I had been up very early this morning.

The remains of the money that I had won at the weight lifting contest were secured in a pouch tied to my belt. What I had bought with the money rested in the same pouch. I cupped a hand over it protectively.

I knew I would be all right. Despite how hard their deaths had hit me, I had to be strong for Tamahome and Miaka. And Hotohori.

A small familiar figure was walking down the hallway toward me. She glanced up at me, almost not recognizing me for a minute, but I smiled at her. "Yumi!"

Her eyes widened and she hurriedly dropped a curtsy. "Kourin-sama!"

I gave her another little smile. "How have you been?"

The maid seemed a little surprised to see me in such specifically male clothes. "I've been fine... You're the empress now?"

I stifled a laugh. For some reason, to have the son of a tailor be the empress of a country struck me as infinitely amusing. "Yes, I am."

"And you're happy...?" she asked me quietly.

It was nice to have someone care. I nodded slowly. "I'm very happy."

She gave me a little grin. "I'm glad then! Ne, if you'll excuse me, I have my work to do." She gave me another smile as I nodded and then she disappeared around the corner.

I hopped up onto the railing. I was in front of Hotohori's room. I started to swing my legs slightly, enjoying the feeling. I was dressed in very masculine clothes today to visit my brother. My hair was tied back in a braid with which my hands were idly playing. I had suggested last night to her that we actually try to act our parts, instead of showing him the charade we gave everyone else. She had- a little unwillingly- agreed. But she was taking forever in there. I was tempted to enter when I saw Akito walking toward the room.

"Ohayo, Nuriko-sama," he said, his voice quite frigid. I hadn't seen him for the past few days with how busy I had been helping prepare to leave on the boat and with Tama-chan's family.

I blinked, but gave him a sunny smile. Despite everything, I was in a good mood. "Ohayo, Akito-san!" My fingers ran over the little pouch, touching it again.

He gave me a sideways glance, suspicion nearly written on his face. "She's getting changed, ne?"

I tilted my head slightly, a little confused. Why the odd attitude toward me? "I think so..."

He nodded abruptly. "Then I'll wait."

I was a bit worried. "Ne, Akito-san, are you upset at me?" What had I done to lose his respect?

"Upset at you? Whyever would I be upset with you?" His tone was not quite matching words.

Now I was very worried. This man could make my life completely miserable. "I... I'm sure you'll tell me..."

He turned to face me. "Well, you're right."

I vaguely wondered if I wanted to be right, then decided I did not. I awaited my sentence nervously.

"You... that night... you touched her?" His gaze at me was dark.

I blinked again and gave him an odd look. What was he getting at?

He just stared back at me, meeting my gaze squarely. "Well, you did, ne?"

"Uhh... yes." I'm sure I looked a little thrown off. "I did." And I had. And I was glad for that.

He nodded, not looking overly pleased.

I started to get defensive. I had done nothing wrong. "You locked me in there!!"

He simply nodded again. "Well, yes, I did."

I crossed my arms. "You wanted us to."

"Yes, I did..." His gaze turned into a frown. "But I didn't want you to touch her!"

I was flustered. "How could I not?"

He opened his mouth and then quickly shut it, just shaking his head at me.

I sighed and lowered my eyes. "I'm sorry... but we're married, after all."

"I know. Believe me, I know." His expression softened. "It's just... she's... well, she may as well be my daughter. She's my baby; I watched her grow up and I don't..." He stopped, trailing off.

I looked up, giving him a gentle smile. "Akito-san..." He loved her so much and wanted to protect her. And if I hurt her, he would kill me himself. But I understood that.

He glanced over at me silently, not smiling, his eyes a bit sad and reminiscent looking.

"I'm not going to take her away from you... I promise," I said quietly. "But I do love her."

He gave me a slight smile. "Hai... I know you do. She's lucky to have you. But you're luckier to have her. Remember that."

"I know," I said quietly. And I was. I was the luckiest man alive. There was no way I could ever be worthy of her. All I could do was love her.

He gave me another smile. "Arigatou, Nuriko-sama." He inclined his head slightly and turned to the door, raising his voice so that he could be heard through it. "Sai-chan!! I'm coming in... scream if it's not all right." Without waiting for an answer, he opened the door, stepped inside, and shut it behind him.

