Willow Rosenberg stared fixedly at the ground as she walked beside Buffy toward her house. She tried to concentrate on what Buffy was saying to her, but her mind kept drifting back to the events at the Bronze. Tears continued to spring into her eyes no matter how hard she fought against them every time she thought of Xander confessing his feelings for her. << Why now? Why not last week when I still loved him? >> She pushed aside the thoughts and tried again to focus on what Buffy was saying. All of a sudden Buffy stopped, causing Willow to look around in confusion. When she saw they were standing in front of her house, she blushed slightly. She said goodnight to Buffy, allowing her friend to draw her into a hug, and then made her way along the walkway to her front door.
As she walked toward the door, she smiled. They were there, of course, right where she expected them to be. Their mere presence filled her with happiness and she almost felt like giggling as she opened the front door and stepped into the dark house. Turning on the lights, she walked into the living room and the situation hit her again with full force. Pain and anger washed over her and tears once again stung her eyes. Feeling the energy pour out of her, she went over to the radio and turned it on. It was already tuned to a country station. << Perfect, >> Willow thought wryly. << The music of pain. >>
Tiredly, she sank into a chair by the window and closed her eyes, letting the music envelop her. They seemed to be having a marathon of sad songs or something, which fit Willow's somber mood perfectly. Only half-listening to the music, she sat back and allowed her thoughts to drift where they would. Naturally, her traitorous mind couldn't think of something warm and fuzzy.
Instead, it tenaciously held to the memory of Xander finally saying the words Willow had waited a lifetime to hear. She should have been exuberant, filled with a happiness that she thought she would never experience. But Xander had chosen to finally unburden his soul exactly five days after Willow had awaken one morning to find herself no longer in love with him. She had gone to school that day and had actually felt happy for Xander when she saw him with Cordelia. A weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she had been really happy for the rest of the week. << And then tonight he has to go and tell me he loves me? >> The tears that had been stinging her eyes rolled down her cheeks as fresh ones entered.
More than anything, Willow wanted to stop crying. << I feel like an idiot. Why do I keep crying? Where do all of these tears come from? Buffy wouldn't cry if this happened to her. She'd just tell Xander she didn't love him and she'd be fine. Why can't I do that? >>
<< Because you're not Buffy, >> she answered her own question.
She angrily brushed aside the tears and turned her thoughts away from Buffy. As much as she loved her friend, she didn't want to think about her at the moment. << Who are you kidding? It's because you love her that you don't want to think about her right now? You can't stop fantasizing about her boyfriend for God's sake! You feel guilty. >>
As they inevitably always did, her thoughts drifted to the vampires sitting somewhere out on her front lawn. She had been thinking about both of them a lot in the past week and she knew she was going to have to make a move soon. She had already decided not to sit around waiting as she had with Xander. The only problem was that she had a fairly important decision to make and she had no idea how she was going to do it. Turning the chair around to face the window, she looked out, searching for Angel and Spike. She didn't really expect to be able to see them since they usually kept themselves hidden, but, as always, she felt the need to at least try.
Smiling sadly, Willow thought about the two men she had somehow fallen in love with. << God, why does this have to happen to me? >> she implored the heavens. << Why can't I just fall in love with one nice, normal, mortal guy? I would have to fall for two vampires, one of whom is the boyfriend of one of my best friends. Why does this happen? >>
<< Because fate hates you, >> she once again answered her own question. She had been carrying on conversations with herself a lot lately. << Somebody somewhere doesn't want you to have a normal, teenage romance. Instead, they want your life to be as complicated as they can possibly make it. Hence, throwing Spike into the mix. >>
Her life had been going along fairly smoothly, albeit guiltily since she was in love with her best friend's boyfriend, until Spike entered the picture. Then somehow he had wormed his way into her mind as well until she soon thought of little besides the two vampires. Her mind brought his face into the forefront and she smiled softly as she continued looking out the window.
Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw a faint rustle of leaves in one of the bushes. << Aha! >> she thought, turning her head to look more closely at the bush on the edge of the lawn. << There's one of them. I wonder which one.>> After a minute had passed with no further motion, she allowed her eyes to drift back across the yard. Her mind followed for a moment or two and then once again turned inward to reflect on the jumbled mess her life had become.
Closing her eyes, Willow forced herself to confront her feelings. << I love them both, >> she decided. There was no getting around that. As much as she had tried to change her emotions, there was nothing she could do. Now she had to decide what she wanted to do about it. She knew she couldn't wait around feeling sorry for herself any more. That part of her life was over. She had to decide which one of the two vampires she wanted to be with and tell him. She was still terrified of rejection, of course, but she knew both of them well enough to know neither one of them would ever make the first move, so her only hope would be to speak up. If they didn't love her, that would just have to be something she'd learn to deal with.
