Forever More
Part 1 - Hope
Chapter Fifteen
The boys had just headed out the door for the bus that morning. Rebecca was still in her bathrobe clearing their dishes from the table when Scott appeared out of the hallway with shoes in hand. Sitting down at the table he bent over to pull them on and she set his coffee beside him. It was now their usual routine. When he was there he would shower and leave right after the boys and she would get ready for work.
On that particular morning he had nearly finished his coffee and getting up to go came over to the sink where Rebecca was rinsing some bowls. Slipping his arms around her waist from behind he nuzzled her neck and told her to have a good day at work.
He took one last gulp before placing the empty cup in the water with her. He was nearly out the door when Rebecca quickly grabbed a towel and dried her hands as she remembered something that she had wanted to ask him. "Oh, I know! What about that awards show in Los Angeles? You haven’t’ said any more about it and if I have to get a special dress I think that I had better start looking. Besides, I have to ask for some time off work. What is the date on that?" she asked lifting up two pages on the calendar that she hadn’t changed since March.
Scott didn’t answer. Rebecca turned around, Hadn’t he heard her?
Scott stood there soberly looking at the floor and then finally raised his eyes. He took a breath trying to collect his words. He tried a second time. "You can’t go," he finally managed to pull from within.
Rebecca just stood, mute, wondering what she had just heard.
"Linda’s going now."
The words ripped through her. Tears welled up in her eyes.
"Look, I knew that you’d be upset I guess I just didn’t know how to tell you." He reached over for her. Pulling back she turned to get a tissue. "Please don’t do this!" he begged. "Its just that Linda said she wasn’t going to go and now she is."
If those words were supposed to be of comfort they were not. They only cut worse.
"We’ll talk about this later, OK? I don’t want you to get upset. I promise, I’ll take you to L.A. soon anyway. We’ll get you that dress and I’ll take you to the best club and we’ll have a wonderful time."
By now it seemed he was trying to smooth things over and knew that he had gone too far. He knew that it wasn’t the trip itself that was upsetting her.
Rebecca tried to pull herself together. She didn’t have time to get into this right now either. She had to hurry to get ready for work or rather she was using that as an excuse not to think about it. He came over and hugged her and wiped her tears telling her that he loved her and he would call that night. But for right now don’t be this way.
After he left Rebecca stood in the kitchen and a terrible sick feeling engulfed her entire body. She felt nauseated and ran into the bathroom where she became ill. Splashing water on her face she looked up at her reflection in the mirror. Suddenly she saw who she truly was, the other woman.
The thought sickened her again. Linda was not gone from Scott’s life. She was still very much a part of it. It was true, she had replaced Linda in New York and probably Montreal too. The only reason that he had invited her to L.A. was because Linda chose not to go in the first place. Then changing her mind it was Rebecca who had to be told that she could not go. This was the way it was. She had to face the truth. It was Linda who had the right to be there, not her. There would be people there who knew her and were her friends.
Without even knowing it Scott had let her know exactly where she stood. She was there when it was convenient for him, and she knew it. All these months he had fit her and the boys in when he could. When she had wanted to think that he had made time for them she was now seeing very clearly that they were always there whenever he needed them. She had made herself available to him at all times.
Linda was still very much there in his life. Without ever asking she had sensed it but clung to the hope that his love for her was stronger. Sometimes she had even felt sorry for Linda, If she only knew how he really felt. Now suddenly everything was coming back looking at her in that mirror. She was the fool.
How stupid of her to think that he would ever leave Linda for her. If Scott had indented to leave her he would have done it by now. The realization hit her with full force. He still loved Linda. He has been sleeping with both of you all this time.
Somehow she had not brought herself to think about that. When they made love it was so beautiful, so meaningful and caring. There was no way that he could be lying with her, or so she had wanted to believe. She became sick again and then crawled under the blankets of her bed and sobbed, where just a few hours earlier he had held her and made love to her and told her how much he loved her.
Scott had been in the studio most all day working with a friend of his who had driven over from Detroit. By the time Bob left it was nearly eight o’clock in the evening. He had been checking the clock for the last two hours knowing that he wanted to call Becky.