I remained where I was, a bit puzzled at everything. I suppose I was easily seen from my perch, because there was suddenly a bandit at my elbow. He looked a bit sleepy. "Na... Nuriko, hi!"

I gave him a little grin. "Ohayo, Tasuki! Sleep well?"

He yawned widely, revealing his little fangs. I had always thought those were rather cute. "No..."

My grin widened slightly. "I didn't have much trouble."

He scrunched up his face in what might have loosely been called a grin. "No? You've been sleeping with the emperor, na?" If Tasuki was one thing, that was blunt.

I blinked. "Well..." I lowered my eyes. What did it matter if anyone knew? I loved her. "Yes."

His voice was curious, intrigued, and once more his question was blunt. "So you two have done it?"

I turned very red and just nodded, wishing that I wasn't there. Perhaps I didn't want people knowing about my night life. That was when I suddenly remembered that Tasuki didn't know she was a girl. I had to remember to keep her secret. A slip would not help her trust in me.

He just looked at me a moment. "Shit, the emperor really is a fag..." His face was slightly bewildered.

My eyes widened, anger bubbling to the surface of my emotions. "Don't say that!!!" It was one thing to tease me, but it was different to insult her.

He gave me a frown. "Hey... don't get so uptight... I won't go blabbing to the fucking public. I mean, shit, Nuriko, I may not be bright, but I'm not a total fucking moron."

I looked away, stung. "I love... him... and he loves me. It's not wrong." I had to remember they thought she was a man.

He blinked at me, shrugging. "Never said it was. Hell, if the two of you are happy, then why would it make a fucking difference? To each their own, ne?" He bit his lip, going silent.

I looked back to him, a little suspicious, silent. To each their own? Was he hiding something?

"Na... why're you lookin' at me like that? It's fucking creepy..." He shifted his weight, looking uncomfortable.

"Why does it bother you if... he and I are like that?" I was having trouble remembering to say "he." She was very feminine beneath her robes.

"Shit, it's none of my fucking business, Nuriko, just I dunno... Guess I didn't expect it mostly." He shrugged at me.

I lowered my eyes. "I didn't either..." To have her love me had been the biggest surprise, and not one about which I would complain.

He was confused. "You didn't?"

"For him to love me? No." I raised my eyes to him slowly, studying him. Dark, fire-colored eyes met mine. "I always wanted it... after all, I loved him for so long... but I was never any different from any other girl in the harem." I sighed quietly and decreased the volume of my voice, relating my fears of when I had been a harem member. "Except that I'm a man, which would make anything impossible."

He frowned. "But it happened... Does he love you, Nuriko?" He was actually serious for a second.

I nodded slowly, my eyes still on his. "Yes."

"Well, that's good then. I mean... shit... what're you making me talk about here?" He glared at me suddenly.

Confused at the sudden change in mood, I gave him an odd look. "What do you mean?"

"Fuck... I'm getting all sentimental and talking about some damned emotions. It's fucking unnatural." He gave me something that almost could be a pout.

I smiled at him and slid off the railing, leaning against it. "It's all right. Emotions aren't there just to be ignored, you know."

His hands were in his pockets and he looked a little annoyed at himself. Were his feelings so awful for him? "Well, whatever. I'm a bandit- I don't do emotions. I'm glad he loves you though. Shit, there are rumors that he married you so he wouldn't have to marry some other fucking girl when he couldn't have Miaka..."

Startled, I jerked my eyes to his face, staring at him, wide-eyed and silent.

"What?" he asked irritably.

I looked away, trying to control the surge of emotions which were playing on my worst fear. "Iie... nothing..." What if it were true? She really loved me, didn't she? Didn't she?

"Aw, shit," Tasuki growled. "Now I've gone and made you upset. Fucking wonderful. Stupid emotion shit."

I forced a little smile, trying to remember her words to me, the way she smiled at me, her promises of love and safety and faithfulness. "Hontou ni, I'm fine." I couldn't dwell on that right now. It would be too much right after Tamahome's family's death to find out I was a substitute. I changed the subject. "Are you ready to leave for Hokkan?"

