Author's Note: Evil, evil plot-necessary filler... Bwahaha!

Buffy stood in the center of her room, freshly showered and wrapped only in a towel, and stared at the two outfits on her bed.

“Hmmm,” her brow furrowed, “come-fuck-me,” she gestured to one, “or sexy-but-hard-to-get,” she looked at the other. Her frown increased. This was a life-altering decision.

“Ha!”

The loud shout from the doorway caught her by surprise, and she spun around to face a grinning Dawn.

“Dawnie, hi!” Her eyes went wide as she tried to cover her actions. “I was just…”

“Trying to attract more horny vampires from the Bronze?” Dawn rolled her eyes. “Puh-lease! Like I would fall for that one?!”

“Er…I…” Buffy’s face was turning a brighter red by the minute.

“I knew it!” Dawn exclaimed in delight. “I just knew that these late hours you’ve been keeping weren’t due to patrolling!”

“I have been patrolling!” Buffy insisted. “Every night…” Her face began to go purple at what usually followed her patrols.

“You’ve got a boyfriend!” Dawn sing-songed. “Who is it? Is it anybody I know?”

“There’s no boyfriend,” Buffy practically pleaded her case. “I’m just going patrolling tonight, really!”

“There’s no reason for you to dress up to go patrolling,” Dawn crossed her arms over her chest stubbornly. “Unless…”

Buffy’s eyes widened in horror, and the blush stretched practically down to her toes.

“Ohmygod!” Dawn squealed when her latest suspicion was confirmed. “It’s Spike, isn’t it?! That’s why he’s been so busy, too, lately! Oh my god, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before!”

“Oh god!” Buffy collapsed on the side of her bed. “I…I…it’s just…we were…I mean, no!…and…”

“This is sooo cool!” Dawn exclaimed happily. “Does this mean he can start hanging around here again? Can he come over tomorrow night? Pretty, pretty please?!” She clasped her hands together in front of her imploringly.

“There’s a lot of…stuff going on right now,” Buffy put her head in her hands. “Now’s not really a good time.”

“But it is Spike, right?” Dawn demanded.

Buffy let out a weary sigh, cast one glance at the big puppy-dog eyes her sister was giving her, and gave up. “Yeah, it’s Spike,” she said, suddenly finding something on the ceiling very riveting. “Oh god, please don’t tell anyone.”

“Oh wow!” Dawn screeched. “And don’t worry, I won’t. Your secret is so safe with me! Man, he’s got to be so psyched! Have you kissed him yet? Has he kissed you? Is he a good kisser? How far have you two gone? First base? Second base? Third base? All the way?!” she screamed when her questions finally got nervous twitch from Buffy. “Oh my god! What does his look like naked? Is he still gorgeous? Did you get a good look at his ‘measurements’? Did you—”

“Dawnie!” Buffy finally cried out, mortified.

Dawn gave her a sheepish look. “Sorry, I just…” she gesticulated wildly.

Buffy gave her an amused smile. “It’s OK,” she reassured her. “It’s just that I’m not sure if I’m ready to discuss the details of my sex life with my fifteen-year-old sister.”

“That’s cool,” Dawn said enthusiastically. “I totally get it. But still! You and Spike, right?”

“Me and Spike,” Buffy said dreamily. “Who would’ve thought?”

“Well, me for one,” Dawn rolled her eyes. “I mean, duh! He’s hotter than all hell.”

“Yeah, well if I’m ever going to go meet him for patrol, I have to get dressed, so shoo!” Buffy waved Dawn out of the room.

“Fine,” Dawn mock-huffed. “See what I care! Oh, and Buffy?”

“Yeah?” Buffy peered at her from around the door.

“Definitely go with the sexy-but-hard-to-get,” Dawn gave her a wide grin and ran off down the hall.

Buffy fingered the pale blue top. “Sexy-but-hard-to-get it is,” she said, smiling.

2002-Spike paced back and forth across the upper level of his crypt feverishly.

“Will you give it a rest already?” 1997-Spike said wearily. “She’ll come when she’s good an’ ready.”

“’m not sure this is such a good idea,” Buffy’s Spike clutched at his hair in frustration. “I mean, I lied to her! She’s gonna know I lied, and then she’ll hate me all over again, and then—”

“Oh, knock it off!” past-Spike rolled his eyes. “She’ll give you a good yellin’ at, an’ then shag you into the ground. You saw the way she was this afternoon.”

Present-Spike nodded.

“She’s crazy ‘bout you,” past-Spike said confidently. “The way she was cryin’? She’s got it bad…”

“That doesn’t mean she won’t call it off,” present-Spike insisted. “She has a knack for yankin’ my chain. Done it before all too often…”

Past-Spike sighed. “Well, then we’ll give her one last good night to remember, won’t we?” he cocked an eyebrow at his fellow conspirator. “But somethin’ tells me: after tonight, she’s never letting you get away.”

“So why doesn’t she show?” present-Spike demanded, practically bouncing off the walls.

“’s nowhere near sunset yet, mate. Give ‘er time.”

“Oh, like you’re such a good waiter,” present-Spike retorted.

