The Many Lives Of Xander Harris...

Kylia

Disclaimer: Nobody belongs to me, unfortunately. Xander & Company belong to Joss & Mutant Enemy, and a few other people I don't know. Adam/Methos belongs to Rysher.
Rating: R
Fandom: BtVS/AtS/Highlander
Pairings: Xander/Angel, some minor background couples
Spoilers: Everything up to Becoming. Everything else didn't happen, unless mentioned in the story.
Category: Crossover, character study, etc...
Distribution: site, List archives,anyone else, ask, and you shall receive.
Feedback:  Kylia. Please. My muses need to be fed
Web: http://archive.kyliasworld.net/fic/xovers/tmloxh.html
Dedication: To Liz, and Kaite, and those people who read it earlier. :)
Author's Notes: This is the first part in a series.

Summary: Xander and Angel make some new traditions

Part 1

Xander Harris stood still as Buffy continued yelling at him, her words pain-filled, her eyes watery. He didn't say anything. What could he say? She was right.

She may not have known the reasons why, or even been able to understand them if she had, but that didn't make the truth of them any less.

Her eyes were red, from crying, for who knows how long. Xander hadn't wanted to have this conversation, now, when the loss of Angel was still so fresh. It didn't matter that she had lost Angel months ago, and it was only Angelus who was gone now. Buffy was angry because now there was no hope. There was no chance of getting Angel back, not now that she had sent his evil counterpart to Hell.

Xander knew that she had wanted that chance, needed it really, and that now that it was gone, she needed someone to blame.

He was the lucky recipient.

Maybe she was just lashing out; maybe some part of her understood what he did, though not why; Maybe in time she'd forgive him. Unfortunately, it wasn't time either of them had.

Buffy may not be aware of the why's behind Xander's decision to remain silent. A decision that got Angelus sent to Hell that much sooner, but Xander did.

He knew what he did, and he knew why he did it.

Xander may have been a lot of things, he may have been cowardly, and dorky, and goofy and even a bit lost, but he'd always known who he was. He'd always known himself, inside, where it counted. And he knew himself now well enough to know that he couldn't stay here any longer.

Not now, knowing who he was, and knowing what he did and why.

It was time to move on.

Buffy stopped her ranting and took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and looked directly at Xander. "I don't know you anymore. Maybe I never did." Her words, softly spoken, tears rolling down her face were like a knife in Xander's gut.

Not because he had hurt her, though there was some of that, but because the accuracy of her statement. She never had known him. Had anyone?

"No, you didn't." Xander answered although it wasn't really required.

He hesitated a second before moving towards the front door, stopping only after he had reached it. "Be happy, Buffy." He said quietly, meaning it. He turned to face the Slayer once more. "I know that you think he would have made you happy, you believed it, maybe you had to, but.he couldn't." He shook his head sadly unable, and unwilling to say more. "It just wasn't possible."

Xander disappeared out of the door, leaving Buffy to stare after him, tear tracks staining her cheeks. The pain inside of her was so strong. Pain for what she had done to Angel.

Pain for the realization that Xander, her best friend had caused it to happen, in part. If he had told her what Willow was planning, she might have been able to save Angel. Maybe.

But she wasn't given that choice. Xander had taken it away from her.

There was also pain for the fact that Xander wasn't sorry for what he had done. He had never apologized. He didn't even seem to realize that what he had done was wrong.

Buffy shook her head. She never understood Xander's hatred for Angel. Even allowing for the fact that Angel was a vampire, he had helped them on several occasions. There was no reason that Xander should feel the way he did.

It didn't matter anymore. Angel was gone now. She'd sent him to hell. She'd never see him again, except in her dreams. Life goes on, and now it would go on without Angel, and without Xander.

She had closed that portion of her life. Angel was gone, physically, and even if Xander was still around, she wanted no part of him, not anymore. Not after what he'd done.

She'd survive, she always did.

*~*~*~*

Xander left the Summers' house and went straight to see Willow. She was the one person he had to say goodbye to. The one person that he owed that to. She would understand, she always did, and always would.

