ERAP JOKES

In an emergency situation.
Erap : Doctor! Doctor! I swallowed a bone.
Doctor : Are you CHOKING?
Erap : No, I'm SERIOUS!!

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Erap doing a citizen's arrest on foreigner.
Erap : "Abuso ka na, anong pangalan mo?"  (While writing the report)
Foreigner : "Vladimir Kromanikov Shneit Norkvanikov Manheit Slokevsky."
Erap : O SIGE NA NGA, ALIS KA NA!

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PDI Reporter : Mr. President, why did you beat up the man yesterday in
               the health center?
Erap : Kita na niyang ninenerbyos ako sa result ng AIDS test ko, tapos
       sabi pa niya -  "THINK POSITIVE!"

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FVR : Nagustuhan mo ba yung M & M's w/ peanuts na pinadala ko kahapon sa
      iyo?  Alam ko naman na mahilig ka sa mani.
Erap : OO naman, sarap nga eh! KASO, ANG DUMI SA KUKO AT ANG HIRAP
       BALATAN

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ERAP'S WISDOM : 1. Don't judge a book for you are not a Judge.
                2. Birds of the same feathers are the same birds.
                3. Tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell
                   you mine.
                4. An apple a day is 7 apples a week.

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Erap while buying chewing gum sa 7-11.
Erap : Etong bayad ko!
Cashier : Etong sukli nyo sir.
Erap : Sukli lang, asan yung libreng Asukal? Sabi dito sa gum wrapper,
       SUGAR FREE!

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Press conference on environment at Malaca> ñang.
PDI Reporter : Mr. President, what are the Pollutants in the Phil.
Erap : There are several pollutants. This includes BOPIS, SISIG, SITSARON,
       DAING, LIEMPO at MANI!

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Erap while still in gradeschool.
Teacher : What is 5 plus 4?
Erap : Eh, di 9.
Teacher : What is 4 plus 5?
Erap : Gagaguhin nyo pa ako, eh binaligtad nyo lang, eh di 6!!

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While in a drug store.
Erap : I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk : Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Erap : It does not matter, cuz he can't read yet!!

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In a science class.
Classmate : Bakit yung airplane pag umiikot ang elisi, uma-angat sa lupa?
            Bakit yung bentilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa pa din?
Erap : Tanga ka pala eh! Kasi yung bentilador may kurdon, pinipigilan
       yon!!

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During a State Dinner with the Wives in Washington DC.
Bill to Hillary : Please pass the sugar SWEETHEART;
Blair to wife : Please pass the honey HONEYBUNCH;
Erap to Loi : Please pass the Pork PORKYPIG ! !

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While hailing a taxicab in Makati.
Erap : Magkano papuntang San Juan?
Driver : Ikaw lang bang magisa?
Erap : Bakit, di ka ba sasama?

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While in a friend's wake.
Erap : Tayo na Jinggoy, mauna na tayo.
Jinggoy : Dad, maaga pa naman, kararating lang natin.
Erap : Hindi mo ba nabasa yung sign "REMAINS WILL BE  CREMATED"!!

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Erap calling U.P. Diliman : Hello! Is this DILIMAN?
Operator : No, this is PADRE FAURA.
Erap : I'm sorry Father, wrong number!!

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While taking a shower at home and calling for Loi.
Erap : Bakit walang shampoo dito?
Loi : Anong wala, kabibili ko lang kanina ng shampoo, eh.
Erap : Eh, puro For Dry Hair lang ang meron, basa na ang buhok ko! !

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Why does Erap take off his clothes whenever he takes exams?
Coz the test questions says "ANSWER IN BRIEF"!!

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Erap to Malacanang hardinero : I thought I told you to water the plants?
Hardinero : Yes, you did sir, but it is raining hard right now, sir.
Erap (MAD) : that's no excuse, I know we supplied you with raincoats!!