No More Mr. Nice Guy

D'Nalia

Fandom: Hercules/Xena
Pairing: Ares/Joxer, Ian/Discord/Sean
Category: AU
Rating: NC-17 for sex and violence
Disclaimers: I own Ian and Sean, all other characters belong to someone else. The situation is mine.
Warnings: m/m, m/f/m, violence, Fab Foursome bashing
Notes: The title and part of the plot comes from a song by Alice Cooper. I don't think he'll mind me using it.

Summary: Ares and Joxer try to have a relationship in spite of friends and family.

Joxer practically threw the rescued captives off The Raven in his rush to get back to Morrigan's island. He needed to see Ares again more than he needed to breath but he needed Morrigan's permission first.

He didn't worship the battle Goddess. He'd offered but she had laughed merrily and said no. "You are my arm and my sword Joxer. I need no prayers from you. Your aid in my cause is worship enough."

Joxer still prayed to her frequently. But only to ask advice and keep her informed of his progress. She always answered, occasionally telling him of someone who needed his help immediately. But he needed to speak with her face to face about Ares. A prayer just wouldn't work.

Joxer swung over the rail of The Raven the second it bumped into the pier jutting out from Morrigan's island home. He ran across the wooden planks and headed straight for the house.

He slammed through the front door yelling Morrigan's name.

The Goddess was waiting for him in the kitchen. She grabbed his arm and pushed him into a chair before wrapping his hand around a mug of hot tea. "Drink this Joxer and calm yourself before you explode. A few more moments won't make much of a difference."

Joxer took a deep breath and turned his thoughts inward, seeking the center of calm Morrigan had taught him to use when he was upset or frightened. It worked as it always had.

Joxer's voice was steady when he told Morrigan why he had rushed home. "I got them back Morrigan. All of them."

"I know Joxer. Now tell me the rest."

Joxer's eyes fell to the floor, "I killed him. He tried to kill me but I killed him."

"Killed who Joxer?"

"My father. I killed my father." Joxer voice was the broken wail of a wounded animal.

Morrigan knelt beside his chair and ran a soothing hand down his back. "You had no choice Joxer. If he'd had won those people would still be slaves and your crew might have been lost. I wish I could have spared you this young one, but if there was ever a man who needed killing it was Jonus. His seed might have created you, but he was no father."

Morrigan gave him a moment before she changed the subject to a happier one. "And what of Ares young one?"

"I saw him Morrigan. Gods, he looked better than I remembered."

Morrigan smiled at the desire coating Joxer's voice. "And was he happy to see you young one?"

Joxer's face turned bright red and he couldn't speak.

Morrigan patted his arm fondly, "I can guess that he was. I'm happy for you Joxer. But I don't understand why you're here and not with him. You love him child, you belong together."

Joxer gaped at the Goddess for a moment and then his face turned bleak. "I wanted to stay, but I couldn't. There are still people who need my help. And there's always Zeus to consider. He'll kill me the first chance that he gets."

Morrigan's tone left no room for lies or doubts, "What is the real reason Joxer? The people who need you or your fear of Zeus?"

Joxer carefully dissected his feelings, Morrigan was not surprised at his answer. "I like helping people Morrigan. No one gave me the justice I wanted when I was young. I don't want anyone else to go through what I did. I want to be with Ares, but this is more important."

Morrigan hugged Joxer to her for a moment. "I am proud of you Joxer. Very proud. You do my name great honor. Hera was wise to bring you to me. But there may be a way for you to have both your lover and your calling."

Joxer eagerly told her about the shrine but she shook her head. "I have a better idea Joxer. Come with me."

Morrigan led Joxer to her forge and keep him busy for over an hour working the bellows and fetching the items she requested. She finally pulled the finished product from the fire and plunged it into the water barrel. Steam rose steadily with a strange singing sound instead of a hiss.

Morrigan fished her handiwork out of the water and regarded the object with satisfaction. She tossed it lightly in Joxer's direction. "Here young one. Try this on for size."

Joxer caught it and held it up to the light. It was a burnished steel cuff. There was a design etched into the steel and Joxer ran a finger over it. A flying Pegasus with a tiny key about his neck.

