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Joel: My name is Joel. This is Benji, my brother.
Benji: I hate you.

Benji: This next video is Blink 182's 'First Date'... Joel's still yet to have one."

Benji: Joel needed some anatomy lessons.

Joel: that's right.

Benji: He was all twisted up...couldn't figure some things out.

Joel: ...that's right...

Benji: (introducing lifestyles video) I feel like such an asshole for introducing our video.

Joel: Benji, you are an asshole.

Benji: all right, well I think Joel gets a little sweaty and nervous when you talk to him....

Joel: Heyyy...I can't think of a better place to be than hanging out on a college campus listening to tunes and watching rock vid--

Benji:  Tunes!?!?!??

Joel: yeah, you know, like songs from Default.

Benji: We never use the word 'tunes'!!! Rule number 4!

Joel: ...ok....

Benji: Joel gets intimidated easily

Joel: ...that's right.

Joel: *doesn't know he's on camera*  Dude!!! shut up!

Benji: Joel fell off stage. He tripped.

Joel: ...this is the new vid--

Benji: It's his new most embarassing moment. EVER.

Joel: Shut up...no, YOU"RE my most embarassing moment ever....

Joel: (talking about 2003 grammy nominations) We were nominated for a grammy.

Benji: Yeah we were, but we said no.

Joel: Keep your grammy

Benji: yeah, shove that grammy.....up your ass.

Joel: Could it be anymore obvious that he was reading from a cue card!? He's like this the whole time, *looks back and forth from the cue card to the camera and mocks benji*, "UH, RECENTLY..."

Joel: Welcome to All Things Rock, I'm Joel.

Benji: And I'm Benji...

Joel: yeah...unfortunately....

Joel: Go to mtv.com and tell us what you think of the show.

Benji:  And what you think of Joel, and if he should really be on this show.

Joel: That's right

Benji: I like dark videos. I got Frankenstein on my shirt.

Joel: *confused because Benji is random*

Benji: I started buying records kinda late. I got Nirvana's "nevermind", Rancid's first record, Joel got MC Hammer

Joel: *shrugs* Can't lie...

Joel: I really love Dashboard, if you don't have the cd you should really check it out. 

Benji: Joel listens to it and just cries, and sobs.....tears of heartbreak.

Joel: We're in a band called Good Charlotte.

Benji: Yes. Joel likes to mention that every time.

Joel: *acts stupid to distract Benji*

Benji: dude, get serious. You're gonna get us fired!

Benji: Hey, welcome back to All Things Rock, we're from the band Good Charlotte. THERE JOEL!!!  I said it!!!!

Joel: Thank you!

 Joel: I think if they had a California music award for the show hosts, we'd win.

Benji: True! We're really good. Well, let's check out the video, and while the video is playing we can talk about how good we are amongst ourselves.

 Post: Dear Benji and Joel, you guys are always fighting and I think since you're brothers, you guys should hug just once.
Joel: No. Sorry, no.
Benji: Yeah. Joel has this thing where he doesn't touch people and he washes his hands alot.

 Benji: (reading post) Some nice person decided to post a little poll on who should get fired, me or Joel. A little contest of something.
Joel: This should be funny.
Benji: Yeah... Well, 1% says that Joel should get fired...
Joel: Ha ha ha...
Benji: 1% says that I should get fired. That's 2%. The other 98% of people say that we should both get fired, that we suck, we don't know what we're doing, we don't belong on MTV, we're no good... We look bad...
Joel: OK, OK!!

 Benji: "Bonjour biatch! Au revoir biatch!"

 Benji: "Does it piss you off? That men are better than women!?"

Benji: (talking about No Doubt's video game) I’m buying that one.
Joel: I got Play Station 2 (points at Benji), he’s got X-Box.
Benji: Billy and Paul bought me X-Box. I think they just got it so they could play with it though.
Joel: Yeah. Thanks guys, Billy and Paul. We love you guys. Anyways...

 Benji: (reading post) Do you guys read actual posts or do the writers give you something?' ...Do you think that we're puppets? I don't make this stuff. Some kids wrote these things on the message boards.
Joel: This show can't afford writers.
Benji: Do you think I write these? Here, listen. 'Benji is hot.' 'Benji is god.' 'ATR rocks.' 'Benji is cool.' I don't think I write these. We are not puppets!
Joel: No more posts for you. (snatches posts from Benji)

Benji: C'mon Joel, who's tougher?
Joel: Okay, he is. No, wait, actually we have this dog named Cash.
Benji: Yeah, Cash.

Joel: Go to MTV All Things Rock message board.
Benji: and tell me how great I am!
 
