The residents of Winnipeg are in a deep state of shock today after two unidentified men in their early twenties were found hanging by their ankles in the main building of the Trappist Monastary in St. Norbert. The police are not releasing details of the murder but police chief Alfred Skinner said the murders are frightningly similar to the series of murders the city endured last year. "This is not time for Winnipeggers to panic. We have the situation under control, and we've called in the FBI agents that worked on the cases last year. Their profiles and previous experiance should allow them to find the killers. We have established that there is more than one, and we feel they may be involved in some kind of cult. There was a bonfire set in the main bulding here, and we found traces of clothing and perhaps some DNA evidence. I'm not holding my breath on that one, though, it was several hours before the bodies were found, and it had been raining all night. Don't worry, though. We'll get these guys."
Skinner and other investigators seem optimistic about finding the killers. The FBI investiagtors arrived in the city within 4 hours of the discovery, and began work immediately. The monastary will be closed to the public until further notice.
Hundreds of protesters blocked the entrance to the Sterling Building today on Portage avenue. The building houses the offices for the Winnipeg chapter of the Church of Satan, and the protesters were accusing the members of comitting the ghastly murders recently reported. The protesters blocked traffic, handed out pamphlets, and in one case, physically assaulted a member of the church, Pernicious Ennoble, 25. Ennoble was hospitalised with severe lacerations and five protesters were arrested. The public opinion on the situation was divided. Some stated the church members deseved it, but others disagree. Jill Serenic said of the protest: "It's not fair to assume they did it. I mean, I'm not a Satanist or anything, but come on. At least give them a chance, you know? Prove it either way. Then get mad. This is ridiculous. This isn't democracy. This is right-wing mob mentality. I don't know why the police aren't doing more to stop it. I saw that kid get beat up, it was terrible. This one old lady was hitting him with her cane!" Serenic said she thought the police weren't doing as much as they could because they agreed with the mob. Church of Satan representative Rob Sabot was available for comment. "This is so stupid. I don't know why they're doing this! We've never done anyhting to anyone. The church doesn't sanction murder in any way. We don't kill people, and we've always tried to keep the public informed about our church so they know what we're about. We sent out a pamphlet to every home in Winnipeg when we set up the church here telling them about us. We're trying to dispel the myths about us, but it's hard. People don't want to listen. They want to beleive the worst. I can tell you right now, that as far as I know, no one in this church commited those murders. It could have been anyone that did it. And how can someone who would beat a defenseless young guy with a cane say we're bad people? I'm appalled." Church of Satan priest Sterling Peebles was unavailable for comment. In a shocking press release today, Walt Disney Enterprises stated that they merged with the mega-corporation Pentex. The CEOs of both corporations, Micheal Eisner and Cassandra Edacious, met with press yesterday to announce the merger. The deal is worth an undisclosed amount, but is estimated within the 12 figure range. Economists are somewhat leery of the deal, and fear the new corporation is ripe for a monopoly suit. If they are sued, it will be a hard case to press as both corporations are so widely spread. "Disney has essentially cornered the market on children's cartoons, et cetera, but Pentex maked products we use every day, all over the world. They don't have a monopoly on any particular market." says stock-watcher Bart Nebbish. "It would be very difficult to sue them. They probably have all of the world's best lawyers in their back room just waiting for a lawsuit to pop up!" Nebbish laughs. "Seriously though, this will make a lot of new jobs, and it was inevitable that the companies join.".
A seventy-five year old woman was injured in a rush as the doors to the St Vital Eaton's were opened at 11am yesterday. The store was offering a free gift to the first 100 customers, and the woman, Angela Hoary, was trampled by several customers as she tried to enter the store. "I'm an old woman, I have bad hips, I can't run that fast!" said Hoary. She is not pressing charges, as she suffered only minor bruises and a sore neck. "There were several young people who stopped and helped me up. It's nice to know there still are some good samaritans in this world." Santiaga Giovanni, 27, said she could't beleive people would trample an old woman for a sale. "It was like those old cartoons where the women are tearing each other's throats out over a dress. It was crazy. I couldn't just leave her there, she could't get up."
Eaton's staff rushed to help Hoary, and called an ambulance. "I'm alright now. And I got my free gift!" Hoary laughs. "It's too bad Eaton's is closing...the staff there are so nice." Eaton's will close it's doors forever later this fall.
What evidence do you have that he's in a cult? Kids these days dress very differently than even 30 years ago, but that doesn't mean they're bad. If he's 16, he's probably just going through a rebellious phase. He'll get over it soon enough. It sounds like you have some issues with your daughter though. Maybe you could consider family counselling? And try bringing up the topic with your grandson. It could just be a misunderstanding.
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ASK ALLIE
Dear Allie,
I've been so worried about all these murders...I don't know what to do! I'm afraid to leave my house. My grandson is 16 and his freinds are very strange, they dress in all black and wear chains and they listen to strange music. I worry they may be involved in the murder cult! I've tried to get him to come to church with me, but he refuses to go. He spends all his time reading strange books, and I think he's joined that awful Satanic "church". I want him to be a good boy, and not mess up his life like his mother did. How can I get him on the right path?
- Afraid in Transcona
Dear Afraid,
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