She had been very upset when he left that morning and he had hoped that by now things had calmed down and he would have a chance to talk to her. He really wanted to see her but he had been gone the night before and knew that Linda wanted him home. She had said something about their neighbors, a couple just up the road, stopping by later. It was later than he had wanted now and he knew that he had to call Becky before they arrived.
He dialed the number. Kyle answered.
"My mommy’s sick." he mumbled into he phone.
"Why? What’s wrong?" Scott worriedly asked the boy.
"I dunno. She’s just sick."
"Can you go get her for me?" he asked.
Kyle put down the receiver and returned a few minutes later. "She says she’s too sick to come to the phone."
"Did you tell her it was Scott?"
"Yeah," Kyle sounded somewhat unconcerned.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
By now all he could think was that Becky was very ill and maybe needed some help. He didn’t seem to be getting anywhere with the boy. "Let me speak to Ethan." Scott instructed into the phone.
When Ethan picked up the phone Scott asked him what was wrong with his mother. He didn’t know either. He then asked him to go check again. Coming back to the phone he told Scott that his mom didn’t want to talk to him and added that she was crying. "She didn’t go to work today."
"Oh, God!" he breathed.
He hung up the phone and didn’t know what to do. He stood, feverishly thinking. For whatever reason he had to go now. Just as he came up the stairs their company arrived. How was he going to explain that he had to leave?
Taking Linda aside in the living room he told her that something had come up and he had to leave. She glared at him. "Scott, Bill and Carol just got here."
She could tell that he was very upset. She looked at him. Her voice changed, "Where are you going?"
"I’m going," he paused, "Just out! OK?"
"No!" she came back very authoritatively. "We have company!"
Turning to the couple sitting on the sofa he explained, "Something has come up and I have to leave for a while."
They looked surprised but understood and motioned that he hurry back. Scott made his way back through the kitchen and was just starting down the hallway to the garage when Linda came up right behind him.
"What are you doing?"
"I told you, I have to go take care of something."
She was furious! "What," she paused, "No, WHO’S so damned important that you have to go running off, huh?"
He turned and gave her a coarse look. "Just leave me alone!" he blurted out as he tried to get passed her. She was now blocking the door.
Their voices rose louder and the couple in the living room were catching bits and pieces of what they knew to be an argument.
He had made it passed Linda pushing her out of the way and was now in the car driving out of the garage as she stood calling him many names enhanced by numerous expletives.
He drove much too fast all the way there and arrived at Becky’s in about twenty minutes. Both boys seemed glad that he was there.
"Mom’s sick," Kyle reiterated possibly forgetting that he had even mentioned that earlier.
Scott opened the door to Rebecca’s bedroom. It was dark and he saw her form lying on the bed. She had heard the car drive in. She knew he was there. Sitting down next to her he wasn’t sure what to say.
"What’s wrong?"
She lay, not moving.
"Becky, are you all right?" he asked again only a little louder.
"No." she answered in a voice that was hoarse from crying all day.
He took a heavy sigh and tried to turn her over. "Talk to me."
"Scott, don’t," she responded.
"Ethan says that you didn’t go to work today."
"No." She was crying again.
"Are you really sick? Should I take you to the hospital?"
"No."
"Please talk to me," he pleaded now knowing that she must have been like this since he had left that morning.
"Scott, I don’t want to talk. Just, just go."
He knew now. "Oh, god!" he ran his hand over his face. ""I’m sorry about this morning. I knew how much you wanted to go. I should have just told you."
"Its not the trip," she offered turning slightly toward him.
"Then what is it?" He already knew but had hoped not.
"I can’t do this anymore." Her words trembled from her lips as she spoke. "I can’t do this, Scott. I can’t go on like this."
"Don’t do this," he pleaded again.
"Don’t you see? Oh, don’t you see?" she repeated begging him to understand. "I’m the other woman!"
Her words stung.
"No. I love you."
"I want to believe that, but I can’t."
"Its true."
"No, and even if it was, you still love Linda."
He couldn’t say anything. She knew what his silence meant. Even up until now she had wanted to believe that he did love her. Suddenly all doubt was gone. He truly did love Linda. What ever he had felt for her, whatever they had shared and no matter how special did not make him love her any less. She knew that now.
