Soliloquy
By: Frogwoman
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokémon....
Rating: G
Author's note: This is in four parts. The first is really short, objective, an...a- hem...very short...description of the situation, then the next is the situation from Jessie's POV, the third is James's POV and the third is Meowth's POV. (sorry Meowth's is so short, but I don't understand him as well as the other two...)
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Soliloquy
They had just blasted off and were heading towards camp, bruised and battered. James lay back on his sleeping bag, Jessie stalked around camp and Meowth started playing with a ball of yarn...
So begins the soliloquy...
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*Flames*
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I hate this. Every bit of it. I hate being in Team Rocket, I hate losing, I hate being an abject failure and I hate myself. Nothing new. I think my very soul is based on hatred sometimes. Which I also hate.
I don't hate those kids, though, no matter how much it may seem like it. It's not their fault we fail every time. I *do* get mad at them sometimes.
Okay. I get mad at them a lot.
But it's mostly because I don't like myself.
I think the only thing...well...person...in my life that I don't feel any tiny bit of hatred for is James. James is different from everyone else I've met. He's just...I don't know. Completely innocent. Full of evil, and yet totally innocent. I don't know why he is that way, or how he manages it, but he can be this totally innocent, totally nice guy when he wants to.
I can't do that at all. I'm always mean old nasty Jessie. I hit him sometimes, but I do believe that's because, again, I hate myself. I know it sounds terrible, but the violence feels so good sometimes and I hit James because I know he'll always forgive me, no matter what. He's good that way. I don't know how much it hurts him, physically or mentally, but he never says a word. He just rubs his head, or lies there, depending on how hard I hit him.
Meowth described me perfectly once. 'A tough, mean, nasty girl.' He can capture things so easily in such a *blunt* way. But its so true.
Meowth is another thing. He's mean and nasty and blunt...and has a very slight nice side you never really catch. I mean, one time he fell in love with this girl in the woods...she scared me, but she actually cared about him. I mean, who would care about Meowth? Not me. The little furball could die...but of course, I'd miss him.
For a few minutes.
Well, I don't know what else to do. I stalk around camp, angry angry angry and James looks at me like I'm a lunatic, or maybe just kind of fondly...I'm not sure which. Usually I can read James like a book, but sometimes he hides things so well. I wish I could understand how his mind works...
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*Roses*
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Man...she's beautiful...
I don't know why she gets so angry. She's pure fire inside. But I don't mind much. I don't really mind anything much. I hate failing as much as she does, but I just let it go. I mean, what can dwelling on the failure and tearing yourself down inside do? I tried that once and ended up practically in tears. Actually, I *was* in tears. That's what made Koffing evolve...
As for Jessie, she gets worked up, and then doesn't want to let it out because she's so strong and so she bottles it up and it makes her hate herself. She doesn't know that I've figured this out. At least I hope she doesn't. She can usually take one look at me and see through my soul.
That always creeps me out.
You know, I don't think a lot of myself. I never have. I was taught from a very young age that I'm not worth anything without money. That's why I want it so much, I guess. My parents thought self-worth equalled money, and that's what the taught their son.
I guess you could say I was abused as a child. Pysically, emotionally...just about any kind of abuse you can think of, I endured. I didn't know it then, in fact, I didn't figure it out until a few years ago. That was when I realized just why I'm so terrified of girls.
Yep, that's my one true fear.
Women.
You can't blame me though. Every woman I've ever spent time with terrorized me. Jessibelle, for instance, always wore into me how inferior I was. She was always too good for me, and she told me so. Not to mention the torture...
My mother never terrorized me, though. I think the only times she ever saw me were maybe when I was born...and I guess she looked at me when we had that family portrait done...I wouldn't know.
Then there's Jessie. She hits me, but it's different from Jessibelle. She doesn't hit me because I'm so bad...I think she just does it to get things out.
I'm in love with her you know. I have been since I met her. I don't know why. We just have some sort of bond, like we belong together. You know.
Or maybe not.
Like I said, though, none of us thnk much of ourselves. Oh sure, we act conceited, especially Jessie, but hey, we have to compliment ourselves.
No one else does.
Jessie just doesn't realize how good she is...
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*Balls of String*
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La-la-la-la-la...
String. I love da stuff. Especially da kind that comes in balls.
Anything round relaxes me fasster 'n' a massage relaxes a human. But string is da best. I chase it to get my tension out, ya know. Humans should try it sometime.
That Jess. She's 'strung out', pardon da pun. She needs to get stuff off her chest 'n' out in da open. She needs ta talk ta someone who understands her. Meowth is not dat person. Neither is Arbok, although dat's what she likes ta think.
Really it's James.
James is a nice guy. Down on himself a lot, but still nice. He understood me lovin' Cassandra dat one time. I think it's 'cuz he likes Jessie so much, ya know. He understands love. He ain't like most guys at all.
I know, all dat stuff sounds stupid comin' from Meowth. I don't usually talk about stuff like dat, ya know, deep stuff. But hey...
Meowth don't really care if those humans ever decide dey wanta do da right thing and get together. It's all da same ta me, long as I got my string.
Long as I got my string, I'm happy.
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Author's Note: Please give me feedback! (frogwoman_66@hotmail.com)
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