He knocked on the door and after a few minutes it opened to reveal Oz. In his typical way, Oz just stepped aside to allow Xander entrance. Xander found Willow in the living room, sitting on the couch, the wheelchair the hospital had sent her home with was parked in one corner of the room.

Willow looked up and her green eyes locked with Xander's. "You spoke to Buffy?" She asked quietly, noticing the look in Xander's eyes. "You're leaving, aren't you?"

Xander walked the short distance and sat down next to her, taking one of her hands in his own.

He noticed that Oz hadn't followed him in, no doubt allowing them privacy. He appreciated that.

"I have to. I have no place here, not any more." He squeezed her hand.

"Oh, Xander." Willow shook her head. "Don't say that!"

Xander smiled at her. "It's okay, Will, I'll be okay. Don't worry."

"Xander." Willow sighed as she squeezed his hand tightly. "What about school?" She asked, hanging onto the last thing that would tie Xander to Sunnydale. She knew mentioning his parents was pointless, and more likely a reason for Xander to leave than stay.

Xander smiled slightly. "You know school and I don't mix. I'll be okay. I have money saved. I knew that it was only a matter of time before I had to go."

Willow nodded, knowing the truth of this statement. Things had been really bad this past year for Xander. She had known that he would be leaving before too long, she had just hoped to postpone it as long as possible.

"I know, Xan, but..."

"You'll miss me?" Xander smiled in that quirky way of his. "I know, Will, me too."

"Buffy will come around." Willow said quietly, not certain of that fact, but hoping it was true.

Xander sighed and stood up. "It doesn't matter if she will or not." He said, knowing that any friendship he had had with the Slayer was over and the girl would never forgive him. "I did what I had to, I'm not sorry for that."

"I know." Willow said softly. She didn't completely understand all of Xander's reasoning behind not telling Buffy she was trying to soul restoration again, but she knew Xander well enough to know that there was a reason for it.

Xander was very complex. He always had been. There were things about him even she didn't know, things in his past he wouldn't talk about. Things she wasn't even sure she could handle hearing, even if he would talk about them.

So much had changed for them when they met Buffy. Willow had instinctively known that she had found her place. Fighting evil. Doing what she had to do to make the world a better place.

Although Xander was a part of that; A part of the world, and a part of her world, Willow had known things were different for him.

Nothing was ever so simple, so cut and dry. He lived in a darker place, although she was loathe to think about it. It was true, and she knew that the day would come when he would have to find his own way.

It seemed that day had come.

Xander bent down and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I love you. Take care." He started to move back towards the front door when Willow spoke again.

"I love you." She watched him leave and spoke again, this time more quietly. "Take care of yourself."

Xander closed the door behind him and leaned against it. "Always." He whispered before moving away.

The sooner he got out of Sunnydale, the better.

*~*~*~*

For a while he just wandered around. From town to town, going from one odd job to the next, never staying anywhere long enough to put down roots or even get to know the locals very well.

Sometimes he'd find himself a little side action with the local demons, but mostly he kept to himself.

Once a month he sent a postcard to Willow. He kept it brief telling her he was fine, and that he missed her. It was over a year before he actually spoke to her on the phone.

He hadn't been surprised to learn that Buffy was never the same after Angel was gone. She never forgave Xander for his part in what happened, and without Xander there to be angry at, she had transferred her rage to Willow.

Xander read between the lines in their sole conversation. He knew how much Buffy's pain and anger had hurt his friend; but as much as he would have liked to have said or done something to help, he wasn't sure he could. Not anymore.

That part of his life was over now, and he wasn't sure if he would ever go back; If he could ever go back.

*~*~*~*

He had been on the road for almost two years when he stopped in a small town in Pennsylvania, just south of North Hampton. He had never been travelling to any particular place, and didn't have any way of deciding where to go, just so long as he kept moving.

He had stopped working the daylight jobs, and found himself working for the more interesting, and profitable demon population.

It was just past sunrise on a Friday when Xander found his way into a bar half a block from his motel room. The bar was technically closed, but the guy who ran the motel told him that the bar's owner actually let people come in twenty-fours hours a day. Which suited Xander just fine

"Hey, what'll you have?" The bartender asked as Xander slid onto one of the stools.