Benji: *reading post* PS. Benji is a better host than Joel.
 
Joel: Welcome back to All Things Rock, I'm Joel and this is Benji.
Benji: Yes, I am Benji....but I am also the giver of information!
 
Benji: Welcome back to the best show on MTV, and we are the best hosts!
Joel: You're very confident...
Benji: Yes! I am the best.
 
Joel: Hey, you're watching All Things Rock and I'm one half of your hosts, Joel.
Benji: Yes, and I am the better half, Benji.
 
Benji: You know, personally, I haven't had any problems with being married and being on tour.
Joel: You're not married.
Benji: ...oh.
Joel: You never will be married.
 
Benji: *talking about buying a cd* you can go to your local Target store
Joel: Tar-jayyy
Benji: Yes, I used to work at Target. Uhhh, long story, I got fired for painting a tuxedo on my naked body at a company function...the punch spilled, it was a mess.
Joel: bad story....
Benji: bad story!
 
Chad (New Found Glory): All things ROCK! All things ROCK!!! *picks up rocks and starts throwing them at Joel*
 
Benji: I sorta feel like when people compare me to Joel, even though he's my twin, it's like kicking me in the face and then punching me again.
Joel: Well, when people compare me to you it's like....
Benji: *interrupts* Let's play the next video.
Joel: *makes face because he can't think of anything*
 
Benji: I'm Benji, this is my brother Joel, and you're watching my show.  *starts to read post*
Joel: why don't you just go ahead and read this since you're running things right now..since you dont' do anything else.
Benji: Thank you, my brother, for finally recognizing!
 
Benji: I found a shocking one
Joel: it IS a shocking one...
Benji: "First of all,I want to say that those wannabe punk rockers from Good Charlotte are the worst hosts I've ever laid my eyes on." *Joel looks at paper and makes a shocked face* "I don't think that they should be able to be on TV in the first place. Why don't MTV just find any bum off the street and give them a job to host a crappy rock show?"
Joel: *silent pause* Well, my mom always told me there would be haters, just keep doing your thing. Not everyone can love ya.
Benji: I...I don't even know what to say.
Joel: I wouldn't get a bum off the street though. You guys remember Jesse Camp?
Benji: You couldn't understand a word he was sayin'
joel: You couldn't understand "Ahyyahhayyhaah Jesse Camp?"
 
Benji: Hey kids, do not change that channel or I will kill you!
*Joel is lauging and shaking his head*
Joel: NO, it's alright, he's not going to kill you. He couldn't kill anything.
*Benji just stares at him*
 
Joel: I'm...I'm Joel and this is Benji
Benji: I'm...I'm Joel and this is Benji
Joel: *keeps talking*
Benji: *shrugs* I thought it was funny.
Joel: that's right....it wasn't funny. He's never funny *goes back to talking*
Benji: *makes funny face and starts doing the "robot"
 
Joel: And don't forget...
Benji: ...to give me lots of compliments!
Joel: Give him lots of compliments...he NEEDS them.
Benji: *nods in agreement*
 
Benji: They're going to be in L.A.
Joel: *stunned look on his face* LOS ANGELESSSSSS?????
Benji: yes...
Joel: HOLLYWOOD!?
 
Joel: We're standing here on this mosaic--
Benji: I made a mosaic in fifth grade out of noodles...
Joel: --very famous.... that's niiiice Benj.
 
Benji: This is All Things Rock and I'm Benji, and this is MY show!!! ohhh yeah, and this is my little helper Joel.

Benji: *after reading post* We sit on plastic boxes. And in order to make them look cool, they have lights in them, and they
get pretty HOT!
Joel: It's like a fire under your ass!
 
Benji: *reading post* "I agree, they should play some 'Motivation Station.' It's not a Benji and Joel show without GC videos."
*laughs* What's a 'Motivation Station?'
Joel: I don't know...
Benji: I don't know either, but that's the new term kids. That's the cool thing to say!
Joel: right!
Benji: MTV's the Motivation Station!
 
Benji: Ther have been a lot of problems with people downloading the new Dave Matthews Band CD...so stop it Joel!
 
Joel: and we'll have a video from--
Benj: bu--
Joel: umm, we'll have billy--
Benji: bu--
Joel: and paul on the show tonight, and--
Benji: bu--
Joel: dude! stop doing that I'm trying to talk about--
Benji: bu--
Joel: *puts his fist in Benji's face* SHHH!!!
 
Benji: Hey kids, don’t go anywhere 'cuz when we get back, we've got more videos for you...AND Joel and I are gonna have a
fist fight!!! *looks at Joel*
Joel: * shakes his head* **reluctantly**  stick around...
 
