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Monday, October 6, 2003 The bad news: This will be the last post in my hand-crafted weblog. The good news: I now have a Live Journal account which allows me to post more easily and also allows readers to post comments! So that means I expect you all to comment on my posts there. :) That means you, Tom! And you, Amy! And you, Mom! Anyhow, the new log can be found at: http://www.livejournal.com/~gena_st. Go there. NOW. |
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Monday, October 6, 2003 The Eagle He clasps the crag with crooked hands; Close to the sun in lonely lands, Ring'd with the azure world, he stands. The wrinkled sea beneath him crawls; He watches from his mountain walls, And like a thunderbolt he falls. -Alfred Lord Tennyson |
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Friday, October 3, 2003 Melissa sent me this in regards to my last post, and, when it doesn't make me cry, it's really good...: "But how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer." -- Sammmmmmmmmmmm.... heehee... ;o) |
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Thursday, October 2, 2003 Tom was whining that I hadn't update my weblog in a while, so, here I am, updating. Blah, blah, blah. There. Happy? ;) But, seriously, I haven't updated much in the past 2 months because I have been in some very bad places, and I have not been able to muster up the words to express myself adequately. "Broken", "lost", "hopeless", "angry", "scared"... These all are aspects, but don't quite summarize it. My psychiatrist doesn't understand me. He says no one who's in the manic phase comes to the doctor - only the depressed people. What he doesn't understand is that I've been depressed for so long that being manic scares the snot out of me. It isn't me, and, while it may feel good to be happy and have energy, I just don't like it. And then there are the downswings, which are ten times worse since they start from ten times higher. But today, finally, I'm starting to feel like things are changing. I think I might actually be able to go out and do some of the things I used to do. Not all at once, of course. It might take a long time. I'm still adjusting to where I am and how to cope with being here. But, somehow, the mountain doesn't look so high. Maybe it's just the manic side talking, but I'll take whatever I can get right now. |