Morrigan took the cuff from Joxer's suddenly clumsy hands and placed it about his arm.

She turned his palms upright so the scars showed, "Shrines are dedicated to the God they are built for Joxer. Usually with blood and pain. You've already given Ares both. Freely and without thought of gain. You've always been his in your heart but now you are ready for the reality of his possession."

She raised Joxer's face to hers with a gentle hand, "The cuff will act as a focus for you. Think of Ares as hard as you can and he'll be able to hear you."

A wide grin broke out over Joxer's face and he hugged Morrigan as hard as he could. "Thank you."

"You're welcome young one. And now, there's a job I have for you. A man has been mistreating his wife and children. He needs to feel the depth of my wrath. I want you to show him the error of his ways."

"Anything Morrigan. Just tell me where and who."

"Greece and Zeus."

Joxer sputtered for a moment and then laughed weakly, "You're kidding right?"

"No. Don't worry, you won't be facing the old goat yourself. I'll take care of him. I just need you to get him into position for me."

"I do owe Hera for her help." Joxer said in an extremely reasonabletone.

"Aye. I believe you do."

Matching smirks crossed their faces as the plotted the rehabilitation of the King of the Gods of Olympus.

*****

Joxer gave his crew a few days to prepare for the return trip to Greece. For the first time in two years The Raven sailed without her captain at the helm as his crew returned to Eire to spend time with their families.

Joxer returned to the small house he kept on the island and puttered around nervously before finally giving in and calling out to Ares.

'Ares, can you hear me?'

Ares heard Joxer's voice echoing in his mind and homed in on it. He appeared in a flash of light right in front of the mortal.

Joxer jumped at Ares' sudden appearance and he covered his confusion with offers of food and wine.

Ares was confused now too, "Joxer, I'm not hungry and I don't want anything to drink. What's wrong with you? Why are you acting this way?"

"I wasn't sure you wanted to see me again." Joxer said quietly.

Ares yanked him to his chest and pulled the same move Joxer had made on him back in his temple. "Does that feel like I don't want you?"

Joxer grinned when Ares' erection pushed against him. He wrapped strong arms around the God's neck and pulled his head down for a kiss. "I missed you." he breathed into Ares' mouth.

Ares stripped them both and pushed Joxer down onto the bed. He covered the pale body with his own and kissed him hungrily before he answered. "I missed you too."

Words were unnecessary after that. Hands frantically sought warm flesh while lips and tongues fought against each other. Hips thrust raggedly, seeking ever more pleasure. There was no grace or finesse to their movements, they were both too needy for that. Completion hit them at the same time, and muffled screams of joy rang out. They fell asleep still wrapped around each other tightly.

*****

Ares woke up when he heard Zeus bellowing his name. He gently moved out from under the sleeping mortal and covered him before getting dressed. He left a note containing a single word on the table beside the bed.

'Soon'.

*****

Joxer woke up to an empty bed. He frowned in disappointment but smiled when he found the note. Ares had no idea just how soon their next meeting would be.

*****

The Raven slid smoothly into her berthing at main pier in Cornith. A seaman visiting from Athens recognized the black ship and hurried to the palace to tell the king about the murdering pirates who'd just come to his city.

*****

Joxer and the Twins headed straight for Ares' temple. Joxer practically running to keep up with younger men. They were more than eager to see their Goddess again. They'd built her shrine into the headboard of their new bed and called upon her frequently, but she could never stay for long.

The three men burst in Ares' temple and the priests and worshipers who been present for their last visit scattered. Joxer walked right up to the altar and laid his scarred hands flat upon it's smooth surface. "Ares!" he cried out, the sound echoing through the room.

The God of War heard the summons while he was in a meeting with Zeus. The King of the Gods became suspicious when his son tried to push the meeting to a close. "So eager to leave me my son?" he asked snidely.

Ares turned pale and Zeus raised a brow in surprise. "It's nothing Zeus. Just one of my worshipers."

"Ah. I'm guessing this 'worshiper' is special?"

Ares frowned, "Not particularly, but definately more interesting than this. Are we done here?"