Benji: All that matters is Fame and Money!
Joel: *shakes his head* Shut up, OK? Enough, alright!?
Benji: *softly* ....alright.
 
Benji: Welcome back to All Things Rock. I'm Benji and this is MY show, and Joel's just hanging out. Nice to have you here Joel!
*pats him on the back*
Joel: *shakes his head* Thanks...
 
Benji: Look at this post I found. "Benji has good hair. Benji has cool pants. Benji is greatttt. Benji is..benjiful." Look, I have my
own adjective!
Joel: Okay, and for the next video...
Benji: *still rambling* I'm going to relish in all my Benjiness...
 
Benji: Have you seen Kid Rock's new beer commercial?
Joel: No.
Benji: It made me want to drink soda...
Joel: *stares blankly*
Benji: Was that funny?
Joel: No.
 
Joel: ...and this is from their '97 album, Nimrod.
Benji: Whoa! That's the year I graduated high school!
Joel: Yes it is.
Benji: *looks at camera* See, I told you guys I graduated!
 
Benji: Hey! You're watching All Things Rock, which is my show, and I'm Benji *looks at Joel*  Aren't you glad I let you hang out
sometimes?
 
Joel: So watch the VMA's, hosted by Jimmy Fallon.
Benji: My friend
Joel: You've never met him, you don't know him, he's not your friend.
Benji: Then that's my award.
Joel: No, it's not.
 
Benji: He's got these fake tattoos. I don't know if I'm down with that. Ya see, these aren't real.
Joel: Yeah, but he could....
Benji: Kick my ass? Yeah, I'm sure he could. (talking about Vin Diesel)
 
Benji: Change the channel and die. *smiles*
 
Joel: Hey, everyone, welcome back. I'm Joel and this is my brother Benji.
Benji: Yes, the rumors are true...we ARE related!
 
Joel: The guys in Chevelle say they're having second thoughts about their name, which was taken from the classic Chevy
muscle car, the Chevy Chevelle, which I really love.
Benji: I like the Chevelle.
Joel: Now why would you question a name like Chevelle?
Benji: I don't know. Why?
Joel: A cool name like Chevelle, when it could be worse. You could have a band named after a children's book about a little
girl. A book you never even read. A book like Good Charlotte. And then you have to answer all these questions about why,
what's the significance of your name, when you really don't know, you were just fifteen and you named the band. And now
you're bigger...
Benji: And you got a mohawk and tattoos and you're named after a little girl. It could be worse guys, Chevelle's an okay name.
Joel: Don't cry about it. It's all good.

Benji: *talking about the lead singer of the White Stripes* He says he doesn't have any ASSperations to become a big movie
star.
Joel: He doesn't have any ASSperations?
Benji: No...*continues talking* I've got ASSperations.
Joel: You do???
Benji: of being like, one of those guys in the civil war movies that dies, like right away.
 
Joel: We're doing this spankin' new style this week.
Benji: 'Spankin' new style'???
Joel: Spankin' new, yo.
Benji: Word.
Joel: Word. So, anyway, we're here with--
Benji: Wait a minute, your'e not making fun of hip hop are you?
Joel: No...NO!!!
Benji: Good, 'cause I'll break you like a fool.
 
Joel: *talking about some video director*
Benji: He also directed Christina Aguliera's video for "Dirrty" The best video in the history of videos ever!!!...EVER!!!
 
Benji: You probably shouldn't punch the floor on stage while you're angry...*points to Joel* You should punch your brother,
that's what brothers are for, you should hit your brother.
Joel: Well, I'm speechless...
 
*talking to the Halo Friendlies about bowling*
Benji: Do you like heavy balls?
Natalie: Medium...balls.
Joel: You know, kids, it's important when you bowl to use the right size balls.  Ya know, the balls are really the most
important part of the game.
Benji: Balls are important aren't they?
Natalie: They're very important....in the game.
 
Benji: They said the track was written about the overwhelming temptations of stardom.
Joel: I know I get overwhelmed.
Benji: You're not a star.
Joel: Oh, yeah....
 
Benji: *stops talking and listens to announcer in bowling alley*  They just called for the ball boy, Joel
Joel: Gotta go! *walks off set*
 
Benji: *talking about his equipment* ...which you probably can't see 'cause of a lot of stains from fruits and tomatoes and
other various items thrown at me while I'm on stage...
Joel: People hate you.
Benji:...small children...midget parts...
Joel: People must really hate you.
Benji: I'm not a very loved man in this country am I?

