Tobe Texas Chainsaw Massacre Hooper's remake stars Karen Black as the dimwit school nurse who helps the kid go get the National Guard and start zapping aliens before the Martians can fry the brains of everybody in Kansas with Roto-Rooter neck drills. Hooper hired Jimmy Hunt, star of the original classic, to play the police chief, with Karen Black's son Hunter Carson as the kid who sees the saucer land. The kid's wholesome parents: Laraine Newman and Timothy Bottoms. By the time Timothy wanders "over the hill" and comes back in a shabby bath robe with a little puncture wound on the back of his neck, it gets pretty scary. But this time the Martians have a great plan for taking over the world: send Louise Fletcher. Nurse Ratchet herself, the frog-eating biology teacher. The only two people who have it figured out are Hunter and Karen, who know the Martians are terrorizing entire nations with mutant green tomato-head people and drunk two-legged water-head-baby buffaloes that look like they just spent six months inside a nuclear reactor. These are some of the best outer-space mutants since Ice Pirates.Thirty-seven beasts.
Nine dead bodies.
Six quarts blood.
Six undead bodies.
Thirty dead Martians.
Testicle architecture.
Sand crater whirlpool sucking.
Frog throwing.
Louise Fletcher-eating.
A 74 on the Vomit Meter, enhanced by gratuitous Laraine Newman scarfing raw hamburger meat and Louise Fletcher stuffing a frog down her throat.
Two exploding spaceships.
Exploding buffaloes.
Kung Fu.
With Bud Cort as the NASA scientist who gets lasered into a little pile of ashes, James Karen as the Martian-killing general.
Written by Dan O'Bannon and Don Jakoby, of LIFEFORCE fame, with lines like "We don't carry loose change into combat, sir."
