Fates Decree

Lady Bard

Feed back: ladybard@shellworld.net
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Ares/Joxer, Cupid/Psyche, Autolycus/Strife, H/I, X/G (others)
Type: hc, angst, AU, nonconsensual
Archive: Joxerotica, SAFFLS, AJCS (if wanted) anyone else ask please.
Warnings: This fiction mentions child abuse, both physical and emotional. There's a rape scene. Later parts also discuss rape and has some m/f relationships. There are the strangest family dynamics that I could think up. This is not your typical 'We hate Ares because...' I have tried to make it plausible, if not believable, or something like that. <g
Disclaimers: Most of these characters are not mine. They belong to the PTB and I only borrow them for entertainment purposes. Any characters that you do not recognize are mine. You can love them, hate them, and pet them and you can even use them but please give credit where it is due.
Note: /.../ thoughts
//...// telepathy

This was previously titled Strange Twists. It has outgrown that title over the years, and so I've edited earlier parts and am carrying on. To any one interested who has previously read this. . I've expanded some scenes, rearranged others, changed some concepts and just generally thrown in a bunch more angst.

Thank yous and all that: Beth is the best feedbacker in the world. This works even when you are swamped with all the worse things life can throw at you. You open an email and she's asking about your story and bam! You feel just a little better. That doesn't mean I wrote more. It just made me feel fuzzy.

I'd like to thank Shamenka for 'The Fool The God'. Why? Because I feel like it. Because it is the most awesome fanfic in the world. It gave me the idea for this in a vague sort of way. I'd also like to thank atheea for her characterization of Hestia. I'm shamelessly borrowing from it.

Last but not least... Hergerbabe. It was 'The Plan' that got me back to writing this story.

Betas, I have been blessed to work with some great people through out various sections of this fic. From its inception: Lori Bush, and D'nalia. Now that I've picked it up again: Ellen, Christine, Star Earth Angel, and Dane, Hugs to all of you and everyone else.

Summary: When an old prophecy of the fates starts coming true, no one in its path will ever be the same again

Part 1

Joxer trudged through the downpour wondering just who on Olympus was upset, and why. He had no particular destination in mind, he rarely did.

He had a terrible sense of direction. Joxer looked around and saw big trees. They looked forbidding in this rain. They cast early shadows and made him feel just slightly afraid. He realized slowly that he had somehow wound up in a forest. He felt dispirited and alone.

Xena and Gabby were off gods only knew where. Not that they'd want him along. A sad smile tugged at his mouth at that thought, but never touched his usually warm brown eyes.

He remembered the day he had realized his love was useless. It had been a day like any other. The trio had set up camp and Joxer had gone off to fill their water skins at a near by lake. He had returned to find the women locked in a passionate embrace bodies molded together.

They had been so apologetic. They had begged him to stay, not to go off and do something stupid. He remembered feeling dead inside and leaving them that very night. He had barely got up the energy to send his God of choice a soft prayer.

He came back from the memories but harsh thoughts still plagued him. He was incompetent at some things. Well, he amended to himself, at a lot of things, but he was not stupid.

Why people thought he was stupid was beyond him. Joxer quickly stifled that thought. What people thought of him was his own fault. He had just become very good at forgetting who he was. It was no wonder that people took him for a stupid person. Still, he wondered if being a fool was the same as being stupid. He didn't think so, but what did he know? At this moment it felt like each dream he had ever held was out of reach.

It seemed that his thoughts were destined to get gloomier and gloomier for he suddenly found himself thinking of Autolycus. He shook his head in an attempt to dispel the thoughts, but it was useless. He suddenly spotted a building ahead and hurried his step. "If I'm gonna get depressed, may as well do it out of the rain," he muttered to himself.

Joxer's expression suddenly brightened; it was a temple to Ares. He took a second to wonder why a temple to the God of

War would be in the middle of nowhere, then shrugged and entered. He thought it might be sacrilegious to shelter from a storm in the War God's temple, but he didn't really care.

/Whoa! Look at that./ The temple was beautiful. There was no other word for it. The decor was in the usual black, but this temple looked softer somehow. It felt to Joxer that this particular temple was a special place. For the briefest of instances, he reconsidered going in, but then he shrugged.

The way Joxer saw it was that if Ares had a problem, then he could come and tell him. Not that Ares had ever paid him any attention before.

None of the gods had. Then he thought of the goddess of love and grimaced. Ok, maybe some did, but it was never for any good reason.

He felt like the universe's joke. He could never do anything right.

He was no kind of hero or warrior. The only thing he was remotely good at was music and he only played to cheer himself up.

He'd played for Auto before...

He suddenly sat down on the cold floor and wondered for the millionth time what Ares saw in the color black.

At the moment Joxer found it soothing but normally the color black was too depressing for him.

He reached into his pack and pulled out a leather wrapped bundle and slowly unwrapped it. Inside was a finely crafted lyre. It looked delicate, but Joxer knew just how strong it was. Its wooden frame should have made it bulky and heavy, but it was light and easy to carry. Joxer gently plucked at the strings, once again amazed at the instrument's ability to stay practically tuned on its own. The tears he'd been holding back all day came to his eyes and he no longer fought them. He figured he was as safe here as he'd be anywhere and if someone wanted to kill him, he wouldn't try too hard to stop them. There was really nothing for him anywhere.

