“Let me go Kid,” Lou said her voice hoarse with emotion.
Kid did as she requested and Lou fell gratefully back onto the pillows. Her eyes burned, her head ached, and her heart felt as if it had been ripped in two. She pulled the covers up to her chin and closed her eyes. Tears rolled out of the corners of her eyes as images of babies danced in her mind’s eye and overwhelming sadness enveloped her once again.
As quietly as they could, the other riders got ready for the day. Breakfast was a silent affair so as not to disturb Lou had finally fallen asleep again. Teaspoon had to order Kid to leave her side long enough to eat. When the meal was over Kid was coaxed into bed on Rachel’s promise that if Lou needed anything she would wake him up. Teaspoon shooed the others outside to their chores and gave strict orders that no one was to go back inside the bunkhouse except for meal times.
Rachel set to work cleaning up the remains of breakfast, setting aside a couple of biscuits for Lou to eat when she woke up. She put a kettle of tea on to brew as well, knowing that the strong liquid could bolster Lou’s waning energy.
She fretted over the young woman’s state of mind. As a woman who had personally suffered the loss of a child as well, she knew to some degree what Lou was going through. Even though her own circumstances had been quite different than the female rider’s, Rachel still remembered the overwhelming sense of grief and loneliness that she had experienced and feared what it might do to Lou.
“Rachel?” The housekeeper turned at the sound of her name being called and was alarmed to find Lou trying to sit up.
“What are you doing?” Rachel hurried over to the bunk. “You shouldn’t be moving around Lou.”
“I have to use the outhouse.” Lou said and grimaced as pain shot through her.
Rachel hesitated. Dr. Danes hadn’t covered what they were supposed to do if Lou needed to take care of her personal needs. He had only told them that it was best if they restricted Lou’s movements as much as possible.
“Let me wake Kid so that he can carry you to the outhouse.” She told Lou.
“No!” Lou exclaimed sharply. “I can do it myself.”
“You can barely sit up, let alone stand.” Rachel protested.
“I don’t want Kid’s help.” Lou said through gritted teeth as she slowly pushed the covers out of her way and swung her legs over the side. She struggled to lift herself into a standing position but couldn’t do it. She sank back down onto the bunk and felt tears fill her eyes as her abdomen was seized with pain.
“Either you let me wake Kid to help you out to the outhouse or we devise a way for you to relieve yourself in here.” Rachel said firmly.
“Fine, get Kid.”
Kid was already awake when Rachel moved over to his bunk. He had awakened the moment he heard Lou say the housekeeper’s name, but had remained quiet. His heart clenched painfully when he heard Lou reluctantly give her permission for Rachel to wake him.
As Rachel approached his bunk he feigned sleep. Her footsteps stopped beside his bunk and he felt her hand upon his shoulder. Kid let her say his name twice before he pretended to awaken.
“I’m awake.” He told her, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “What’s wrong? Is Lou okay?”
“Lou needs to use the outhouse.”
Kid got up and stretched before heading over to the bunk Lou was temporarily using. Lou glared defiantly up at him. Her face didn’t seem to be as flushed as it was the evening before. Her brown eyes were red-rimmed from all the crying she had done and in their depths was a mixture of pain and sorrow that brought lump to his throat.
He vowed then and there to do whatever it took to chase that look out of her eyes permanently. “Whenever you are ready?”
Lou nodded. She hated that she felt so weak. She disliked it even more that she needed his assistance to do something she could easily do on her own. “I’m ready.”
“Okay.”
Kid helped her into a standing position, wincing each time she let out a whimper from the pain. Lou took two steps with his help before her knees buckled. Without hesitation Kid lifted her into his arms and carried her outside to the outhouse. Despite her resistance to the thought of him helping her, Lou couldn’t resist resting her head against his shoulder. His arms had always been a place in which she had sought comfort before and regardless of whether she forgave him or not, having him hold her for even a few moments seemed to lessen the grief she was experiencing.
When they reached the outhouse, Kid opened the door, before carefully lowering Lou to the ground. He waited long enough to assure himself that she wasn’t going to keel over again, before he closed the door to give her some privacy.
It was a chore for Lou to draw down her long johns and seat herself upon the toilet in the outhouse. Pain like she had never experienced before flooded through her entire groin area as she relieved herself and she fought against the nausea that rose along with it. She didn’t know which was the most difficult for her to bear: the physical pain or the emotional?
The physical pain she knew would dissipate in time, but she didn’t think that she would ever really get over losing her and Kid’s baby. No matter what happened in her future, whether she married or not and had other children, Lou knew that she would always grieve for this first child.
When she was finished with her business, Lou reluctantly signaled to Kid that she was ready to go back into the bunkhouse. Kid opened the outhouse door and gently picked Lou up into his arms and carried her into the bunkhouse.
“Lou?” Kid began, but Lou was quick to cut him off.
“Leave me alone, Kid. Please just leave me alone.” Lou’s voice broke as she carefully rolled over onto her side, and putting her back to Kid to indicate to him that she didn’t want to talk anymore.
“All right, Lou, I’ll leave you alone.” Kid told her softly, his voice filled with conviction. “Just as long as you understand that I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here by your side, whether you want me to be or not.”
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