. Dress
him up as a Centauri and give him to the Narns.
243.
Transmogrify him into a tribble and give him to the Klingons.
244. Send
him back in time right before the Big Bang.
245. Send
him ahead in time right before the Big Crunch.
246. Turn
him over to Steve Jobs.
247. Pay
Satan to send Bill to Hell early.
248. Give
Bill a job at a fuel refinery in Iraq just before an American air
strike.
249.
Transplant scorpion eggs into BillÕs brain.
250. Send
bill to an anti-reality and have him shake hands with himself.
251. Have
guinea pigs gnaw off BillÕs genitals.
252.
Replace the water in BillÕs private pool with gasoline and
while he is swimming drop a match into the Òwater.Ó
253. Have
him space walk without a helmet.
254. Tie
him to the wall of a room that is slowly filling with sulphuric acid.
Watch him melt away very slowly from the legs up.
255. Push
him into the top of a warp core.
256. Make
him try and convince Jabba the Hutt to switch to Windows. If Jabba
doesnÕt execute him right away, as soon as the palaceÕs
computer systems crash Bill will be Rancor food.
257. Drop
him on Hoth and leave. If the cold doesnÕt get him, the Wampa
ice creatures will.
258. Put
him in a mink coat and drop him on the doorstep of some animal rights
activists.
259. Fun
with razor blades.
260. Make
the government think BillÕs secret identity is bin
Laden.
261. Send
him over Hoover Dam in a barrel when thereÕs no water.
262.
Convince Emporer Palpatine that Bill is really a Jedi.
ÒBilly-Wan KaphoneyÓ
263. New
invention: explosive whoopie cushions.
264. Make
Bill decide which is the holy grail and watch as his flesh melts away
when he chooses incorrectly.
265. Send
Bill to the Institution for Psychopathic Mimes.
266. Put
him out with sleeping pills and then have fun with
sledgehammers.
267. Put
him out for good with sleeping pills.
268. Hit
him in the nose really hard. The bone with puncture his brain and
instantly kill him.
269. Lock
Bill in a slaughter house for a week and then throw him in a shark
tank.
270. Make a
Bill-o-Lantern. Be sure to get all the guts out of the inside before
you carve him a new face.
271. One
word: Gillitine.
272. Play
checkers. If he loses shoot him. If he wins shoot him.
273. Send
him to live in an Omish community.
274. Cut
out one of his eyeballs. Take a vacuum hose, insert it into the
vacant socket, and watch as brain matter is ____ed out.
275. Make
him fight the Rock.
276. Make
BillÕs mansion the new test sight for experimental
weapons.
277. Make
Bill the new test subject for experimental drugs.
278. Get
him hooked on speed.
279. Loosen
a few screws on a fare ride then convince Bill to go on that ride.
Watch as Bill flies away.
280. Grind
up glass and put it in his salt shaker.
281. Send
Bill on a one-way trip to Afghanistan.
282. Drive
a stake through his heart. If he doesnÕt die youÕll
know for sure he isnÕt a vampire.
283. If he
is a vampire, introduce him to a nice girl named Buffy.
284. Strap
him to one of the EnterpriseÕs nacelles and watch as he is
compressed into free-floating hydrogen when the ship goes to
warp.
285. Play
hot patato with a grenade. Make sure he is holding onto it five
seconds into the game.
286. Put a
shark in a tank with no food for a week. Then let it loose in
BillÕs private pool.
287. Put a
pack of dogs in a cage with no food for a week. Release them into
Microsoft HQ and lock all the doors.
288. Put
fifty hamsters in cages with no food for two weeks. Put them in
BillÕs closet.
289. Lace
BillÕs food with ecstacy for a year, then stop.
290.
Convince Bill to take part in a water gun fight. Use a flame thrower
for yourself.
291.
Hypnotize Bill. Make him think heÕs an experienced bull
fighter.
292.
Hypnotize Bill. Make him think heÕs an experienced tightrope
walker.
293.
Hypnotize Bill. Make him think heÕs an experienced F-16
pilot.
294.
Hypnotize Bill. Make him think heÕs an experienced grenade
juggler.
295.
Hypnotize Bill. Make him think heÕs an experienced fire
eater.
296.
Hypnotize Bill. Make him think heÕs an experienced air traffic
controller.
297.
Hypnotize Bill. Make him think heÕs Richard Simmons. Then
release him in a homo-phobic community.
298.
Pretend heÕs Frankenstein. Strap him to a bed and charge him
with several thousand amps. If he manages to survive take out his
brain.
299. Give
him some make-up and put him in a wig. Turn him over to Hannibal
Lecter.
300. Make
him spend the night in the Bates Hotel.
301. Make
him drink several gallons of mouthwash (most mouthwash is
poisonous)
302. Just
shoot him.
303. Lead
poisoning.
304. Shrink
him down to the size of a bug and then have fun with a magnifying
glass.
305. If
you're a superhero, remove the giant lense from a high-powered
telescope, fly into orbit, and obliterate Microsoft HQ.
306. Divert
an asteroid toward Bill's mansion.
307. Send
him into the Matrix as an agent and make him fight Neo.
308. Push
him over the side of the grand canyon into snake-infested
water.
309. Tie
him to the back of a speed boat by one foot and weigh him down
somehow. Go for a high-speed ride over a chorale reef.
310.
Convince Bill that he needs some artifact in India. Watch him enter
the booby-trapped temple and never come out again.
311. Impale him with a Microsoft Excel Technical Manual.
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