Joxer's fingers absently stroked the lyre strings, bringing forth a haunting melody. It was slow and soft, almost hypnotic in its sadness and beauty. Joxer saw nothing special in his tune. He wasn't even aware that his fingers were softly plucking at the strings. The memories came and he let them wash over him.

***

After the adventure with Meg and the baby that was really a king, Auto and he had continued traveling together. There had always been attraction between them but they had never acted on it. Well, there had been that kiss after the Cleopatra mess involving his brother. At the thought of his brother a shiver ran through him. The thief and he had traveled together after that for a while as well. This time things had been different.

Auto had been really nice and considerate. He'd smiled at him a lot and flirted with him. Joxer couldn't help but flirt back. The thief was gorgeous and he definitely knew it. He'd even offered to teach Joxer some of the tricks of his trade. Joxer had been dazzled by this good-looking man's flirtatious ways. The fact that he'd always been attracted to the thief didn't help.

It had been Autolycus who had bought the lyre for Joxer. He'd seen it through the window of a music shop and he'd fallen in love with it.

He'd mentioned it to the thief and that afternoon it had been his. He thought now that the thief had probably stolen it.

That night Autolycus had asked Joxer if he could play and he had. He'd improvised and Autolycus had seemed genuinely impressed.

"That's lovely. I'd heard that you enjoyed music, but not that you could play so beautifully," complimented Auto

"Oh... Well..." he'd stammered, blushing all over his pale skin, making it easy for the thief to see the effect of his words. "I'm out of practice. My father didn't think it was proper for a son of his to be a musician, so I had to sneak around to take lessons, but he eventually found out and I convinced myself that music wasn't..." he'd trailed off at that point as an old sorrow he'd thought was buried almost overwhelmed him.

Autolycus had reached out and taken his hand sliding over until their knees had been touching. He'd gently slid his arms around the wanna be warrior's waist and pulled him close. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag out old memories. You're really good Joxer. I'm not just saying that."

He'd found himself resting his head against Auto's shoulder believing in his words. Even now, he still believed them.

***

It was now a week after they had parted company but Joxer was still reeling from the events that had lead to his parting company with the thief. They'd become lovers, not that night but soon after. He'd been astonished at Autolycus' gentleness, his tender touches and warm sweet kisses. Joxer had felt all the hurt and fear he'd always lived with melt away in Auto's arms. He'd felt cherished.. Cared for... He'd lived in a dream for weeks. They'd argued on occasion, but Joxer had been able to live with that because he knew that after the anger faded away they would be in one another's arms again.

He'd been foolish enough to think that Autolycus was falling in love with him and the thief had done nothing to make him think otherwise. Joxer had not known then that Autolycus really loved someone else and that, though he cared for Joxer, if by some miracle, his lover was returned to him, Joxer would not stand a chance.

One good thing had come out of the time he'd spent with Autolycus, he had learned to find joy in music again. He knew that he was not the best, or even very good, but he could make a living off his playing. He had provided a distraction sometimes when Autolycus had been doing a job. He would play for the nobles, guards, or whoever and the thief would slip in and get what he wanted then wait for Joxer to finish his performance.

Joxer would usually be paid for his playing, but not always. By then, the dinars hadn't mattered any more. He loved the music again and would play for the sake of the music, and for his own enjoyment. That had eased his mind when his playing had also made it easier for Autolycus to do his job. He shook his head at himself and vowed once more that he would not let music equal Autolycus in his mind.

It suddenly occurred to him that if he was going to be a musician, he could not worship Ares. He'd been a worshiper of the War God all his life. He prayed when things were good, bad, and just because he'd lived through another day. Now he had to pray to say goodbye? He thought about that for a while and it felt right. It felt off as though he were missing something, but still right. His fingers continued plucking the strings of his lyre.

The melody had shifted from one of sorrow to one not so sad, but still lonely. As he continued to play he spoke in slow measured tones... He tried to sound firm but succeeded only in sounding tired and defeated.

***

"Ares, you know I've prayed to you all my life. I've tried my best to be someone you could be proud of. I know! It's sort of probably dumb and that you probably don't care about one lousy mortal," The music slowly became harsh and haunting,  "but I... I" Joxer's voice cracked but continued.

"I can't be a warrior. I figure you've always known that but it took someone to make me see that the warrior's path isn't for me. I've always loved music and I've been convinced that I can be better as a musician than I'll ever be as a fighter." Joxer's fingers gently strummed the strings of his lute and his melody picked up much of the sorrow it had lost releasing much of the harshness.

"I guess I just want to say goodbye. I don't know where I'll go from here, or what I'll do but I know I can't keep living like this. See, I learned a long time a go that nothing I did would please my family. I was just never good enough!"

A note of bitterness crept into his tone at that last statement, but it was quickly gone. "Somewhere in my head I thought that maybe if you noticed me then they'd be proud of me, somehow! Then I wound up meeting  Xena and Gabby and hanging with them. I thought I loved Gabby and that I could make her love me but then she and Xena got together and I knew that I would never have her which was alright because I guess what I feel for her... She treated me like a person sometimes and she smiled and she was so pretty but," he sighed. "This doesn't matter. I guess you've always had better things to do than to listen to a poor excuse for a warrior mortal praying to you all the time so I'll go now and won't ever bother you again."

***

On Olympus in her home temple, Aphrodite threw an expensive vase across the room in her rage. It was not supposed to go this way. "What are you doing Joxie? You're supposed to realize that you love that dark, tall, dangerous hunk of god. //Arg! Cupid!!!!// she mentally bellowed

Part 2