Traveling. That's what had caused it, the traveling, or perhaps the strange and irregular diet that presented itself on board. But I was sure, completely sure, that it was something sane and logical like that because the other option was something I was not willing to entertain. We had been on the water for two full weeks now, the seven Suzaku seishi and our miko. It had been a fairly uneventful voyage; the boat sailed smoothly over the water and we took it upon ourselves to enjoy the cruise. And it had been enjoyable, everything had been wonderful... until now.

But even now, it had to be some sort of stress, maybe because of the upcoming challenge we would be facing. That, coupled with the traveling and the strange eating habits I had been forced into, would explain everything. That would explain why I was late. Gods, late. Almost a week now. It bothered me at first, but a few days do not make much of a difference one way or another, but a week... I refused to acknowledge it, but the nagging fear kept eating away at the back of my mind. It could not be true. There was absolutely no way I could be pregnant. Well... there was a way... and it was not impossible... but no. No. I was not. It was just the stress of traveling.

The others sat around me as we gathered at the table. Miaka and Tamahome sat at the end furthest from me. Mitsukake sat to my left, quiet and impassive, but I could feel his silent eyes on me, studying, and it made me uncomfortable. Chichiri chattered on to Tasuki, trying to tell the bandit the better points of water. Tasuki simply glared at him, his mouth fixed in a childish pout. Nose in a book, Chiriko leaned against the back of his chair, his short legs not reaching the ground. Nuriko sat beside me, watching the others, inserting comments happily.

Turning my eyes to Mitsukake, I caught his eyes and simply said, "Traveling. That's what it is. Right?" The poor man just blinked at me, caught off-guard and confused beyond measure. Not wanting to explain, nor really being able to in the company I now held, I simply smiled a bit sheepishly, letting my mind wander to the subject I was so avoiding.

Pregnant. That just could not be it. Not now. Not with everything that was already happening. I could not do it. I couldn't... I... wouldn't allow myself to believe it. There had to be another reason. There had to be. But there was not. Nothing else I could think that would... No.

The next time we landed, I would be sure to check... there must be a healer somewhere. I could sneak off... in disguise if that would be necessary... and make sure... make sure...

But I already knew. Oh, gods. I knew. But it could not be. It was impossible.

Impossible. I almost felt like crying, but managed to keep any trace of tears from my eyes. Tears would not help, had never helped. The others were glancing at me strangely, probably disturbed by my silence. But I did not quite feel like talking.

A cool wind blew in through the open door and the ship rocked with a soft swaying motion that threatened to lull the senses. Outside the sun shone brightly, glittering on the clear gentle water. It was a beautiful day, completely perfect in nearly every way. But I barely noticed or cared... if it were actually true... I did not know what I would do.

It was later the same day, aboard the deck of the boat, beneath the sunshine, that we caught sight of land. A place to stop, rest a bit and find some supplies. Good... we would pull ashore here. Wonderful. The plans went on around me and past me for the most part. I simply stood, leaning against the wooden rail of the boat, lost in my own thoughts until we heard the boat's bottom scrape the floor of the ocean and Chiriko's urgent voice.

"This place... is bad news!" His child's face was earnest in its need and he glanced to each of us in turn, eyes wide. "Everyone!! Please, to protect yourselves, hurry and dress up as women!!"

I blinked at him, as did the others, and collective sounds of confusion came from the group.

Chiriko quickly explained something about Nyosei country, an island where it was life-threateningly dangerous for a man... Where...

That was when his symbol disappeared. Without the mark of a Suzaku seishi, he could not remember what he had been going to say. Devoid of any other alternative, we decided to do as he had said and dress like women. Better safe than sorry...

I watched as Nuriko dragged the others, save Miaka, Chichiri, and myself into our room. Dressing like a woman. Wonderful. In front of the others. Shaking my head, my hair being flipped about by the breeze, I stood outside the door, arms hugged close across my chest. Everything at once... And I was still late. It was impossible. I could not be pregnant... It was... impossible. Impossible.
 
 

"I DON'T FUCKING WANT TO WEAR THE SKIRT!!" Tasuki yelled, storming away to the other side of the room. He angrily threw the dress I had lent him down at my feet from where he was.

I sighed quietly. As the only one who had brought female clothing aboard, it was my job to make sure that everyone had something that made them look like women- and for some of them, it was hard.

