"Can't believe the two of them. God how can they be so..." he sputtered uncontrollably.

Still trying to think of an appropriate adjective for his two *friends* he pawed through the backpack looking for his keys.

When arms yanked him into a tight embrace he reacted without thinking. One hand clamped onto the wrist holding him as he shoved backwards then jerked forward dropping to one knee at the last minute.

His attacker flew over his head with a familiar curse.

"Bloody hell."

"Spike!"

Xander gawked for a moment then rushed to help his lover up.

"What are you doing here?"

Letting Xander pull him to his feet, Spike grinned.

"Admiring my protege's talents. Good throw, pet."

Xander blushed, peering at the vampire from beneath lowered lashes.

"Thanks. Not like I had anything else to do without you around."

Spike leered at him.

"'Ope that wasn't all you missed, luv."

Xander's blush deepened as he turned away to unlock the door, hesitating a second before inviting the vampire in.

Spike watched him stalk nervously around the dorm room. He'd missed his Xanpet, but there'd been things he'd had to do. The mortal had said he'd understood, however he doubted it.

Not if the uncertain, doubtful glances Xander kept shooting him where any indication. Spike let Xander pace for another minute then reached out, yanking him close.

The vampire didn't say anything, simply holding his human close.

Xander's voice was low and shaky.

"Why'd you leave?"

The immortal didn't even consider not answering him honestly. In the five months since they'd become involved he'd been happier than he could ever have thought possible.

Still he'd been worried as well, leading him to leave. Not only for his sake but Xander's also.

Tugging Xander with him he moved to what he figured was the bedroom. He collapsed onto the bed pulling the warm body against his chest as he leaned against the headboard.

Spike wrapped his arms around the larger frame, not wanting to give him a chance to break free. Minutes passed in silence as he tried to figure out how to break the news to Xander.

Never having been good at lying or subtlety, he went with what he knew. Blunt truth.

"I got the chip out."

It was a testimony to the depth of their relationship that Xander didn't even flinch.

"And," was his quiet reply. A wealth of insecurity, worry, and hope in one word.

"Do you remember what we talked about that night?"

Xander nodded letting the memories that no longer hurt come to the surface.

 ++++
Five Months Ago
++++

Staggering into the apartment, the dark-haired male gave a sigh of relief. Work had been hellish. The company had an important contract they had to finish before fall, so he was on call 24-7.

Anya stood, turning off the tv.

"Xander we need to talk."

//Oh no. Nothing good ever comes after those four little words. I'm too tired for this.//

Xander shuddered, inwardly.

"Can't this wait, An'."

The currently blonde woman shook her head.

"All right," he said tiredly, collapsing on the sofa.

"We have to break up."

Xander shot up, all weariness gone.

"What! Why?"

"I've been thinking," said Anya pacing.

//Oh... God!//

"This is going to sound harsh, but it's for the best really."

Xander sighed.

//That's what they always say... right before your ripped apart.//

"I need to understand my needs, before I can take care of yours."

"An', you've been watching too much Oprah."

Anya shook her head again.

"I don't watch Oprah anymore, too boring. Besides Jerry makes more sense, I've learned alot from him. I learned that I need to be me. But I can't do that until I've had lots of sex with many different men and women, then get pregnant by some good for nothing bum. So, I can go on tv and tell how I finally straightened my man out."

Xander blinked, dumbfounded.

"Wha-a?"

"I intend to start tonight. I'm leaving with a friend of mine. He's a chaos demon and..."

Xander stopped listening after he heard chaos demon.

//And the loser award goes to.... Well it can't get any worse.//

==========

Xander stared blankly at the blaring television. His thoughts moved in a painful spiral

//Why can't someone be satisfied with just me?//

Trying to distract himself from the building grief, he grabbed his jacket deciding to drink himself to sleep.

The phone stopped him before he'd even made it to the door. Suddenly tired he dropped his jacket onto the floor then grabbed the phone.

"Xan. Is Anya there?"

He sighed heavily.

"No. She's probably barefoot and pregnant by now."

"WHAT!," the red-head shrieked, sounding slightly hysterical. "W-w- why would you say that?"

Xander stared at the phone, a little unnerved.

"Black humor, Wills. Anya's not here. She broke it off. Said she had to find herself."