Zeus waved a negligent hand, "Go play with your toy Ares. Come back when you're ready to pay attention."

Ares flashed out immediately leaving Zeus to wonder who his new plaything was. Curiosity overcame good manners and he opened a scrying mirror to his son's temple. He found his son kissing a dark haired man while two redheads cuddled Discord between them. The dark haired man pulled away from Ares and Zeus finally saw his face. With a scream of rage he flashed into his son's temple.

*****

Joxer smirked from his position in Ares' arms, "Hello Zeus. It's been a long time."

"Too long mortal. We have some unfinished business to deal with."

Ares pushed Joxer behind him. Discord and the Twins moved to stand next to him. Zeus smiled at their defiance, "None of you can stand against me. Maybe if you leave Joxer to me I'll let you live. But I doubt it."

Zeus threw a lightening bolt at the mortals but once again Hera stopped him.

"Leave them alone Zeus!" she screamed before throwing a blast of her own at her husband.

Ares moved his sister and the mortals out of the line of fire. He watched worriedly as his parents fought. Neither was strong enough to defeat the other. He hoped.

No one was paying attention to anything but the battle. Joxer laid his hand over the raven covering his chest and called out to Morrigan.

The Battle Goddess appeared between the warring spouses and knocked Zeus on his ass. "Well, Old Goat, you've finally done it this time."

"Morrigan. What are you doing here? You have no business being in Greece."

Morrigan stood over the fallen God and smiled widely. "I go where ever my Ravens go Zeus, and you damn well know it."

"Ravens? One of those bastards is here in Greece?"

Morrigan stepped to one side allowing Zeus to see Joxer smirking at him. Joxer pulled open his shirt letting the Olympian see the tattoo decorating his chest. Zeus sprang to his feet and threw a bolt at Joxer but Morrigan brushed it aside.

She pulled her battle axe out of thin air and tossed it from hand to hand. "It's time for you to learn a few manners Zeus. You've long mistreated your wife and children, but no more." Morrigan looked at Hera and tried to sooth the Goddess' anxiety. "For some reason your wife loves you. I'd as soon see you dead but as she's my friend I'll be letting you live."

Zeus flashed out of Ares' temple with Morrigan right behind him. She chased him all over Greece and finally to Olympus. She cornered him in his temple and proceeded to beat some sense into him.

*****

Hera moved to follow Morrigan but a hand on her arm held her back. She struggled but for some reason couldn't break free. Joxer hugged her to his chest and held her while she cried. "Don't worry Hera. Morrigan won't kill him, but she will make him see things her way. Trust me, she's good at that."

Hera laughed weakly and wiped the tears from her face. "I never knew Morrigan had made you a Raven. I just thought she'd keep you safe."

Joxer grinned, "What can I say? Morrigan decided the best way to keep me safe was to teach me how to take care of myself."

Joxer kissed Hera's cheek, "Thank you Hera for taking me to her. I have a purpose now and I'm happier than I ever thought I'd be."

Hera smiled at the young mortal her son loved so much. "I'm glad Joxer. Very glad."

Hera heard quiet whispering and turned to see her daughter held between two men. "And who are you?" she asked curiously.

Discord blushed, "Um, this is Ian and this is Sean." She drew a deep breath and looked at her two lovers before she continued. "They want to marry me Mother."

Hera was stunned. She'd never seen her daughter blush before and hadn't heard the word 'Mother' pass her lips in centuries. She looked over the two men, noticing how they hovered protectively around her daughter.

Hera laughed and hugged her daughter tightly. "Congratulations Eris. They look like fine young men. Why don't we go to my temple and make plans for the wedding."

Eris squealed and scrambled up into Ian's arms to kiss him and then did the same to Sean. The four of them left for Hera's temple leaving Ares and Joxer alone.

Ares settled in his throne and pulled Joxer into his lap. Joxer sighed contentedly and buried his face in Ares shoulder. That's when Hercules and Xena found them.

*****

The sailor managed to convince the palace guards that a dangerous pirate was in port and the king must be told. The captain of the guards had heard of the black ship and immediately took the man to the throne room.