I, for my part, had no trouble, as usual, looking like a girl. Miaka was fine. Chichiri had told me that he would use his magic. I gave him a suspicious glance, but agreed to let him do that. Tamahome had consented very unwillingly. He was staring in dismay at what I had given him. Tasuki, as of yet, staunchly refused to even try it on. Chiriko was a little upset, but his character was gone. He had just agreed, trusting that we weren't just trying to make a fool out of him. I had had a little trouble finding something for Mitsukake, but eventually came up with a skirt and passed off one of his own shirts as feminine enough. I had also added a shawl to his ensemble. He was off elsewhere, trying to fix the outfit as best as he could.

And Tasuki...

I kept my voice calm. "Tasuki, you heard what Chiriko said." I reached down and picked up the dress and tossed it back to him. He glared but did not throw it again.

We were in Hotohori's and my room on the ship, as that had been the location of the greatest amount of female apparel. The two beds in the room had been pushed together- not that one was used in any case- to make room for all the men we had in here. Tamahome sat on one of the beds, the pink dress still draped in his arms. Giving up Tasuki as a lost cause for now, I walked over to Tamahome.

"How mortifying..." His shoulders were slumped. "Are you sure I have to do this?" He looked up at me, a pitiful sight.

I nudged him lightly. "Ne, do it for Miaka. If what Chiriko said is true, then we have to stay safe, right? You can't protect her unless you're safe first."

I tried to hide a smile as he nodded dismally. Didn't he realize that I dressed like this all the time? Was it different for me than for him? I pulled him to his feet and he reluctantly started getting changed.

As he was busy, I shoved Chiriko out the door. "Go tell Miaka we're almost ready," I commanded him.

Happy to be useful, he scampered off. He was wearing something of Miaka's because she was closer to his height than I was. I always felt good standing next to him. Very tall, unlike with Hotohori.

By the time I had turned around, Tama was changed and Tasuki was laughing his head off. I strode across the room, grabbed Tasuki, and started pulling his clothes off.

My seishi power was strength. His was speed. However, when someone has one by one's neck, speed is rather useless. Between Tamahome and I, we stripped him and forced the dress on him, despite his struggling. The names he called us do not bear repeating, but we managed.

I did up their hair, enjoying every minute of humiliating them. I wondered for a second if that made me cruel, but the situation was so absurd and so funny that the thought did not remain long.

Tamahome submitted to my ministrations somewhat willingly, though Tasuki squirmed and fought and strove his hardest to make life difficult for me. Eventually, I just got Tamahome to hold him down.

Finished. I moved away from Tasuki, smirking my triumph. "Ah, kawaii, Tasuki-chan!" I exclaimed, putting a hand to my cheek. "It's you!"

"Kawaisou!" he spat at me and made a vulgar gesture, storming out of the room.

Tamahome chuckled and then paled as he realized he would have to wear this in front of Miaka.

Fixing a stray hair that had come loose in the tussle with Tasuki, I turned back to the door. "Well, Tama-chan," I said sweetly, "you're on."

He nodded, stricken, and stepped out the door.

Alone in the room, I stepped to my trunk where I was keeping my clothes. Unfortunately, I would not be able to bring all my clothes with me once we reached Hokkan- they would have to go back with the ship. I pulled a long green dress out of it and lay it on the beds. She would find it there. I had taken some of the dresses Akito had had made for her and packed them with my things- they would not be out of place there. I had brought them along on case there was a special occasion. I laughed quietly to myself. One never knows what might happen...

I examined myself in the mirror one last time then stepped to the door. I opened it, and to my surprise, the sweetest face on earth was in front of mine. I smiled up at her. "Hotohori... I left something for you on the bed."

She looked very upset and worried. "You... your clothes won't fit me..."

I stretched up and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Go see, Sai'ai." I gave her a little smile. "And don't worry. All of us men have to do this."

She gave me a shaky smile and a nod. "Hai... of course." She then stepped by me into the room. I shut the door behind her tightly and leaned on it slightly, waiting for her.

There was something wrong. She was upset more than was necessary for this. More than a bit pensive, I waited in silence.
 
 

I stepped into the room, gazing around it silently. The women of Nyosei Island had provided us with a banquet and lodgings and had been perfectly congenial after they had taken Mitsukake away from us, having seen through his disguise. Obviously Chiriko had been right. Mitsukake had been taken because he was a man, but we did not know where he was or what danger he was in. Chichiri had popped off shortly after the banquet to look for him. Nuriko and I had been directed to the room we would be sharing with the mysterious monk.

Nuriko's quiet steps followed me into the room. "Mm... at least they have good taste," he said, glancing around at the furnishings.