"Ohh... Xan. I'm sorry. Are you ok? Of course not that skank just ripped your heart out. I *knew* she'd do it. I should turn her into a toad. No... a bunny. Or better yet lock her in a room full of them and then..."

Xander interrupted the irate witch, before she could really get started.

"I'm o.k. Really. I'm just gonna drown my sorrows in chocolate and mindless television."

"Maybe you should come over..."

There was a long pause.

"Or maybe you should be alone tonight... and then we can get together tomorrow. O.k.?"

"Sure, Wills."

Tired and somewhat hurt his answer was less than enthusiastic.

There was no response except the sound of an open line.

Dropping the phone onto the hook, Xander glanced around the dismal basement. Unbelievably weary he turned to the bed, stopped by the pounding on his door.

==========

Staring at the vampire in front of him, he couldn't work up any irritation. Shrugging Xander just turned away dropping out his bed.

Spike stared at the mortal, unwillingly concerned. The life that usually radiated from him was depressingly dim. Something nagged at the back of the vampires brain, Xander reminded him of someone... but he couldn't think who.

When the boy still hadn't said anything even after Spike had made himself pretty much at home, the vampire felt compelled to speak.

"Demon-bitch dump ya whelp?"

It wasn't the best thing he could've said but it worked.

Xander shot up, striding over to the vampire.

"Listen you biteless, freak. Get the fuck outta here!"

Spike blinked stunned by the amount of rage emanating from the mortal. Staring into the blazing brown eyes, he suddenly remembered who Xander had reminded him off.

Himself... right after Dru had left him. He'd felt the same rage and overwhelming sense of helplessness... grief. Despite himself the small part that had already accepted his caring.... 

The vampire shuddered. about Xander, wanted to comfort the boy.

"So she did, huh? Bloody stupid if you ask me."

Xander froze, eyes widening.

Spike shrugged, inwardly giving in. With a small sigh he accepted the feelings the boy aroused in him.

//Even the damn demon likes `im. Might as well go wit it.//

Xander watched the still vampire warily.

Spike grinned feeling as if a huge burden had suddenly been lifted. Having finally accepted his fate, Spike set out to pursue his prey the same way he did everything...

Relentlessly.

Xander backed up suddenly nervous. The grin on the vampires face was one he'd seen before. Not recently though...

It was a *pc* grin. Pre-chip. One that screamed evil intentions, but promised you'd die happy.

"Where you going, pet?" said the vampire.

Xander shook his head.

"Nowhere just... get out Spike. Please..."

"No can do, pet. Can't let it `appen again. I might `uv done it but your not," he said looking around the room.

Confused Xander watched the vampire search his room.

"Do what?"

"Give up just cause some slut dumped you," he said spotting what he'd been looking for. Reaching out he grabbed a startled Xander and his jacket at the same time.

"There will be no drunken stupors," he said dragging the boy to the door.

"At least not over women," he grinned.

==========

"Never just been friends. It's always sex first."

"Least yours `ad the decency to leave ya before cheating."

A bottle of tequila, JD and two shot glasses are set on the table.

"Angelus was a prick. But he was mine. `ate `im."

"Anya was... different. But she loved me. Gods I hate her."

Loud snort. Sound of glass breaking. More drinking.

"I'd pick you over Angelus any day, Spike."

"Twat let a good thing go."

Last call. Two unsteady bodies lean against each other as they stumble from the bar. An oddly intimate stagger home. Caressing fingers. Falling clothes. Sudden withdrawal.

"Just once I'd like to be friends first."

"I can do that, luv."

==========

Bleary eyes squinted against late afternoon sunshine. Xander groaned, stumbling from the bed.

//Gods what died in my mouth.//

Eyes finally open, he froze. In his bed lay a pale, familiar shape. And suddenly he found himself staring into an intense blue gaze.

"Are we, pet?"

The voice was softer than he'd ever heard. Uncertain whether it was a good idea, but damned if he didn't want it.... Xander nodded, moving back to the bed.

"Did you really mean it about Dru?"

Spike nodded.

"Did you mean it about Angel?"

Xander nodded.

++++
Out of Flashback

Resurfacing from the swell of memories the dark-haired man grinned up at Spike.

"And I'll still drown him in a holy water bath if he ever hurts you again."