Iphicles received the sailor and he and his brother listened intently to the man's story. Hercules gathered his friends and along with the King and several of his guards headed for the pier.

Liam saw the troops heading for the ship and ordered the gang plank pulled. Crewmen ran to obey while still more armed themselves.

The second mate waited until the group was close to the ship before he called out. "Can I be helping you with something now?"

Iphicles held Hercules back and stepped forward. "Are you the captain of this vessel?"

"No. The Capt' and the first mates headed into the city some time ago. You'll be finding them at the War God's temple I believe."

Hercules and Xena turned and sprinted up the street, Gabrielle and Iolaus close behind. Iphicles cursed and turned back to the ship. "We'll be back."

The grizzled old man laughed wickedly and spat over the rail. "I have no doubt of that. But I doubt it'll be for the reason you're thinking." 

Iphicles frowned and ran after his brother.

*****

Hercules and Xena burst into Ares' temple and stopped in their tracks. Iolaus and Gabrielle slammed into their backs, unprepared for the sudden stop. They looked past their friends to see what had shocked them into stillness.

Ares sat on his throne with a strongly muscled man curled up in his lap. The dark head was buried in Ares' shoulder blocking his face. Ares looked up at the people crowding his doorway and cursed. "Fuck. The goody-goodies are here." Iphicles and his troops arrived, pushing Hercules and the others farther into the temple. "And here comes the King and his guards." The man in his lap giggled at the exasperation in Ares' voice.

Ares glared at the intruders, "I don't recall inviting you to my temple. Why don't you leave before I get angry."

Hercules and Xena stalked closer to the throne, each prepared for battle. "We'll be leaving Ares," Hercules said in a stern voice, "but we're taking your 'friend' with us. He's wanted for the murder of a ship full of men. We mean to see justice served."

The dark haired man stiffened at Hercules' words. The expression on his face made Ares' cock swell. Ares loved a good fight, and it looked like Joxer planned to deliver.

"Justice?" came a familiar voice from the man in Ares' lap. Gabrielle gasped, "Joxer?"

Joxer rose to his feet and faced the 'heroes'. He walked right up to Hercules and got in his face. "What do you know about 'justice' Hercules?"

"Joxer? What is the meaning of this? Ares, what have you done to him?"

Joxer yanked Hercules face down so he would look at him. He hated being ignored. "Ares did nothing. My actions are my own."

Xena grabbed Joxer's arm and said sadly, "I don't know what happened to the man who was my friend, but you have to answer for your crimes."

Joxer broke Xena's hold easily and drew his swords. "I was never your friend Xena. Those men deserved what they got."

Xena pulled her own sword and faced Joxer squarely. "Did they deserve to die Joxer? It doesn't matter what their crime was. Their punishment should have been decided by the courts. Not by you."

"It wasn't decided by me Xena. And Greek courts had no place in this. We took them at sea, not in Greece."

Iphicles knew something was wrong here. He hadn't know Joxer well but he didn't think he was the kind of man who would kill without reason. "Xena, wait. I want to hear what he has to say."

Xena looked at the king and stepped back but kept her sword in her hand. Hercules didn't wait though. He rushed Joxer and was slammed back by blast from Ares. "Stay back little brother. Daddy is busy right now and he won't be able to save you this time."

Iphicles walked over to his brother and glared down at him. "This is my kingdom Hercules. I'd thank you to remember that. I'll deal with this."

He turned back to Joxer and waited expectantly. Joxer didn't disappoint him. He put away his swords and perched on the arm of Ares' throne.

"I've been living in Eire for the last five years. Several men attacked a village there and took several young people as slaves. Many of the other villagers were killed. You may allow slavery here, but in Eire we don't. We followed them here and fought the other crew to get our people back. The captain tried to use a young girl as a hostage so we killed them and burned the ship."

Joxer's face turned hard, "The people of Eire won't allow Grecians to steal our people. 'I' won't allow it."

"And who are you Joxer, to make those decisions?" Hercules asked rudely.

"He's one of my Ravens, pup. And I'd thank you to remember that." said a new voice.

Everyone turned to face the owner of that voice and saw a woman holding a battle axe over one shoulder. "And who are you?" Xena asked.