<< How do I make a decision like that, though? How do I decide who I want to be with when what I decide has the potential to hurt so many people? And how do I decide when I love them both so much? >> Tears once again welled up
in her eyes, but this time Willow made no attempt to brush them away. These tears were perfectly respectable when faced with a problem like this, she decided.
As she stared out the window, tears streaming down her face, she saw Angel rise from behind the bush. << Ah, so he was the one back there. >> Then she saw Spike rise from behind the same bush and gasped. << They were sitting together? That's strange. I thought they hated each other. >> She watched in fascination as the two slowly made their way up to the front door, Angel pausing to say something to Spike. They continued talking as they made their way to the front door. << Interesting, >> Willow thought, watching them. << I wonder what they're talking about. >>
When she heard the doorbell, the reality of the situation hit her. << Oh my God, >> she thought, panicking. << They're coming to the door! They want to talk to me! But, but I haven't decided yet! How do I talk to them without both of them figuring out that I love them? AARGH! >> her mind screamed as she hurried to the door.
Opening the door, she stared out at Angel, not thinking until the last minute what she must look like. Seeing Angel's face, her heart started beating a little faster, but she hid her happiness behind a mask of confusion. "Angel?" she asked quietly. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to make sure you're all right," Angel explained. "I hope Xander didn't upset you too much."
At this, Willow felt like laughing out loud. Xander had upset her, of course, but she had nearly forgotten about it already. Besides, Angel sounded so concerned that Willow knew he must feel something for her. Perhaps it was nothing more than friendship, but she could deal with that if that was the way he felt. He was a really good friend, after all. Instead of laughing, though, she just smiled. "I'm okay. "Thank you," she told him, and then took the plunge. "Do you want to come in?" she asked, trying to keep the hopeful tone out of her voice and make it sound like a casual offer.
Then he smiled at her and Willow thought her heart would burst. "Yes, I think I'd like that," he said moving forward.
As he moved, she saw Spike sitting on the porch behind him. She felt her heart contsrict when she saw him.
<
"Are you sure?" Spike asked and Willow thought she heard a hopeful tone in his voice as well. He smiled when she nodded. "Okay," he said, jumping to his feet. As he entered the house in front of her, he asked, "So what the hell were your parents thinking, leaving you here alone?"
She smiled. She had wondered how long it would be before he asked her that. "They weren't going to," she answered. "I was going to stay at Xander's, but then I decided a couple nights ago that I would be safer here than anywhere else," she added, smiling knowingly and closing the front door behind her. She hoped they would catch on to the fact that she knew they were out there every night, but they didn't.
The trio entered the living room and Spike arched an eyebrow when he heard the music. "Do you actually like this stuff?" he asked, turning to Willow.
She smiled shyly. She had forgotten to turn off the radio before opening the door, so now they knew she'd been listening to country music. "Not really," she admitted. "It was just on the radio when I turned it on. I wasn't really listening to it anyway," she continued. "I was just thinking."
"And crying," Angel said softly, motioning to her tear-stained face. "Are you sure you're all right?" This time Willow was sure she heard a real tone of concern to his voice.
"Yeah," she said smiling and allowing her happiness to shine through. "I'm fine. Xander just took me by surprise is all. I'm not in love with him any more," she admitted, feeling comfortable enough to tell them that. "Do you mind if I get something to drink?" she asked them, heading for the kitchen. "I'm sorta thirsty now."
"Fine with me," Spike said, looking around the homey living room. Pictures of Willow and her parents hung on the walls and Spike looked at them curiously, wanting to see how the tiny red-head he knew had developed. She had been an adorable little girl, Spike decided.
"That's fine," Angel agreed and sat down on the sofa, waiting for Willow to return.
She re-entered the living room, holding a glass of iced tea. Smiling at her two friends, she sat down in a chair. "So," she asked finally. "What are you doing here? Wait," she said quickly before Angel could once again ask her how she was doing. "I'm fine. I guess I meant what is Spike doing here?" she smiled at Spike.
"Well, um," Spike said, clearing his throat. He looked around the room, trying to find a way to stall the rest of the conversation. Finally deciding there was no real way around it, he looked up into Willow's eyes. "I just wanted to tell you that Drusilla is dead. She won't try to hurt you again."