Spike's gaze turned serious as he stared at Xander. Unsettled the mortal turned in Spike's arms, burying his head against the cool chest he began to slowly stroke the vampire wherever he could reach.

Spike nodded to himself. He'd picked the right one. There'd never really been any doubt.

"I went to see Dru. I found `er just before some big law firm did. I staked `er."

Xander made a choked sound sitting up sharply. Spike pulled him back down, and he went back to stroking the vampire.

"I thought it would `urt more. Truthfully I didn't even think I could do it. But it was easy believe it or not. When I saw `er, there was nothing. I didn't love `er or `ate `er. She was nothing."

Xander moved closer, pressing his lips to the still chest as if he could breathe life back in.

"More `un a `undred years... and I could've cared less. I wasn't going to stake `er. But she didn't like the *kitten* taking `er place. And all I could think was if she `urt you I'd..."

Xander shushed him. Sliding up the lean body, he placed warm lips to cool ones. Sitting back in he stared at the man... vampire... demon... who'd made his life better simply by being...

"I love you."

Spike's eyes flew open. Xander pressed a finger to his lips, silencing what he knew would be a flood of questions.

"You are my friend. I want you to be my lover as well."

Steady brown eyes met questioning blue.

Spike stared into the dark eyes seeing what he'd unconsciously hoped for but never thought he'd have.

He couldn't give him the permission he asked for, at least not in words. Excitement and fear mingled in a wild rush that closed his throat. So instead he slid his hands up, around Spike's neck

Sitting up just enough to straddle the half prone body. Spike moaned feeling the heavy weight of Xander's erection, rubbing against his.

Leaning forward he closed his arms around Xander, diving into the wet heat of his mouth. A cool tongue mapped every inch of his mouth, Xander eagerly followed that same tongue back.

Tasting smoke, blood and beneath it all Spike. Xander squirmed trying to get closer even as Spike held him still. Quick, efficient movements stripped them of clothes.

Then he was staring up at the vampire. Long slender fingers probed at his entrance, as Spike licked, teasing the hard brown nubs. Xander gasped, the blood running hot and thick through his veins, making his cock harder.

Tugging at the blonde's head, he devoured his mouth barely aware of the second finger sliding into his tight hole.

Spike grinned down at the writhing body beneath him. Searching fingers found the hidden bundle of nerves.

Cock wet, slick pinned between their bodies, friction making him wetter. As those long fingers drove him insane.

"Spike," he screamed, body trashing beneath the double stimulation. Xander whimpered at the loss of Spike's fingers. He moaned as Spike eased the head of his cock in.

Xander wiggled trying to get the vampire in deeper.

"Easy, luv."

Slipping an arm under Xander's hips, Spike pulled him closer sinking into him slowly. Xander hissed at the fullness, the slight burning.

Spike held himself still giving him time to adjust. Quickly the pain faded, leaving only the sensation of being filled. Xander hooked his legs around Spike's waist, tilting his hips to force him deeper.

He breathed in short, heavy pants. Concentrating on thick, hard length inside him he thought he couldn't bear it if he moved, but was certain he'd explode if Spike didn't.

Moving experimentally he clenched his muscles, pulling the vampire in deeper. Spike growled, surging forward slamming into his prostate. Xander wailed, bucking into the movement.

Spike forced himself to stop.

"Xan--"

Xander arched upward, digging his nails into Spike's back.

"Pleaseeee, Spike. Pleaseee."

Spike groaned then slammed forward, burying himself in Xander. Pulling out he moved, deep rocking thrusts. Xander bucked beneath the assault, clawing at Spike.

Mewling he tilted his head to the side, offering his throat. Spike hissed, sinking his fangs into the curve of flesh gleaming with sweat.

Xander screamed, pleasure crashing over him. He sobbed, crying out again as Spike rode him through it. He came coating them with streams of warm seed.

Spike forced himself away from the sweet warmth of Xander's blood, howling as his lover clenched tight around him. The lean body stiffened, then he shuddered spurting deep into the heat of Xander's body.

He collapsed on top of his lover's exhausted form. Xander stared down at Spike from beneath lids heavy with pleasure.

"I..."

"Me too, pet."

Xander sighed letting sleep claim him, the vampire following after.

TBC