That depends on what you mean by dating. The word dating has taken on a meaning that in itself is far from Biblical.
But I believe there is a place for Christian dating.
Say you just meet someone you are interested in. Would you immediately go on a “date” with this person? Using the modern definition of the word, I would say “No, don’t, not even after you get to know him”.
Also, there is the age factor. How old should you be before you can date? But first what is dating? And what about a chaperone? Excuse me, what was that last question?
The following scenario is idealistic and old-fashioned I know, but it IS possible if anyone would care to try it. And I guarantee, it makes for a better marriage than the dating practiced today. What’s more, I think it is Biblical.
A beautiful 18 year old girl, who we will call Mary, is at the grocery store. As she stands in line at the checkout counter, a handsome guy of 23 comes and stands in line directly behind her. They strike up a conversation about how long the wait is. They keep talking and suddenly one or both of them becomes aware that they are attracted to the other one.
She pays for her groceries and starts walking slowly to her car. He impatiently pays for his stuff and rushes out to catch up with her. He doesn’t want to seem too eager, so he asks her if she lives around near. She tells him she lives with her folks not far away. After talking about a few more topics, he asks her for her phone number. She hesitatingly gives it to him, and tells him he can call her in three days at a certain time. She does this because she figures that if he is sufficiently attracted to her he will remember after 3 days, if he forgets then that is the first test he has failed.
A woman worth her salt will put the man through several important tests to see if he is the kind of guy she would admire, respect and love.
This particular guy, who we will call David, can’t wait 3 days, and ends up calling her on the 2nd day. He doesn’t want to scare her off, so he refrains from getting personal and does not suggest meeting her in person, rather he says he will call again the next day like she told him. She is pleasantly surprised by his calling her on the 2nd day, and agrees that he can call the next day.
The next day when he calls he had planned to invite her out on a date somewhere like the movies, but before he can say it, she tells him that her family is planning a family dinner and would he come. Of course he is apprehensive, but he readily agrees. The girl has ulterior motives in that she wants to run him by her family for their approval, before having anything more to do with him.
When he arrives, the door is opened by her younger sister, who takes him into the living room and starts bombarding him with seemingly innocent questions. Then her brother comes in and the sister leaves to go inform her sister of information gathered. Meanwhile the brother is busy talking to him about “man stuff”, you know motorcycles, cars, fishing, sports, etc. Finally, Mary comes into the living room just in time for her mother to call them all to dinner. They all go sit around the dinner table and wait for her father to arrive. Very shortly her father comes in offering an excuse to his wife for the delay and a greeting to David. The father says the prayer before the meal and then they start eating.
After the meal, Mary and her brother and sister wash the dishes, while her parents take David into the living room for a “get to know you” talk. If for any reason the parents don’t approve of the guy, then at some point they excuse themselves and go to the kitchen to tell Mary. Mary then comes out and she gets rid of him in a manner, which he is to understand as a definite good bye. If he happens to call the next day, she explains that she is not interested and hopefully that is the end.
In this scenario however, lets assume that the parents like him. So, since the parents did not come into the kitchen, after Mary finishes the dishes, she goes into the living room and sits down on the couch next to David. If her parents are in a conversation with David, she is content to be silent watching him in order to pick up all she can. Then, when she can, she starts her own conversation with him. Her parents are still in the living room and may join into the conversation at any time, but mostly they just read the paper or a book and give them time to start to get to know each other.
During the time that Mary was washing the dishes, the parents take the opportunity to inform David of the fact that if he wants to see Mary, he will have to do so in their house. That he is welcome any time, but that he must not try to see Mary alone, or to try and get her to meet him away from the house.
For the first few times that he comes to see Mary, he notices that someone is always present in the living room with them, either one or both of her parents or her brother or sister. As they all get to know him better though, they start to relax their vigil some and only wander into the living room occasionally. This gives Mary time to see what he will do when he is alone with her. She is perfectly comfortable, because she knows that if he were to try anything improper, all she has to do is cry out and her family will rush to her aide.
One of the first things that Mary wants to know, is whether David has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. And what his level of commitment is to the Lord. She has a list of topics that are important to her and she brings them up one by one, so that she might find out what his views are on these subjects.
Actually, David also has topics that are important to him and he brings them up whenever he can. One day he invites Mary to the movies, she says she will go with him, but that she must take her brother also. The next time he suggests going somewhere, he just naturally invites both her brother and her sister to come along.
Mary’s parents realize this is getting serious, so they start inventing outings and excursions that the whole family can participate in, so that they can see David in different environments and note his reactions. They watch for tendencies to violence or uncontrolled anger, they also watch to see how he handles winning and losing at games. If he excels at anything in particular and what are his weaknesses. If they haven’t met his family, or even if they have, they invite them along too.
At this point, Mary’s father decides to sit down with David and have a serious talk. What are his intentions and such. (If I were Mary, I would be happy to have someone love me enough to protect me like this.) Lets say that for this scenario that David has a decent job, Mary can tell that he doesn’t like it. Mary conveys this information to her father, and he brings this up during this serious talk. Her father asks David what kind of a job or career he is most interested in. Lets say that it is something that takes a few years of college and quite a bit of money, like maybe a doctor or a lawyer. Well, then Mary’s father talks to David’s father and somehow between the two of them they figure out a way for David to go to college.
While David is in college, Mary either goes to college herself or gets a job or joins the Peace Corps or goes as a missionary volunteer somewhere, or just stays home and helps her folks. But, she realizes that this is the time she has for doing something she wants to do, before she gets married and gets tied down to the responsibilities of being wife and mother.
When David is finally done with college, he gets a job and then he can ask Mary to marry him.
I think that if more courtships were done this way, that there would be much less divorce. And because they would have gotten to know each other first, through spending quality time with each other discussing subjects that interest them both and asking each other what they thought about certain things, instead of just hanging out together. Also, because they were never alone together, they were never even tempted to get physical or sexual, which would have ruined their chances for a happy marriage.
I know that many people are already older or don’t maybe have an extended family that can help them in their courtship. That is why I admitted early on that this was an idealistic and old-fashioned courtship. I think that if you have a good church or some good friends though, that you could still make it work. If you banded together with friends, who were also trying to have a Godly courtship, I think you could think of some real creative ways to have fun and remain true to your objective. Which should be to get to know the other person as much as possible, in as many different environments and situations as possible, while maintaining a pure and Godly lifestyle, free from any sexual activity whatsoever, before marriage.
Read the next article Dating Topics.
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