The door opened and Akito walked out, speaking before he had seen who was with me. "Nuriko-sama... sh-" And then he saw Tasuki. "Shouldn't be much longer," he finished smoothly. "Heika-sama is just finishing up." He glanced at the bandit. "Tasuki-san... if you'd come with me please... I need to talk to you."

"I'm talking to Nuriko..." he protested, but Akito took his arm.

"Please," he said with a force I recognized too well.

I gave Akito a faint smile, Tasuki's words echoing in my ears. "Thank you... Tasuki, I'll talk to you later..."

Tasuki was cringing away from the emperor's chief advisor. "Shit, that hurts, leggo, I'm coming, I'm coming..."

I glanced once at them and then moved forward, knocking quietly on her door.
 
 

Blue. The dress was blue, a dark blue, lying just a shade or so shy of navy, with a neckline that plunged a bit lower than I was happy about, but then I had not had much say in the matter. Akito had chosen the clothes, as well as the shoes. I glanced appraisingly at them. They were small, soft, and slipper-like, and were actually comfortable. I looked at the dress skeptically again and set it across a chair for a moment. It was too strange. Shaking my head, I glanced at the discarded strip of cloth that I usually used to bind my chest to make it appear flat. Well... I would not need that today. Shrugging back my hair, I picked up the dress and slipped it on, smoothing out the new, cool fabric slightly. The neck line was indeed as low as I had thought it would be- nothing too revealing, but still it felt so different. Perhaps because I had never worn a dress before. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I spun around slightly, attempting to see the back, but mostly sending the skirt of the long dress flaring around me.

A small pendant lay in the crushed red velvet of an old jewelry box on my dresser. It had been my mother's, a small jade teardrop on a delicate chain. I lifted it carefully in my fingers and fastened it around my neck. Mother had given it to me just before she died. It had been special to her and she wanted me to have it. I had never worn it before, but then, I had never really had the occasion.

"Sai-chan!! I'm coming in... scream if it's not all right," a voice called and the door flew open and shut in one single motion. I simply blinked. Akito stood in front of the closed door, smiling at me. "Lovely, Sai-chan. Turn around."

"Akito..." I glanced at him. His voice was strange, neither the sarcastic tone he usually put forth nor the paternal tone he slipped into around me.

He shook his head. "Turn around," he said. This time I complied, knowing better than to argue with the old man when he was being stubborn. He half-smiled again. "Perfect, it fits wonderfully. I thought it would." Something must have caught his eye because he stepped towards me, a strange light flashing across his face. He reached out a hand and his strong fingers, untouched by the age that had claimed the color of his hair, brushed the pendant that hung at my neckline. "This was your mother's."

I nodded. "Hai... it was. She gave it to me... just before she died." My voice went quiet as I remembered my mother's death. It had hit me hard, seeing death take someone I was close to, someone I trusted. If Akito had not been there... I shook my head slightly, clearing it of the troublesome memories. Nuriko would be waiting outside. I should not be taking so long.

"I..." His smile was reminiscent. "I gave that to her... I never knew she kept it." His eyes came back to the present. "Sai-chan... you and Nuriko-san... you're happy, ne?"

The question caught me off-guard. "Hai..."

He nodded. "I'm glad... yes... good. Well, be careful today in town... I won't be there to watch out for you... and the city can be a dangerous place for a woman..." His normal smirk returned. He found all this very amusing, I'm sure. It was the sort of thing he would enjoy.

I smiled at him slightly. "Hai, don't worry. I will be with Nuriko, after all."

His hand on the doorknob he nodded, his smirky smile almost sad for a moment. "I'll make sure the way is clear for the both of you to escape." With that, he was outside and I was left to stare at the door.
 
 

I stood outside the door silently, waiting for permission to enter. This was my room too now, but it felt strange not to knock.

Her voice was wary. "Who is it?"

I kept my voice quiet. "It's me, Hotohori-sama..."

"Nuriko? Come in," she called through the door.

I pushed open the door and shut it behind me, not looking up at her. I left my eyes on the floor.

She regarded me for a moment, her arms folded across her chest. "Is something wrong...?"

I still did not raise my eyes to her. "Hotohori-sama... I need to talk to you..."

Her voice sounded like a mixture of confusion and worry. "Hai... of course... you're using the 'sama' again..." She paused. "What's wrong?" She sat on the bed and gestured for me to come sit beside her.