“’m a terrible waiter,” past-Spike agreed, “but I’ve got you puttin’ on such an entertainin’ show for me while ‘m waiting that ‘s no problem.”

Present-Spike gave him an annoyed growl before returning to his pacing…

“This is Eagle One. Eagle Two, do you copy? Over.”

“Eagle Two,” Andrew said into his walky-talky. “I copy. Over.”

“Eagle Two, are you in position? Over.”

“Eagle One, yes, I’m in position. Over,” Andrew said.

“Eagle Three, are you ready? Over.” Warren’s static-y voice sounded over the walky-talky.

“This is Eagle Three,” Andrew heard Jonathan’s voice. “I’m ready. Over.”

“Eagle Two, is everything still clear? Over,” Warren asked.

“Everything’s all clear, Eagle One. Over,” Andrew responded.

“Eagle Three, prepare to move in. Over,” Warren said.

“Eagle Three ready,” Jonathan responded.

“You forgot to say ‘over’,” Andrew pointed out after there was a long pause. “Over.”

“Fine, ‘Over’,” Jonathan grumbled.

“We’re moving in,” Warren said authoritatively. “Over and out.”

Andrew watched as his two partners-in-crime scrabbled out from their respective hiding places on either edge of the alley and joined him and the back door.

“Stage one complete,” Warren said, his eyes darting up and down the alley.

“So, uh…” Andrew began, “how do we get in?”

“Did you try the door?” Warren asked.

“It’s locked,” Andrew informed him.

“This is a problem,” Jonathan said anxiously. “What do we do?”

“ ‘What do we do?’,” Warren repeated in a whiny voice. “You idiots!” he slapped them both upside the head. “We’re villains, remember?”

“Yeah?” Andrew and Jonathan said.

“So we break in!” he finished.

“I’m not breaking in,” Andrew insisted. “We could get in trouble or something.”

“Yeah,” Jonathan said. “You break in.”

Warren rolled his eyes in despair. “Fine,” he finally sighed. “I’ll do it, just like everything else.” He began muttering under his breath as he looked around the alley. Finding a large rock, he threw it at the window…

And it bounced right off.

Jonathan and Andrew began laughing.

“You throw like my grandmother!” Jonathan said, covering his mouth with his hand in an effort to restrain himself.

“Oh, yeah?” Warren said. “I’d like to see you do better!”

“Oh…um…” Jonathan suddenly looked nervous.

“Yeah, let’s see,” Andrew chimed in.

“Er…OK…” Jonathan hesitantly picked up the rock. “You guys might want to get back.”

Andrew and Warren took a cautious step backwards…which was a good idea since the rock fell from Jonathan’s hand as he was swinging back to throw it, and it landed behind him with a loud thunk.

“Wow,” Andrew giggled. “You throw even more like a girl than Warren does.”

“Then you do it,” Jonathan cast him an annoyed look.

“Uh, no thanks,” Andrew said quickly. “I throw like a girl, too.”

“Oh, fine!” Warren sighed in exasperation. “I’ll do it again!” He hit the window three more times before it finally shattered. “Aha!” he exclaimed in delight. “It looks like we’re in!”

He wrapped his jacket around his hand and unlocked the door from the inside. Eagerly, the three of them stepped inside…

To face Anya with a crossbow.

“Ahhhhh!” they all screamed in unison.

“Gotcha!” Xander exclaimed in delight as he slammed the door shut behind them.

“What took you so long?” Anya complained. “We’ve been waiting here for like ten minutes since we heard you outside!”

“Er…oops!” Andrew squeaked.

“Now, we don’t want any trouble,” Warren raised his hands in surrender, “so why don’t you just—”

“Don’t move an inch!” Anya screeched and accidentally dislodged the first bolt in her crossbow.

It landed two inches from Warren’s head. He gulped when she inserted the next one into place.

“I’m prepared to kill in order to defend my cash register,” the ex-vengeance demon said proudly.

“Oh god, please don’t kill us!” Andrew fell to his knees, wailing.

“Pleeease!” Jonathan joined him on the floor.

Another nervous look at Anya, and Warren was also begging for his life.

“Uh, guys?” Dawn asked from her position peering into the doorway of the rear room. “What are we going to do with them?”

“Let’s tie ‘em up!” a wicked gleam entered Willow’s eye. “We can hold them until Buffy shows up. And if they try to get away,” she gave them her best evil glare, “then I’ll turn them into toads.”

Behind her, Dawn tried to restrain her giggles when identical horrified looks passed over the three nerds’ faces.

“There are some chains and handcuffs in the basement,” Anya informed Dawn. “They’re usually for sex, but we can make an exception this time.”

“Sooo didn’t need to know that!” Dawn exclaimed as she went in search of bondage.

Xander’s face had turned an interesting orangish-purple color. “Let’s just get them tied up,” he managed to say, ignoring the bemused look on Willow’s face and the worship on their three captives’…

Earlier that same evening, outside a crypt not so far away…
 

Buffy took a deep breath to center herself.