"I'm The Morrigan. Maybe you've heard of me."

Everyone in the room except Ares and Joxer turned pale. "Aye. I see that you have." Morrigan glared at the Greeks before turning to her student. "These are your 'friends'? I didn't get my hands on you soon enough Joxer."

Joxer laughed and settled back against Ares' chest. "What can I say Morrigan? I was young and stupid."

Hercules stepped up to the Goddess and snarled in her face. "You don't belong here." He reached for her throat but was pushed back by the blade of a sword.

Joxer jabbed Hercules with one of his swords. Xena stepped up to help her friend and was met by another sword. Joxer held his former friends at bay. "Back off. I don't want to hurt you but I will if I have to."

Several of the guards moved forward but Iphicles waved them back. This was between Hercules and Joxer.

Xena eyed Joxer's moves and realized someone had done a good job training him. She circled to one side and Hercules moved to the other. Joxer backed up keeping an eye on both of them. He jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder but didn't take his gaze from his adversaries. Familiar voices broke the heavy silence.

"We leave him alone for a moment and look at the trouble he gets into."

"Aye. Do you think we should be helping him?"

"There are a few more of them than there are of us. And they look to mean business."

The sound of steel being drawn started the fight. Joxer took on Xena while the Twins worked on Hercules. The demi-god was far stronger but they moved together and he couldn't block both of them at the same time. Iolaus came to his aid while Gabrielle went to help Xena.

Joxer's heartbeat slowed and his mind stilled. No more thoughts, no more fears, just the familiar moves of strike and parry.

Xena was impressed by Joxer's skill. Especially after he knocked her sword from her hands. She pulled her chakram and Ares threw her across the room. He'd stayed out of the fight as long as he could, but he wasn't willing to risk Joxer.

Gabrielle screamed in rage and swung her staff at Joxer's head. He reduced it to kindling in moments. He bashed her in the head with the hilt of his sword and jumped over her unconscious body to help the Twins.

Discord flashed back into Ares temple in time to see Hercules slam Ian into a pillar. She literally flew across the room and attacked him with her bare hands. She screeched and cursed at the top of her lungs while pounding her half brother into unconsciousness.

Joxer took on Iolaus and Sean went to see to his brother. He help Ian to his feet and they watched their lover pummel the hero of Greece into a puddle.

"Ach Ian. Tis glad I am that the lass loves us."

"Aye Sean. Do you think after she's done with him she could do something for my head?"

"I'd guess you can fair expect to be smothered with attention any moment now."

Discord gave Hercules' limp form one last kick with her tiny foot before she ran to her lovers. She made Ian sit back down and covered his face this kisses, healing cuts and bruises as she went. Then Sean received equal treatment. The twins were grinning stupidly when she finally let them up for air. She grabbed both their hands and moved them to her temple. They had plans to make.

Iphicles watched as Joxer and Iolaus traded blows. Joxer was toying with the older man and Iphicles finally had enough. He snatched Iolaus up by the back of his neck and held him still. Joxer stepped back and lowered his swords. Iphicles nodded once and told his guards to pick up the 'heroes' and take them back to the palace.

Morrigan stopped the young king before he left. "You're a good man Iphicles, but you could be better. I'll be coming to see you soon."

Iphicles bowed and then grinned at the Goddess, "It would be my pleasure to have you visit Morrigan. But could you leave the axe behind?"

Morrigan laughed and smacked Iphicles on the shoulder almost knocking him over. "You'll do young one. You'll do."

The temple was soon cleared of everyone except Ares, Joxer and Morrigan.

Ares looked at the Goddess and asked quietly, "My father?"

"He's alive Ares. He may not wish to be at the moment but he'll recover. Expect him in a day or two with an apology for you. Oh, and I convinced him to leave Joxer alone." The Goddess kissed Joxer's forehead and grinned at his blush. She looked Ares over and spoke quietly before she vanished from sight. "Take care of him Ares. Or you'll be answering to me."

She was gone before he could reply. He held Joxer's face in his hands and solemnly promised, "I will Morrigan. I will."

the end