-begin: page 4 abridged galateialanademeter story v1.1-

Subject: More chronicles of a bewildered high school miscreant

and so here the real story of high school begins. high school was terrible. i was scared by every one and every thing in that school. at times i was happy there, but there were few of those times. i was always nervous. always self conscious, and usually scared. i thought very little of my self in those days. and all the kids there saw was that i was a scared and depressed little girl. or maybe they didnt, but that was what i thought. many of them thought that i was depressing, or just strange or a freak. see, you think there is only one meaning to that word. there are many my love. but anyway, there were many of the blonde holier-than-thou girls, and a few beautiful boys. and the mentality of the entire school was i do (insert hobby/sport here) and im the best and this is all that matters, etc. and there was no room for intellectuals in that school. even the intellectuals were the football players most of the time. the whole school seemed to revolve around what an elite group of people seemed to do or say. that started to phase out as the kids started to form groups and do things together. like a certain sport, or jazz band or etc. but there was still a fine line between the elite and the lower sort.

and i was depressed, so i was placed almost immediately in twain. that was what we called it. it was the mark twain school, but we were in the satellite in the whitman building. and we were the ghetto losers. all of the really strange people were in the whittier program. this was a program for kids who were messed up, but still very intelligent. most people my age or younger dont even remember that program was ever there, and it got replaced by a school for retarded kids. but that was where the really psycho kids were. many of my friends were in there. the two who stand out the most were evelyn and mark. evelyn was fondly called sprout by her friends. she had bright green hair. and she wore vinyl most of the time. she was neat. you would have loved her. i think her main thing was photography. but she was friends with mark, and i think i met her through him. he can come later though. during my sophomore year, i think i was still fifteen, there was this girl who wanted to be part of the crowd. she was fairly preppy, and she was very poseur. she wanted to be the most extreme of her crowd. so one day she was talking to evelyn about evelyn's nosering, and the whole subject came to the attention of me and megan. megan was this absolutely adorable girl, and you would have loved her too. but she was terribly into this conversation, so she told the poseur-chick to come to the bathroom during math class the next day. (we all had math together). needless to say, we all skipped seventh period the next day, but poseur girl decided at the bell to go to class after all. and so megan turns to me and says, well, are you chicken too, or would you like your nose pierced. so i said, well, whether i am chicken or not, it would be a waste if nothing got pierced. and so i got my first body piercing. this was to become a minor obsession later.

and so i get on with the subject of mark. this was to be the most interesting part of my life so far. there was a strange looking guy in school. he had long, extremely curly black hair. it was about as curly as the traditional african american hair. and he had a goatee. and wore a long grey trench coat. this was the sign then that you were fairly fucked up. it was the sign that there was more to you than just being a regular human being. your trench was your personality in those days. most people had black, i had green. in itself, the grey was quite unusual. and so i said hello. it was a short conversation, since i was being pulled out the door at the time. and so it began with mark. grendel was amazing. he was bitter, and cynical, but there was just enough reality left in him to keep him from the terrible cliche' angst filled character that most of us had in those years. we were a bitter little group. so i hung out with him. i first started to write in those days. i wrote my first poem then. i had already mastered the three am rant by then. so i moved on to real writing. the first thing i wrote was a terrible poem, which i think that i burned. but it was a start. the pain and horror that i had felt all through out my previous youth poured out in epic proportions. the pain that i felt was so intense, but most of it tended to pour out of me when i wrote about it. and this was the first time that i discovered the idea of release. mark was a strange person even then. there was a craziness to him. he was the kind of person that truly did not care about what people thought about him. he just seemed to want to be left alone. it was when you didnt leave him alone that he would get somewhat violent. and it wasnt physical violence either. he was simply very frightening. but never to me. and so we would cuddle. we would kiss. and i fell for him. he was the first real intelligent person i had known except for elena.

and he was at times amazing. and the worst part of it all was that even though he liked me, he never did love me. and so it went. there was about a year of this unrequited thing, until i said something in jest. i said i wanted someone dead. and he decided i meant it, and spoke no more to me. for a while.

but the story goes now into the twain kids. there were some kids there that had real problems. there were the old school twainiacs in then, the older ones. some of them were just whitman kids with problems. like minor depressions. most of them were whitman kids when i first got in there. but then the satellite started to act like it was supposed to. it started getting kids from all sorts of lockups. and two of them came my junior year. it was allyson. allyson who got me sane again. she came in, and i was depressed. then she went to work on me. in a few weeks i had realized that even though she was absolutely gorgeous, she was just as self conscious about her appearance, her attitude, her clothing, everything, as i was. then she let me know that i was liked for my inside, not my outside. and i finally realized that i could be just a crazy as she was. and i could be the same as all the other kids there, if i stopped thinking of myself as an idiot. so i lost some weight. and that was all i really needed to do to get my self confidence, the self confidence that i had not had since i was in third grade. we would sit outside and sun ourselves at lunch. we would sit on the hill in the back where beaver rarely ever came.(the security guard) and we had some kind of fun. the clover out there was really mutated, and i was know for finding four or five four leafers per lunch period. things were great.

and this was when alyson and kareena and i all were stuck on the light drugs. vitamin r, vitamin d, vitamin m. these were the regulars. and we would go to the bathroom every day. after second period. with lauren o'niel. and we would have our morning cigarette and huff a little dust off. this was before people got so extremely anal about the amount of cigarette smoke... and no one ever really cared that we smoked everywhere. we got away with murder then. and they were the happy days. the twain satellite was great, and then lauren got sent away to boarding school for a year. she got sent away a lot in high school. and so the twain three were left to our devices. we went out, stole, partied, got smashed on all types of crap, including every thing that passed through the club scenes. and mostly the daily doses, three or more times a day, of weed, mixed with vitamin. vitamin p,, vitamin d,, vitamin r..* and these were the normal fares of our days. and the entire twain program was awash with these poisons. and so the days of junior and senior year rolled by in a fog.

senior year went by in a fog as well, but one of the things that really hurt that year was the lack of many friends. mark was gone, as well as claire, mary, dave hoffman, ken. many of the people i had become close to were gone. there was nothing really left to do in school. and there was only tech. tech was my joy, cuz by then i was really rather good at it. i ruled the lighting board, and there was a place for me in the tech world. i think tech was the first place in maybe seven or eight years that i really felt competent. i screwed everything else up. but not in the theatre. no, not there. there was one world where i knew things. and misha was the only one left to take over,, so senior year was spent teaching her everything i knew about lights. and this was all i lived for for a while. the last joy i thought i could find. until i found chris at the end of that very same year.

...
oh yeah, by the way baby, i think ill retitle the chapter about chris as "whoops, my mistake"
do you like it?
...
*Prozac, Dexedrine, Ritalin.

«go back -- or -- continue on»