She ran her fingers down her cream-colored skirt, making sure it was straight. It was nowhere near as short and tight as the one from the night before, but it highlighted all the right curves and gave male eyes – and hopefully mesmerizing, sapphire-blue vampire eyes – a good look at her expanse of tanned thigh. However, it did have the advantage that the zipper ran all the way down it – something she hoped Spike would appreciate later.

Her blouse was the same light blue one Dawn had suggested she wear. She figured her sister spent enough time around the vampire to know what his preferences were. And she had to admit, she looked gorgeous in it. The cut was just low enough to show off her cleavage without looking slutty, and the color brought out in blue flecks in her hazel eyes.

In short, she knew she looked fabulous.

That just left the matter of facing him, feeling like she now did about him and both of them knowing that she felt it.

She took another breath…

And opened the door.

If the goal that night was to take the other’s breath away, he easily won. Buffy’s eyes were glued to him as she made her way into the crypt.

“Spike…” she whispered, her voice low and husky.

He’d opted for the best technique to show off his assets. Namely, he wasn’t wearing a shirt.

The sculptured muscles took on a bluish tint in the growing twilight, and he looked eerily beautiful at that moment, almost too beautiful to be of this world.

Yum, her mind provided.

“I wasn’t sure you would come, pet,” he said softly, taking a step towards her.

“I came,” she said, her eyes never leaving his chest as she moved closer. She had had enough chances to memorize those taut muscles, so why hadn’t she taken advantage of her opportunities before?

“Buffy,” he said with a hint of nervousness in his voice, “there’s something I have to tell you…”

“Uh-huh,” she replied dumbly. He was close enough to touch now, and she raised one hand to caress the smooth marble of his skin.

His eyes closed, and he took in a sharp intake of breath. But when his eyes reopened, his resolve had returned.

“I lied to you this morning,” he told her.

Buffy’s eyes instantly snapped up to meet his, and her hand fell back to her side.

A pained look crossed his face. “Me – the past me – he didn’t escape…” he began.

“He let me go.”

Buffy spun around to see the other Spike behind her in an equal state of dress…or undress, as the case may be. Her already quick-beating heart broke into a frantic staccato as the same dizzying thoughts that had crossed her mind the first time she’d seen them together returned.

Double yum, her sex drive nudged her along.

But important things were being said, and Buffy wasn’t about to let them pass her by. “Wh-What?” she turned back to her lover.

“’s true,” he said apologetically. “He hasn’t fed,” he quickly assured her. “I saw to that.”

“Bagged pig’s blood the whole time,” past-Spike rolled his eyes in annoyance. “You’ve done a right good job of domesticating ‘im, I must say.”

Her Spike cast him an angry sneer before giving Buffy a sheepish look. “’m sorry, luv,” he said quietly.

“A-And last night?” she said nervously. “You knew…?”

“The instant he came back,” Spike admitted.

“But, why?” she demanded, confused.

Spike looked away from her, focusing on a random point on the wall just above and to the left of her head. “I just thought that…that if you spent some time with him, then you’d realize…” He seemed unable to continue.

“That you’re different?” she finished for him.

His eyes dared to meet hers for the first time since he’d made his confession.

“I know,” she told him softly. “I can see…” Her hand reached up to stroke his cheek, and he leaned into the touch, nuzzling against her hand.

“This is all fascinating,” past-Spike finally got so bored he had to break in, “but can you two make with the lovey-dovey later? We’ve got important things to do, people!”

Buffy and Spike gave him virtually identical irritated looks.

“Maybe we should tie him up again,” she suggested.

“Make ‘im watch,” Spike added.

She blushed at the thought, but oddly it didn’t sound as perverse to her as she knew it should. “Or make him join,” she flashed them both a feline smile.

Oh my god, I did not just say that! The lingering remains of the prudish part of her mind exclaimed in horror.

You’ve had them both separately, her sex drive countered. Why not two for the price of one?

Buffy decided that her life was a lot less complicated – and more fun – when she listened to the second voice.

In the meantime, it seemed her two companions were equally turned on by her suggestion. They each began circling her, and it wasn’t long before she’d lost track of which was which. The light was just dim enough that their eyes looked ebony, and she couldn’t see what lay beneath.

For some reason, her lack of knowledge sent a thrill through her spine. It was like playing with fire.

Twin growls echoed through the room from either side of her as the two Spikes faced off. A heady rush of feminine power flowed through her that two such beautiful males both wanted her.

They were circling nearer to her now, teeth slightly bared. They moved closer and closer, never taking their eyes off each other.

Buffy waited until they were close enough to touch before stopping them. After all, a fight was not what she wanted. Planting one hard firmly in the center of each vampire’s chest, she held them apart.

They seemed to come to at her actions and flashed each other apologetic looks.

It was then that she let her touch turn to a caress, each hand lightly toying with a different Spike’s chest.

“I meant what I said earlier,” she informed them.

For an instant, they raised twin scarred eyebrows in unison at her, and then they were upon her…

Ha! Amn't I so evil? Next chapter we finally get the threesome everyone's been itching for...but it will get written very slowly if I don't get any reviews. Bwahahahaha! The ultimate blackmail! ~_^