I stayed where I was. "Ne... how do you feel about Miaka now?"

She still sounded confused. "Miaka is a wonderful person, and our miko..." Her voice suddenly went quiet. "Nuriko... why are you asking me this?"

I was silent a moment, putting my arms around myself in a sort of self-hug. I felt horrible and guilty for doing this to her, but I had to know. "Gomen nasai... It's not that I don't trust you... but Tasuki... he said..." I stopped. How could I do this to her? She was a fellow seishi, my emperor- my wife. How could I doubt her? "Gomen nasai..."

She stood, shaking her head a bit, and walked over to me. "Don't apologize... please don't." She stopped a few feet in front of me. "What did Tasuki say?"

I had not, at this point, looked at her yet. All I could see of her were her feet, in feminine slippers. "Just..." I took a deep, slow breath, hoping that it might calm me down. I was surprised at how deeply Tasuki's words had cut. But I had been frightened of that before. It was like reliving before she had told me she loved me. "That... you married me because you couldn't... have her..." My words nearly tumbled out of my mouth in an effort to get it all said. "But I know it's silly to doubt you and I'm very sorry and I believe you, it's just that before I knew how you felt, this is what I was so scared about and I'm so sorry." I broke off suddenly when I finally figured out that I had been babbling.

She smiled at me, and her voice sounded sad. "Oh, Nuriko... that was never a reason... I love you... not because I couldn't have Miaka, but because I fell in love with you. I thought you knew..." She reached out a slender hand and touched my cheek gently. "Don't be sorry."

I reached up silently, taking her hand in mine, keeping it against my cheek. I leaned my face lightly against our clasped hands, wondering if I had the control to speak.

I could feel her eyes on me a moment. "Gomen, Nuriko... I never knew you were afraid of that... I'm sorry."

I shook my head slightly, and finally looked up at her. "No..." I gave her a faint smile as I saw that she was in a dress. It was dark blue, making her look paler than she was, trimmed with light blue. It was rather daringly cut and I was sure that she hadn't picked it out. Akito, perhaps? "But you look so beautiful today... I knew you would."

She turned slightly red. "Thank you." She shifted her feet uneasily for a moment.

I suddenly pulled her into a tight hug, angry at myself for doubting her even for a second. "Gomen... gomen..." I then blinked and pulled away, sensing something very different about her.

She looked back at me, confused at why I had moved away from her.

I was studying her, puzzled. "Are you shorter today or am I taller?"

She laughed, gently, happily. I smiled to myself, wondering if she knew how beautiful and kind and sweet she was. How could I have doubted her for even a second? "I'm shorter..." She tilted her head towards the doorway and I followed her gaze. A pair of large-soled heels rested there. "I'm my normal height, for once."

"Oh..." I looked back at her, sizing up the new difference in our heights, which had decreased significantly. "I think I like this better..."

"Hai," she replied, smiling at me in amusement. "Akito felt it might be a good idea to try and tone down my height a bit..." She bit her lip. "And tone up yours..." Her light steps led her to the closet where she pulled out a pair of very masculine boots. "He got you these..."

I followed her over, examining them. They were actually very close to what I would have picked out myself if I had to do so. "Well, at least his taste isn't too bad..." I was suddenly suspicious. "Are they going to pinch?"

She laughed again. "I don't think so..."

"Hmm..." I accepted the boots from her and went over to the bed, sitting down and pulling off my regular shoes. I pulled the boots on. They were indeed custom made for me. The heels were disguised very well, blending in with the rest of the soft leather that made up the top and sides of the boots. I stood, suddenly a good two or three inches taller than I had been, and gave her a confused look.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "You seem puzzled."

I was looking at myself beside her, nearly the same height as she was. "I'm tall..."

She granted me another of her musical laughs. "Hai."

I clomped over closer to her. The shoes were comfortable, but heavy on the wooden floor. "This is very strange... and loud." I made a face. No more being her palace spy for me in these.

She smiled. "You don't have to wear them if you don't want to."

I stood up a little straighter, trying to see if I could manage to be taller than her, only vaguely hearing her words. "No, it's all right."

She hid a smile, watching me. "All right... are we ready to go then?"

