THE WEDDING A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd, alternating between bride's side and groom's side. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar . .. so it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing by the time he reached the altar.
The little boy, however, became distressed at all the laughing and began to cry. When asked what was the matter, the child sniffed, "I was just being the Ring Bear."
WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE?
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, AGE 6
"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, AGE 9
HOW DOES A PERSON DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, AGE 9
"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, AGE 8
CONCERNING THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED:
"Eighty-four Because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." -Carolyn, AGE 8
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, AGE 5
HOW DID YOUR MOM AND DAD MEET?
"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." -Lottie, AGE 9
"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." -Jeremy, AGE 8
WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -Martin, AGE 10
"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -Craig, AGE 9
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -Allan, AGE 10
"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -Kally, AGE 9
THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan" -Kirsten, AGE 10
"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" -Anita, AGE 9
"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will, AGE 7
Noah
I was listening this morning to preacher named Jack Deere who tells about the time he went to a school to discuss the Bible with 11 and 12 year olds. He thought that would be a pretty cushy assignment. How hard can it be answering questions from kids.
Well, the first question was "why did God create the devil" and it got worse from there. They asked him every imponderable from the dawn of time. After 45 minutes he was ready to cut his visit short because his nerves were fraying badly.
From the back of the room came a young voice: "I'd like to know what Noah and his family did while they were on the ark."
In exasperation, Deere said, "They fished!"
Another voice pops up, "well they couldn't have fished for very long..."
Deere: "Why's that?"
"Well, they only had two worms!"
God bless the children!
Great Truths About Life That Little Children Have Learned
* No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats
* When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
* If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
second person.
* Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato,
* You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
* Reading what people write on desks can teach you alot.
* Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
* Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
* Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
* School lunches stick to the wall.
* You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
* Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
This conversation took place after a grandmother read a bedtime story
to her five year old granddaughter:
Child: Grandma, it's very said about Jesus isn't it ?
Grandma: Yes, dear.
Child: They put him on a cross, didn't they ?
Grandma: Yes, dear.
Child: They used pins to stick Him on and it must have hurt an awful lot.
Grandma: Yes, darling, but God was looking after him.
Long silence.....
Child: Why didn't they use sticky tape?
Words of Wisdom
It's not the pace of life that concerns me; it's the sudden stop at the end.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the
bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
Lead me not into temptation. I can find the way myself.
When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians - the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
It's not hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere.
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better attorney.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Light travels faster than sound. Is that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Why do you press harder on the remote control when you know that the battery is dead?
Why does sour cream have an expiration date?
Why do banks charge you an "insufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?
Why is the alphabet in that order?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Why are there 5 syllables in "monosyllabic"?
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro," what is the opposite of "progress"?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do Roman paramedics refer to "IV's" as "4's"?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the 'self-help' section?" She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
If all of those psychics have the winning lottery numbers, why are they still working?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut?
War doesn't determine who is right, just who is left.