Joel: I hope they play at my wedding.
Benji: They wont Joel, you'll never get married

Benji: Oh no! One of my spikes is falling! Hair people, I need gel pronto!!

Benji: ....and we actually met Hoobastank a few weeks ago we played the Ace Festival in D.C with them and i wanted to talk
to the lead singer, and he would just run away, he looked scared and at the end of the night i cornered him and i said "Why
are you always running away, man??"
Joel: It's a BAD joke, I'm really sorry about that, kid's out there, sorry about him..i apologize
Benji: Hey I came up with that all by myself
Joel: Anyways..these guys Hoobstank...
Benji: Running away..running away..
Joel: all right, give it up, quiet. anyways these guys hoobastank....

Joel: The Hives are gaining a great fan following in Australia and...
Benji: The Hives? Australia? Dude, The Hives are from Sweden.
Joel: The Hives? *has a confused look on his face*
Benji: They're From Sweden!

Benji: (talking about people requesting a song a lot) Which means Joel here has been spending a lot of time on his laptop.
A-HA! (total fake laugh)
Joel: Shut up.

Benji: (responding to a post) I just want to say that if I was on the message board, if I do post, my name would be a lot cooler
than All Things Benji. Sorry, its not me.
Joel: Once again, people are surfing the net on someone else's......
Benji and Joel: Someone else's surfboard. (both look at each other and laugh....total twin moment)

Joel: Well my grandmother is a big fan of Good Charlotte. We're for the grannies.
Benji: My grandma watches the show so Hi Grandma! I e-mail with her.
Joel: Hi Grandma, We love you!!! *both wave*
Joel: Let's dedicate the next video to our grandma.

Joel: (speaking to the band Quarashi) Do you guys ever get tired of Benji trying to sleep on your bus?
Quarashi: Sometimes
Joel: It gets old, I know, I have to be on the bus with him.
Benji: Hey! What can I say? I'm a fan.

Joel: We'll still be on the Warped Tour.
Benji: Still having not showered for weeks.
Joel: Weeks on end.
Benji: *lifts up his arm and stiffs his armpit, makes a disgusted face*

Benji: *in valley girl voice* The last video of the night comes from the White Stripes and I think it's rally good!
Joel: Cool...umm *laughs* yeah..
Benji: You like em too? We listen to it when we drive. It's really good.

Joel: Well you can go to mtv.com, you can go to the message board there..
Benji: Don't forget to do that.
Joel: OR you could go to goodcharlotte.com, there's a message board there too!
Benji: Hey GC kids. *waves*

Joel: Every band dreams of that....I know our band does; we have a platinum record!
Benji: We've got platinum teeth man, sup wit that?!

Benji: *reading a post* We also agree that Benji is the best host.
Joel: *actually believes it says that and looks at paper*

Benji: You know, if one kid bought a record for every one kid that said I suck..that'd be a lot of platinum records, man!

Benji: Yes, it's the greatest one hour of tv you'll ever see!

Joel: Go to the MTV All Things Rock message board.
Benji: And tell me how great I am!

Benji: Graffiti's good kids. Get out there!

Benji: Well, let's take a look at Papa Roach's She Loves Me Not, and Joel...please don't sing along.
Joel: WORD!

(All Things Rock with New Found Glory)
Joel: I told you we knew NFG! I told you!
Benji: We weren't lying.
Chad: See this is what its all about...*shakes Joel's hand and gives Benji a hug, *Chad's about a foot taller than Benji, he looks
like a little boy hugging his dad*

Benji: This next video reminds me of my brother Joel.... he used to walk around the house all the time.... always rockin the
short shorts.

Benji: I remember when we called Limp Bizkit to produce our video, he never called us back. I auditioned for guitarist, he
never called back. I called his mom, he never called back.
Joel: I got a red hat.
 
Benji: This video was shot in an old theatre... .that's where Joel lives, in a dirty old theatre....Get outta here kids!
 
Benji: Up next we've got a video from Andrew W.K. You know, the mystery surrounding Andrew W.K. is what does the 'W.K.'
stand for?
Joel: Everyone wants to know.
Benji: Who knows?
Joel: Who cares?
Benji: Where's Korn?
Joel: What kind of name is it?
Benji: William.....K.....*thinks about it* .....k...k!
Joel: Who knows? Well, you know what? It actually doesn't stand for any of those. It actually just stands for Wilkes Krier. That's
his last name.
Benji: Sorry to disappoint you, but if you want to come up with your own little meaning, go ahead, go ahead, I'm sure we'll
see it on the All Things Rock message board....
 
Joel: (reading post) This post comes from GCChick20.
Benji: Joel's old screen name!