I was busy craning my head. "Che, I'm still too short..."

She let her smile escape. "I'll slouch."

I pouted. I wanted to be taller than her. It was a slight to my manhood that I was not. It was all right when I was cross-dressing- even necessary then. But I wanted to look the part of her husband. I wanted to be worthy. "Fine..." I suddenly turned serious. "Ne... you're not upset, are you? At me?"

She blinked. "Why would I be upset at you?"

"Well... earlier..." I shifted uncomfortably.

She looked at me and slowly shook her head. "Of course not... if I'm upset with anyone, it's with myself, for not making you more certain." She smiled at me slightly, but it was a smile tinged by sadness.

I reached out and took her hand, lifting it to my lips. "If you love me... that's all that matters." I looked back up to her. "Ne?"

She nodded, smiling truly this time. "Hai... it's all that matters. I love you."

I nodded back, still holding her hand, but I stepped back a bit to admire her. "Hmm..." Did she have any idea what she did to me? She was so lovely...

"Hmm?" she inquired back at me.

"It's quite unfair," I said, sighing. "You look better in a dress than I do..."

She laughed slightly, shifting her feet again. Was she shy about looking like a girl? But I suppose that I had been the same way when Miaka first had me wearing men's clothes. "It feels so different..."

"So beautiful," I said softly. A flash of green caught my eyes and I stepped forward to look. "Ne... what's this?" I touched something by her neckline a bit curiously. "It's very pretty."

She reached up a hand as well to touch the small jade pendant that adorned her neck, brushing her fingers over it briefly. "Arigatou... my mother gave it to me... it was hers..." It was in the shape of a teardrop, simply cut and perfectly shaped.

I blinked and then glanced at my bracelets from Taiitsu-kun. "We match." I held a hand up for her to see the jewel in the bracelets.

She nodded, smiling at me. "We do..."

My eyes suddenly lit up, an idea forming in my mind. "I can do your make-up!! And your hair!!" I sat her hurriedly on the bed before she could protest. "Wait here!" I burst out the door before she could say anything to me.

I flew to my room and dug through my things, searching for supplies. I grabbed my makeup and several combs and clips to hold her hair. Pulling them into my arms, I ran back to where she was waiting.

I reentered the room, my bundle in my arms, and set it down on the bed beside her. I knelt in front of her, studying her. "Hmm... you're a bit darker than me, but I can make do..." I studied her a moment longer and then pulled something out of my pile.

She was watching me with wide eyes. I smiled as I realized that I had worn makeup more often than she had. "Close your eyes," I said gently.

"If you say so..." she said doubtfully, but did as I asked.

I picked a color that would suit both her complexion and the dress and started applying it lightly to her eyelids. I was completely sure of myself in this area. "There... open them."

She obeyed again, watching me warily.

I gave her a little grin. "Now open your mouth like this." I demonstrated for her, grabbing something else out of the pile at the same time.

She attempted to mimic my face, but was having trouble stifling a laugh.

I gave her a dirty look. "If you don't hold still, I'll draw on your forehead," I threatened.

She nodded quickly in agreement. She knew I would do exactly what I had promised.

My grin renewed and I finished her makeup after a few minutes without further mishap. I climbed onto the bed, kneeling behind her, and brushed out her long hair. I pulled it back into a style that I favored, half-loose and half-tied back, held in place with a few ribbons. I took the hand mirror from my pile and climbed around her off the bed. I held it up for her. "Well?"

She blinked in surprise, looking at herself. "Amazing... I look like a girl."

I set down the mirror, smiling slightly. "The most beautiful in the world..." I hadn't done much at all to her. Just a little makeup to highlight her best points. I stood, still looking at her. "We should go then..."

She stood as well, smiling at me. "Hai... ne, Nuriko... arigatou."

I laughed quietly and took her hand. "Aniki will be so pleased to meet you."

We managed to sneak out of the palace, Akito directing traffic away from us. I doubted that anyone would recognize her- she looked very different in female attire- but I had been seen around the palace wearing male clothing. If they saw me with someone, they might look closer. It was, however, ludicrous to ever think of the emperor cross-dressing...

The road to my old house was so familiar. I remembered playing along here with Kourin and Rokou, threatening bullies that tried to bother them, throwing cows at the ones that persisted.