"What are you doing? What are you trying to say to me?" he was now walking about the room not knowing for sure what to do or say next.
"I can’t share you."
He sat back down on the bed.
"I can’t do it, Scott. I can’t go on every day hoping that you will call and knowing that maybe you can’t. Do you know how hard it is for me to know that you leave here and go home to her?"
He now held his head in his hands.
They continued to talk and it became more and more clear that she was putting him out of her life. He couldn’t bring himself to hear this. He wouldn’t hear this! But as they talked he knew that she had made up her mind.
Unwittingly he had done this to her. He had hurt her so much when all he really felt was so much love for her. But it was true, he did love Linda or at least he had. It was all so complicated. He didn’t want any of this to be happening but even as they spoke he knew his whole world was crumbling down around him.
They talked a long time alone together there in the dark room. No matter what he said, no matter how he begged, nothing could change her mind. As much as he wanted to deny that he still loved Linda he knew that he couldn’t. Rebecca was no longer believing how he felt about her, how much he loved her, how much he needed her, what she meant to him. Nothing mattered. It wasn’t even important anymore that she was truly in love with him.
By the time he stood up there seemed to be nothing left to say. It was all over.
When he shut the bedroom door behind him Rebecca was lying on the bed crying. He could not comfort her. She didn’t even want him there. "Just go." she had told him.
Choking back the large lump the had crept into his throat he made his way up the darkened hallway to the living room where the boys were sitting on the floor watching television.
"Mommy, OK?" Ethan asked as Scott sat down on the sofa behind them.
Ethan turned around and saw that Scott was visibly upset and got up. "What’s wrong?" he asked.
"I, ah, may not see you guys for awhile," Scott fumbled on the words.
"Why?" Kyle got up to join them.
"Well, I’m, ah, gonna be pretty busy. So," he paused to think, "I won’t be around here anymore."
Scott sat trying to comfort two little boys who were obviously upset about not seeing him again and not understanding why. After finally giving them both tight hugs he got up and went out the screen door.
He had tried not to let them see how upset he was but as he walked out the door both were crying too. Corky, came walking over from her spot under a nearby tree. Scott knelt down and took the big dog’s head into his arms and gave strong rub. A few salty tears stung at the corners of his eyes as he got in the car and drove back toward his own home.
Scott pulled into the garage and saw that the other couple had gone. Good, he thought to himself, I can’t deal with that right now.
He walked into the kitchen and Linda was sitting in the living room in the dark.
"You’re back sooner than I thought." She sounded almost sarcastic.
He didn’t answer. Opening the refrigerator he took out a beer and was turning to head into the basement to the studio. Linda had gotten up and was now in the kitchen.
"So, where have you been." Her voice was matter-of-fact and she wanted an answer.
"Look, it doesn’t matter, OK?"
As he spoke she heard his voice tremble and she turned on the light. Blinded for a few seconds he squinted.
"What the hell is goin’ on?" Linda demanded.
His words came out one at a time and deliberate, "Just leave me the hell alone!"
He turned and started down the hall.
"What? Things not go well tonight at your little love nest?"
He whipped around, "What the fuck you trying to say to me?"
"You think I don’t know what you’re doin? You think I’m so stupid?" She yelled at him as he came closer. " I know you’re with that fuckin’ little bitch!"
Anger welled up in him replacing the hurt that he had felt. "Don’t you ever, EVER, call her a bitch again!" He shouted sticking a finger in her face.
"So," she sounded almost triumphant, "its true."
"What the hell you want me to say, huh? Well, you know what? There’s nothin’ TO say!" His voice was reaching a higher level. "And you know why? I’ll tell you why. Cause its over!" He yelled. "It over! "Its fuckin’ over!"
With that last announcement he heaved his beer bottle across the room and it shattered against the cupboard.
"There. You happy? Its fuckin’ over."
His voice lowered as he turned to head into the basement.
Linda was still in the kitchen screaming at him but he wasn’t even listening to her as he walked away. Motioning her off and shaking his head he was almost speaking to him self, "Do whatever the hell you want. I don’t care."
He went down into his studio and there in the dark reached for another beer and then another and another until he finally felt himself slipping away to where it didn’t hurt anymore.