"Coke."

"Sure thing."

The bartender brought Xander his soda and went to wipe down the far end of the bar. After a few seconds he came back and watched Xander fiddling with his glass.

"Something wrong?"

Xander looked up. "No. Just thinking."

"It's about time for you to be moving on, isn't it?"

Xander looked up sharply. "Why do you say that?"

The bartender shrugged. "You're a drifter. You've been here for a few weeks already. Guys like you don't usually stay longer than that."

Xander nodded. "Fair enough."

"You running from the law?"

"No."

"Your past then?"

Xander grinned wryly. "Maybe." He gulped down his drink and stood up, leaving a twenty on the counter. "You're right though. It is time I moved on."

He left the bar and walked back to his motel room. The bartender was right. It was time he left.

He'd been here too long.

One day he might find a place he liked well enough to stay, to call home, but Xander doubted it. He didn't have a home anymore. He probably never had.

*~*~*~*

The day Xander turned twenty was hot. Really hot, over a hundred and ten degrees. He couldn't sleep and spent the day down in the sewer system that ran through the town he was passing through. The smell was nasty, with the oppressive heat causing everything to smell worse.

After finding a nest of extremely obnoxious vampires, and disposing of them, Xander was soaked in things he'd rather not contemplate and took a long hot shower before walking to the pub down the street.

At least that was the plan.

However, like most things in his world, plans were apparently of no consequence.

He had almost reached the pub when he heard a strange sound from the alley behind the building. A decidedly inhuman sound.

For a split second, Xander thought about ignoring it. But only for a second.

Sighing to himself, he turned down a side street he knew led behind the pub.

He was only slightly surprised by what he found.

Three Vorash demons, apparently foraging for food.

They weren't as dangerous as some other demons he'd run across in his time, but they weren't exactly harmless either.

Besides he was in a foul mood.

Xander popped out from behind a dumpster, surprising the demons. "Need any help?" He asked with a smirk. "Not that I'll actually help you of course, but it's only polite to ask."

The large, and no doubt older of the three snarled and stalked towards Xander.

"You want to play?" Xander moved away, ducking out of the demons reach. The move caused the other two, smaller demons to jump into the fray.

Xander used all of his strength to fight off the two smaller demons while ducking the larger one. They circled each other for a while, the demon growling at his inability to catch Xander. Xander saw the other two demons trying to grab him, without much success. Xander took the dagger he kept in his boot and used it to cut a wide gash in the arm of one of the smaller demons.

Dark blue blood started to spill out, causing the injured demon to move away.

Xander jumped out, stopping the demons retreat. "What? Did I hurt you?" He grinned a little and gripped the blade's handle tighter. 'Maybe I should try again." He ran the tip of the blade across what passed for the demons neck, causing more blood to spill forth, just seconds before the demon fell to the ground.

The large demon growled louder and finally caught Xander, grabbing him across the throat. Xander gasped and used his free hand to throw the dagger at the other demon.

The demon never saw it coming. One minute the demon was watching his injured comrade lying in a pool of his own blood, the next the sharp blade was embedding in what appeared to be his stomach.

It apparently was more than his stomach though.

Two seconds later the demon keeled over, landing on top of his brethren, leaving only the larger of the three.

Xander moved his eyes to that of the surviving demon, who still had a grip around his throat.

The demon's red eyes glared angrily at him, grunting something in his own tongue.

"What are you waiting for?" Xander rasped out.

The demon stared a moment longer before speaking. "You are not afraid?" His voice was thick, gravely and only barely understandable.

"Do I look afraid?"

The demon didn't respond, his taloned fingers gripping Xander tighter until he lost consciousness.

The demon let Xander's body fall.

He was still alive, but barely. Holding the body down with one foot, in case the human was stronger than he looked, the demon thrust his large taloned fist through Xander's chest. He squeezed.

When he pulled his fist out again, it was covered in blood. and Xander's heart had stopped beating.

*~*~*~*
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