Willow, who had just taken a drink of tea, spit it out in her surprise. "D-dead?" she stammered, shocked more than she had ever been in her life. "How did she die?"
"I killed her," Spike answered sadly, his voice barely audible. "I'm sorry that she tried to kill you," he added, lowering his gaze to the ground.
At this, Angel looked up in surprise. "What do you mean Dru tried to kill her?" Angel asked furiously, glaring at Spike. He knew that it wasn't really Spike's fault, but he had to direct his anger somewhere.
"Angel, calm down," Willow said in a no-nonsense voice, causing Angel to settle back into his chair quietly. "It happened a few nights ago. I was walking home from the Bronze and Drusilla attacked me. Spike stopped her. That's pretty much it," she concluded, forcing her voice to remain calm.
She knew she was lying though. That wasn't it. Sure, she had given him the basic rundown of what had happened. She had left out a few key details, though. Like the way she and Spike had simply stared at each other for a good five minutes after Drusilla finally ran off. And the way her heart had felt like it was going to pound out of her chest when she looked at him. And the way, days later, the mere thought of him still made her knees go weak and her head swim. She had left all of that out, and so the version Angel got was only a partial telling, the shadow of the truth.
She couldn't tell him that, however. How could she admit that, right or wrong, she had fallen in love with a monster that she had sworn she would always hate? How could she explain that she saw past the demon and knew beyond any doubt that there was a good person underneath? Could Angel understand that? Could he accept that perhaps all of their beliefs about vampires were somehow wrong? Of course not. So she kept all of those details, the ones that said what really happened that night, to herself and sighed softly, glancing at Spike.
"She was planning to kill me tonight," Willow said quietly. It was a statement, not a question. "Is that why you killed her?" she asked, looking up at Spike. "Did you find out?"
"I had her followed last night. I was told about the run-in," Spike answered thoughtfully.
"Never mind, Angel," Willow said quickly, cutting him off before he could ask his next question. "I was fine. I was expecting her that time. I had the stake pointed at her heart. The only reason she lived past last night was her relationship with Spike," she continued, looking over at said vampire. "You saved me," she said, speaking directly to Spike. "I couldn't kill her. I knew she would come after me, but I couldn't do it," she admitted, turning her gaze downward.
"Luv, if you had killed her, what would I have done tonight?" Spike said lightly, trying to cheer Willow up.
"Well..." Willow drawled, a slow smile spreading across her face as she realized what Spike was doing. "You could always have tried killing me or one of my friends. Isn't that your normal occupation?"
"Lately I haven't been doing that have I?" Spike answered. "Hmm, maybe I should go kill the Slayer to remedy that."
"Buffy's my friend," Willow objected. "How about Cordelia?" she added mischievously, a glint in her eye.
"Willow Rosenberg!" Angel laughed. "I can't believe you'd let him kill one of your friends!"
"Cordelia Chase is not now nor has she ever been my friend. She is someone I unfortunately have to see every day," Willow protested.
"Can I kill that Xander boy?" Spike suggested.
"No," Willow said, sobering instantly. "He's still my best friend. I don't want anyone hurting him. Is that clear?" she asked, pointedly looking at Spike and Angel. When they avoided her gaze, she repeated, "Is that clear? I may not be in love with him, but I still love him. You can't hurt him. I want you both to promise."
"But," Spike began, but was quickly cut off by Willow.
"No buts. Leave him alone. Everyone else is fair game I guess, Spike. But leave Xander alone. I'm serious Spike," she said, turning her piercing gaze towards him.
Spike faced her gaze head-on for several moments. For a moment he lost his reality somewhere in her eyes, but then he remembered where he was and with what company. He shook his head to clear it and then nodded slowly. "No hurting the boy. Got it. But the Slayer? Oh come on," he said in response to the look on Willow's face. "She can take care of herself. It might actually be a fair fight if you all stay out of it and let me face her one-on-one."
"No," Willow said firmly.
"Why not?" Spike whined, causing Angel to chuckle softly. Spike shot him a dangerous look and turned his attention back to Willow.
"You'd kill her," Willow said simply.
"You don't know that," Spike disagreed.
"I know you and I know her," she explained. "You could kill her if she didn't have anybody helping her. She's not strong enough to face you alone."
Spike searched for a moment for an appropriate response. Finally a childish grin spread across his face. "Really?" he asked happily. "I'm that strong?"
Angel had been becoming more and more amused the more obvious it became that Spike was completely under Willow's spell. He tried to control his laughter but was ultimately unsuccessful as he howled in mirth at Spike's last question.