August 3-5
August 3rd, 2000
Yesterday my mom asked me, "are you going to find a job or do i have to kill myself?" talk about manipulative. I decided on a good place and picked up an application yesterday. My boyfriend, Chad, came over last night. I made spagetti, and stuff. I gave him a hard time about signing up for the guard.
I'm making him this journal/scrapbook for when he goes away. I typed up these love quotes I found on the internet. I'm putting pictures of me, and us in it. Stuff like that. It'll be all pretty and colorful when I'm done. He said it will just make him sad.
It is SO hot here today. I would like to go to the pool, alone I guess. Did I mention that I don't have any friends? I have like two. One lives with their boyfriend and we don't hang out. Chad would just get crabby if I told him I went to the pool without him.
I have had a few jerk exes that have made it really hard for me to trust guys. So, I'm paranoid about being lied to, and cheated on. That's part of why those five months apart will be so hard. I will always be wondering. I'm paranoid NOW and he's right here! (some girl he chatted online to sent him her picture. that made me mad. i don't want him chatting first of all and second why did she send him her pic?)
August 4
Last night I did a no-no and fell asleep on Chad's couch. His step-mom was upset. I came back home this morning and went back to sleep. He lives like forty minutes away. The drive is just too long and boring for me when I'm tired late at night. His mom is really religious and old fashioned. (in my opinion) Dad's are always cooler.
My mom wants to know where I'm going to apply for work today! She said when you're not working you apply everyday. The job I applied for yesterday is the one I want. I don't want to get stuck doing something I don't want to do. WHICH, is what she wants me to do. She said to work at Famous Barr or the mall. But I don't want to work weekends. I hate that. 1. Chad stays with me on weekends. 2. My family lives out of town and if I want to go see them then I can't. My family being; my Dad, Grandparents and my little half sister. Believe it or not, I have a three year old sister. I also have a bunch of aunts/uncles and cousins too.
Did I mention, my mom charges me rent? Yep, $160.00 a month. I think that's crazy since I'm family and going to school. She wants her $80 check today even though I don't have a job. So, I'm freaking out over money. I get my grant check for school on the twenty-third. That's far off. I still have to buy two books. One is a hundred the other I dunno. Anyone in college knows how much books can be.
I'm taking four classes; principles of physical science (i'll take tutoring for that one!) college algebra, ethics (boring) and abnormal psych as a telecourse b/c the teacher isn't that great.
August 5th
My mother on her broomstick!
My mom is making my life hell. And that's not just my opinion, Chad says it all the time. She freaked out this morning and first told me i was kicked out again. (second time in the last thirty days and the 100th in my whole lifetime!) Then she really had to hurt me and told me Chad wasn't allowed to spend the night anymore. She was mellow-dramatic too and said he had to be out in fifteen minutes. She's mad that I don't have a job and that we were in bed till 2:00. We weren't sleeping for God's sake. We were talking and I did some crying about the guard thing. (we did some kissing) So she freaked about it. Now, he just left to go stay at his mom's near by here and I'm sad. We sat in the car for a couple hours talking about the future and the crappy present. I did more crying. 
I know it sounds like teeny bopper stuff but we really are in love. When he said he'd miss holding me, he meant it. He's that kind of guy. I'm just at the point where everything is stressing me out. Like tonight we went to the mall and I applied at a couple clothing stores EVEN THOUGH I've said a billion times that I don't want to do retail again and work weekends. I'm just being pressured into it. OH... my mom said I have a week to find a job. She did that before and I ended up getting hired at places I absolutely didn't want to work for; Boston Market and Wal-greens. Anyway, I can't handle not being able to sleep with Chad. He's all I've got. Weekends with him are the best. Any night with him is the best. I don't think I should have to pay my mom money if I can't have him over. You don't pay rent and then have someone tell you that. She says she's going to rent my room out to someone. Yeah, well who's going to follow her stupid rules? and put up with a alcoholic?
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