Only vaguely hearing, I nodded in agreement. "Hai..." My mind was still elsewhere. Oh gods, pregnant. It just could not be true. I had not said anything to anyone yet... It just was not right. Not now. Everything was so uncertain. We had to find the shinzahou, call Suzaku. I had to protect our miko. If I were truly pregnant I was not sure I could do that. And I was only eighteen. Eighteen. I felt so much older sometimes, especially when I looked back on my childhood that seemed so far away. I could not do it. I could not have a baby. Not now. Not yet.

A hand touched my arm, softly, gently, and a familiar musical voice spoke up. "Hotohori...?"

I nearly jumped, stiffening slightly beneath his touch. Turning around to look at him, I wondered what he would say. I would have to tell him. Soon... "Hai?" I asked, my voice sounding strange to my own ears.

He was quiet for a minute, his deep violet eyes worried as they watched me, studying me. "What's wrong?" A small frown settled on his face. "Is it just dressing like this...?"

If he only knew. I would have to tell him. But not now. Not now. I couldn't... because I still could not accept it as true. I shook my head. "Iie." I laughed slightly and it sounded only a little forced. "It isn't the clothes... it's nothing... really... I'm fine," I lied.

The frown on his face deepened, his eyes clouding with thoughts. "Hotohori..." His voice was anxious, worried, but he seemed content to leave it at that. He spoke again, his voice softer. "Saihitei." Lowering his hand from my arm, he found my hand and took it in his, his eyes not leaving mine. I tightened my hand around his, so glad suddenly for the contact. It seemed as though, for a moment, everything stopped slipping away. I managed a small smile at him, but this one was not forced. He smiled back, albeit a bit warily.

I glanced away. "Ne... sorry if I've been quiet lately... just... there's a lot to think about..."

He nodded slowly as he listened, moving a bit closer to me. "I want to help."

I gave him another smile, grateful for the reassurance, knowing he was there. "Arigatou..." I went silent for a moment, knowing I had to tell him, but not willing to speak it aloud. If I said it... it would be true, and I still was not ready to believe it. I was scared.

Concern spread across his features slowly, only barely visible upon his face. "Ne, Hotohori, are you all right?" He moved so that he stood directly in front of me and remained there, looking up at me. His eyes searched for mine, but I could not meet them.

Instead, I focused my eyes on the smooth wooden floor and the deep crimson carpet that covered only a small portion of the room's floor space. Still unable to bring myself to answer his question, I asked one of my own. "Ne... when we were at your brother's... a few weeks back... why were you smirking?" I was grasping at straws, trying to steer the conversation away from the inevitable. Sighing inwardly, I went to sit on the bed, folding my legs beneath me.

I could feel his eyes on me for a minute, following me, before a slow smile broke over his face. He followed me to the bed and sat cross-legged on it, beside me. "Well..." he began and started laughing to himself.

Raising an eyebrow, I gave him a look. "Are you going to explain?"

Choking back his laughter, he attempted to hide a smile, and more or less totally failed. "Well... when aniki and I were younger... I was about eight I think... we got into a huge fight..." The look he sent my way was sly and half on its way to a smirk that he was trying to hold back.

"About what?" I was curious now.

His mischievous smile nearly exploded across his face. "Who would marry the prettier girl." His voice held the laughter he was trying to keep from surfacing. "I'm sure for a while there he thought he would win..." The mischief faded from his smile and his eyes returned from their deep lavender memories. Slowly, he reached out and touched my hand lightly. "He can never beat me though..."

I smiled back slightly, nearly blushing, but not. And I watched him for a moment. I had to tell him. My smile faded slightly and the fear that had made itself at home within my chest resurfaced. I felt cold, and a silent shiver ran down my spine. It was still too soon for all this to happen.

He must have seen the change, for he suddenly sobered, his voice quiet. "That's not what is bothering you..."

"Iie... it's not..." My eyes strayed from his face.

"Can you tell me?" His voice was still quiet, gentle.

I paused a moment. Could I? Could I tell him now? Could I admit it to myself? But there truly was no choice; what was true was true. No amount of wishing or delaying would change that. I knew this to be true. I had seen it proved so many times before. I nodded to him slightly. I... I could tell him.

Slowly, he reached out and took my hand again, watching me with silent worried eyes.

My eyes were wide as I looked at him, trying to form the words in my mind despite my refusal to believe them.

His hand tightened around mine slightly, and his face was nervous, nearly mirroring my own.