I reached up a hand and knocked on the door to my old house, my other hand tightly clutching Hotohori's. "Aniki?" I called out. I could tell she was just as nervous as I was. But I was sure he would like her. He had been so happy that I had been getting married- to a woman- that I doubted he would care that she cross-dressed as well.

"Just a minute!" called his voice from inside. "Ryuuen-chan, is that you?"

I winced. "Hai..." Well, there went all my pretense of masculinity.

"Just open the door then!" he called again, his voice growing a bit more distant.

I glanced up to Hotohori to see how she was doing and she gave me a slight smile back, staying quiet.

I pushed open the door, my hand tightening slightly around hers, stepping in and pulling her after me. "Ne, aniki, we need to talk to you..."

My brother came out from another room- what had been Kourin's room- holding a pile of cloth. "Ryuuen!" He grinned at me and then blinked. "And... heika-sama?" He bowed hurriedly, then looked up at her a little curiously.

She was glancing around at the house. It was rather dusky in here, but Rokou had never been much of a housekeeper and he was living alone now. "Hai," she said softly. "And please... call me Hotohori. It's a pleasure to meet you."

I turned surprised eyes over to her and only a little up. Her voice had been... feminine. Very feminine. She had spoken much higher pitched than normal, and it was the first time I had heard that.

Rokou smiled at her. "I'm very pleased to meet you, Hotohori-sama. I'm glad you two are happy. If you'll just excuse me a minute...? I need to set these down."

I shut the door behind us and felt her glance over to me. She gave me a quick grin and then nodded to my brother. For his part, Rokou disappeared behind a curtain.

I was still looking at her, puzzled. "Hotohori-sa... er, Hotohori... your voice..."

She smiled at me and spoke, her voice still sounding girlish. "Hai... you didn't think my real voice was that deep, did you? It's strange though... I haven't spoken like this in years... it's almost unnatural. I'm sure I sound strange..."

And she did sound strange, but her voice was beautiful. I smiled back, a little amazed. "No... wonderful..."

"Sorry about that," interrupted Rokou as he returned. He glanced at me. "What's the occasion for this delightful visit?"

I glanced up at her, wondering if she wanted to explain or if I should. She shook her head slightly and waited for me. I turned my eyes to my brother. "We're going away for a while. Our seishi duties and all..." I took a deep breath, the vision of blood still too close to my mind. "One of the other seishi's families was killed two days ago. So... if you want, you can come stay at the palace. It would be safer for you there."

He gave me a slight smile. "Always protecting me, hm, Ryuuen?"

I gave him a little smile back, silent. I always had and always would.

He nodded at us. "I would be honored. When should I leave here?"

I looked up to her, wondering the same thing. She smiled generously at him. "Whenever you're ready... A place has already been prepared at the palace for you."

He nodded again. "Thank you very much." He gave me a dark smile. "She's certainly pretty, Ryuuen."

I grinned. "I know."

She looked at the two of us, a little perturbed, but shrugged. Did she mind us talking about her like that? "Perhaps you could accompany us back to the palace... if you'll be ready to leave soon... we can wait, can't we, Nuriko?"

I gave her a half-smile, half-smirk. She had no idea what we were talking about. I decided to lay it on thickly for my brother. "Up to you, my love."

Rokou was chuckling quietly. I was glad he still remembered our vow.

She knew she was missing something, glancing back and forth between us.

"I might be a while," he said, hiding a grin.

I smiled slightly at her. "Would you like to stay then?"

She blinked. "I would... but we do have to get to the boat. They shouldn't have to wait for us. Some other time?" She gave him an apologetic smile.

We simply smirked at each other.

I gave my brother a quick hug and turned to the door. "Ja, aniki!" I called out behind me.

"Ja!" he shouted back, laughter in his voice.

I shut the door behind us and glanced up at her, smiling. "He likes you."

She was looking at me a little warily. "I'm glad."

I chuckled. I would tell her later. "I am too." A mischievous thought crossed my mind and I suddenly took off in a burst of speed. "I'll win getting back to the palace!" I shouted behind me.

"Not in those shoes, you won't!" she yelled back and started running after to me.

I just laughed.
 
 

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