The Philippines is a cool country with a lot of history and stuff. It was founded by a dude named Ferdinand Magellan somewhere in the 1500s. He drove a boat from Spain over to the Philippines, coz he got sick of all the stupid Spanish dudes talking like a bunch of jabronies. Plus, the Philippines was hotter than Spain and had more exotic looking women.

Then a bunch of other old dudes came over, coz they heard the Philippines was so cool. But none of them had jobs so they started a government in the Malacañang. They used to sit around all day and write really important documents like the Pact of Batong Biak. One of these documents said, "Give us your tired, your poor, your roody poos and jabronies. We’ll make them work at Jollibee."

But then the Philippines got into World War 2, which I think is like, this world wrestling championship. It’s kinda like the WWF, only you put the entire country in the ring. Anyhow, I guess we sucked. And now the rest of the world wants a rematch. I think they should put it on pay-per-view.

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