"I..." I bit my lip slightly, took a breath and just said it all at once. "I... don't know for sure yet... but... I think... I think... oh, gods... I think I might be pregnant..." My voice was tight, controlled, because I was afraid that if I didn't control it, the fear might escape through it.

His eyes positively lit up and a look of happy amazement crossed his face slowly, spreading the rays of the sun. His voice was awed. "Hotohori..." He hugged me suddenly, tightly. "Oh, how wonderful..."

I did not hug him back; I could not. I was too busy trying to fight back the tears that were threatening my eyes as I finally came face to face with the truth I did not want to admit. And I did not understand his reaction. He was happy?

He pulled away, seeming to have notice my stiffness. His face was a bit surprised as he looked at me for a moment. "Hotohori...?" Worry crept into his voice, overshadowing the joy that had been there a moment ago.

Tears gathered at the corners of my eyes, but I did not notice them. "It wasn't supposed to happen now..." Didn't he understand? I could not have a baby now.

He put a hand to my cheek, warm, reassuring, barely resting on my skin. "Oh, Hotohori, it will be all right... I promise..." His voice was worried, but excitement marked his face vividly. "Please don't worry... I'm here..."

"I... I know..." I was trying to contain myself. He must think me so ungrateful. I had known as well as he that we were trying to have a child. And I wanted to make a family with him, but it was not supposed to happen this quickly. We were not ready. Everything was still in turmoil, still happening. The world flew past me too quickly for me to keep up with it. Even my own life was not guaranteed, never mind the life of an innocent unborn child. It was too soon. "I... I love you... I want to have a family... but... I don't know how... what if we can't find the shinzahou... what if someone finds out my secret?" How could I keep my secret safe if I were pregnant? Surely someone would find out I was a woman. I spoke again, quietly, almost ashamed of my next words. "I'm scared..."

He pulled me into a tight hug, his fingers gently twisting into my hair and stroking my back lightly, as though I were a child who had just awoken from a nightmare. "Sshh... I'll protect you... and even if they do, they won't tell. You know they won't. Everything will be all right. I promise. I promise. And I'll be here."

I leaned against him, clinging to the safety that he provided, and nodded slightly. The tears I had been holding back for what seemed to be such a long time began falling silently from my eyes onto his shoulder.

I could not see his face, but his voice gave away the smile that I knew rested on his face. "What if it's a boy? What will we name him? Akito? Or a girl... hmm..." His arms tightened around me slightly. "Oh, Hotohori..."

I hugged him back this time. "Nuriko... we... we're not sure yet... I... don't see what else it could be... but..." It could not be anything else though. My fingers tightened unconsciously around the fabric of his clothing.

His voice was nearly dancing; it left his lips with a soft musical sound that spoke of happiness. "You'll make such a wonderful..." He paused for a moment as though pondering, and then pulled away, perhaps to ask me a question. His dark eyes widened as he caught sight of the tears that had slipped from my eyes. "Hotohori..." Reaching up a hand, he gently brushed the tears away from my cheeks. His touch was soft, light, and his voice was soothing, so full of concern. "It'll be all right..."

I nodded as my tears slowly subsided under his touch. "Hai... it will..." My words were an attempt to assure myself as much as they were to agree with him. It would be all right. It would have to be. Because he had said so. And he would be there.

He moved his other hand to my cheek as well, holding my face gently between his hands. He met my eyes, his own still sparkling with happiness and hope. "I promise." He leaned forward slowly and kissed my forehead lightly. "I'll keep you safe." A shy smile flickered across his lips. "Both of you."

I managed a small smile back, and for the first time in a while, it was not forced. It would all be all right. I had to believe that.

"You're so amazing..." he said suddenly, his voice awed once more.

I raised an eyebrow slightly. "Amazing?"

He smiled slightly, sweetly, blissfully. "And brave and wonderful and perfect and marvelous and sweet..." He lowered his hands from my face. Moonlight shone through the window and the song of a thousand crickets could be heard in the moment of silence where we just watched each other. "I love you so much."

I watched him a minute more, the very last traces of tears already cried lingering in my eyes before disappearing into the darkness of night. The candles that lit the room flickered in a sporadic frantic dance, spurred on by the small breeze that made its way into the room through the little openings at the doors and the windows where the wall did not meet the frames. I hugged him again, suddenly, tightly, as though he were my only link to sanity, to safety. And he was. "I love you too..." My voice was quiet again, almost overshadowed by the sounds in the night. "I'd be lost without you..."

A quiet laugh floated over his lips and he hugged me back. "Silly... you would manage..." He smirked. "And you wouldn't be pregnant either..." His arms tightened around me suddenly.

