Safe, Sane, Consensual

One night on AOL i stumbled into a chat room that dealt with D/s. i decided to stay and listen to what people were talking about (i didn't want to feel like an idiot for popping in and then right out of the room). It amazed me that these people were laughing and telling jokes just like anyone else. Before I knew it i was a regular in the room, and i started asking questions. i am sure the other regulars thought i was naive for asking such silly questions. One night i had a Dom tell me the only dumb question, is the one you do not ask. i met many nice, good people who were willing to talk about the D/s lifestyle. If you are really interested and are honest, people will talk to you open and honestly.

i began to learn that there was much more to D/s than i originally thought. i was beginning to realize how fascinated i really was with the lifestyle. So I began searching the Internet, trying to find as much information as was possible on D/s. Almost every site I looked at mentioned Safe, Sane, Consensual. i began to realize just how important those three words are in D/s. They are the building blocks to any relationship vanilla or D/s, however in a D/s relationship they are extremely important.

One of the first lectures i heard was about safe calls. When you are planning on meeting your Dom for the first time, do it in a public place. Tell a close friend where you are going and what you are going to do. Also give that person a physical description of who you are meeting, what their vehicle looks like and license plate information. Arrange to call that person at set times, if you do not have them call the local police. This might sount like i am going overboard, but how well do you really know this person (especially if you met online)? Several years ago i met online a man who seemed to be a wonderful man. i took every thing he said to be the truth, after all he had never gave me a reason to doubt him. He had sent me an email telling me he was coming to the state i was living in at that time and wanted to meet me. He gave me his flight plans, and hotel information. For some reason, the warning bells started to go off. i called the hotel to verify his reservation, they had no one by that name registered. i have a friend who worked the state this man lived and asked him to do a background check. You can imagine how horrified i was when i found out he was a registered sex offender, and the name he had gave me was an alias he used. If for any reason you have doubts, do more checking and definately use safe calls.

i have to admit, i did not take my own advice the first time i met my Master. i have mentioned througout this site that i have know my master for almost five years. We met online, and became very good friends. When we finally decided to meet (July 2000), i was a nervous wreck. Before i met Master i told a good friend where i was going and who i was meeting, i would call her if there were any problems. i should have called, regardless of how well things went. There is now a resource out there if you have no one you can make a safe call to, please click on the image below and see if anyone is registered in your area. i really can not emphasize enough the importance of safe calls.

When you do finally find the right person for you and decide to have a scene, DON'T rush into anything. Get to know this person, see them socially (if possible), and talk. Spend as much time as possible talking about your likes and dislikes. Make a play partner checklist and talk about it. Once you finally decide to have a scene make it spontaneous, but do talk about it. Let you Master know of your expectaions, find out his.

i keep finding that i do not heed my own advice. i recently had the chance to meet my master in person for the second time. Granted we talk to each other when time and our lives allow. i truely trust him, i know he would never hurt me. i put myself in a situation that might not have ended the way it did. Business took me out of state traveling, and it so happened i was near the town my master lives in. We made arrangements to meet for dinner, and i asked Master to meet me at my hotel. He arrived as we planned, and actually spent some time talking in my hotel room, went to dinner and then returned to the hotel. Something awful COULD have happened. If Master was not the gentleman I know he is, or had we not talked about my fears and expectations of a first scene things could have ended very differently than they did.

Now i find that i trust my Master with all my heart, i know he could not or would not hurt me. i now feel very comfortable around him and anticipate our first scene together.