Randy scanned through her e-mail. A month's worth of mail had cluttered itself in her mailbox. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out what Isaac had meant. A screen name popped out of the screen at her. JORMAN43. The date left her paralyzed.
"What?" she mumbled. Her brain was reeling. Was this a sick prank?
She opened the e-mail, her hand shaking so hard she could barely double click the mouse on the READ button. The e-mail opened up. Her eyes swept across the e-mail. The words doubled and blurred before her. She breathed in tremulously.
Subj: I wanna go home...
Date: 12/12/01 2:00:00 PM Central Standard Time
From: Jorman43@aol.com
To: Peanuts02@hotmail.com
To my dearest Randy,
I wish I were with you right now. It's beautiful up here, looking down on the clouds. It doesn't compare to you, though. I would trade in all of the beautiful scenery for a moment with you. All of the riches on heaven and on earth wouldn't amount to a dirty penny found underneath a coke machine compared to a second in your presence. I love you. I will until the sun burns out and all of the stars come crashing down. I'll love you until time ceases to exist. I miss you like crazy. Every second away from you is torture. Every second without you is pain. I can't live without you. I wouldn't live without you. We'll be together someday. Keep holding on for someday.
Loving You,
Taylor
Randy felt her heartbeat slowing down. It felt as though a heavy burden was being lifted from her shoulders. He wanted to be with her. He wouldn't have left her even if it had been for his own good. He didn't think twice about leaving her. Never.
Happy tears ran down her cheeks like small waterfalls.
Taylor loved her, and there was no way around it. He would give up everything to be with her. He did give up everything to be with her in the end. Now she was left to carry on without him. But she had someday to look forward to, didn't she? Someday, they would be together again, and no one would ever take them away from each other.
Someday.
Randy made it to school the next day. She showered and put on clean clothes. Although she was still thin and a bit wan, she was in much better spirits. Her eyes had regained their sparkle and she managed to smile. After school, she called Lia and thanked her for sending Isaac to talk to her. Then she called Isaac and thanked him for coming by. He was relieved that she had gone back to school.
When she got home, she sat down at her computer. She was going to write a reply to Taylor's last e-mail. She cranked up her stereo as loud as it would go. Something takes a part of me. Something lost and never seen. Every time I start to believe, Something's raped and taken from me... Lia had always been a Korn fan. She'd always liked this song. Words of love and admiration for Taylor flowed onto the no-longer-empty e-mail.
Life's got to always be messing with me. You wanna feel alive. Can't they chill and let me free? So do I. Can't I take away all this pain? You wanna feel alive. I try to every night, all in vain... She respected him and was so proud of everything he had ever done.Sometimes I cannot take this place. Sometimes it's my life I can't taste. Sometimes I cannot feel my face. You'll never see me fall from grace. She told him about the girl, telling him things that he might not know. Things that she had found out. Taylor had been dead on impact, Isaac had told her. He probably hadn't even heard the shot. Something takes a part of me. You and I were meant to be. A cheap fuck for me to lay. Something takes a part of me. Bile rose in her throat. She's dead, she told him, that girl. She told him she didn't know her name or where she was from - though she guessed she was from somewhere in Washington. She told him how mad it made her to think of him being shot down by a complete stranger. Feeling like a freak on a leash. You wanna feel alive. Her anger was blistering hot. She didn't understand why that girl had been so stupid to shoot Taylor. Feeling like I have no release. So do I. Real love is all about knowing when to let go, she said. How many times have I felt diseased? You wanna feel alive. It's about being willing to pay the price for your love. Nothing in my life is free...Randy read over the e-mail. Something takes a part of me. The words were nonsensical. She knew that somewhere, Taylor was reading them right now. He would understand. You and I were meant to be. She was forgiving the stranger who had taken Taylor from her. In her heart she knew that Taylor wasn't meant to grow old. A cheap fuck for me to lay. He would always be youthful. In her memory, he would always be beautiful. Something takes a part of me. She deleted the unsent message, serenity sweeping through her body.