I laughed slightly at this, not letting him go. The fear was fading from my voice. "We're going to have a baby..." It was almost incomprehensible.

He chuckled quietly. "No, you are. I just get to cheer you on and be a pest."

I pulled away, shaking my head slightly in laughter, but then my laughter faded and I grew serious. "Ne... gomen... for acting like that..." I was ashamed at myself for acting like that earlier. I should have had more control.

His smile was small, but honest. "Well, I won't say I'm not scared."

Smiling back slightly, I nodded slightly, my face mirroring his. "Good... because I'm terrified..."

He laughed and then a mischievous look crossed his face, his smile turning almost evil. "What on earth will Akito-san say?"

My eyes widened. Akito. Telling him was not something I had thought about yet. "I don't know... I'm almost afraid to hear it..."

He grinned. "I don't care what he says." He was truly glowing. "I'm happy." His expression suddenly sobered and he looked at me seriously for a moment. "Are you all right about this then?"

Was I all right? I looked at him for a moment, wondering the answer to that question myself. "Hai... just... unsure of what to do... what's going to happen..."

Something like pride shone in his eyes and he smiled at me. "I'll be there. It will be all right." He glanced around at the darkened room. "Ne... I don't think Chichiri is coming back..."

I glanced up as well, suddenly realizing how late it had gotten so quickly, and how dark. "I don't think so either."

"We should get some sleep then,” he suggested quietly.

Agreeing, I nodded slowly, wondering what would be keeping the blue-haired man out so long. Had he run into trouble? "You're right... "

I glanced at Nuriko just as he leaned backwards and flopped onto the bed, sprawling out all across it, his feet hanging over the side. "I'm comfortable..."

I could not help but laugh. "Well... that's good..." He truly was a child sometime. I loved him for it.

A hand grabbed my wrist and I found myself suddenly pulled on top of him. He shut his eyes. "Mmm... warm now too..."

Not moving, I laughed slightly before shutting my eyes as well. "Glad you're happy..."

His arms wrapped around me, holding me close. "Mm." He did not open his eyes, and I simply lay against him, listening to him breathe. Everything would be all right, as he had said. He was there. I was not alone in this. I fell asleep still lying against him, warm and safe.

It was later that night when I awoke suddenly to loud shouts and noises from outside. I sat upright, instantly awake, my entire body stiff and tense. Something was going on. I turned to Nuriko, who still lay where he had fallen. His chest was rising and falling in steady even breaths. He was sleeping, undisturbed by the sounds outside. I reached down and shook him, gently, but urgently. "Nuriko..." My voice was a quick whisper.

"No..." he mumbled, rolling over.

I shook him harder. "Nuriko...wake up..."

Blearily, his eyes blinked open and with some effort, focused on me through the darkness. "What?" His voice was thick with sleep.

"Something's going on..." I told him, still whispering and casting anxious glances to the doors.

Yawning, he sat up slowly. "What do you mean?"

I gestured to the outside where the sound of running footsteps and shouting voices filled the cool night air.
 
He blinked, still looking half-asleep, and smoothed a hand over the clothes in which he had fallen asleep. "Oh... should we go see?"

"Hai..." I nodded.

He stood up, rubbing his eyes sleepily and heading towards the door. I followed close behind him, grabbing my sword as I walked past it. I carefully fastened the deity sword Taiitsu-kun had given me to my clothing and stepped outside just behind Nuriko. Our footsteps betrayed us only by soft padding echoes across the hallways. A blur of running figures blew past us and recognition came only after they were past us. "Tamahome? Miaka? Tasuki? Chiriko?" Nuriko called after them a bit disbelieving. They stopped, turning to look at us as we quickly caught up with them. The female disguises had fallen completely to pieces. Quickly, in a hurried rush of an explanation, we learned that we had been found out and the women of the island were after us. We were all doomed because of what they did to men.

Well, I was not doomed... but I was not about to point that out to them at that point in time. Somewhere amidst the chaos of running and hiding we decided to spilt up. And split we did, although a bit unevenly. Miaka ran off first, but before she could quite get anywhere, I called her back and gave her my sword. A just-in-case measure. I am not quite sure what possessed me to do it, but I was not given long to think. A group of the Nyosei women came towards us and we ran again.

The frantic night continued until we found ourselves standing once again together, on a cliff overlooking the churning waters of the ocean below. We would not have made it, we would have been killed, if Chiriko's symbol had not reappeared. He had saved us all, for the second time since we had met him.


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