How can you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
Stick your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

What is the difference between a french horn section and a '57 Chevy?
You can tune a '57 Chevy.

What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost?
A goalpost that can't march.

How many French horn players does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but he'll spend two hours checking the bulb for alignment and leaks.

Why is the French horn a divine instrument?
Because a man blows in it, but only God knows what comes out of it.

How do horn players traditionally greet each other?
1."Hi. I played that last year."
2."Hi. I did that piece in junior high."

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"
"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"

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